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I’ve never attempted suicide. I’ve never been hospitalized. I go to work nearly every day and support a large family. I’ve taken my meds regularly for the past 17 years without fail. I don’t forget. I can’t forget. The cost would be too high.
I got through high school as an overachiever. Started college at 16. Graduated University of California in less than 4 years. Then made my first real mistake in marrying my first husband.
Having children sent my depression into overdrive and I had my first episodes of real serious mixed mania. My condition grew worse over the next 15 years while still trying to hold down a teaching job and raise three daughters.
My mania culminated in having an affair and being quite indiscriminate not only with myself, but with my money, my time and my words.
I got divorced.
I finally found a real psychiatrist, not a general practitioner, who diagnosed me (about 3 years ago) and after a trial of meds and a month off of work, I was back on my feet.
That was followed by a trial of depression which nearly had me in shock therapy. Thank God we found the right meds and I’ve been in remission for 6 weeks now.
I’ve been teaching students with mental illness for the past 10 years, and even though sometimes I was worse off then my students, I’m grateful that I could make a difference in their lives.
I am Jane Doe representing thousands of people who live their crazy lives in a sane world and manage to pull it off most of the time.
I listen to music like Density’s Child’s “Survivor” and Gladys Knight singing “I’ve got to keep holding on”. I read the Dalai Lama and learn about Right Thinking. I rely on the Bible to remind me about the sacrifice that was made for me. I remind myself that my paycheck pays the mortgage and I press on. There is no other choice for me. I press on. The responsibility I feel is palpable.
I believe if Jesus calls me to get out of the boat, He is going to be there to help me walk on the water.
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posted July 2, 2008 at 9:49 am
Going back and reading these…they hit a different cord each time.
Everyone was brave to share their stories.
posted July 2, 2008 at 10:33 pm
lisa i think youve came along way since i first met you on here stay stromng and keep the faith.
posted July 3, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I think with each year of being bipolar, I do grow, thank you Marilyn. I think i’ts important for people to know there is a range of illness and not everyone loves mania and hates depression. Although I don’t like being depressed, I like being manic even less as it hurts more people than my depression, although that hurts my family quite a bit. My illness doesn’t make me a weak person, it’s made me a strong person. I can withstand a lot more than most people. I can keep on going through tough times and though it’s painful and terrible, I keep on fighting. That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger really rings true for me.My illness has robbed me of years of my life that I can’t remember and some years I want to forget.I wish I had your eloquence Therese as I feel I have more to share, but can’t get the words out. So much I want people to know, to understand.
I appreciate so much the people and friendships I’ve found on BB. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone and to be in a community of encouragement.Thank you for the opportunity to share.
Lisa