Advertisement
The following piece, “Shadows in Prayer,” written for “America” magazine by my priest friend, Jim Martin, who is like the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus (superstar) of the Catholic publishing and media world, is a fascinating read because it covers absolutely everything that I obsess about on a daily basis and asks the very questions that often plague my prayer life.
And, well, I have to be honest. I was ecstatic to be quoted in this piece among theology profs because I still have a “stupid complex” that goes back to my religious studies days when I could not understand the logic of the trinity. (If you say it’s a mystery, then why do we have to talks about it?) I still can’t believe Hannah Montanan thought to ask me what I thought about depression and spirituality.
Anyway, back to the comprehensive piece … I’ve included a few paragraph below. For the rest of the article, please click here.
Shadows in Prayer: The seven D’s of the spiritual life
One challenge for readers of “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light,” the collection of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta’s letters published last fall, is to distinguish among the terms darkness, dryness, desolation, doubt, disbelief, depression and despair–the “seven D’s.” On a popular level, some journalists, media analysts and bloggers conflated Mother Teresa’s “darkness” with “disbelief.” Christopher Hitchens, the atheist author of God Is Not Great, was not the only one who asked, after reading selections from the book, whether the “saint of the gutters” was a closet atheist. Even devout Catholics had difficulties grasping how Mother Teresa, considered a paragon of faith, could have suffered from a feeling of abandonment by God. While some Catholics saw her example as one of remarkable fidelity, others were disturbed to read such lines as, “I have no faith.” One woman asked me, “How can I expect to pray at all, when even she couldn’t believe?”
Such reactions show how easy it is for the media and the public to be addled sometimes by the complexities of the spiritual life and, also, how confused terminology can become, even among those familiar with prayer.
The “seven D’s,” however, are distinct, and Christian spiritual masters have long used specific terms to refer to distinct experiences. One may experience dryness without depression (for example, during a retreat when one suspects that the period of dryness in prayer is temporary). One may encounter darkness without disbelief (as did St. Thérèse of Lisieux, who continued to believe despite spiritual aridity near the end of her life). Experiences can overlap, too. Darkness can lead to occasional doubt, as in the case of Mother Teresa. And depression can lead, as even atheists and agnostics know, to despair.
Darkness Visible
Darkness has been an important theme in Christian spirituality since St. Gregory of Nyssa in the fourth century. Perhaps the most often quoted source on the topic is St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic. Ironically, he may be the most misquoted as well, as illustrated by frequent references to the “dark night of the soul.” His original 16th-century poem is called simply Noche Oscura, “Dark Night.”
“Dark night,” however, is only one way of describing a particular state of feeling isolated from God. Around the same time St. John was writing, St. Ignatius Loyola wrote of “desolation” in his Spiritual Exercises. So even the most educated Christian can be forgiven for wondering: Are the two saints talking about two phenomena that are the same, or similar or different?
To add to the confusion, where one spiritual director uses “darkness,” another might use “dryness” to describe the same experience. “And sometimes directors can be presumptuous, too,” says Jane Ferdon, O.P., who has trained spiritual directors in California for 20 years. “People may say that they are in darkness, and we spiritual directors assume we know what they’re talking about!”
Perhaps confusion stems not only from an imprecise, overlapping and shifting use of terms but also from a failure to recognize that everyone who prays will at some point encounter many of these states.
What are these states? How do they affect our relationships with God? Lent is a good time to reflect on these categories, not only as a way of taking stock of our spiritual life but also as an invitation to meditate on Jesus’ own expression of isolation on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
What follows is a brief overview of the seven D’s, beginning with some simple definitions, followed by comments from past and present spiritual masters.
Definitions and Descriptions
1. Darkness is a feeling of God’s absence after having developed a personal relationship with God. For St. John of the Cross, there were two types of “dark nights.” The “dark night of the senses” is an experience of one’s own limitations and the removal of attachments to the consolation felt in prayer. It is “an inflowing of God into the soul whereby he purges it of its habitual ignorances and imperfections,” wrote St. John. At a later stage, some experience the “dark night of the spirit,” which is a more profound challenge to faith. But both are steps toward deeper union with God.
Janet Ruffing, R.S.M., professor of spirituality and spiritual direction at Fordham University, describes St. John’s dark night as a “mystical experience of God that overwhelms our normal way of apprehending God, and leads not only to an increase in faith, hope and love, but also eventually into a place of light.” She believes that while almost everyone who prays seriously will encounter the dark night of the senses, relatively few will experience the dark night of the spirit.
An experience of darkness can be a gateway to finding God in the nada, or nothingness, and an entry into the via negativa, the negative way. Ruth Burrows, a Carmelite nun, writes in her book “Essence of Prayer” that God “wants us to trust him enough to live with him unafraid, totally defenseless in his presence. We can truly say that John of the Cross’s teaching has as its sole aim to bring us to this inner poverty.”
A person in darkness feels isolated from God. Yet with patience (whether or not one can identify which “dark night” one is experiencing), one can let go of the need to feel God’s presence constantly and gradually move through the darkness to discover greater intimacy with God.
2. Dryness is a limited period of feeling emptiness in prayer. “Dryness is more temporary than darkness,” says William A. Barry, S.J., author of “God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship.” Anyone who prays will at times feel dryness in prayer, when nothing seems to be happening. “There is little in the way of sensible consolation,” Father Barry said in an interview.
These natural parts of the spiritual life can increase our appreciation for richer moments. One never knows what kind of inner change occurs during “dry” times, and being with the living God in prayer is always transformative. As a Jesuit novice, I once confessed to my spiritual director that nothing was happening during my prayer. It seemed a waste of time. “Being in the presence of God is a waste of time?” he asked.
Much as even a close friendship goes through some quiet or dull times, so our relationship with God may go through dry patches. But being with a friend in such times is necessary if the friendship is to be sustained and grow in intimacy.
3. Desolation is feeling God’s absence coupled with a sense of hopelessness. St. Ignatius Loyola describes it as “an obtuseness of soul, turmoil within it, an impulsive motion toward low and earthly things, or a disquiet from various agitations and temptations.” It is more than feeling dejected or sad. “Desolation is often confused with simply feeling bad,” says Barry. “But it’s more accurate to say it is a feeling of estrangement from God.”
Margaret Silf, a columnist for America and author of “Inner Compass: An Invitation to Ignatian Spirituality,” notes that desolation has a quality of isolation. “Those in desolation are turned away from the light of God’s presence,” she told me, “and more focused on the shadows.” Father Barry agrees. “In desolation it’s more about the person than it is about God,” he says. “Ultimately this leads to despair.”
Desolation is distinct from St. John’s dark night. In desolation, writes St. Ignatius, one is moved toward a “lack of faith” and is left “without hope and love.” In the dark night the opposite is happening, as one moves toward complete abandonment to God. “For the one experiencing this, it may be easier to see this in retrospect,” says Janet Ruffing. “But in the Ignatian worldview, the dark night is actually consolation.”
The desolation Ignatius describes may seem far removed from the lives of average Christians. But it is a common, painful state experienced by many people, coupled as it is with feelings of “gnawing anxiety,” as Ignatius puts it. He counsels that in these times one should, among other things, redouble one’s efforts in prayer, remember times when God seemed more present or remind oneself that it will eventually pass. He also reminds us that all the fruits of prayer are really gifts from God, which we cannot control.
For the rest of the article, please click here.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
|
Previous Posts
How Do You Heal Loneliness?
posted 6:33:10am Feb. 16, 2012 | read full post »
Rewire Your Brain For Love: An Interview with Marsha Lucas, Ph.D.
posted 6:00:56am Feb. 14, 2012 | read full post »
Love Deeply ...
posted 6:00:28am Feb. 13, 2012 | read full post »
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post » |
|
||
|
|
||
| click here to see all of our uplifting newsletters» |
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted March 20, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Thank you for a thoughtful article on aspects of the dark side of spiritualism. Many of us find ourselves facing these seven D’s and some cannot come out. I pray for them.
Peace unto you
Love all
Christine
posted March 20, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Don’t forget the “B” of betrayal today — in Gethsemene, and with Judas for a piece of silver …
posted March 20, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Dear Therese,
For the last two months, I’ve been in and out of programs at McLean and Somerville Hospital in Massachusetts struggling with my anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. At sixteen, it has been hard to other kids who know how I feel. But bit by bit, I’ve been able to find supports. Ironically, one of them is your Guardian Angel, Ann. Angels really do exist, and moving next to a support such as Ann was pure luck. Your insight and creativity is inspiring—though I’m back in McLean for day treatment for my suicidal urges, reading your site is hope in a dark time. Thank you.
posted March 21, 2008 at 12:44 am
Dear Kelsey,
” I said a prayer for you today
And know that God must of heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word.
I didn’t ask for wealth or fame
( I knew you wouldn’t mind.)
I asked Him to send treasures
of a more lasting kind.
I asked that He be near you
At the start of every day;
To grant you health and blessings,
And friends to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things, great and small
But it was for His loving care of you
I prayed the most of all.”
And I shall continue to pray for a girl with the beautiful name of: Kelsey; whose name means:
” Victorious Ship!”
posted March 21, 2008 at 5:26 am
This was so enlightening for me! As most long time members of our eyond Blue family are aware, I have been feeling like a hypocrite anout my relationship with G-d. Reading thiswonderful discussion has helped me to see that I’ve merely been goig through a transition within my faith; one that could (hopefully) actually bring me an even CLOSER relationship once I’ve muddled through. What a great epiphany for Easter weekend! thanks, Theres (and Fr.Jim, of course. Today I ca actually view my feeling of hypocrisy as a BLESSING!
posted March 21, 2008 at 6:02 am
I have never had this explained to me so clearly. It made me feel so much better. It is hard for me to pray in the darkness. I never lose my faith though. I just feel like I have committed the great sin. Which makes the darkness even darker. I was told that if you feel like you have committed the great sin, and still want to talk to God even when you can.t. Then you have not committed it. Just a thought. I am on my way out of the darkness. and cannot wait for church on Sunday. I feel good. Like I knew that I would. So goes the song. There is great healing in the darkness. I think it is because in the darkness we become very still. Easy for God to work.
posted March 21, 2008 at 10:20 am
Thank you for these descriptions of the various experiences we have during our spiritual life. I have never heard these explained so distinctly.
Another Biblical example of our shortcomings as believers is …John the Baptist. After serving a ministry of preparing the way for the Messiah, John ends up in prison. John had the unique blessing of having the Holy Spirit even from the womb.(Luke 1:15) John baptizes Jesus (Matt 3)and witnesses the reactions of God the Father (“this is my son”) and God the Spirit (lands on Jesus as a dove. And yet in Matt Chapter 11 we see an imprisoned John the Baptist send messengers to Jesus with a question. “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”
Like John we become imprisoned as human beings. Sin does that. However, on Easter weekend we can be reminded that we have been “set free”. Jesus’ response to John is for us also…”The blind see..the lame walk…the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them…”
Maybe the “eighth D” of our spiritual life should be “delight”.
posted March 21, 2008 at 2:12 pm
It sounded like I added the “B” of betrayal in an arch/flip manner, I realize now, but I really didn’t mean it that way.
In this disease, our very minds betray us. How do we deal with it with the grace and acceptance that Jesus did Judas’ betrayal and the other disciples’ fecklessness at Gethsemene?
posted March 21, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Theresa, i really find your site, very spiritual and helpful. i go through depression everyday. difficult but still i pray.
i prayed for the Lord to spare my daughter’s life with the two small children and take mine.
there was a prayer at the end, that prayer was beautiful. i want to thank you just for being here. you bring light into life. thank you very much. May God bless you every day.
You know it was strange one night i was sleeping and awoke, at least i think i did. A lady was carrying a try from my bedside. that was 3 nights ago, and i still think about it. May God bless.
posted March 21, 2008 at 3:15 pm
sorry, i made a mistake in the last post. instead of try beside by bedside, i meant to say tray. thank you
posted March 22, 2008 at 8:46 am
Thank you so very much for sharing this article. I have lived in each of these D’s over the last 5 years and this really helps me to understand it. So many have made me to feel even worse by saying “If you are a Christian, how can you feel this way”. I wondered the answer myself. Now I know, as over the past 5 months I have spent more time in prayer and searching and feel closer to God than ever. I am in the worst place in my life ever, going through a divorce, no job and moving to a place where I don’t know anyone but I have to say the worst feeling I get is sadness and I am able to pray through it. That is so powerful, as a year ago I would not have ever believed I could be this close to God and going through these while remaining so upbeat. My hope is that I have gone through this to provide evidence to my soon to be X that God is real and does take care of those who seek him. Or anyone else for that matter, it is so true, you just have to ask him and have the faith that he will be there in his time and his will.
posted March 22, 2008 at 8:55 am
Thank you so much for posting this article. I had spent several years in each of the D’s and had never had them explained to me. Over a year ago now,my mother-in-law, committed suicide and she was a Christian, so this caused me even more despair than I can explain, because my husband is an agnostic and you can imagine what this did to him. Well, I have spent the last 5 months getting closer to God and now live in peace. However, as a result, I am going through a divorce, without a job and moving to a place where I will be all alone but with my relationship with God where it is now, I can honestly say, the worst feeling I get is sadness and I just draw closer to him. I realize that I had to go through all the years of living in the D’s to survive this place in my life today. I just hope that others (especially my soon to be X), can see by my testimony that what you have explained in this article is exactly how it works. I could not have explained my experience and journey to God’s grace any better than this article. He is just waiting for us to turn it all over to him, it’s that simple. You can find the joy.
posted March 23, 2008 at 6:17 am
I go though these 7 D’s alot especially since Christmas. I believe I’m a Christian there’s no question in that. It’s just how much my faith can be judged. I suffer from depression & anixity & when I’m streched to the limit I pray to Jesus & mediate with my spirit & angels & I feel I don’t get answer & even sometimes there’s a busy signal. One thing I am is impatient. I can only take “ringing off the wall” & “busy signals” just so long. I know I gotta learn to be more patient with Jesus, spirits, & angels. Because as they say “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. So pray for me to have more patiences with Them.
posted March 24, 2008 at 1:11 pm
This article was very moving for me since I see so many things when I am sleeping. I saw the darkness and felt the air leave my lungs. Did I cry out for Creator? Did I say I am a good Christian? No. I knew that if the air did not refill my lungs I was going to be with Creator and that would be the best of the best. I don’t know what it is to be a Christian. I only know depression, dryness, and all of the other “d” words that jump off a page. My connection to Creator is just that a connection that does not rely on mankind’s definitions. It is a connection that is pure and fills my needs.
I hope that all who are being uprooted (divorced, etc.) in a sustained life know now the levels that you have grown and will continue to grow when you let go of definitions and give that energy to your connection with Creator.
Bless you all.
posted March 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I am unequivocally a follower of Christ. I was doing OK being educated and had stuff. Then, bad things began happening to my health and my finances. It seems every time I got a job it would be lost. Then, unemployment ran out. Job searches yielded nothing. I stopped buying anything that was not food or gasoline. Then, there was nothing else. I would weep in my sleep. I would wake up about 2a.m. and cry and cry and cry, asking God why this nightmare was happening. I burst into tears at times all day for the constant sadness. There was no joy. There was no music (my soul is always singing. I am a praiser!). It was so desparate I thought it would kill me. Today, my circumstances are no better generally. I’ve been jobless about a year, but something has happened in my soul: There was a night just past I had a dream wherein I sang and danced all night long being the fire before the altar of the Lord. Suddenly I understood my real purpose and passion in life–and it has nothing to do with money or the lack thereof at all. I can tell you today that there will be a season of weeping in every soul, but joy will come with the brillance of day. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
posted March 24, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I echo the sentiment of many of you here. Being a Christian does not always shield us from the dark specter of depression. I have gone thru it myself off and on over the last 20 years (about the time I graduated from high school and was thrown into the ‘real’ world) but it reached its peak over the holidays, and even through Easter- the standard of new life and hope. I too, have spent countless hours in prayer, feeling abandoned and left alone. The events in the last 6 months or so (job loss, family deaths, falling out with friends, internal struggles) made me wonder if it was worth and what the deal was. I have good days and bad days, we all do. But even at my worst, I keep my focus on Jesus, and I can see the light of Resurrection of my own soul, when He rolls my tombstone away and lets me out. amen
posted March 24, 2008 at 5:43 pm
I allways pray my rosery every day, 6 days a week i am home alone, with out my churh holy hill and my constent pray I think some time’s I don’t know where I would be..I came up to wisconsin allmost 4 year’s this july, I have’nt been able to make freind other then in church and that the only time i even have some form of another human in my life, When I left florida, i left because i had nothing but struggle there. I miss my family and my sisters are my freinds. So i now that in my heart that when the time comes to move i know it will be closer to florida most likely nother of fla. And take one day at a time, my children are moved on now, my one son in the navy and married and two beauitful grand-children, and the other son still lives in fla, and he the cook.. And a great one at that. No regreats just going the course, that has been choosen for me.
God Bless
Denise Johnson
wisconsin
posted March 24, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Depression, Hopelessness, despair!!! I have come to think these states of emotion are meant for a purpose. For myself, I realize these emotions come when I want something that I was not meant to have at a certain point in my life. This could be a job, a relationship, a material position. I wanted things that would anchor me to things in this life on earth. It is easy to stop praying or to develop a “dry” relationship with God because of my lack of control of what is happening in my life. It is easy to get frustrated with not knowing God’s plan. Yet, I know God is probably saying, “When are you going to have faith. When will you see that I know where you need to go. Let me be the driver. Let me show you the way. Stop looking to do it yourself. Stop blaming everyone for your feelings, your situation, your lack of faith.”
My prayer for today- God take away the darkness, show me yourlight, your love, and the way I should go.
PJ
posted March 25, 2008 at 1:00 am
I think every ‘God fearing’ person goes through stages where ‘doubt’ will come lurking. It can be hard to believe what we cannot see. For me it is always a choice. If in doubt I chose to believe. I can go outside on a dark night and look up into heaven and see there are millions of stars. Then I am reminded that my brilliant little brain has no way of understanding all the wonders out there, and they may never be revealed to me. And as long as we here on Earth fight each other like cats and dogs we have a long way to go before we understand our creator. My grandmother said that we who believe in Christ are no better than other people, but we feel better. I choose to believe, and I know I feel better when I do. And sometimes I think about the modern miracles. If a person from the 16th century woke up and saw that we can flip a switch and have light, can drive a car and fly an aeroplane, he would think he saw miracles. Thus I am sure we need not bother our brains with what we do not yet understand. Some day it may come to pass. Meanwhile I remember a little verse I was given at the age of 14: Are you disgusted with life, little girl? Do something for somebody, quick! Few things work better than that advice!
posted March 25, 2008 at 8:29 am
I am still personaly convinced that the root of my own depression comes from the fact that we are separated from the immediate presence of God. To leave Paradise and His side to come down here and cope with a wicked world so entwined with an evil presence…that is hell! Once, we were safe in the womb, next thing you know some rude white-coated walking god-complex smacks you on the posterior and that’s your introduction to this world. Trust me that’s the high point…it gets worse from there on. Until you reach 18 (should you survive puberty) you have zero control over your destiny! In hot pursuit of “the american dream”,loving husband, six figure salary, summer house in the hamptons,2.5 children and a dog, but still something missing. What could it be? Here’s my own theory…it all comes down to this…Why are we here? Each and every one of us has a purpose and a destiny in God’s overall plan but I believe he protects us from ourselves. Society has certain benchmarks that don’t fit into His point of view. He values our love most of all.(It is mercy I desire and not sacrifice) He values our efforts to help one another (when you have done the least for one of these, you have done it for me) He values the time we take from this materialistic world to think about and talk to Him (be still and know that I am God) So in him we have a Father who loves for who we are and not what we have! So do you still want to know why I’m so pissed off to have to be stuck here?
posted March 25, 2008 at 8:54 am
P.S. One more tincy little thing that drives me up the wall…”My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I have listened to more than one preacher say Jesus felt abandoned for the moment left alone in his suffering with mankind and their sin. Do you think for a moment that HE did not come in full knowledge of ALL that was to take place? He was our passover for all time. That is to say He caused the angel of death (to our souls) to pass over and leave us unharmed. He was the ultimate sacrifice, the lamb without blemish…perfect in the eyes of God. He was never abandoned! ( I will never leave you nor will I forsake you.) Has anyone noticed He is quoting Psalms 22? He was teaching from the cross. He was verifying for us that His coming was foretold in the scriptures. Read on how it mentions of the wounds he suffered, the scourging, even how the soldiers would cast lots for His clothing! This was written of in the old testament and fufilled in the new. Proof to me at least that the word of God is true!
posted March 31, 2008 at 10:10 am
I sometimes also feel despair, loneliness, and think that God is not with me. My husband and I are going through hard times right now and I know now that this is a test between myself, the devil and the Lord. I know deep down in my heart that if I believe in the lord he will sooner or later make all things possible through his word. My husband and I recently found a church we like and are going every Sunday. I know that whatever happens in our lives, we sometimes have no control over. I have come to also realize that everything that happens is just a circumstance and if we truly believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as our Saviour he will watch over us. Also if we ask him for guidance he will lead us in the right path. We can not expect him to answer our prayers right away as miracles do not happen overnight, but in due time, one way or another he will give us the guidance we need to help us succeed in life. We just have to believe in him and, due to the devil trying to over take us and get us to follow him, this is not an easy task but we have to keep our faith strong with the Lord Jesus Christ our true Saviour and Messiah.
posted March 31, 2008 at 3:06 pm
How can I get to the other 3-4 taht are not on this page?? I enjored the article, and then I couldn’t figure out how to read the rest of it; with nothig at the bottom of the page, excep comments??
posted March 31, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Vicki,
I believe the link you’re looking for may be within the posted article rather than at the bottom. I see four links, including one titled “For the rest of the article, please click here.”
I hope that helps!
Beliefnet_Tiger
Community Monitor
Beliefnet.com
posted April 2, 2008 at 4:37 pm
always remember, when two or more are gathered, god is with them, and divine prayer,meditatiations,and intimacy,all in agreement in the simplest form………
posted April 4, 2008 at 11:51 am
There is little correlation between Spirituality and Religion.Spirituality is non denominational and religion is foundational based on biblical beliefs or scriptures. I don’t understand what is so hard to grasp. Your relationship with your spirituality is just like a human relaionship. You get out of it what you put into it. A person has choices this way and can commit to a level that is comfortable to them.
posted June 13, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Right now I’m dealing with having to let my daughter go live with her dad, she is 15 but has been very hard to reach does not respect me and has also go as far as hitting me,when this situation started taking place I started to get her help, appartmently she is a borderline biopalar , doet it justify her actions towards me no, but this has been the hardest decesion I have to have made, and even though I do cry at night I ask god to help me through this time I know that her dad will take care of her but just to give me strength to get through this challenge, she is my only child and I have basically raised her and of course she would go visit her dad for the holidays but now I guess I will be doing it ..
posted September 29, 2008 at 9:14 am
Betty, I remember my daughter’s first time, ‘going to live with her Dad’. It was extremely hard for me too. I had raised her by myself until that time and she was 14. She was also my only child. I really had to let the strings loose but I felt like if she loved me, she would eventually see it through and come home, and that is exactly what she did. So keep the faith. Sometimes children don’t know how to communicate what they are feeling and the best way for them to respond to their actions is to be removed so they can get a perspective on what are their reactions. My daughters has since been killed in a car accident so that brief period ‘going to live with her Dad’, seems like something the Lord had more control over than she did. Moms and daughters have such a difficult relationship in this culture but pray for her to come home and for strebght and I am sure she will grow to see where her heart lies.
posted September 30, 2008 at 3:50 am
God is supreme,kindest,most compassionate,most opulent,most handsome and beautiful and the source of all bliss,joy,immortality,beautiful,virtuous.
When infidels stray away from him, they lose their mental and physical faculties and are condemned to ruin and misery of their own making.
Sid
posted September 30, 2008 at 8:07 am
Mother Teresa was sent to this earth to show us all many things. One of which is that we are all human and sometimes our emotions over ride our circumstances and what we should do. We should never talk
about a person unless we have walked where they walked and lived the life they led. Anyone who has a opinion of her writings should pray about the poor, the needy, the hopeless, the dying, and should go to
Calcutta and some o f the places where she ministered. Her life is a true testimony of Faith, Hope, and Love for and of God. God is only a prayer away. He can’t answer the prayers He doesn’t hear.
posted September 30, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Betty – I love the response you got from Doni. Please keep the faith and know that God will heal your pain if you give Him the situation; step back and let Him work a miracle in your daughter.
I have a similar situation with my son. We will include you and your daughter in our prayers at Bible Study. Our God is God of miracles and we must put our trust in Him if we want to live a life of victory. Best of Luck to you.
posted October 1, 2008 at 12:17 am
I had to let my 3 girls go when they were like 11,10 and 5.Hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I had to send them to live with their father. 20 years later we all have a wonderful relationship and although some wounds still exist they are bearable.I thought I had lost my girls, but what is born to the heart is never truly lost.The day will come when you and your daughter can again be close.In the meantime let go and let God!
I will be praying for you, for your daughter, for her father, and for all children who have lost their way somehow.