Therese:
It DOES get easier.
For all of the twists and turns in my life (some even more disastrous than the ones that left me hospitalized in 2000), I haven’t darkened the door of a psych ward in more than 8 years.
And I think it’s because — even if I can’t always stop them, or even limit them except at the margins — I’m at least more AWARE of what that ’80s song called “My Ever-Changing Moods.”

hi Therese,
I love your work! I’m writing this here because I don’t see an “email me” button, and there’s no way to contact you on beliefnet. the quote you used in “Affair-proof your marriage” is wrong. that author is wrong. I hate to see these inflated stats because one like that affected my life in a negative way for 30 years. when I was a young newlywed I read that 70% of all husbands cheat. I believed it. and I settled for men that I should have rejected, because of this lie. I’ve since seen studies that put the rate of infidelity in marriage at 23% for wives and 25% for husbands.
teri

Does Biopolia disorder make your eyes roll to the back and your neck swings from side to side uncontrolable. and you talk crazy like a baby, sensetive to sun light or any kind of light. can`t walk properly sometimes, episode like seizers or epilisie? Someone please email me and let me know.

What is the prevalent theory of bipolar?
Is there a genetic component?
Does it usually wait until a certain age to “really” show up?
Are there varying severities of the disorder i.e. could I have a “worse” or harder course than say someone else?
Thanks u do not have to answer this I can try to find it on net. thank you

3 Large Containers of Parmesan
4 Packages of Raviolis
5 Pounds of Broccoli
Eric, “Do you have a certain recipe in mind?
ROTFL My kind of people!!!

I was diagnosed bi-polar or manic depressive as it’s known now at age 12. I’m now 27 and it has gotten much worse as I’ve gotten older. I’m on meds then off. I don’t like my doctor treating me like a guinea pig by upping my dose till I’m nearly comotose. Not to say all doctors are like that, just the ones I’ve come across. Everyday is a struggle. Sometimes I won’t get out of bed for days, sometimes I won’t sleep for days. I’ll sometimes get a euphoric feeling that I’m ok and everything is fine, then have to wonder if I’m going manic. Living a normal life is something I’ll never be able to do, and I’ve accepted that. I just thank God that my family (even if not related by blood) accept me and my crazy self and help me to realize when I’m being irrational when I can’t tell, and before I make life changing/destroying decisions. Everyone who has this disease NEEDS those types of people in their lives.

Lisa: First, let me say I’m NOT s doctor of ANY kind nor an expert on bipolar disorder; only a psychiatrist can truly tell you if you’re fflicted with the disorder. that said, I’ve never had a seizure in my life, but have been diagnosed as having Bipolar II disorder. So YES, there are degrees of affliction, which for YEARS (UNTIL QUITE recently as a matter of fact) kept me from accepting the diagnosis. I’ve had depressive states for many years, going back to junior high (about thirteen, if I remeber correctly. That was the first time I remmber contemplating suicide, although I’m one of the lucky ones that has only contemplated, never actually attempted. But because I’d never suffered a classic hyper=maninic episode (Which in my mind looked like Jim Carey in “Cable Guy”, I was onvin=ced my depression was unipolar . Not too many posts ago, therese was kind enough to share a hypomanic phase with us, describing her symptoms with eloquence, The one that got me was her saying that she’d had a few days without feeling anxious which was as close as she came to feelings of grandiosity because of low self-esteem issues. BINGO!! THAT I could relate to. I’ve often described myself as the “poster child’ for low self-esteem, but there HAVE ben periods when I was less anxious or nervous than what was my norm. So I could see exactly what Therese was feeling and could at long last accept, if not embrace(Can ANYONE?) the diagnosis. Again, only a qualified psychiatrist can determine if an individual has ANY of the many mood/personality disorders. If you suspect tyhat you or someone you love do/does, I URGE you to make an appointment for an evaluation. There are helps available for those of us afflicted, including, but NOT limited to pharmacueticals that can “level us out”, especially if coupled with other treatments/lifestylechoices. In this day and age, given the treatments available,NOONE should have to bear a mental illness ALONE or without treatment.! It’s difficult ENOUGH when one IS receiving appropriate nutrition/exercise/therapy/pharmacueticals. I would also urge you to keep returning here to Beyond Blue, perhaps even signing up to have it delivered to your inbox daily. This is a community of caring fellow spirits whoUNDERSTAND and will support you or your loved one on your journey through recovery. It’s been invaluable for me. I just wish I’d found it sooner. Please keep us posted as to your situation so we can be that online support system for you. You might also search through your community for local support groups. they can also be invaluable and are usually free. A local mental health facility should be able to provide you with a list. also, if you aren’t already a member, join the Belierfnet community and create a home page. It’s not difficult, and it will allow you to build a network of online friends whom you can email directly should the need arise. Good luck to you. I’ll be praying that you can find the answers you’re seeking so that whatever help is needed can be provided. God bless

Me again, Lisa: I went back and reread your query and realized that I hadn’t addressed your first question: Most medical experts today agree that there IS a genetic component to Bipolar Disorder If I might, may I also recommend a trip to your library or local bookstore to get “An UnQuiet Mind” by Dr. Kay Redfieeld-Jamison. She is bipolar and the book does an EXCELLENT job(I personally think the BEST)ofdescribing what it’s like to live with it. It will answer many of your questions. There ARE good online references as well. “Bipolar Central.com is one of my personal favorites.

I, too, like the term, CM: creeping mania…because it does creep up on you. I’ve usually managed to continue to work through even my most difficult depressive episodes, but when I get manic, I’ve had to take time off from my job and sometimes, the world, because I just don’t think clearly enough to make good decisions. I, too, am one of the lucky ones as I’ve never attempted suicide, but I do have a plan, which in and of itself is scary. Mania, on the other hand, gets you into all kinds of other trouble that you have to work months sometimes years to clear up – the money problems it causes, the ruined reputation, etc. A good psychiatrist and therapist is essential in keeping one grounded. I don’t have friends that can help that understand the disease well enough, but I’m lucky that my pdoc and therapist are some of the “good guys”. Thanks Therese…your posts are always enlightening and enjoyable to read: a reality check in a nice way.
Lisa

I personally don’t like the book “An Unquiet Mind” and here are the reasons why. Dr. Kay Jamison is NOT a typical manic-depressive. She is a brilliant driven woman that is very successful. She is also beautiful, had wonderful love affairs and a brother who is a banker who bailed her out of thousands of dollars of debt. She is in no way typical. She has never actually destroyed her life and the lives of those around her and is a poor example of what a bi-polar person can expect to become. Her book may be entertaining but it isn’t informative. ALSO she enjoys being hypo-manic, but being the head of psychiatry at one of the largest hospitals in the country allows her to stay in a hypomanic state as she pleases. Of course none of us want to see the down side of life and we all want to feel the exuberance of being hypomanic, but we don’t all have the luxury of choosing our own courses of medication. She literally wrote the textbook on Manic Depressive Illness and that’s exactly what it’s called. She co-wrote it with Frederick K. Goodwin M.D. and it’s published by Oxford University Press. I suggest going there as a source. She does quote from her own experiences in this book, but they are described anonymously.

“”Because it is sneaky and creepy, and manipulative, this mania. All I know is that I feel good and productive. Which is why it is so damn difficult for a manic-depressive to identify her manias.”"
WOW you hit the nail on the head with that one let me tell you….Been questioning this very same thing…Cautious that this I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD feeling is real and not my creeper trying to manipulate me…So I pause and think about everything going on in my life…Feeling on top of the world yet Im irritable and nasty with my mood swings to my husband, Im delving into the emotional affair thing again, Im waking up in the middle of the night and having trouble getting back to sleep because Im WIDE awake. Hmmm this is a real eye opener….awareness is a good thing…NOW WHAT DO I DO!!!

Interesting! I’ve never been diagnosed as manic depressive, and never thought of myself as such. I did work as a Certified Psychiatric RN for nearly thirty years and believed that a hypomanic state involved manic behavior that ruined lives and required medication and hospitalization to bring the patient down out of the clouds. I have battled depression most of my life with one serious attempt at suicide. Antidepressant medication never worked for me because I couldn’t tolerate the side effects I suffered. Now I realize that my manic phases were the times when I accomplished the most. I could never soar with the eagles but I could write the best papers for classes have the cleanest house, boost the budget by working overtime, etc. etc. etc. My temper was always under tight control because I took out my anger on bread dough that needed kneading and floors that needed scrubing. Now I see that if you start out from the lowest spot in hell, your manic phases just look like a “normal” Type A personality. Interesting. The years and my exploration of spiritual matters have brought me a modicum of wisdom and a lot more peace. I still have bouts of depression and “old age ailments” limit physical expressions of mania. Sometimes I just feel “high” after feeling really low. I reminde myself that feelings aren’t facts and several times a day I count my blessings and thand God for them. I’m not sure why I felt prompted to share my story with you all, but I did. Thank you for tolerating an old lady’s ramblings. God bless you all and give you the wisdom to cope with your adversities. Please remind yourself often that feelings aren’t facts. You may feel like all is hopeless, but that’s never a fact.

This is the first time I ever read your blog. My ex-wife sent it to me and thought I might find it useful.
I appreciate your insight and description of “Creeping Mania”. I could really relate to what you were talking about. I think you aptly desribed what happens to me.
However I had never thought of it as creeping up because it just seems to be upon me all of sudden.
I can always tell when a huge depression is coming on because all of a sudden I am feeled with over-confidence, energy, extremely happy and engaging in all kinds of risky behavior.
I feel like I am king of the world and there is nothing that I can’t do.
I know this is a sign that within an hour, a day or a week I am about to fall off the edge of the world into a deep dark hole!
I thought it was funny about using lots of exclamation points in my e-mails. I do that and never really thought about it!
I have been on meds now for close to a year and they have helped me greatly, but as you know it is a contining process!
Thanks for your insight and thought provoking blog!

I also suffer from Bi-Polar and am a manic depressant. I want to talk,talk, talk and can’t wait till someone else is finished talking. Also, wondered why I put so many exclamation points in my e-mails.
I keep having to have meds. changed to try to get the right affects and have found out that it is worth it.
Right now I find that Lexapro,mood stablizers, and a low dose of Seroquel two hours before bedtime helps me relax to sleep all night.
I have not had suicide attempts on this medicine which is why no one should give up! A psychiastrist often knows more than a medical doctor to help with your meds. and feelings.
It is too easy to give up on life! But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh, yes some days I will put all of my energy into one room cleaning and then the next be too worn out to do much of anything.
Please, hang in there, even if you feel that no one cares. Your friends and family are silently aching for you and want you to remain with them!

.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ann, Ann Preston, Larry Mullins,))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Larry,
The comment you made about feeling like “king of the world and that you can do anything, then wondering when you would fall off the edge of the world into a deep hole” just resonated of so many past exeriences I have had. Up, up, up with the best intentions, then down, down, down where I cannot even begin to complete what I started, and the kicker: feeling like a TOTAL FAILURE. Anyone else relate? I would not give up my life for anything, but I can honestly say that it sucks sometimes to be bipolar.

Creeping hypomania, what a title! (I read the thing about exclamation points) My name is Lauri, and I’m a back-on-medication depressive, who has boughts of hypomania. Sometimes I’ve wondered if I may be bi-polar. I asked my doctor. She said no. According to her, hypomania can and does happen to depressives. Actually, I’m dealing with it right now. I gotta tell you, the rush is great. The reality, not so much. I’m not talking about teetering on the edge of the black hole. It’s like the engine is in high rev, but the transmission won’t engage. I’m thinking things are going to settle down once my med level is back up where it needs to be.

.
Let’s see if we can get it right, this time.
((((((((((((((((((((Ann, Ann Preston, Larry Mullins, Lauri,))))))))))))))))))))

I’ve been reading your column for a while now, and this is the first time I’m posting a comment. Just want to say that I think your level of self-awareness is incredible, and I wish we were friends. Keep up the good work. You are doing the work you are meant to do in this lifetime.

In answer to Lauri, Yes! Yes! Me, too – up, up, up with the best of intentions, getting myself lined up to enlighten the world, then down, down, down, to not being able to follow through on a simple phone call or email! Then I want to back out of all my self-inflicted obligations that seemed so gloriously “right” at the time. Panic sets in if I have to actually go through with something once the high is over and my self-confidence plummets. I love being creative and making a difference in the lives of others, inspiring them to new heights – and I hate that feeling, when I’m down, that I can’t even get myself to take a shower. Then, just when I’m ready to pack it all in and say, “forget it – what was I thinking, writing and teaching all this stuff – I can only live it when I’m not stuck in depressed-mode” the clouds seem to part and the inspiration begins to flow again, and… IT’s ON! I wonder what the heck I was thinking, getting all negative like that – I KNOW BETTER! My smile comes back, I’m in the groove and all is well in my world – until the next time I tip the other way…

Well I just stumbed on this; and yeah you think your the only one, it helps to get through some things in your life when you know that your not alone in it. I myself is a fanatic, loves life, my children, love to sing and write ; one day i want to take on the world everybody loves to be around me , and then boom i’m like a turtle tjat has went into a shell, i thought i just didn’t want to b bothered and just shut down and everyone is like what happened . HECK I’M LIKE YEAH … WHAT JUST HAPPENED… I WAS JUST ON TOP … WHO TOOK MY CLOUD AWAY … BRING IT BACK.. but you ajust, rearrange, rest and wait it’s very frustrating . But like i say it helps to know were not living with it alone ….. BUT WE CONTNUE TO LIVE AND SHINE WHEN IT’S TIME>>>> LISSA

Oh my God, thank you Kate and Lissa for saying how i feel to the tee! I am so tired of feeling like i disappoint everybody by taking on to much when I’m up and then rearranging because I can’t even get in the shower today because I’m down. Right now I’m rapid cycling, I’m up and down so much I’m afraid to schedule a trip to the bathroom…
christy

I have just been diagnoised with Bi-Polar and severe anxeity. I am trying a couple of meds. now. It’s 3:30 am where I am and I am up doing dishes, laundry, sweeping, moping, and planning my church activities for our youth group. Right now I’m on top of the world. I can do anything. I so dread the drop I know is to come. I get so depressed I just stay in bed.
I hope so badly this medication can help me control this. I’m really scared right now.

That’s so interesting, I have bi-polar and I remember when the doctor first told me,I thought he was wrong and didn’t know what he was doing. But I had the very high’s and very low’s. It is terrible, but I am glad to read with everyone. This a first step to healing ourselves, the awareness. My doctor put me on Lamictal and lexapro. I have never felt better in my entire life. I always wondered how people could be so balanced. I admired there serenity and wanted what they had. I worked harder on my spirituality and connecting with God. I also,went to A.A. because before I got on the meds. that I needed I took whatever would numb me from me. So, today, I feel so much better and now that I found you all, it makes life a little easier also. I still have my moments but I also, have a different view. Hope this helps. Thanks for all your comments.

Hi Ann,
It’s “normal” to be “scared.” You’re going into unknown territories. Always scary no matter our age. But there is no future in your past.
So, feel the fear and do it anyways! And Remember… Be Compassionate to Yourself during this time. Treat Yourself with lots of TLC Every Day!!! ^I^
Our Prayers Are With You…

Being bipolar can be very scary and I think you are very courageous for continuing to be creative in the midst of this disorder. I truly empathize with your saying you can’t enjoy the good days. I sometimes am afraid to even seek any good days, but we can’t settle for totally bland just to feel safe. I am lucky in that my medication seems to help keep me level without any noticeable side effects. Still I can be so fearful of flights of fantasy that I don’t allow myself to dream. Reading your blogs helps me to feel connected to others who suffer with this condition and I thank you for this. Anyway extra cheese does not a tragedy make. Hope you reconnect with your calmer center soon.

I was so happy to see this article. I have been bipolar for over 25 years and when I am feeling productive and functioning fairly well, I often get reminded that my mania may be coming into to play and to be aware. Sometimes I enjoy the hypomania days but with the fear that the crash will come and functioning will come screeching to a halt. Through the years the roller coaster has become so apparent to me that sometimes just self awareness and self discipline helps(Not to mention meds that work well finally ) I feel support systems such as this and groups that I attend help me keep aware and grounded through others observations and honest self observation. Thanks for all of your posts.

I have been bipolar for over 30 years, I am 56 now. I have only been on medication for the last 6 years. After trying many different combinations of meds and many hours of group therapy and even more hours of one on one therapy and working a 12 step program, I can honestly say that I am glad that I am bipolar. I have seen some incredible summits and just as many hideous black holes. I have finally learned (note easily) to stop looking over my shoulder for the next mood change. When I am “up”, I enjoy it……take advantage of it. When I am “down”, I no longer sink all the way down to that bottomless black pit that I used to go to. I now am aware of some things that can “trigger” my mania or depression. In time, you, too, will know your triggers. I can’t stress how important it is to remain on your meds and seek therapy. If you feel your meds are not working for you, tell your doctor. Talk to others who are bipolar. You will see that life is good. We are very special people….very intelligent, compassionate, creative, loving people. Remember, the more “aware” you are of what’s going on with you, the more you will be able to “manage” your moods. We are not always in control, but we can be more in control with the aid of the meds and therapy and friends who “watch your back”. Be sure to bookmark this website. It is a great source of info. Therese is as real as it gets.

Wow. You know, I find your blog to be constantly inspiring. My depression issues stem from a more insidious physical ailment that has just turned my life totally upside down. I’ve gone from very active and outgoing to too fatigued and introverted over 4 short years. Sometimes, I think I am quite literally going insane by inches. Then I read your blog and think “Wow, I’m not the only one who suffers”. And some of your phrasing makes me laugh out loud. So, I laugh instead of crying.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Dici

Dici: I loved your comment “going insane by inches”. If that does’nt sum it up for me in one fell swoop. I am glad ,if for no other reason than misery loving company, that this blog is here as a soft place to fall. I find myself struggling a bit lately to hold the line. The insomnia is a real headache, literaly. I know this is just a down cycle for me and I’m trying to keep busy till it phases out. I must admit though it’s hard to make future plans when all I want to do is hide from it. The well runs deep and I’m a survivor!

I just want to say that I know what your going through. You’ve just summed up my everyday life! LOL! As for me though, I’ve been off all medication for over a year. True I still feel my “bad days” coming on,but thats when I just ex-communicate myself from all others. I’m usually fine the next day or so, but I’m just glad to hear that I’m not alone in this vicious circle we call Bipolar.

Hi, this is my first comment about my Bi-polar disorder and even now in my pre-manic state I wonder if it will help OR if it will disturb my “life”. I live in a small village in Alaska and I think I’m the only person w/ this mental illness (Yet I often wonder how many others here are Bi-polar and don’t even know it…haha) I appreciate this site, because I don’t feel so alone and awkward now. The people who do know I’m on meds or that I’ve been in a mental hospital are one of two kinds~ignorant and the others act as if I have some kind of contagous disease. My world revolve around my kids, husband and immediate family. My younger sister had Bi-polar but now she has passed on and well, I feel soooo alone! I know this is silly, but w/out reading these comments, I think I might have tried suicide, and I mean mental suicide, so TAIKKU (thanks) to all of you…GOD’S BLESSINGS…jes

Hypomania! Bipolar! Why does there have to be a label for expressive emotions? We as people in society today are apt to make an excuse for our behaviors whether it be overly happy or overly angry; extra-energetic; creative with something simple or simply doing nothing; just plain feeling sorry for ourselves for a bit (who else is going to do it). Enabling our behaviors only keeps some of us hindered to really being accountable for our actions as-well-as getting control sooner. I personally feel lack of Wisdom, Knowledge, Faith and Generation moral teachings and traditions NOT being passed down, have crippled many, which makeup most people in the World today in 2008. Personality/character defect labels(call it what you will)can only keep prolonging our lives from having balance. Calling upon God, the HOLY Spirit and Jesus Our SAVIOUR:) “The Desire”, “The Will too” and Diligence to change; can only give us “The Balance”(without becoming boring individuals).

**Sheri–We “label” disfunctional attributes in order to identify and attempt to rectify them. It’s called treatment.**
I actually LOVE my manic states. Call me SuperMom cause I’m on top of it all and everything is ticking like clockwork.
Yesterday, I struggled with the mess that I have created out of my life at this point and even though I KNOW that “this too shall pass” I can’t help but feel like I am just incapable of dealing with all aspects of my life in an effective, productive and sometimes even functional way; CONSISTANTLY. Someone actually suggested that I apply for disability the other day…I’m 33 and I love working; That is, when I’m employed.
I have to admit, that I do feel like this is progressive – it does seem to get worse and worse each time. I have learned to recognize the signs of oncoming disaster but to no avail. (btw,I loved the grocery story-I just finished off the 5 bags of sugar overstock in my pantry)
How do you call in sick to life?? Despite the importance of whatever it is I SHOULD be doing, I just cannot force my way through(unless it’s something the kids absolutely need). It seems now though, that when I try to reflect on a depressive state, I cannot remember half of it. I lose all concept of time amist racing thoughts of problems without solutions and gushing feelings of incompetence. I’m really scared of the way this seems to be going because for the first time since I started getting treatment, (8 years ago) I am really beginning to feel “unstable” because of the depth of these depressive states.
So I have a question, how do other people keep the train moving in the right direction?? How do you grab hold of yourself and shake away the cobwebs and keep putting one foot in front of the other? Because, for me, “diligence” leads to overload.

Hi Jes,
Welcome to posting! We’re glad you’re here!! ^I^
You have nothing to be ashamed of; anymore than a diabetic. My guess would be:
you are not the only person in your small village in Alaska. Keep posting – it’s a healthy way to “talk” about what’s Really going on with You.
Hi sillygirl,
Love the name. ^I^
It’s Very Important you Call your Doctor ASAP!

Hi! I doubt it anyone is still on, but I just need to talk. I can’t sleep and my mind is going 101mph. I want to get up and start cleaning and organizing, but it’s like something is keeping my from knowing where to start. Is this normal for Bi-polar? Should I just get up from here and do something. It
s 2:07 am where I am. I sure hope someone is here.

Hello Friends!
All of you gals are interesting people. This is my first time to post a comment here, so, if I appear to be a bit doh’!, that is part of the reason.
I’ve been up for 24 hours straight, but the reason for me is that I am a writer (fiction), and I am working on my second novel. It’s a lot of work for one person. I never would have known what a hard job it is. However, I enjoy it and I can feel the excitement brewing when I visualize (Oh What A Happy Day!), that day is definitely going to be. I feel excitement coming over me now as I chat with you all about it. This project including my first book are one of my goals I’ve set for myself.
I have been working on the latest for the last six years. Off and on, I’ve had to put it down because I didn’t get time for me very often, as I was doing good to keep up with a energetic 56 year old husband, who always had to be going somewhere or doing something, every waking moment and who thinks he’s 40 something, he says he doesn’t feel 56, (good for him). I don’t feel my age either, and I am 47, and I really don’t look it either which I thank my mother for inheriting her good genes. We traveled a lot during racing season. He’s been drag racing for almost 39 years, maybe longer. Let’s just go with that because … (I don’t have my calculator nearby) ha ha ha!
Everything revolved around the husband. Yep! Hey I loved traveling the racing circuit with him, but after so long, I felt I needed to do something for me, because my self-esteem wasn’t improving much on account of my time wasn’t my time. Taking time out for me wasn’t an option.
However, despite me getting a little resentful at times, I felt like our relationship was at a good strong level, I mean we have been together for 12 years, married six of them. I worked on gearing us towards me not having to go and do every little thing with him all the time.
So, in the last year and a few months, some of the races I stayed home, and I would meditate and do some much needed personal reflection so, I could get re-aquainted with me. Well, it backfired! And I am here to tell you, just when I think oh this is great, finally there is promise of some sort of balance in my life, when the freakiest thing happened.
On December the 5th, 2007, this was on a Wednesday because we were eating pizza, and was going to watch a movie. See Wednesdays was our date night. Anyway, I had taken a bite of pizza, and it was baked perfectly this time, when he told me he was thinking of separating because we did not have anything in common anymore.
I can only imagine the expression on my face. I sprang up off of the couch, dropped my pizza back on my plate and heading for the bathroom. That hit me so hard I began crying uncontrollably. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life felt so confused and hurt. I mean my emotions ran amuck! Next thought was, oh this is just great for my self-esteem and depression. I have problems with anxiety attacks (they can get scary at times) following with a boat load of depression.
I finally settled down some, and oh my gosh, I became so unbelieveably mad at him, at the whole thing. My blood was boiling. I was thinking to myself, who in the heck does he think he is anyway? And the audacity of him. First thing I thought was that the old accident proned dim wit has gone off and hit his dang head again, Oh he keeps bruises and sores on his body. How he does it, I’ll never know. (and the truth is I don’t give a Jimmy Crackcorn how or why he’s always banging himself up) ha ha Oh and you wonder about his longime favorite thing to do is racing his dragster? Well believe it or not, he does know how to handle himself when he’s sitting in the cockpit of his race car. Funny huh? He does know his business when it comes to racing, working on his car, (which I used to get down and as greasy as the next guy when I travelled with him. That is hard work. And after so many years it became overbearing in s way. He was the one who really got anything out of it. Not me. And when I wasn’t working on the race car, I was cleaning or cooking, maybe both. I was a fine maid. (that’s what I felt like anyway)
Well, back to the divorce drama, the sneaky thing went behind my back a few days later, and filed for divorce, and and I found out about it when my friend came over and said; “You didn’t tell me you two were divorcing”! Again, instantly I felt the blood just rush to a point of becoming light headed. I thought I’d better sit down and get my head together. I thought, ‘what a coward!’. I did not recognize him, his behavior nothing about him or the whole situation made any sense. And, far as I know he’s not seeing anyone. But, I will tell ya this, the most important thing to him is money. It’s like a game for him. He’s good at making it, and he’s as tight as they come, I mean stingy. SO I thought well, maybe he’s coming into some money and he doesn’t want to have to share it with me. Well that thought had also occurred to a few of my friends.
Well, as I mentioned before we are going through the motions, and I’ll just be grateful when it’s done and all behind me. But the good thing that is coming from this mess is my writing. However For reasons not totally clear to me now, I feel really good about my latest work. The first one is a great one too, but, after I finished it, I just felt like I needed to put it down and put some space between me and the first book. I needed to step away from it, because this little voice in my head (my conscience) (I wanted to make it clear that I do not suffer from MPD’s) haha keeps saying it’s not quite ready, and I feel that it just isn’t right there. So, when I am done with this current project, I am going to go back over my first story and do what ever it takes to feel 100% good about it, to get it marketable. I believe it already is a marketable item, but, I do know I’d regret it if I didn’t go back through it.
Well, I’m going to have to go to bed. I believe I’ve unwinded some Thank you. And if I can be of any help to anyone, well I am a nightowl. Thank you for listening.
P.S. It may not seem like it but, my point does have to do with tonight’s topic. Recap: I do have problems with anxiety, and sometimes resulting in terrible attacks, which I don’t know if you know what that feels like, so I’ll tell you, it’s no fun. I feel like I cannot breathe, my mind races, and a 100 different emotions are like exploding inside of me all at the same time, pulling at my emotions every which a way, and afterward I am left totally drained, feeling weird, sad, and thinking about things Ihave no business hashing up. And of course they are negative thoughts. Then here comes the depression. So, somewhere in my story that I shared with you all, it’s in there…somewhere..
Thanks again and have a wonderful day! I hope the sun shines ever so brightly and that you all have the best Sunday!

Hi Deb,
Welcome to Posting!!
There’s no doubt in my mind you’re a writer. I did Not see the middle of your story coming at all! It must have been the same for you.
I can relate to your anxiety attacks. I suffer from anxiety; followed by panic attacks, then the Black Hole of Depression; all in that order. Sometimes the Terrible Three come on as slow as molasses in winter, other times like a wirhlwind.
Keep on writing… and posting, (((Deb!))) ^I^

he sounds like a selfish man. every thing was fine when you were doing what he wanted to do,but when you wanted to become your own person,he turned his back on you.rise above it & be comfortable with who you are.all we truly have is ourself,so we need to love ourself & treat ourself like we would a good friend -with understanding.have fun with your writing.it`s good therapy.good luck.you are not alone.love,Boo

You are crazy.Depression is caused by big government and big businuses that do not give a damn about anything but raping the public and keeping them suppressed or on prescription (legal) drugs.

I’ve been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder a few years back after I got a hold of my personality disorder (like 3 faces of eve) with more like sybil. N E ways I am going thru something right now it is I feel more than manic or creeping manic I just finished my second college degree and I have no job and no money so I am at home just on this computer all day and night neglecting my hubby really. There is a reason for that a whole different story I am trying to keep from getting depressed and suicidal just the thoughts but nontheless I need a friend cause I don’t have any I am sexually frustrated cause I prefer not to have intercourse with my husband I have nightmares of crazy stuff that is related to my past I would see someone but I’ve been in and out of therapy for the past 25 years to the point I find the theropists today just a tad slow and ignorant so U shy from them too I need someone to talk to that is mature and really knows what I am going thru without telling me what I should do cause believe it or not I am well aware of the surroundings in my life but Itoo know that there is a time and a season for all things I just need adult mature conversation and support cause I really have none. That is why I feel I am sexually misplaced cause that’s how I felt in the past but I am a grown woman now 42 to be exact, so is it someone out there who empathize with me enuff to email me or something? glendamonges@yahoo.com HOPE TO HEAR FROM U SOON!!!!!!!!!!

I have all the the disorders above,
Sometimes there will be days I almost feel “normal”
almost too good,That I can do anything,
Then I wake up the next day,
as if someone else has taken over,
fear, depression, panic attacks
all i can do is hold on,
because hopefully the day will be better,
i find if i pray ,it helps
so lost and so afraid,
i feel like a child who has no where to go
i pray for all,

I read every story on this subject of Creeping Mania and others about depression and anxity. No one is alone here.I have been on both sides of these issues.As a therapeist and a patient, many times throughout the past 30 years.It really does not matter where you are, on your highest high or your lowest low, knowing who you are and what you are capiable of, is the most important of any given state of mind.
This is my first time to post here and would be willing to listen to anyone and everyone. All of US are special and unique to one another.
I am new to the internet & did not know that such sites existed. You would have thought that someone with 15 years of higher education, would have known this.Nope.Did not know such a wonderful site like this was aviable to all.
I can understand where everyone here feels safe and comfortable to tell their story. It is great to see such a varity of stories, all with some commonality. I love the idea that there are no judges, there are no right(s) or wrong(s) just people being themselves. What a wonderful concept.
Whatever theripes work for each individual is only know to the one who is seeking help. My guess is that there are as many different treatments as there are patients. And that what works today may not work in the future. We are ever changing beings and must learn to adapt accordingly.
I am looking forward to being a part of this group and am delighted to be blessed with all of your stories.
Some Food For Thought:
There is no future in your past.
Remember when the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray.
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten Boom
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. ” Hellen Keller
To all of you, May you find peace and happiness, living in the moment !! Have yourself a God filled, God blesses, Godsome day…
Len