Interestingly enough, just as I was contemplating how God really does take care of you when you take care of yourself, I received this note from Beyond Blue Barbara:
I am very happy. I've just been told that I have been hired to teach music at a local elementary school. I first interviewed in late June, but the process has taken a while to play out. I had already been asked to teach at a middle school, but it didn't feel right for me. I prayed for this job because everything felt right - like when I got my current church job. I know that this is the reason I've been without any good leads for the past year. God has given Eldon and me so much, blessed us, and now I get to have the job I wanted.
I just wanted to share this with you. I've learned so much about relying on God this past year. Every time a job passed me by, I thought that it just wasn't what God had for me. I needed to spend some time deciding whether or not I still even wanted to teach. When I was offered the middle school position, I didn't feel any excitement or joy. Instead, I felt conflicted. It is amazing to feel that God has given me this gift of the elementary job. I know that it will bring challenges to growth, but I need only remind myself that God knows what I need, and that I am never forgotten by Him.
When I told Barbara that I had declined a writing assignment that would have been a great opportunity--one that I thought was from God, but gave me anxiety--she wrote more about her process of seeing God in her life:
In reading Margaret's entry from last week on the blog, I know how hard it is to read that God is taking care of someone and feel like, "what about me?" I've occupied that space a fair amount. But for myself, there were a couple of things I needed to move beyond that place.
First, having a friend (in my case my counselor) remind me of the ways God was taking care of my needs, especially when I didn't see it at all. Second, was training myself, to see God's provision in even the smallest things -- seeing them as an embrace from God, especially during Eldon's sickness and my job loss. I can honestly say that I am grateful to God for this past year. I have learned that nothing happens quickly in "Godtime." I hope that I can maintain my gratitude and awareness, yet I know that I am a fickle lover of God. The comfort comes in knowing that my relationship does not depend upon me - it would fail. The greater response is God's - the One who never changes or is fickle. I am an unworthy recipient of God's concern, as we all are, but a thankful one.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
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Larry, I think the way you remember God is faithful, is by the ways I mentioned in my email to Therese. There really isn't anything new or exciting in having someone remind you of all the ways that God has met your needs in the past, or training oneself in seeing God's provision in even the smallest of ways. But when I disciplined myself to do these things, it felt like an amazing discovery - one that has brought incredible joy.
Two things I have prayed for over the years: God's guidance, and an awareness on my part of His action in my life. Those prayers are continuously being answered.
One last thing I learned: when the direction comes from God, it brings joy and peace, not confusion or doubt.
Further thought on "Godtime:" it was a poor choice of words on my part. Let's suppose that Karen is in a bad situation - financial, marital, whatever -- and Karen prays fervently that God responds in a particular way, and God, (not violating her free will) presents a different solution. Karen, because she has her heart set in one way, fails to recognize the different possibility. Karen might say that God failed her. Is God untrustworthy or fickle?
Let's say that Sam is in a shell of a marriage. He prays fervently for his spouse to change in some way. Let's say God is trying to lead Sam in a new direction, but he doesn't "get it." Years go by and during that time Sam begins a process of transformation that leads the marriage to renewal. Do we say that God took a long time to answer prayer, or that Sam took a long time to learn? What if Sam never responds and the marriage ends in divorce: did God fail Sam? Or did Sam do what he wanted with the end result being divorce?
My point is that everything is a process. God is intimately involved in the process, but ultimately, it relies on our response for change to occur. I've had to divest myself of the idea that God is slow to respond - God isn't the problem; I am. It is rather similar to when you are ill or injured. Your doctor tells you to rest and allow your body to heal, but you may think there is something noble in pushing on. Your body heals much more slowly, or maybe not at all.
God's purpose, according to Jesus, is that we experience the Love that the Son has with the Father. I don't think you ever really love someone (even if you think you do), if you can't trust them.
Barbara:
I completely agree that praying for specific outcomes is not only (probably) against G-d's will but counterproductive strictly from an earthly perspective.
Gary Zimmerman, who was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this week, cited a quote from an unusual source for a macho athlete about how his college coach had asked him to play on the offensive line (where he became a star) against his will:
**"As the Dalai Lama once said, 'Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.'"**
(Or, if you're a country music fan, you could take Garth Brooks' song "Unanswered Prayers," which has the same message.)
Of course, here are the questions I trip on:
Is praying for a general sense of relief from depression, and ability to concentrate and focus on doing G-d's will without being crippled -- to the G-d who said "my yoke is easy and my burden is light" -- asking for a specific outcome?
(I don't know, maybe it is. Goodness knows scholars from C.S. Lewis on down have tackled "the problem of pain" without coming up with a definitive answer.)
And then, the even tougher question ... if G-d thinks having pain in our lives will serve some sort of higher purpose, IS THAT PUNISHMENT FOR PREVIOUS SINS?
Larry, I don't think there is a problem with praying specifically. It is when we expect God to respond like a puppet to what we ask. I just had this conversation with my counselor because I was afraid to ask for the job I really wanted. (What if I didn't get it and it further crushed my faith? That was really at the bottom of my fear of asking). My counselor asked if I would treat my children that way. Of course not. So I prayed for what I wanted, but was prepared for a different response. However, my faith told me that if the response was different, it would be in my best interest because that is what God has in mind for us.
I remember Jesus' words, "You don't receive because you don't ask."
Interesting quote from Milan Kundera in "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" on how we experience time:
**"Human time does not turn in a circle; it runs ahead in a straight line. That is why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition."**
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