Advertisement
A friend recently asked me what, exactly, about counseling was so helpful to me.
I thought for a minute and then said, “I go in there with a mess of problems. I’m entangled in them. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t see a way out. She helps me to sort out or separate the different problems–to disentangle one strand of difficulties at a time–so I’m not so disabled by the obstacles.”
Last therapy session, I started telling her everything that was wrong. I was jumping from one problem to the next. I don’t think I was making any sense. In tears, I expressed the sadness and anxiety that was all consuming, that I didn’t see a way out.
As usual, she had jotted down some of things I had said.
“Okay, we’ve got several challenges here,” she said. “Let’s take them one at a time.” As a detective, she had narrowed down a few difficulties that were contributing to my feeling of helplessness, a few situations that may have triggered–or at least compounded–my present state of sadness.
(Not to say that depressive episodes of bipolar disorder are ALWAYS triggered by a specific episode or situation, because, as I said in my video about the crying days, sometimes it comes over you like a thunderstorm.) However, this is the purpose of therapy: to identify POSSIBLE triggers of depression so that I can avoid them in the future.
For every problem I identified, my therapist help me come up with a plan of action, so I wasn’t just wallowing in the problem.
Problem #1: The depression may very well be crash from my hypomania, or the result of my Zoloft being lowered.
Most of the time I think you have to start with the medical history, because a depressive who is suicidal or extremely depressed will have a very difficult time trying to identify her problems and try to solve them creativity. The only thing I was able to do for a very long time was to make it through the day. So I always start here.
What’s going on medically? Any changes?
Yes. I was very definitely hypomanic in April, and then in May and Dr. Smith decreased my Zoloft both times. It could be that I need a higher level to be therapeutic.
Plan of Action:
I have met with Dr. Smith, and she has recently upped my Zoloft again. I will stay in touch with her and keep her abreast of any changes in mood. And I will continue to see her every other week until I am feeling more stable.
Problem #2: I am having vision problems.
My health has been further complicated lately by some vision problems. I’m seeing spots like you do after someone snaps a picture with a flash. I’m dizzy when getting up from a seated position or turning my head. This could very well be a symptom of something going on with my pituitary tumor. My endocrinologist always checks my vision. It could also be a side effect from my psych meds.
Plan of Action:
I have called my endocrinologist and have spoken with a nurse there, who is sending me a form to get a special vision test. Once I have done that, I need to schedule a follow-up with my endocrinologist. My mom, who has been diagnosed with a neurological disorder called Blephoraspasm, an involuntary closure of the eye, has warned me that stress can very definitely affect your vision. (Maybe I should invest in a dog right now.)
Problem #3: Eric and I are stressed out. We are crabby, and snapping at each other and the kids. I’m totally grumpy. So is he, and the kids pick up on that.
Why am I more stressed out than I have been before? In May and June, I tried to take on an ongoing writing assignment that was supposed to take five to ten hours a week. However, two weeks into it, I was investing more like 15 hours a week. And this is 15 hours on top of an already-packed schedule. It would have been a great resume piece, and I let ambition get in the way of my health. Our summer schedule doesn’t give us as much time to ourselves, and both of us have had to juggle work around the kids’ schedules. Every day is different, and the lack of consistency is confusing not only to us, but also to the kids.
Plan of Action:
I dumped the writing assignment and have decided not to pursue any freelance projects, or any cool ideas (radio shows, etc.) until I get more time. No book proposals, no articles other than the column I write Catholic News Service and this blog. Everytime someone mentions an interesting project that they want me to consider, I will have exercise the same caution that I do when offered a drink of alcohol. Because even though it’s new and exciting–like a drug–it can’t “cure” me of my sadness and anxiety, and will only contribute to my state of exhaustion.
Furthermore, I will force mental-health activities for myself such as bike rides, kayaking, walking, and spiritual reading. I will try to meditate for 15 minutes a day. And Eric and I have decided we need to do something fun at least once a week. Today we are having lunch. Tomorrow we are going to try to kayak. In order to make more time to do this, I am going to try to find more sitters, and worry less about our retirement. Because we need to keep our marriage alive and happy over stashing away funds for our retirement.
Problem #4: I am worried about David’s anxiety and mental condition.
I feel like I am not addressing this in the way I need to. I’m worried that he suffers like I did when I was a child, and by not having him evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist I am not doing everything I can for him. On the other hand, I don’t want to worry prematurely or irrationally. I seem to think the problem is more severe than Eric does. Which one of us is right? What do I do? What should our next steps be?
Plan of Action:
I did get the name of a very conservative pediatric psychiatrist who uses meds as a last resort.
But before I schedule an appointment with her, which I will do in January 2009 after I have done the following:
• Read these five books, which have been recommended by my therapist, my doctor, and a pediatric behavioral specialist we saw:
• “Understanding Your Child’s Puzzling Behavior: A Guide for Parents with Behavioral, Social, and Learning Challenges” by Steve E. Curtis;
• “The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them” by Elaine Aron;
• “The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder” by Carol Stock Kranowitz
• “The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tear” by Elizabeth Pantley;
• “Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias” by Tamar E. Chansky.
• Spend at least two hours of individual time with David: playing baseball, kayaking, or reading together. I will either work less during the week or try to get a sitter for Katherine, so we can spend this time together. Again, bye bye retirement money. See you next life.
• Use the worksheets provided in “Understanding Your Child’s Puzzling Behavior” to log David’s behavior and such contributing factors as diet, fatigue, and other issues (including my moods) so that when I schedule an appointment in January (if I still feel like that’s the best route), then I will have all of kinds of supporting data with which to present to the doctor. I will also have Eric read through the logs to see whether he agrees or not with the assessment, and how environmental factors and diet affects David’s behavior and mood.
• Spend two hours a week on logging his behavior and/or reading the resources so that I feel like I’m moving toward a solution, and don’t feel guilty and anxious about the situation. If I can’t fit this into my work time, then I will try to get a sitter so that I can work on this just as I would if I were doing a research project.
* Be stricter and more consistent with regard to discipline.
As you can see, I have my work cut out for me. But this exercising of teasing out the specific problems and coming up with a definite plan of action is very empowering. It makes me think I do have control over some of it. If I make my goals small enough and specific enough, I can meet them.
That’s what therapy does for me: provides me an objective view to the big picture, so that I can zoom in on certain areas that need addressing, and a person to keep me accountable to my action toward a solution.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
|
Previous Posts
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post »
The Treasures of Darkness
posted 6:06:40am Feb. 06, 2012 | read full post »
On Groundhog Day: 12 Winter Depression Busters
posted 6:30:47am Feb. 02, 2012 | read full post »
6 Ways to Stay Resilient in Stress
posted 6:00:24am Jan. 31, 2012 | read full post » |
|
||
|
|
||
| click here to see all of our uplifting newsletters» |
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted July 22, 2008 at 11:36 am
I took Zoloft for several years for depression with great results until I missed about 5 days and I had my first full blown maniac episode and received the diagnoses of Bipolar. I felt so good on Zoloft but my pschiarist states it can cause maniac episodes. I find myslef wondering it my care free fun loving self for the last 6 years was just hypomania- I don’t fell alot of joy or enjoyment in things now just sorta BLAH. I am currently on a mood stablizer.
posted July 22, 2008 at 4:44 pm
One of the greatest benefits I’ve received in counseling has been the help I’ve received in problem solving. I’ve had a hard time getting perspective on problems I’m facing. I tend to see them as one big hunk-o-problem, rather than taking things apart and dealing with them one at a time. Counseling has helped me recognize when it is happening, so that I can be proactive rather than reactive, which is my standard modus operandi.
Regarding David, I think it important to remember that he is not you, Therese. He is growing up in a different household, and gets half his genetic material from Eric. I used to project my upbringing, and therefore problems, on my kids when I identified behaviors reminiscent of my own. My counselor would remind me that they were not me, and that their home situation was very different. That is not to say that David might not have challenges to face, but the fact that Eric sees things differently in his behavior than you, is an important consideration. It is so easy to project onto our children.
posted July 22, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Investing in a dog? A good idea anyway! If it were’nt for my animals, I WOULD go nuts! They love me when I’m sane, and even when I’m a puddle of tears, or a screaming lunatic. (although who’d know if they complained to What..the “Board of emotionally consistant Owners”? Also investing in your own emotional future well being…VERY wise move. Otherwise you might not be around to spend it! Love and Laughter(\o/)
posted July 22, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Where David is concerned…Remember as well it’s half nature, half nuture and you got that so right!
posted July 23, 2008 at 5:59 am
I wish i could do my problem solving on my own……can it be done? It is difficult to find a really PRACTICAL therapist and they are so expensive. why cant we problem solve ourselves? will our minds be so clouded?
posted July 23, 2008 at 6:51 am
where is Margaret?
posted July 23, 2008 at 7:43 am
Kay: I’m here; just been experiencing a couple of challenges; depression over turing fifty-nine, magnified balance issues (I fellAGAIN, and flareups of my IBS.
Therese: I don’t see how David could POSSIBLY end up in serious trouble…Look who he has for a mother! He’ll be FINEif you can just relax a bit and listen to the sage advice here on natre versus nature. Reading those books and developing a plan of action both demonstrate how lucky your kids BOTH are to have you! I’m a prime example of a mother who over-stressed that her son’s early behaviors reflected a repeat of my own mood disorders and the accompanying difficulty, but my Ryan is THIRTY now and he’s absolutely FINE! Asa matter of fact, both his fiance and his future mother-in-law both told me recently that he’s the man they’ve both prayed for her to find…in EVERY way! Do’t make Davind even MORE anxious by silently commuicating your misgivings as I did to my Ryan, he recently admitted.
posted July 23, 2008 at 8:17 am
okay friends…time for a huge intervention here…
everybody gather ’round…
NO DOGS THERESE!!!!!! they poop, remember? You’re kids have just recently gotten in the zone of independent pooping and I doubt that the task is fully mastered, and it sounds like your life is like ours and schedule adult pooping is on the horizon if we don’t calm down a bit about the looming school schedule.
so the next time your eyes blur and you dream of kibbles…think: more poop, more poop, more poop…do I need more poop? ; )
posted July 23, 2008 at 8:25 am
good points on the nature vs. nurture….so hard for me this year with some parenting valleys going on…helps that I have 2 best friends with similar age spreads with their kids…
I’ve come up with an adament nature/nurture opinion.
Yes.
50-50.
But…I’ve wasted? at least dallyed too much negative energy on wondering if it’s 49/51…or 20/30 or….what came from mom, what came from DDT, what came from the family that I’ll never know because my mom was adopted and is now gone…
VERY important to consider both sides of the reality…but
50-50. These boys (mine) are who they are and what was, was…and oh god help me the oldest got a drivers permit last week…so
okay.
big day ahead.
breakfast and a cup of joe…good luck to everyone..
posted July 23, 2008 at 8:50 am
Thanks, Kate, but you’re too late. I already have TWO dogs, and one of the barfed all over the floor last night. What I meant was a dog for the blind … but my vision has been better the last few days. Thanks!
posted July 23, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Therese, Therese…. Saving for retirement? If you and Eric were in your mid-50′s, I might understand your concern. But at your age, debt is the price you pay for being home with your children, and there is no better way to live. Yes, I know interest rates are high, and it’s scary without a financial cushion. But this is where faith comes in. You give what you have to your kids (good job in turning down work—turn down MORE and kayak MORE), and God will bless your efforts.
Now here’s a secret: David and Katherine will one day (all too soon) leave your nest and guess what? You will discover that you have LOTS of years left to get that retirement fund filled, and maybe even take on more writing projects. I was absolutely astonished to realize that my best personal years—health, financial blessings and career— didn’t start until I was in my early to mid-fifties.
So try to live for today and stop with the what ifs. I know this is hard, but you dont want to sow a single seed of regret in your later years. So love those children and give them the time they need, and bag the IRAs, at least for now.
posted July 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I totally and completely agree with you that a therapist seems to be able to untangle that whole ball of different pieces of string and lay them out one by one so that we can address the different issues.
It’s one of the reasons I always carry paper and pencil. When it seems a million and one things are going on in my head I start writing them down.
One good thing about that…I tend to “lose” that piece of paper within a day or two!!!
I end up finding it months later but in the mean time either I took care of the problems or they weren’t important enough for me to have to handle.
For some dumb reason it works for me because I feel “secure” it is written down and I have “something” to remind me of things I need to take care of BUT then my Higher Power makes the paper disappear because most of the list are things He is suppose to take care of but of course I am trying to do His job!!!
God Bless,
Nancy aka sixlittlekitties
posted July 23, 2008 at 5:12 pm
I am finally learning to give everything adequate time, rather then thinking I need to jump right in and take action.
sometimes the bigger picture, and clear view is just around the corner.
I think waiting before you give your child a label, that he may or may not own, is a good idea.
Maybe he is very sensitive and creative? I know that that messed me up, though I did not have the guidance that he appears to have from a knowledgeble parent. If taught that it is a gift, it can be a good thing.
Im right there with you about taking on projects, I do it all to often and then stress myself out. Seems like I get all these ideas, and its usually something good for the community, but then when its time to follow through Im exchausted or depressed. I usually follow through anyway, but thoughts of driving into a semi cross my mind daily because it feels to hard. But Ive learned to tell someone Im thinking like that, so I dont have to act on it.
Lori
posted July 23, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Therese–
“I’m hearing you say the same concern in quite a few different ways” is one of the most frequent comments my therapist makes.
And reading what you wrote, I thought of listening to a friend say to her eight-year old child:
You’re whining. I want you to stop. Think about what you want me to help you with. Then you may either ask for help or tell me a grown-up way you would like to solve this problem.
I was so impressed with her request and her daughter’s response that I wrote those sentences down in my journal…to help me say to myself
melzoom
posted July 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm
You and Tamara are an inspiration to me. You are both wonderful moms.
posted July 27, 2008 at 5:21 am
Hello,
I’ve never posted a comment before anywhere–but I happen to be reading this post of yours and had to contact you. The physical symptoms you describe–the ones you attribute to your tumor–(I believe that’s what you said)–I suffered the exact same symptoms for a very long time several years ago. To make a long story short, I was being treated by a whole team of doctors at Johns Hopkins–they eventually discovered that the vision spots, dizziness, general fatigue–were all caused by the zoloft I was taking (and had been for years). Since I was having serious problems with depression, that was the one medication they didn’t want to alter, and so YEARS later (after so many different treatments I won’t even begin to cover them) the “cure” came for my mysterious illness of uncontrollable low blood pressure (vision blurring/black outs/spots upon standing along with dizziness, etc.–all parts of low blood pressure and/or your neurological system not being able to properly regulate your blood pressure) …the relief finally came when I tapered off my zoloft until I was off it completely. Within a couple weeks to maybe a month, all my symptoms were completely gone.
Please look into the other adverse effects of this medication to see if you have other symptoms as well–and look into the possibility of your vision issues and dizziness being blood-pressure related. What you describe is exactly what I had and it was caused by the zoloft, end of story. I currently take another medication–and have had to try several before finding one that worked (or at least kept me functional) without giving me the severe and strange side-effects that zoloft did. I am not anti-zoloft or anything of that sort-I am a supporter of meds or whatever works to help treat depression. Just be aware that even doctors don’t fully know how each of these currently used medications with affect each individual’s unique system. What works perfectly for some can be a neurological toxin to others…Just please look into this possibility and rule it out before searching other avenues. The zoloft didn’t make me ill at first–it took awhile before I started have odd symptoms. And yet I suffered so greatly from depression that my doctor(s)(and even I) was afraid to attempt to stop this precious medication that in fact did help me a great deal for a period of time.
…I just wanted to speak up because I don’t want anyone else to have to go through the years of medical problems that I did when the cause may be right in front of them.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions about my experience, and I wish you well and hope you find out what is causing your symptoms.
Katie
posted July 28, 2008 at 10:53 am
Therese…this post and last monday’s blog about the weeds and the wheat have really been great to think about and discuss. I’ll admit that they are both on my mind so much that (blush) I can’t even remember how much of this great conversation has been with me myself and I or responses here on B’net…or even better…in face to face conversation…
oh wait, I’m remembering…I’ve wanted to have a moment to discuss some of these analyogies with my husband…but it’s been…hectic…
midsummer fog ; )
thanks again for all that you do and the great conversation that follows your hard work Therese.
posted March 1, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Hello. And Bye.