Group Beyond Blue member Rose S. posted a beautiful reflection on Group Beyond Blue called "Letter to a suicidal person from a survivor":
Dear friend,
I am writing this to you both as the survivor of an attempted suicide and as someone who lost a person they loved to suicide.
I have tried on more than one occasion to take my own life. The last time I almost succeeded in completing it, taking 20 Phenobarbital tablets prescribed for seizures downed with a fifth of Jack Daniels.
I felt I was worthless, that no one would ever care about me and that my then-toddler son would be better off without me. But by the grace of God and my son's father who performed CPR until paramedics showed up, I survived with no permanent damage.
So I got help, I signed a no-harm contract, and anytime I am so depressed I don't think life is worth living I look at that worn-out piece of paper and at the face of my now 20-year-old son and realize just how wrong I am. That in his eyes, there is a reason to live, in his face and the faces of his half-brother and his two stepbrothers that I love as if they were my own. I look in the mirror and tell myself that I am worthwhile. My children, though they are adults still need me and I AM loved.
I am telling you this because a young lady I knew, the girlfriend of my 20 year old, completed suicide at age 18. She was funny, smart and beautiful both inside and out. But beneath that exterior lied a troubled child who saw the only way to get rid of her pain was to take her own life. All too often, those we care about are hurting so badly that even we don't see and they choose death as a way of healing, without taking into consideration the effects of those they leave behind.
I am begging you as you read this, to seek help. Talk to a counselor, family member, close friend or minister. Suicide is so final, not only for the person who attempts or completes it, but for those who are left behind to grieve. Stop a minute and think hard before you do whatever it is you plan on doing. You are worthwhile, you are a good person, you are loved.
Sincerely,
A Survivor
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Add to Facebook
Add to StumbleUpon
Subscribe
Does anybody have any answers or help?
Mary, I have read and reread your note. I really need inspiration!! I too had always thought no matter how bad one thinks he has it, he can find someone worse off than himself. Now, I don't know anymore. I am tired!!! Tired of taking handfuls of pills to make it day to day, tired of being able to sleep only 2 or 3 hours and then it is drug induced sleep. Tired of the nightmares when I do sleep. Tired of everyone depending on me. I have broke all ties with all family (except my spouse, 2 grown kids and their spouses, and 4 grands) and all friends and ex-coworkers. Tired of living, tired of the physical and mental pain. I have planned suicide, even drove out of town to hotel so my kids wouldn't find me. So far i have been able to rationalize out of it. But.... it is getting harder and harder. My bad childhood only made me a stronger person, but now I feel defeated!!! Everyone still thinks I can solve all their problems and "fix" everything for them. times I find myself resenting everything!!! Does not help that I am type A personality and have mod to severe OCD. I have been reading posts here a while but this is my first time to write.
Mary, I have read and reread your post.Thanks for the inspiration.
I'm writing because I too, think about suicide 24/7. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm severely lonely and afraid to even try to make friends because they don't understand. My children are grown and don't get it. I'm so confused and so sick of being medicated heavily. Will I EVER be normal?
Read the book by neal walsh. "A conversation with god". It helped me.
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.