Last month, I dedicated a day to the topic of women's issues and depression: how our hormonal fluctuations contribute to depression and bipolar disorder. Some readers questioned whether or not the figures were accurate--that twice as many women than men suffer from depression--since so many men are undiagnosed. True. True. True. I have been amazed at how many Beyond Blue readers and members of Group Beyond Blue are male. In fact, some of the strongest voices are men's. (You know who you are.) The topic of male depression was worth researching. The following, from MayoClinic.com tells why depression goes undiagnosed in men and how the symptoms differ from women's:
Each year, depression affects about 6 million American men and 12 million American women. But these numbers may not tell the whole story. Because men may be reluctant to discuss male depression with a health care professional, many men with depression may go undiagnosed, and consequently untreated.
Some men learn to overvalue independence and self-control during childhood. They're taught that it's "unmanly" to express common feelings and emotions often associated with depression, such as sadness, uncertainty or a sense of hopelessness. They tend to see illness - especially mental illness - as a threat to their masculinity. So men may deny or hide their problems until a partner's insistence or a catastrophic event, such as job loss or arrest, forces them to seek treatment.
When they visit their health care professional, men are more likely to focus on physical complaints - headaches, digestive problems or chronic pain, for example - than on emotional issues. As a result, the connection between such symptoms and male depression may be overlooked. And even if they're diagnosed with depression, men may resist mental health treatment. They may worry about stigma damaging their careers or about losing the respect of family and friends.
Symptoms of male depression
In both men and women, common signs and symptoms of depression include feeling down in the dumps, sleeping poorly, and feeling sad, guilty and worthless. Men with depression, however, have bouts of crying less often than do women with depression.
Other symptoms of male depression often include:* Anger and frustration
* Violent behavior
* Losing weight without trying
* Taking risks, such as reckless driving and extramarital sex
* Loss of concentration
* Isolation from family and friends
* Avoiding pleasurable activities
* Fatigue
* Loss of interest in work, hobbies and sex
* Alcohol or substance abuse
* Misuse of prescription medication
* Thoughts of suicideIn addition, men often aren't aware that physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain, can be symptoms of male depression.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
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It makes me sad to read comments like "If my doctor were to refer me to a therapist, I might go just to have someone to talk to, but I don't have high expectations for improvement. I WISH I would improve, and I guess I'd be willing to try about anything at least once if there was some promise."
I have used medication as an aid as I've gone through therapy. It is correct to say that it isn't cheap, but the improvement in my life is worth more.
There is a male in my family who said for years that anti-depressants were for "crazy" people and he wasn't crazy, although to everyone else it was clear he suffered severe depression. He thought therapy was a waste of time, and just a way for psychologists to make money. But as his depression worsened and his wife said either he had to get help, or his marriage was over, he got serious. The prospect of not living with his children made him seek therapy, if for no other reason than to prove to his wife that he was "trying."
The improvement over the past couple of months has been remarkable. They are back together. He realizes how his depressive anger was damaging his children, and for the first time in years, I see him at ease. He is the first one to say that he has more work to do, and is continuing therapy. He seems happy for the first time since I met him. He couldn't "put on" these changes -- he'd tried on his own for years. A therapist is a guide, but the patient has to do all the work. If they are willing it makes all the difference, but so often after a session or two, people say "it doesn't work." There is no magic in therapy, but it is a safe place to learn to understand yourself and learn new ways to think. The young man is only in therapy, not using anti-depressants. But I think it is whatever combination works for you.
The timing here is too weird for me not to throw two cents in. Yesterday, Friday, I was on my way to see my psychiatrist. I have been on medication for depression and anxiety for a few years now and it was and is time for my drug cocktail to be tweaked. I have to use public transportation and I only mention that because when I discovered that I did not have my Xanax with me, I was beyond the point of being able to turn around. I needed some Xanax because I felt the anxiety coming. Sometimes it hits and bowls me over, hangs around a few minutes, and then I start to recover.
But when I get a warning that it is coming, it is like comparing a large storm to some showers. About half an hour later I was in the waiting room and felt like I was being beaten. I was bent over in my chair because it hurt too much to try to sit up. I even considered curling up on the floor. This was the worst episode I'd had in a long time and I was moving passed being too macho or embarrassed to curl up on the floor. My doc finally came in and in the position of holding onto my self, grabbing my arms and holding tightly, bent over and not breathing very well I "walked" to his office. The attack had already gone on much longer than usual. I had expected to reach a certain point of exhausting me and then it would leave.
My doc got me to sit up straight, explaining that while bent over, you can't properly move air. And he had me put my hands down flat on his desk. The rational here was that having something hard and firm for my hands to be on would help.
And the craziest thing happened, he was right. Oh, I had several miserable minutes trying to sit up, remember to breathe, and boy, my hands were planted on that desktop. And of course, he and I are trying to converse about how I came to this situation and what had been happening and so forth. Finally my voice started to sound normal and I didn't have to concentrate on the breathing.
Remember now, all this befell me and I had been on the meds for a few years. I reached the point of acceptance of my mental state some time back. And even with meds, and mostly doing the right things, I still can get hit like this.
If any guy reading this that doesn't want to admit their depression, I understand. I was nearly fifty when I finally reached the point where I couldn't deny it anymore. I was not going to have depression because I was me, and I don't do depression; or so I told myself for a lot of years. Now I have to wonder what life might have been like if I had done something, anything in the earlier years? But I was so deep in denial that it just wasn't going to happen, at least that is what I very deeply believed while I was in denial.
Just to wrap up the story, I have a new drug I am trying. The first ten or twelve hours have been okay. Once again, I think we might be on to something.
Richard
My boyfriend has all the symptoms except the drug problem. But, he had a drug problem years ago before we met. I don't know if he has had thoughts of suicide he really doesn't talk that much about things that are important. I have been telling him that he needs to see someone for over a year now. He say's he is fine. What can I say to him to get him to see someone?
He can be such a great guy when things are going good for him. But, when things go bad just the smallest little thing can set him off. I fell like he could be such a happier person if he could just deal with things and move on. We have gone weeks at a time without seeing each other because I just can not handle his behavior. He will just call out of the blue and be his old self again.
He has 2 sister and 1 has been diagnoised with bipolar disorder. He refuses to see his family at all. He is always invited to the family events but, we never go. He tells his mother and sister that he has to work overtime. His phone never rings because he has no friends. He is always angrey with me because I am on the phone all the time with my kids and friends. I have gotten to the point that I just tell go make a friend and do something I am not the end all to your life. I know it is mean but, some times I just can not take his attitude. If anyone has advice please let me know. Thanks so much Renee.
My son had chronic headaches and stomache and bowel problems, but we had no clue that he was depressed. Now he's gone...suicide. Men need to learn to swallow their pride and talk about what is really wrong. I miss my son and I cry at some point almost every day. If you have suicidal thoughts or think you are just angry and feel that you just have a negative attitude. Check it out. There is help. Men today put too much on the shelf. It's dangerous to hold too much in. And mixing alcohol with depression leads to suicide. You will be missed more than you may ever know. Don't give up.
Wow. Comments from people who have no idea what it's like. Blaming the man:
"Men need to learn to swallow their pride..."
"Men today put too much on the shelf..."
"I know it is mean but [if it's mean, why the "but"?], some times I just can not take his attitude..."
I risked it, and took the time to talk to my wife about my feelings of:
* Loss of concentration
* Isolation from family and friends
* Avoiding pleasurable activities
* Fatigue
* Loss of interest in work, hobbies and sex
Her response? "I had no idea that I had married a pessimist!"
That's why men don't talk.
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