So true. The key word in all things of this type is: Attitude.
If we can harness this slippery thing (attitude), we can accomplish almost anything. The key is to realize; we become what we think.
Hopefully, we strive for humanity, and Love.
Thank you.

I am recently recovering from M.E and this is so true. It is good to realise exactly where one is going wrong and to learn to think more of ourselves first befre we can help others.

My work is in the field of aging beautifully. Having clear boundaries is one of the things that fosters deep self respect. When we project self confidence it shows on the face, in our good posture and in the tilt of the chin. Having boundaries keeps women of any age, but particularly those moving into their sixties, seventies and eighties from being taken for granted by others and being talked “down too” by others. Studies show that having a positive perception of aging increases our lifespan too. Dr.Ilene Cummings ps. Love your take on this subject!

Hey, it only took me to be the age I am (73) to realize I can’t be all to everyone. People have told me for year to take care of myself and I almost found out the hard way. I’ve been putting every one else first and I take the left over. Now I can finally say the word “Sorry, but no I can’t take on any more responsibility right now.”
When my home issues as more settled, hopefully I’ll have time.
Believe it or not People do understand! (and surprisingly you’ll be respected and still liked.)

All I can say about this is AWESOME. I worry too much about other people’s stuff because I want to help them. It is not always possible. Thank you for these stages. Something to think about.

I have recently found the book BOUNDARIES by Cloud and Townsend to be extremely helpful in helping me set my own boundaries. Feeling overwhelmed affects my physical self, since I have MS. Setting boundaries may make me appear selfish to some, but helps me feel so much better, physically and emotionally.

Thank you, thank you, thank you…..I needed someone to outline a quick fix to letting my good nature mature without people abusing it!!!!!! You made my day…now I know why I feel like I have to live in a “cave” for a while to re-eergize myself…..

I’ve known for a long time that I have boundary issues but I have yet to resolve them. I still say yes to everything and try to do everything and try to be everything. Well, my body is now screaming at me to stop. Over the last couple of months I have had severe headaches and within the last 2 weeks I have neck, shoulder, and upper back pain so bad that I can’t even move sometimes. I know it is caused from stress. If I am more rested I don’t feel the pain and soon as something starts to cause me the slightest stress the pain starts right up. Yesterday it was so bad that I couldn’t lift my head up. I had to raise my head by pushing up my chin with my hand. In other words, if I don’t change how I am then how I am is going to destroy my health. Maybe then people will stop asking and taking. You see?..Just writing that last sentence stating “people will stop asking and taking” I am overcome with guilt. “How can you write that about your kids? mom? friends?……what a terrible person you are!” So imagine what I am like with my kid or whoever standing right in front of me asking? I don’t know….if I will ever change.

All I can say is one day at a time. Read the 10 Steps to Better Boundaries Article herre by Terry Bourchard and maybe you will have an easier time with the concrete tasks suggested therre. I really like the suggestion to schedule in “ME” or self care time, like bubble bath time or gym time. Then you have your appointment in your book and it is just as important as any other appointment. Yes, REALLY! You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of you first!!!

Thanks for yet another helpful way to analyze my current boundary issue. I’m happy to say that I am at #3, because I have recently started reconnecting with myself. In one short year I had put all of my dreams and plans on the back burner and it caused resentment in a few important relationships. But, my frustration wasn’t with the other people–it was with myself for not respecting myself.
THAT IS WHAT I HOPE REBECCA RETURNS TO READ AND UNDERSTAND. God has shown me that there is a fine line between selflessness and self-respect! Diane stated that we can’t take care of others if we are not taking care of our self, and that is so true. If we are not totally healthy and happy then we are not properly caring for or able to tend to others. I think it’s important to model self-respect to your children. Show your kids that you respect yourself and so should they—they may grow up and lack respect for you because you don’t respect yourself, as well as, allow others to disrespect them later in life because the are a product of you. I think your kids should be enough motivation to treat yourself better. How can you care for them if you become physically unable to do so…
God allows everything to happen for a reason, everything! Your painful stress is a sign, something God allowed, to point out how over extended you are with giving yourself to others. We need time to ourselves and time with God. And you should be prepared for the possibility that people will get offended and mad at you when you do so. People that expect another “yes” from you will take it personal when you say “no.” YOU MUST REALIZE AND REMEMBER WHEN THAT DOES HAPPENS, THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH BUT EXERCISING SELF-RESPECT AND THOSE ANGRY PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY ACTING SELFISH! You can still give by giving them love and understanding when they do get upset, because they have never heard a no” from you. People that are close to you should understand when you explain your new commitment to yourself. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if they lack understanding of your initial attempts to respect yourself. The article with 10steps/suggestions for setting boundaries is helpful to plan YOUR day and time alone so that you are prepared to say no. But, if a family member thinks their need is more important than a bubble bath then BLAME IT ON GOD, he won’t mind at all. Tell others that you have personal time blocked, bible study, prayer time, whatever, and that your committed to that time and to God is important to you and you don’t plan to lie or bail on GOd (our relationship with God is the most important anyway). Spending more time with GOd will provide you will divine energy and healing and many creative ways to address your want to give while respecting yourself in the process.
It was heart breaking to read your (Rebecca) post about pain and then close with “I don’t think I’ll ever change.” You must want to change, I can’t imagine that you don’t, and I think becoming a better person for your children is a blessed motivation to do so.
I hope you have started some plan of action, or start one very soon. And I hope that you discover certain people (expected or unexpected) who are willing to support your new alone time and even help you find more time to heal yourself.

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