Hi Therese, I just discovered your blog, and I had a chance to read through several of your recent postings. Thank you so much for having the courage to create a space like this. I especially was moved to read the poem, “Desiderata” again after many, many years. In the late 1960′s, when I was a very little kid, my parents had a record album (that I cannot recall the name of) which had many inspirational songs and poems on it, including Desiderata. We used to sit in our living room next to the stereo speakers, singing along to the refrain “you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here!” It was a form of healing for the three of us, aged 9, 7and 5 because our own mother was suffering from what I now know to be severe, clinical depression. We lived in a typical upstate NY, rural working class neighborhood, and the women were some of the most gossipy and cliquey stay-at-home moms you’d ever expect to meet. We kids were isolated from many of our next-door-neighbor peers, mostly because their own mother’s kept them from playing with us. It was bad enough we were not Catholic, or that my dad was working on his degree at a nearby university. They got together and talked about our mom, making fun of our house being so messy, her ocassional alcoholic episodes during the day, her late night suicide attempts and subsequent hospitalizations. Then the kids would get on the school bus with us and repeat their insults, taunting us in public, humiliating and shaming us for something over which we had no control. The truth was, we were often terrified when our mother acted out, and sometimes we even hated her for being so different, but when others picked on her, it was one of the most painful things in our lives, because we knew that deep down inside, she loved us and was trying to be a good mom. Thankfully, my mom finally got decent psychiatric care, as well as treatment for an undiagnosed hypothyroid disorder that was making it worse. The record with Desiderata on it was one of serveral recommended to her as a way to change her thinking about things in life. We also enjoyed listening to a Dr. Murry Banks, who was a psychiatrist-turned comedian whose records were full of humour and wisdom. Through counseling and perseverence, our family’s life improved. We moved to another part of town, and life really blossomed for us for the first time in years. Even though she continues to struggle with this awful disease to this day, (as do all of us her children to a lesser degree) I thank God that others in the world who have dealt with depression–people like yourself–were courageous enough share their messages with the world about their trials and tribulations. We probably were strange little kids, listening to self-help records and reading poems about persevering through all the pain in life, but somehow I believe they made a huge difference in our turning out so well. We are so much healthier, more compassionate people for all we went through. Thanks again for your work.

Hi Therese, I want to thank-you for your wonderful writing. I am thorougly enjoying you blog. I applaud your intention to write to inspire.As one who has successfully overcome a lifetime struggle of depression, as well as an eating disorder, multiple addictions, anxiety, and fibromyalgia/cfs, I can attest to the power of writing and creativity to heal a life. Creativity is a direct portal into joy and light. It is a way of transforming suffering into the light of understanding. The creative process and spiritual alchemy are one and the same. All my life a little voice in my head said, “Be a writer.” I spent a lifetime denying this voice. I began to write last year at age 48, and I haven’t looked back since.Writing has been a way of making sense of my struggle. Years ago I remember reading a line in a book by Erica Jong that said something like, “We must begin to paint or write ourselves out of the corner we find ourselves in.” My only regret is that I didn’t listen to my inner promptings sooner. Yet, that too is part of my story. I can now inspire many other late bloomers. Most of my life I wanted to hide my reality from other people. Now, all that I have been through has become my vein of gold.I’m sure that you are finding that to be true as well. Keep up the good work as I will continue to read! You may read my life story, Getting Over Me, at http://www.mastersclubdiet.com Bright Blessings, Catherine Taylor The Weight Loss Master

What can I say? You all are “preaching to the choir” with me. I have just discovered how liberating and joyful it is to blog and enter episodes in my various website journals. If I didn’t have this outlet, my NEED to write my emotions would have stunted me. In school, my prose knocked my teachers for a loop – they considered it “above your learning,” and didn’t know where my drastic insights came from. I’ve always been a “spiritual” being, and sometimes,rather prophetic. I just thank BeliefNet and Therese for providing this outlet to communicate with such like-minded idividuals. God Bless each and every one of you.

Therese, [ and other bloggers] I have read several of the blogs and feel blessed to be allowed to share in another womans’ journey. I,too, am one of the ‘walking wounded’. I have been gifted with 23 yrs of recovery but at times still struggle with the demon of depression. Thank you for voicing you travels down this path and giving permission to discuss this disease. I have many friends but only a handful know of my struggles with depression. I look forward to your next entry. sobergal

Therese, once again, your writing blesses me. Thank you!

Thank you, you always lift us up with your writing. I needed to hear this message today, my life is so chaotic. You have blessed so many. Thanks

I just read your latest piece. I enjoyed it. You have inspired me to write you. I wrote and self-published a workbook for fathers and their children, called 24 Dates With My Dad. I didn’t know about the Christian Retailers Convention until I read about it in your story. Is it worth going to the convention and pitching books or is it a waste of time? Please let me know. I would like some insight from someone who’s more experienced. Thank you and keep writing and smiling!

Hi Therese, That was a wonderful article. Love you Therese. Becky

The BEST article that I have read in a very long time Thanks Dottie

Therese, thanks for your inspiring story and I thank beliefnet.com for even having any of this on line. I would be so lost today if you have never written. Am going through my own struggles, but reading the statement “if you can dream, you can beat depression” really hit home to me.

I love your column and have battled depression for 15+ years now. Staying busy is key but also knowing we are not alone helps too. You mentioned you wrote a series of children’s books (another excellent creative outlet) and I wrote a book myself targeting 8-10 yr olds. I have sent to several children’s publishers that allow unsolicited manuscripts but haven’t had much luck yet. It is a great story that teaches a valuable lesson and I was wondering if you had any advice as to how to get it in the right hands? Again, thank you for providing a great column for people with great advice and motivational inspiration to help us stay positive and “up” give us the strength to make it thru the difficult days. Thanks again.

Smile, it’s contagious!!! Be true to yourself, listen to your heart, live your dreams, be happy, create a loving and compassionate world. Live fully…. never regret. Listen to your intuition, there are messages that will guide you to the right path, experiencing life’s gifts, ultimate wisdom and empowerment.Take risks…… life is a journey make it an adventure. Learn from your mistakes, there is alway a lesson….Learn it the first time. There is always good that will come from a negitive, tramatic experience. Smell the roses everyday. Live in the moment. Connect with nature, realize that it’s really the simple things that are so precious. Be content with only yourself,love honor, respect #1. Without material possessions. If you’re truly evolved you will be at peace, content in your soul, not needing things or others to fullfill the void.You are real love!!!!! Smile, it’s contagious!!!

I have suffered from the big “D” for many years. It started back in my childhood. My Mother was clinically depressed for years but in those days no one knew what they know today.My family of origin was rough and abusive. Being different isn’t bad, it is to be admired. My 2 siblings are worse but they are in denial over the whole mess. I have been in therapy for many years and on medication. Lately I have had some bad spells. I am divorced twice, have 3 children who turned out terribly narcissistic. I am accomplished and well educated but the past has a way of dragging me down. I have a Birthday,and Mother’s Day are rought times. I tell myself it is only a day! I want to get back in my stride again and feel happy again. When I am on the right wave length I feel true happiness. My feet get stuck in the past. I tell myself the past can’t be changed so move on! I pray alot and journal alot. I have to learn to refocus on myself and get back into life again. I attract poor relationships because I like charming. That isn’t necessarily the right thing for me. I find men who don’t believe in God and so they hurt me. I need to find Godly people around this earth. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life so I will be happy and do my thing.

I find myself at a crossroads in my life. I’ve always been a very optimistic person, but lately it just feels as if all of the wind has been knocked out of my sails. My optimism has fell to the wayside, and I have been suffering with depression that I’ve never felt before. I know that God has a plan for me, and I try to hold steadfast to that. Being another creative soul, I’m confident it has something to do with utilizing the gifts He has bestowed upon me. Your words are very encouraging, and I think it was God that led me to them. It is very helpful to have other positive, creative energies around to spark motivation. I really don’t get enough of that, so I am grateful for the words I receive electronically from you.

Therese, I have been meaning to write ever since I read Fr. Girzone’s name in your blog. It was one of those coincidences that strikes you like a bolt of lightning. Fr. Girzone was my mentor, oh about 20 years ago, just about the time that he moved into a mansion in Altamont, NY and planned to make it a retreat house. I was in the Formation For Ministry for two years, and had to choose a mentor. I wrote to him after reading “Joshua” and boldly asked him to be my mentor, and he agreed! For Christmas one year I bought 10 first edition books from him and had him sign each one, and I gave them out as gifts. I treasure mine in which he wrote a personal message. I used to go to the mansion and talk to him, just like you do now.
Anyway, 20 years later (I’m 49) here I am recently diagnosed with Dysthmia after a devastating event which triggered a depression episode. I see a therapist now on a regular basis. I am learning a lot. I am surprised that he insists that I’ve been suffering from depression for most of my life. I never realized it but now that I’m talking to him I’ve realized that it explains an awful lot. He said I probably have never been genuinely happy and that I have built a wall up around the “real” me so that I don’t even know who the real me is. He said I don’t really know what it feels like to not be depressed. He asked me to tell him who I am and I suddenly came to the realization that I couldn’t! All I know is who I try to be. He had me go back and try to remember the last time I remember being the real me and it was when I was really little. I was shy and timid and scared and insecure. He said that’s who I really am and that I have extremely low self-esteem. That little girl learned to build a wall around herself and has never taken the wall down. And I have suffered from depression all my life since then. I am so dumbfounded. I’ve used my 3 children and my relationships to make me feel substantiated and valued and he said that no matter how much I succeeded in being a “good” mother, I would never be good enough in my own eyes. I have been so down in the dumps this week because I finally signed the Stipulation of Settlement giving my ex-husband physical custody of our 13 year old daughter and it was a sort of closure on the whole thing. I feel like the biggest failure in the world. I think my sadness is bigger than the medication I’m taking. I feel so abnormal and so inadequate. I told my doctor that I have an overwhelming urge to escape. I want to quit my job, sell my house and move away from everything. He told me this is a very bad time to make any big, rash decisions. He said to focus on taking one step at a time. I can’t explain how alone I feel in all of this. My husband tries to understand but he really can’t. He tries to “fix” the problem but he’s fixing the wrong things. This is such a crisis for me. I feel like I have no purpose now and that I’ve been stripped of everything that was holding me together. It is so disheartening.
The trigger for all of this took place on March 9th. I lost my temper at my daughter that day due to a combination of things. She had been defiant and haughty and disrespectful to me, and I took it too personally. My anger at her and her father (my ex-husband) had been building up for a long time. She is in puberty and we both are going through life changes. I let loose on her and said things I didn’t mean, and when she ignored me I turned her around to look at me and she lost her balance and fell. I’ve never done that before; I’ve never once raised my voice or my hand to her. After our argument, my husband took my daughter to her father’s house, I went to bed and woke up when he came home. He said she was OK and was spending the night at her fathers. I really didn’t think anything more of it. I felt comfortable that she was with her father for the night since we had been so upset with each other. I expected to pick her up the next morning and we would talk about it. I never in a million years imagined that I would get a phone call from the police the next morning saying they had filed a police report against me and reported me to CPS! I was shocked. The whole thing was really gotten blown out of proportion. I’m sure that if her father had given me the courtesy, as her mother, to come to me and get my side of the story first, this could have been avoided. I really think going to the police and reporting me to Child Protective Services was unwarranted. I feel her father should have been firm with her, as I would have done if it was reversed, and had her confront me.
My daughter has turned her back on me and has chosen to live with her father. Why did this one incident take precedence over all of the good things I’ve done as her mother? I don’t understand. I have been a mother my entire adult life and I was so not ready to let go of my daughter at this point. I feel like I have been stripped of my identity and now I don’t know who I am. I am trying to cope but I am having a really hard time. I never in a million years would have dreamed that my daughter would reject me. I thought her father had broken my heart into a million pieces when we broke up, but this heartbreak is a million times worse.
I just had to write to someone who sees the mentor that I used to have. It would be nice to see Fr. Girzone right about now. He is such a gentle soul.

For Therese -
A Prayer of Hope
Stirrings
by Linda M. Isabella
What’s that stirring through the morning
Like the winds in winter blow
Through the branches and the briars,
Through my day like swirling snow?
Are my prayers heard up through chaos,
Through the multitude of pleas,
Are they filtered through the trivial,
Are they worthy such as these?
Does a spirit storm come gusting
And disturb some tidy chart?
Does it alter chronicles of time
And sanctify the heart?
Or does it whisper like a flutter,
A magic answer in a dream,
Leaving subtle signs so gentle
That it’s not what it may seem?
Would it really make a difference?
Would it matter if I prayed?
Would my day be quite misguided
Without my humble heart’s crusade?
Will my prayer float up to Heaven
To an angel’s waiting hands?
Or be placed in back of others
More desperate in demands?
In any case this morning
I’ll give the clouds more than a glance
With a prayer that fuels a hopeful heart
And deserves a fighting chance.
Perhaps this morning’s stirrings
Is God’s breath upon my day,
A reminder that He’s listening
When I pause in time to pray.