It intrigues me that you didn’t think of marriage as a vocation when the Church makes it so clear that it is a sacrament; and indeed, with equal importance to the other sacraments.
And, to mix my religious metaphors, Eric had some chutzpah to ask you out after you said you wanted to join the convent. (As did you to accept, actually!)
Ana was just saying to me that she considers you both an inspiration. In that spirit, of course we wish you … a very happy anniversary.
Larry

” Two are better than one…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4
Blessings on your Anniversary.
We’ve been at it since 1963 and if you knew our story, you’d wonder how we did it. However, “With God, all things are possible” Matthew 19
I’ve always loved my husband, but there have been times when I didn’t like him at all. Love and the commitment before God, keeps us going.

Therese,
I wish you a Happy Anniversary as well!
Thanks for your words about marriage. Ours has been interesting in that we actually divorced and remarried each other (our kids ask us which anniversary they should recognize but being Catholic, of course I go back to the first marriage in 1967 so that makes us married a total of 41 years now.)
We were never the ideal couple, but I think we are together to teach one another many lessons. In certain ways I can be very selfish but then so can he and we have actually been able to improve our communication skills and not be as sensitive to one another’s shortcomings (in other words, we finally realized marriage requires some hard work). Sometimes I think we are very much alike and at other times, definitely not soul mates. Also, I have this low grade depression sometimes (dysthymia)and can be very temperamental at times and he has a very steady, mostly sunny personality which can really keep me balanced when I need it.
I think our 3 grown kids are not sure we did the right thing by staying together, but then their marriages which are going on 12 years or so, seem to be very good, so we might have done something right, if only that they resolved to make their marriages better after seeing us go through our ups and downs.
In all honesty there are moments that I imagine what life would have been like had we gone our separate ways, which for me at least would have required an annullment and just like in those jury trials, I always come up with a reasonable doubt and do believe my marriage is true in the eyes of the Church so, therefore, I stay and hope when I meet the Man Upstairs some day, that he will say, “Well done”.

Therese,
My husband and I just celebrated our fourth anniversary and have been together for over 8 years.
I was your similar opposite: envisioning myself as a writer in New York, living fabulously and eternally single long before Carrie Bradshaw entered the scene. Different from your dreams of the convent, but nonetheless (Nun the less?) single, devoted to my passion, and not really thinking marriage was something I would ever do.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head: Marriage is a very pretty word for “Work”. Love is an action that needs energy to keep it in motion…energy, concentration, and commitment to cultivating that energy. I wish more women (and men) spent as much time planning their marriage as they do planning their wedding.

Congratulations!
We have been married 24 years, and I feel that I have a best friend and our bond just gets stronger and stronger. Granted, there have been days…. but overall I have been blessed with a great spouse. However without that “third string”…. without the faith we’ve shared throughout the years I don’t know what kind of marriage it would be. God has been the center of our union and I believe without Him our marriage would not exist.

“is an action
I think the ingle biggest contributor to the failure of many if not most marriages that end in divorce is the common misconception that love is an emotion, In truth, real love is a choice and when we choose to love a spouse, uit does inded reuire some hard work at times That “action”, the choice to stay the course(though I hesitate to use those particular words)often means sacrifice and self-denial. It’s interesting to me how my divorce create polar reactions in my own son and my step-son, As most of you know, my son is planning his own nuptuals now, and is convinced that watching the pain our divorce caused will motivate him to do WHATEVER it takes to make his marriage a successful one. My step-sobn, conversely maintains that it is the reasn he will never marry because he doesn’t ever want to go through that kind of “war zone”–his words, not mine–again and since e saw my ex and I so clearly in love and committed before we married AND at the altar, he thinks the disintegration into opposing sides is inescapable (If it could happen to US, it could and probably would happen to him. Of course, his father is on his THIRD wife, so that may be part of his perspective) My felicitations too, Therese, for doing the hard work of maintaining a marriage that at least appears to be rock solid from the outside. Here’s hoping for many more to come.

My first marriage was hell and sixteen years later, when my husband was away on six weeks of training I left with our 12 year old son. I don’t perceive love to be a choice, but a privilege that can occur between two committed, appropriately matched people. Two years after my departure, he married my best friend and they have been and are, equally miserable. As we have a son together, I see him quite regularly, because of our living situation and I never fail to thank God that we are no longer together. I don’t believe God keeps marriages strong or blessed, anymore than he stops floods from occurring, or people from starving to death in Darfur, among a myriad of other misfortunes. I certainly believe one’s personal perception of God can keep one trapped in an unendlessly unhealthy marriage. I have never understood “Let go and let God …” This hasn’t helped much, has it, regarding the thousands of people who die of starvation and disease, so routinely, each day? How can one possibly believe that one’s marriage receives more attention from the Almighty, than do those among the masses, whose every day is literally hell on earth?! This strikes me as being amazingly arrogant!

Sorry, I should have said “unendingly.” English is not my first language.

I really enjoyed reading this. Maybe one day I’ll actually get married. I’m starting to wonder.

i feel the same imay get lucky one of these days.

I have seen many long term relationships (more than 10 years in duration) that were loving, committed and do not rely upon any deity/avatar or prelate to stay committed. Gay or straight a relationship does not have to be ‘sanctioned’ by the church to be a solid, loving, relationship.

I agree that marriage takes supernatural help some time. I also agree that there are a myriad of relationships.
The author was writing about her marriage, her journey. If the shoe doesn’t fit you, don’t wear it, tell us about your shoe. Thank you.

Selfesteem said:
“I have seen many long term relationships (more than 10 years in duration) that were loving, committed and do not rely upon any deity/avatar or prelate to stay committed. Gay or straight a relationship does not have to be ‘sanctioned’ by the church to be a solid, loving, relationship.”
The author didn’t say “sanctioned by the church,” she said that God is the third strand in a braid, with a real presence in relationship. Those are two very different concepts.

Belated Happy Anniversary!!!
How wonderful that your parish requested your reflection, Therese. Often the talent in a church community goes unrecognized and unappreciated.
We are in year thirty of our marriage and I can say without qualification that if God were not the third strand, we would have long ago failed.

Yes, I believe the sacrament of marriage is truly holy. It is sad when someone uses it to manipulate an abusive relationship. It has taken me over 20 years to finally see how my faith and love of Christ was used against me to keep me in a bad relationship.
And now that I am faced with an annulment I am told that it will be based on how things were at the beginning of the marriage or even before, not necessarily what happened throughout the 20 something years. How absurd is that? Maybe I’m not quite understanding the process. If someone has personal insight, please share.

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