#8 is one I finally learned when I started using my Mac. If all goes well, as expected, I learn nothing, but if I mess something up and have to ‘fix’ it, I don’t forget that lesson easily!
This blog is helping me. I just found it two days ago. Thank you for posting it.
Pat

Those are very helpful tips, and I appreciate the guidance.
Part of my perfectionism is my need to be grammatically correct, and I must politely point out that “perfectionism” is misspelled in the introduction. But I don’t think less of you because of it.
Have a pleasant, if not perfect, day!

I have tryed to be myself, but I am not happy with my life choses, I pray all the time and I try to do things I always wanted to do in life.If I just let go of doing what every one wants from me, I might be able to be me . I will try some of the things you have sujected, and put them to use. Thank You for the message you have given me.

Perhaps ‘perfectionsim’ was the first exercise while these suggestions were fresh on our mind to let go of it too.

Wow, Therese, this one really hits home! I learned the art of perfectionism from my father…he was a miserable man too. And just the other day, my son said to me…Why bother? Nothing I do is good enough for you anyway…and that hit home too. It is hard when you have lived life this way or that way for so long, but I am trying to learn and one of the biggest mentors in that is Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker. He says that the people that are the greatest successes in life are those who have merely failed the most. Those in the hitting hall of fame in baseball, are the ones who missed the ball like 7 times out of 10! So never be afraid to make mistakes, as we are human and will do so frequently, but if we learn from our mistakes, and go on fearlessly, perhaps we will also be in the hall of fame of sorts for making good decisions sometimes, and that’s enough success for anyone! Keep the faith!

I worked so hard for 37 years always wanted to look & feel like I was a very good employee that they could ask to work any time @ the cost of my family & now my health. I graduated with the highest GPA but my family never even came to see me get my award. Over the years I have had to learn to be my greatest fan & applaud my steps towards whatever I am doing. I don’t hang out with negative people that put me or themselves down today.

Until I went into therapy, I always regarded my perfectionism as a part of me. I’m now learning that it’s okay to make mistakes. And when I make a mistake, I tell myself that I’m not an abject failure/loser. I resist the urge to criticize myself. And re-play different scenarios of whhat I could have done/should have done/wish I would have done better. That’s the hardest part.
I’m 43 years old and have had this tendency since I was 12 years old. My dad died this year and I stopped smiling, laughing and feeling. No one noticed (not family, friends teachers, clergy) because I masked my inner feelings. I still loved my family, but I didn’t feel apart of them. I felt so different and ‘invisible’. I didn’t think they understood me. So my escape became at age 12 became books and studying and getting good grades. I never came to terms with the suddenness of my dad’s death, so my grief turned to resentment and then self-blame and fear and finally depression. So once again, books and studying kept my mind occupied. I just kept going and going. And no one noticed. And I realized that. And I just engrossed myself more and more in school, activities, volunteering…….Until I hit the wall 8 years ago. I was downsized from a position. That was my my saving grace. It forced me to get help for my depression, and resolve other issues that I was in denial about.

I think I have been a perfectionist because my children have all felt that they weren’t good enough even though I always compliment them on what ever they do-raising children – their house etc. but somehow they don’t think they are good enough. I have accomplished many goals in life (personal) and sometimes feel that this has taken a toll on the children as they feel they could never measure up. Now this is stressful for me because in their own way they have distanced themselves from me and I think it is because they don’t want to feel like that and I am to blame. My expectations have always been high for myself and I guess other people.
I only needed to challenge myself and have been driven.
Why do I get the blame for how they react? Others -friends, family and fellow workers have always admired me but my children-no. I have distanced myself now to the anger that they exhibit to me in passive agressive ways and i finally have said “no” to their reactions to me. I have tried to express my feelings but it seems to make everything worse. I will be a lonely parent.

I get the impression that you feel superior to others and this is carried over to your children. They feel inferior do to your constant superiority. Be humble and show them their superior traits over you this will make them feel better about themslves and you. When I was young I was a spring board diver and I won the state championship. My son decided to dive and I ecouraged him to far superceed what I had done. He did as he became a spring board diver for Oklahoma University. I was also a teacher and I was recognized as the most Outstanding Educator in Oklahoma. My Son is now a teacher and I always try to remind him that his job is a lot more challenging than mine was. There is a great change in todays students. We can all be more humble around others. Dr. Paul

I agree with Monique about being in denial and wearing a mask for everyone else; pretending everything is fine. My friend called it “wearing rose colored glasses.” One day the glasses came off and everything I was pretending was right there in my face, I couldn’t avoid it or pretend any longer. I had to deal with it!
I guess wishing I was somewhere else and someone else–not relating at all with my family. But I worked so hard at wanting them to like me for who I am, because I loved them so much more than I loved myself. So they used this against me when they wanted something or needed something from me, I was always there for them. Miss Perfect doing the right thing,trying to help everyone. But noone was ever there for me, always making fun of me and criticizing me and never having time for me. My “mother” was a miserable person(still is)and she made my life a living hell. She hated me and made sure everyone else felt and treated me the same. I wondered why a mother could hate her own flesh and blood so much and always belittle and make me feel less than a person. So for her, I wanted to be perfect and to please her, so she would like me or at least not criticize me all the time and take her anger out on me. Well, I’m 54 years old and she still has not changed
I am learning to love myself, just as I am. I am not perfert, even though I thought I had to be for someone else. My version of perfect was people pleasing and trying to make people like me. The harder I worked at doing for other people, the more they used me and hated me for trying to be perfect and the more they ctiticized, rejected and humiliated me.
So I am learning to say no when someone calls on me. At first it was just as of a shock to me as it was to them. What do I have to lose, they hate me anyway. It is hard to like myself after years of seeing me through someone else’s eyes; especially the negative people I so wanted to please.
It is hard to unlearn those feelings of rejection, abuse and criticism after so many years.

Interesting thought process on perfectionism. Denial of what? Fear of failure, yes. What makes a movie or sunset exempt from the perfectionist criticism? I find plenty wrong with movies and anything in life is open to criticism. Why do people think you have to let go of perfectionist ideals? Maybe it’s all those that are not striving to be their best that have issues that need to be let go of? People call me Anal (hate the term). I think those that use that term are. In a different way of course. This article led me to look up the word Anal and to further research psychology, specifically Anal retentive and expulsive. Mankind has this unusual desire to convince others that they are correct. Could that be perfectionist thinking? So, psychology in a sense could be viewed as a perfectionist dream job.As I see it, striving to do anything TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY is not a PROBLEM. It’s called improving yourself. One person may see you as overly critical and another may not. YOU Must decide if what others may see is a problem and hindering your development. WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS and WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. There are a muiltitude of ways to do any task, and there is always room for improvement on this little microscopic spec in the Universe we call Earth.

Hi, I want to react on #9. Look upon failure as information, not a fixed or frozen outcome. It’s a signal to try something else—another chance to learn.
I think that’s true. In my opion lot’s of people get stuck because of their fear of failure.
What I’ve learned is that fears like fear of failure can be cured by simple self help methods, like the EFT method of Gary Craig (from the US). Here in the Netherlands we do use this technique a lot.

Wow, yes, I am a perfectionist, but as I am having twins soon, I have been advised to let go of this regarding many aspects of my life as mother, wife and human!