Grief vs. Depression: VERY important distinction. We are so often thus affected by the loss of a loved one, but a vital point , I think, is that the loss isn’t always a physical death. It is also the (sudden OR gradual) loss of connection with someone necessary and dear. An example is the emotionally unavailable parent or guardian, or sentimental love vs. a completely involved love. That is very confusing and extremely frightening to a child. Not being able to define this or articulate this, the child doesn’t understand the terrible dynamics of the situation. How does the child ask for help? How can the child respond honestly to the question: how are you?.
I need to go, but I have learned some things about this issue and wish I had more time….

In my own mind, with apologies to the world of baseball, I think of depression as grief on steroids; it whallops with a “homerun’ kind of pain and renders the sufferer virtually INCAPABLE of his or her normal daily functions such as career or family obligations

It has occurred to me that…it matters more what’s going on inside my skull than without. If I’m in a depressive state then stubbing my toe is a major meltdown! Sometimes it’s just a matter of playing the waiting game. Staying in soft denial until I’m in a place emotionally where I can cope. I am, at my core, a very strong faith anchored individual. Given the ocasionaly challenging circumstances, and moments of human frailty how I react to REAL grief or major loss depends on how I’m feeling at the time. Being out of control scares the crap out of me!

grief-versus-depression: when I was in both, I had no idea of the difference. I’d love to know more about how to tell when one becomes the other. Grief Counseling, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and friends all helped, but it got worse. Mornings were the worst. I would get up (only because the dog just had to go out), get dressed and leave the house. During the day I felt better, till at night I felt in a much better place. During the night while I slept, it was as if a huge bird picked me up and dropped me back in the lowland slime-swamp. I awoke just as depressed as the morning before, for weeks on end. Finally I was told I needed chemical help to get me out of that deep hole. That’s what worked.

In the year 2007, I lost three very close family members. My mother, next my oldest son, which was very sudden and very traumatic, and then four weeks after my son, my only sister. I have been consumed with grief, because it was too many, too fast. Acceptance now over my mother has lifted me a bit out of her loss. The sudden loss of my son, is unbearable grief and I can see it being prolonged because I am heartbroken. I don’t think I have even begun to grieve my sister.
The loss of my son stopped me in my tracks, I’ve tried grief therapy, medications, positive thinking, pushing on, baby steps. I’ve run the gamut on his loss. Faith and prayers and allowing myself to feel the pain, works best for me.

Within ten months I lost my husband of 42 yrs. and my mother. This was in Oct. of 2005 and I am still grieving for my husband. I have been to grief therapy and am now on medication for depression and panic attacks. I don’t feel the therapy helped me one bit and as for the medication all it does is make me feel like a zombie. My therapist told me I have been grieving for too long and to stop grieving. It is much easier said than done. I have tried my family doctor, therapist and a psychiatrist, where do I go next?

I lost my 23 year old son Justin suddenly in a car crash.This happened in September ,2005 almost 3 years ago.My grief is unbearable,it seems like it just happened.Feeling the pain works best for me also.I don’t have a choice anyway.My thoughts and prayers are with all of you who are grieving.

I, too, lost my husband (suicide) and mother within 2 months of each other – both totally and completely debilitating experiences. Grieving has been slow and sporadic as I’ve had to be there for my father. I’ve since remarried but, there is still grief and feelings of guilt over my late husband. I truly believe that, no matter how much therapy (counseling or medicinal) one receives, a person doesn’t ever ‘get over’ a loss as devastating as losing a loved-one.

This message is especially for Antoinette Mariani. Stop that medication a get yourself in a church where they have Sunday or bible classes. Start the classes immediately to get your mind off of your problems. If you have garden, start gardening. Plant prennial that will come back every year. Most importantly keep yourself busy and active.
God Bless you and I am praying for you because I have been there myself before. All praises go to God.

I lost my son in a tragic car accident in Dec. of 2001
My life has changed so much, I can not tell you the pain or how there is a part of me inside that is dead and I can’t get it back. I have his son, my grandson that was born in May 2002 after his death. I know this was Gods help for me. I don’t think I could have lived on if not for my sweet grandchild.
My health has gone completely down since my son’s death.
Most of the time I don’t want to live. Don’t get me wrong I love my Daughter and my 3 beautiful Grandchildren,but I can’t seem to get back the enjoyment of life anymore.
My husband, whom is not the Father of my children is not real understanding. He has problems too. He has some mental problems that are very hard to deal with sometimes. I am 60 years old and I don’t want to get a divorce and be alone. I love him, but life is not easy most of the time.I would appreciate any feed back, I thought maybe it would help me to talk about it.

I lost my brother in a car accident in April 2005. Since then I have lost 4 people (3 relatives, 1 friend) that I was close to. I have not gotten any grief therapy and I am beginning to think that I should. I go through times of just crying about anything. I would appreciate any feedback.

I lost me brother January 2004. We were only 11 months apart.
Gardy was mentally handicapped as well as physically handicapped.
I became his legal guardian at the age of 20. So, I became his parent as well as his older sister. Gardy could not see, walk or speak. But he had the gift of sound. It has been such a life altering experience for me.
At times, my friends, family say they can “feel” his presence around me. I can feel his presence around me. The grief is so real. Like it “just” happened.
I have come to terms with the loss of Gardy. I have now see life the way he did. Gardy saw no judgment. He loved completely. I send my blessings to those who are in a deep state of grief. May you become “released” of the heaviness and find the gift your loved ones have passed on to you.

This message is for Jeanne.I also lost my 23 year old son suddenly in a car crash in 2005.Yes,your heart is broken just like mine is.My grief was unbearable until I got Peace of Mind just recently through a Medium at a friends house with a number of people. A long story short
I am now grieving in a HEALTHY way thanks to some information from this lady.I was in a very ugly,dark place and I did not want to live,it hurt to much.Yes my heart is still broken but peace of mind is as they say PRICELESS !I have read a number of grief books also.Yes it does help to talk about it,you have to.You are in my thoughts and prayers.You are so lucky to have his child,I wish I did!

I am commenting especially to Jeanne. I lost my 23 year old son to a viral infection. He was sick for 2 weeks and in the hospital. They treated him with antibiotics but said that it was viral and would have to run its course. He had flu symptoms and diahrrea. He had a lot of body aches especially in his legs. After about 8 days, they sent him home, told him to drink gatorade and soak in the tub to ease the discomfort in his legs. Within 1 day, he was back at the hospital and they admitted him back. I talked to him on Tuesday night and he told me that he felt better and would probably come home the next day. At around 6:00 in the morning, his wife (of only 4 months) called hysterical and said that he had coded. I hoped, screamed, prayed and totally freaked out hoping that I could get there. I didn’t make it and I lost my baby. The love of my life. I know the exact feelings that you describe. I too wanted to die myself. I went into a deep depression and didn’t think I could come out. I know what you mean by something in your heart dying. He was a part of you and your heart. In my opinion, that hole can never be filled. It is just a missing piece of you life puzzle. Amazingly, with anti-depressants, lots of therapy and reading many many spiritual books, I feel much better. This was 5 yrs. ago and it seems like yesterday. My marraige didn’t survive the stress but it was rocky before this happened. I am a new woman and I have to be strong for my other son and my deceased son’s wife. It has made me much stronger and much more spiritual. I feel for you and I hope that even though the pain won’t ever go away, that you can learn to enjoy the good things in your life. God bless you! Debbie

I thought it was just me feeling like this,but I see many of us share the same feelings. There are some people that just don’t understand. They give advise and to these people it sounds so simple, but it is not.Reading these articles has helped me more than anything to know that others feel my pain and loss. My husband and I was married for 37 years when he passed. I took care of my father till he passed, my mother till she passed, 7 years after my dad, then my husband who passed last year. We were just beginning to have our own time for each other, as we had five kids to raise, he was 58 yrs. and started getting sick. He had small cell lung cancer. I took care of him at home and watched him die for 8 months. It seems like it was just yesterday. I hurt every day. I was going to take my life 2 weeks after his death, and admitted myself for treatment. I couldn’t talk to anyone, I managed to just come home and try to deal with this. I see a psychiatrist, for anxiety issues, and depression. I hurt so much.I know it has been only alittle over a year, but people say it’ll get better, does it? I feel like I am in a daze most of the time. Confused, upset, sometimes laughing on the outside but crying on the inside. I’ve been kept very busy with work, and grandkids, but the minute I am alone, all I do is think about him. I am still in the same house where he passed, I was told maybe I should move, but I don’t know if that would really help.I want to thank you for having this website where I could get some feelings out and read some others. It is painful,you hurt, and no one really understands unless they have been there. Being with someone else helps from feeling alone,but does not take the hurting away.

my boyfriend lost his grandmother a year ago and ever since then he just hasn’t been the same he is lacking in areas of his life to where he needs to be strong he has just gotten off of drugs and is still drinking he’s content with working so hard for little dollors and he is worth so much more. our relationship has dewindle because of his depression please what can i do to help him

After having been ruined by a local hospital who closed him up with a staph infection after a bypass, he became a very ill person. One life-threatening illness after the other.
But on Halloween 2005 he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and was gone on Thanksgiving.
You would think I would have been prepared for this, considering the amount of time he was not at home – but I was somewhere in Egypt. I was also the cheerleader who helped him get through everything, and I thought we would have time to research various options.
I am agoraphobic, have panic attacks and depression for a long time.
Our relationship was a codependent one, and of course I now spend long periods of time alone.
I went to two bereavement groups, and am now a member of a local church, but sometimes the loneliness is so bad, it is hard for me to function.
I want to change my thinking, and have started dating on a very casual basis. 2 of my children, one a grown-up and one a teen do not think this is a good idea.
Any help you can offer would be appreciated. God Bless!!!

LOst my husband and daughter1 month apart in 2005 daughter may 22nd husband 23Jun.I HAVE BEEN TAKING pROZAC STOPPED 2 MONTHS AGO AND FINDING IT VERY HArd to go on.Have a lot of heartache with my other 2 children.There is sooo much more I could say.I am very lonely and sad and sometimes I wish i was with them,But I have to go on.It Is like I am living a nitemare.Have no interests and say so many times what do I have to live for.I am 70 yrs old Keep myself fit do a lot of walking and praying.I know one day I will be with them but till I am I will do my very best everyday.carry my crosses.God has been very good to me i had the best husband in the world.Miss him so much

i read somewhere that death leaves a heartache no on can heal,love leaves a memory no one can steal.
i lost my husband of 54 years three years ago on april sixteenth ,i still cry every day now not so much from my loss but i relive the memories so fresh in my heart, and feel so lucky to have had him to share them with.

Dear Denise
I am sorry for your loss.I lost my 23 yr.old son suddenly in a crash almost 3 years ago.I am sorry to say ,the pain never goes away ,you learn how to live with it.I have read a lot of books on grief and most of them are great and really do help.God Bless You

I lost my boyfriend 4years ago on August 13 and its still hard. I miss him every day. I don’t cry ever day now but I still feel sad. I go to work and once a month I go to a Hospice meeting but the rest of the time I’m by myself. I just don’t have the energy to be with others.
I’ve read a lot of books on grief and I’ve prayed but I still miss him so much. Its so hard to get on with my life. I’ve lost all direction.
I was on medication before he died for anxiety and depression and still am. I just don’t know how to live anymore.

My sister-in law lost her husband August 4,2007. He touched everyone around. Just because he was leagally blind, doesn’t mean he couldn’t work. My sister-in law doesn’t cry all the time like she used to. Everyone wants her to get rid of all of his things, but I know how hard it is to get rid of it when all you want to do is to keep it. Talking to a counselor does help to ease the pain a little, but it isn’t enough for some. Ann, my sister-in law, and I planted some flowers in honor of his life on earth. We may cry and weep for him, but we always remember the good times that we had with him. I think that’s how we learn how to deal with our grief.

I lost my fiance on good friday 03/21/2008 I’m on medication, it helps some. I am so lost without him I cry everyday I don’t know to live without him. I try to think about all the good things, happy menories, it’s not enough. I want him back.

I lost my father in Oct. of last year and it has been very hard to accept even though he was 89 years old,and lived a full life I still miss him and at times I have even dialed the phone just to realize that he has gone on to Heaven.My mother and sister was there waiting for him in Heaven to welcome him there in God’s home.I suffer from depression and at times I just want to join them there but I know that one day I will see them all again and I need to stop feeling that way because I have the strength to go on.Grief makes me feel bad and alone.Sometimes I cry and sometimes I feel like the wind-all over the place.

I lost my only child, Christopher, age 21, a year and a half ago in a car accident. I’ve done everything from volunteer to help others to starting memorials in his name, and reading every grief and spiritual book made. The pain is intolerable. My future is gone….he was our future. No grandchildren, no daughter-in-law…nothing. Chris was our world. He loved us dearly and we loved him. The reality has set in and the world is lonely and sad. I hate it when people tell me even if I had other children I would still be hurting this bad. If I had other children I could still be a grandmother and have hope. His father and I both are only putting in time now on Earth instead of enjoying life with him as we used to. Are we depressed? Sure, but no antideppresant is going to cure our pain, it will only numb it temporarily. Our grief is prolonged and probably will be forever.

my mom passed away on march 2, 2008 — i am an only child…yet I am 47
i have no spouse or children I feel so lost and angry that I could do better by my mom..with all of her health issues…she died of pnuemonia
I am so sorry….I had placed her in respite care to just get a break and she only live 2 weeks at home i feel so guilty.

My fiance, Steven, died on March 30, 2002. I went into a very deep depression and thought I would never come out. Suicidal thought were not uncommon. I had to be put on medicine for depression and anxiety and went through a lot of counseling. However, being able to talk to friends and family that knew him was my greatest therapy. Although it was six years ago, I still think about him often. But now, I don’t think about the tragic accident by the minutes and hours. Instead, I am blessed to have been part of such a special person’s life. Don’t get me wrong, it is hard. I just try to think of how he would want me to feel and live my life. No matter what happens, he will always be a huge part of me. I love you Steven. ~ Jenny

sometimes you lose family and friends due the culture and society and estrangement , and people being plain mean and rejecting. that is worse than losing people to death. sometimes you lose a lot of people and they are still alive. that is why one should not depend on other human beings for their happines. you have to get it yourself, in our american culture.

I lost my mom March 21, 2008 to cancer. I feel guilty because she didn’t want to sign a will, power of attorney, and durable medical form, because she was afraid of losing her rights to make her own decisions of care. I conviced her it was best to sign them. Then the next day my dad had her medicated to knock her out. That was The 17th. I live in another state at the other end of the country, I left for home the 19th and got home the 20th, mom passed 12 hours after I got home, so I made a return trip for her services. The last time I got to talk to her was right after she signed the papers on the 17th, I tried to get her to respond before I left the 19th but couldn’t.

I lost my sister Oct 4th 2006 from liver cancer. She had been having problems for about a month prior, but everyone (including her doctor) thought she would get better.
I was, and still am bitter with her husband and my niece, because they didn’t want me to come see her in the hospital.
She passed away and I didn’t even get to tell her how much I loved her, or see her before she died.
She and I were even closet than I am to our parents. Even though it’s been a year and a half, I still haven’t been able to accept that she is gone. I can’t bring myself to delete her email address from my address book, or anything. Every time I think about her I break down.
I’m on antidepressants, and anxiety meds but they still don’t help with the idea that I will NEVER be able to see or talk to the BEST friend I ever had, ever again!!
Will the pain EVER stop??

I lost my mother 3 wks ago. Every night I cry, but I am empowered by my faith. The concept of life after death has given me hope of reuniting with her and other lost loved ones. So far, losing my mother is the most painful of all losses I’ve ever felt. But talking to other friends especially those who have also lost their mother helped ease the pain. There’s always the question, “have I done enough to express my love to my mother?” I encourage those whose parents are still alive to make a weekly connection, at least, or some kind of a committed/regular communication. My siblings who called my mother weekly had sense of comfort from their regular contact. I hope the posts here will awaken people’s sense of how important their relationships with their loved ones are–especially while their loved ones are still alive.

My husband passed away June24, l999, my Mother, June 11, 2001, and found my Dad dead the same day as my Mom, but he had layed in bed from actually passing on June 7, 200l. The councelor’s told me when I got lonely to hug and talk to myself. I got a dog. It’s the closed thing to talking to God, afterall dog spelled backwards is GOD. We are very happy, I have someone to care for because the kids have left the nest. And now, I’m praying I’ve connected with the right man to carry on where my husband and I left off, especially someone to have fun with and love. Thanx for listening.

this is in responce to madelynn. I lost my only child Jason 2 years ago. he was 26 and died of an accidental drug overdose. He chewed a fentenayl morphine patch. I also have felt that if I atleast had a grandchild or another child I would feel better. then one day I realized that there are so many children out there that dont have a grandmother and I know if I need to I can find one to help and love on. It helped me to read the book “The Five People you meet in Heaven”. this is a great book and it helped me with my depression. I am so glad that about 1 year before my son died while in church one night God spoke to me through the pastor. this let me know that there really is a God and that there is a heaven so I will see him again. I just have to wait until my time comes because I cant risk suicide and never seeing him again. pat

My beautiful 21 year old daughter, the oldest of my 5 children and mother of 2 little boys was murdered on 6-8-06 by someone she had known since 7th grade. She went to pick up her brother, right around the corner from our house but she had a new car and had to drive! He shot her fiance and then fired 10 rounds into her car. One bullet hit her behind her right ear and exited her left killing her instantly. My life has not been the same since. I am raising her 2 boys which keeps me busy and reminds me of her, but when they go to bed all I think of is Amanda. I do not sleep anymore, maybe 2 hours a night. My husband and I have separated….my life is a mess. Parents are not supposed to bury their children and I know what it feels like and what any parent that lost a child no matter how must feel. Yes I have lost my grandmother and brother within 3 months, but the loss of a child is unbearable. I do not know what to do anymore. I have been through counseling…..etc……only take Effexor XR for depression but nothing helps. If anyone wants to chat please let me know.

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. There is nothing that can erase that pain, but hopefully, in time you will be able to live with it a little better each day. I lost the man I loved two years ago. He died in an accident and it has taken awhile to recover from the shock. You are still in shock, as well. Time is the only thing that can help and sticking to a routine. Mundane chores seems to give a sense of normalcy.
You didn’t say how old the boys are, but I would imagine they are quite young, so I’m sure you have your hands full and have had many adjustments to make in your life. Don’t underestimate how valuable you are to them and their future health and wellbeing. Without you, their entire world would be different. Be glad that you can be there for them and that they are there with you. I wish I had grandchildren.
I am extremely sorry to hear that you and your husband have separated, but that is not uncommon under the circumstances when both parents are grieving the loss of a child. I don’t know how your relationship was prior to all that has happened, but I hope that if it was a good marriage, he will find his way back to you and you to him. Do what you can to nurture yourself in small ways throughout the day and when the boys are taking a nap, nap yourself.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Talia

I CAN UNDERSTAND EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU AND THE PAIN YOU ARE FEELING INSIDE. I AM ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO LET GREIF TURN INTO DEPRESSION AND LET IT GET WAY OUT OF CONTROL. I LOST MY BEST FRIEND DEC 26 2006 AND I WENT TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL AND STOPPED EATING AND LIVING. THEN ON DEC 13 2007 THE DOCTORS TOLD ME IF I DID NOT EAT I WAS GOING TO DIE AS WELL SO I DID EAT BECAUSE I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD SON TO LIVE FOR THEN ON FEB 12TH 2008 I LOST MY DAD DUE TO A SUDDEN BLOOD INFECTION CALLED STRAP A FLESH EATING BACTERIA. WE BURIED HIM ON THE 15TH AND ON THE 20TH I WAS IN PHONEIX AZ FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE AS WELL WITH THE SAME THING MY DAD HAD. I SURVIVED AND I NOW HAVE HALF A ARM AND AM IN PAIN ALL THE TIME NOT TO MENTION THE PAIN ALL OVER AGAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE THAT I LOVE MORE THAN LIFE BUT I HAVE TO SURVIVE AND I HAVE TO GO ON I HAVE A MOTHER WHO NEEDS ME AND A NOW 7 YEAR OLD SON WHO NEEDS ME BUT THE TRAMA OF IT ALL SOMETIMES JUST OVERWHELMS ME BUT I DEPEND ALOT ON FRIENDS, FAMILY AND MOST OF ALL GOD TO GET ME THROUGH THIS ALL. DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS NOT ALOT OF PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND NOR RELATE TO BUT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE A CUSIN WHO SHARES THE SAME UNDERSTANDING ABOUT DEPRESSION I GO THROUGH AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER EVERY DAY. I THINK A FRIEND OR CONSULAR IS THE BEST WAY TO GO AND SOMEONE WHO WILL LET YOU TALK OUT YOUR FEELINGS SO THAT YOU DONT BOTTLE THEM UP INSIDE BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU WILL BE LIKE I DID AND THAT WAS FIND ANOTHER WAY OF COMFORT AND THAT WAS NOT EATING FOR ME, I WENT FROM 187 LBS TO 98 LBS IN A YEAR AND ALOT OF CRAZY BEHAVIOR, AND I TOOK LOTS OF XANAX’S UNTIL IT ALMOST COST ME MY OWN LIFE BUT THANKS TO GOD I AM XANAX FREE AND LIVING MY LIFE “ONE DAY AT A TIME”. BUT EVER IF ANYONE NEEDS SOMEONE TO SHARE THERE THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS I AM HERE AND AM WILLING TO LISTEN MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS SUSANBARRETTLEE@YAHOO.COM BECAUSE I DONT KNOW FOR SURE WHAT MY MISSION IS HERE ON EARTH BUT GOD HAS SOMETHING IN STORE FOR ME AND I WANT TO BE A VESSAL FOR GOD AND HELP SOMEONE ELSE AND I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE LISTENING IS HELPING BECAUSE I HAVE HAD MY MOM, MY CUSIN AND SOME CLOSE FRIENDS WHO LISTENED TO ME IN MY DARKEST HOURS.
MUCH LOVE AND PRAYERS TO ALL
SUSAN

i also know the pain of losing a child. My daughter, Stephanie died on Sept.23, 2007. i also lost my father on Sept 21, 2004. i do go to a support group for parents that have lost their children here in town. it was a year ago yesterday apr. 9, 2007 that i had to have Stephi arrested for taking my moms car. you see she had a Herion addiction. she spent a month in jail and was clean. that was also the last time she came to stay with me on my 59 birthday. that’s the last time i hugged her and told her i would try to help. she was released from jail on may 7 2007 my dads’ birthday and i didn’t hear or see her until the day she died in front of me at the hospital. she died from septic shock from the flesh eating bacteria not an overdose but her addiction was to much for her. i miss her everyday, she was homeless also. my beautiful daughter who had so much going for her until she got hooked on herion. she had kingkong on her back not some little monkey. she never blamed anyone for her addiction. she never used in front of me. she would come home while she tried to clean up her act. i just wish i could have her back addiction and all. i have thought about suicide alot. i have other children and grandchildren and i have to try to enjoy them but it’s hard. i hurt so much. My aunt who’s 86 has lost all of her 3 children we just bury her son in Feb. she’s my rock. if she can do it so can i. i am just beginning to get back my faith, i pray that all your angel surround you with peace. we all grieve in different ways and for how ever long it takes. there are no rules to grieving except to commit sucide. that would mess up my karma and show everyone that my Steffers life meant nothing.
chacha

Losing a loved one is painful. I can’t imagine what you are going through because I have not been in that situation. But my in-laws that are now 81 and 84 have lost 3 sons. The only thing besides their love for each other that has kept them together is GOD. Their faith in God is so strong. They know in their hearts that their sons are in heaven. I have never seen anyone so strong in faith in my life. They are my heros. You have 2 beautiful grandchildern to raise and love. Please let me suggest this, the energy that you are using to grieve your daughter can be turned into a positive feeling and energy towards your grandchildren. I don’t believe that your daughter would want to see hurt has your doing. Ask God to give you the strength and help to do what you need. Those babies need you more than anything in the world. You are the one that is going to help them develope into strong and loving adults and that my dear is a great blessing. I have 18 granchilren and I wish that I had the opportunity available to me to help them grow.
I will pray for you .Lave your heart open for God’s blessings.
Sincerly,
Annie Espinosa

my dad passed in april of 95 and my life hasnt been right since, every year around the anniversary i get so down that i cant function. i think of him everyday, if he would be proud of my children that he never got to meet, so i try to look at it like he saw them in heaven before i did… i cry alot it hurts me to look at my mom and my brother. my brother is in prison for the second time and i feel like its for the same reasons that i became an addict, im in recovery… but will i ever truley recover???

I lost my middle son in 2000. After years of depression and prescriptions, I moved away said no to the pills and I’m a thousand times more productive than I ever have been. I went against traditional treatment and fixed myself!

My father just past away on March 23, 2008 on Easter Sunday and my mom is still grieving. She can’t sleep at night and she sits around the house all day and does nothing. She really needs to go back to work because if she sits in the house all day then what? I need advice on how to cope with her because she’s driving me crazy, and I refuse to be sad all the time! Life Goes On! No affence but I know and I have faith that my father is in Heaven and preparing our mansion for us; so I’m content! She doesn’t read her bible like she should, and we cant do anything by ourselves, so then what? Well thanks and if somebody can get back to me I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks

This is in response to the girl who just lost her father this past East Sunday. I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my father on January 25, 2007. It has taken over a year to finally rise above the deep sadness we all felt when we lost him. It’s going to take your mom longer than a couple of months to move on with her life. You have to remember that she was with your father probably for a very long time. My mom and dad would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last summer. Your mom should probably try and keep busy. I also heard that rearranging the furniture in the house can help too so the house looks different. Everyone grieves in their own way. My advice to you is just be there for your mom no matter how long it takes. It probably would help your mom to join some grief counseling as well. Sometimes kids don’t want to hear everything a parent has to say.

Dear Felicia,
I’m so very sorry that you have lost your Dad and your Mother, her husband. You both must both be hurting terribly from this pain.
I hope what I say may help.
If not, just disregard.
Because your Mother is in the mourning stages you may have feelings similar to “abandonment. In some ways, right now, you have lost both parents.
This is a time when need to turn to your Mother for support, and find that she is unable to give it.
It’s, also, extremely painful to see her so vulnerable and helpless. She is the only parent you have left,so, you are determined to to prevent her from total collapse:
” If I am strong and show her that: Life Goes On, she won’t be sad.”
The death of your Father to your Mother means many different things than it does to you. This does not mean that you are necessarily responsible for your Mother, in fact, to heal, you must and foremost meet your own grief needs.
Grief is what we think and feel. Morning is the outward expression of our grief.
The death of your Father has changed your family and it has changed you. Your future has also changed because it does not include him.
Things will never be the same again.
Your grief over this will not vanish because you are trying to lock it up in a sealed drawer and ignore the pain and it will go away. Anyone who tried this approach will tell you it not only doesn’t work, it makes it worse.
To love and love wholly again you must find a safe place to mourn all your feelings; fears,anger,regrets etc. etc.
Doing this will not happen quickly.It is a process not an event, be patient and tolerant with yourself. Because the death of your parent changes your life forever.
My heart breaks for you, Felicia.
Consider yourself hugged…

I lost my Daddy on 09/21/2003 and cannot stop greiving for him. His birthday, Fatther’s Day, when he died and when he was diagnosed are so traumatic, I do not want to live anymore. I thank God I saw this article. I thought I was going crazy and now understand this is the manifestation of the grief I feel. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore and cannot bear to let go of anything that was his. I am a social worker and have worked with hospice and can help others but not myself. My grief has turned inward to where it manifests itself physically. I have migraines that cannot be cured or helped. How will I ever make it through this? I feel life will never be the same and wish I had died when he did, it would have been easier. Maybe more research will show a way to help myself and others like me.

I lost my Daddy in 2005 and people think I am crazy for still missing him terribly.

Feb. 13, 2008 I lost my gradbaby. My son’s girlfriend and the mother of the baby was giving my grandbaby a bath. I guess she was to busy writting in her diary to see that my grandbaby was drowning.
My grandbaby was only 9 months old. and was the joy of her grandparents life. She was the one and only grandbaby that we had.
Not only lossing my grandbaby I had to tell my son that his baby had passed (he was at work).
As a mother it was the hardest day of my life. I was grieving for my grandbaby, but yet wanted to be strong for my son. I don’t think I did very well.
Just shy of 10 years ago I buried my father. I was a daddy’s girl and I still miss him dearly to this day.
I know that my father and grandbaby are together in God’s house and I know someday I will be with them. But WHY does it hurt so bad.
When I go to the cematery I have the roughest time. They are buried very close to each other. I find it hard to know which one of the gravesites I should stand at.
When I’m at the gravesite all I see and feel is- there is the man that gave me life and here lies the youngest part of my life.
I thought I used to be a strong person, but my world has been rolled one to many times.

Dearest Crying Grandma, First I am so very sorry for your loss. I know those sound like empty words but the sentiment is genuine I assure you. It hurts so bad because you love so much! Grief runs as deeply as your passion does. I could say it will hurt less with time, maybe so, but it can seem like a terribly long time. The only portion of peace you may have in knowing that they are beyond pain, beyond fear, and safe until you meet again. You may become angry with God and feel that they were better off with you. Go ahead and scream at him if it helps. God has very broad shoulders and anger IS part of the healing process. Don’t be afraid to go through your grieving, let it out, don’t censure your feelings, embrace them and pray one day you can come to acceptance. Talk to your missing loved ones, it helps. May Jesus carry you over the sand until you can walk on your own. (\o/)

I lost my son on May 9, 2005. He was 29 years old, my only child and the light of my life. Since then I have suffered unimaginable depression and grief which has affected both my mental and physical health. I have been on disability for almost 2 years. Before I was at the height of my career. However, the loss of my son was just more than I could bear. We were so very close. I lost my dad from cancer more than 30 years ago, my brother from suicide in 1992 and my son from methadone toxic poisoning in 2005. I was able to overcome my dad and brother’s death, but not my son’s. I have tried counseling, grief support, medication, in-patient hospitalization and prayer.

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today.
I know how much you love me
As much as I love you.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart.
Smile, because each time you do
Then when you think about me,
I’m right here, in your heart.
Please spread the Joy of Me,
And not the woe
Every where you go…

I lost my mother to a accidental drug overdose. She was 41 and a beautiful person. She struggled with this problem for years. She would see when it was out of control, then go to rehab and it would be okay for awhile. She utimatly lost her battle on April 1, 2001.
People thought it was a poor April fools joke as the news made its way thrugh my small town, but I knew when I heard it, that it wasn’t.
I miss her so much its been 7 years and I cry like a baby still. I was 24. I think sometimes it should’nt hurt this bad I was an adult. She raised me at least. My youngest brother was going to 18 that July. He had fewer years with her than I.
When she passed it was my first experience with death and in a instant I felt this emotion called grief. Before this I always thought grief must feel somthing like saddness, but i had no ideal it felt that bad. The pain is so overwheming it takes you over. I could’nt eat. Why? I had no appetite and I know this sounds crazy to some who hasn’t lived it, but my mother would never eat another meal at least not on this planet so why should I. Thats how I felt, although I did eat just very little. I wanted everyone i loved close to me.I hated when people had to leave. I seen life as very fragile. Death had never been real to me. Now that I know what it was i thought, oh my god! how does anyone get over this. I have faith in God. I know theres a afterlife, but I’m here and shes not. I have this possibly long life here without her and thats so much time till I see her again. I dont want to leave this earth yet either. I’ve spent basically my 20′s closed off to the world smoking weed to cope with my grief not going no where in life. I have very few friends left. I problems keeping a job I tear up alot while at work. I’m not ready to leave yet. I don’t want this to be my legacy.
As for the rest of my family, My Grandma passed in April of 2006 and it was painful, but then I realized that the grief I felt when my mother passed wasn’t the same. The sting wasn’t as bad.
Then my Grandfather followed her 13 months latter in May of 2007. Now I’m left being the oldest member of my family and I still feel like a child.
I received this Email grief or depression “when you grieve to long” and and it lead me here. I truly belive it was sent from god. Because this has been on my heart since the 7 year mark on the 1st.
Its been a long hard road here in hell, but I’m getting off the road and I’m going to walk bare foot in the grass stop and smell the flowers. Because I’m to young to spend the rest of my life this way.

Dear (((TriciaW.)))
You go girl…and keep on going
walking barefoot in the park!!!

I have lost 3 out of 4 children, the last this past December. I just can’t seem to get through it. I try but I really know I am just putting on a “face.” I don’t know how to cope. I need to be available for my youngest son and my grandchildren but I am so depressed. HELP mk

Others will be along shortly to help you, but while we wait…
I’m crying for you, (( Maria )) … so we’ll hold each other while you go right ahead and cry for your loved ones.

I lost my son last year unexpectantly & I can’t seem to get past the pain. I cry every day & try to live life as usual but the pain is sometimes so intense I just want to end it all. I have a grief counselor & a psychiatrist. I’m taking Cymbalta & sometimes Ativan but even with the support of my husband, family & friends, I struggle with the pain every day. I don’t know what to do to get past the pain. My therapist keeps telling me it will decrease in time but I don’t know if I can wait. I want to be with my son but know that that could not happen with suicide, not to mention it goes against my moral fiber, but what can I do? Please help me.

Bless those who mourn eternal God
For they are torn up with grief
And cannot see past
Their sorrow and tears.
Guide then through their dark days
And bring your light into their life
So that they may see your goodness
Even in their mourning.
Bless those who mourn
With the comfort of your love
So they may face each day
With hope and guidance from above.
May memories become joyful
Their days ever more hopeful
And their lives daily enriched…
by Your eternal love.

hello i am so sorry and sad by ur loss. so many people say they know how u fell but really they dont have a clue where were coming from so i would like to say i dont know how u feel but i do know how i feel and felt in the eaily months see i lost my two girls age 4 and 6 dec 2006 i tried running away from my feeling hideing them and being strong for my son and husband but nothing helped on the inside i talk to someone but i was scare of what she would do mabe think i was to crazy to care for my son or somthing so i keep it all inside but like u i could not do suiside becouse i knew if i did i could not be with them again and i had to be here for my son he needed me GOd went me christian friends who told me about Jesus yea i had heard of him but never experinted him Jesus was the only help i could take he change me excipted me and love me in my hard very hard the hardest time of my life they say time heals the pain but it dont its is there everyday but Jesus can heal it prayer pulled me thought without it were would i be i dont even no but i will pray u find Jesus in a new way like i did and he will send u a christian friends to help u over come . I would like to tell u if u do experints an excipted JESUS u can think of them as ur future not ur past becouse with JESUS u can be with them again live life one day at a time becouse we can do nothing about the past and we dont even know if tommorrow is going to come so live moment by moment love ur sister in christ

Hello. I cannot even begin to explain to you How much pain I feel for you. I cannot even begin to even think of how much depression,anxiety, pain, and hurt you have and always will feel for your loss. But there is one thing that I can definately tell you. Keep believing. Everything happens for a reason, and everything is meant to be. GOD has a plan for everyone and one day, you WILL join your son in heaven. Please be willing to wait until that time. I will pray for you as much as I can. Love you always, your sister in christ.

my family lost my sister unexpectantly, and it was unbelievably painful to see my parents’ continued grief. but we have become more spiritual and compassionate towards others as a result, and sometimes we can feel my sister around us, in the form of music (her favorite songs), feathers (she loved and owned birds) and i am convinced she is in heaven and keeping a watchful eye over us. please know that your loved one who has passed away would not want you to be sad and unable to cope with your loss; they are just in another place and you will get to be with each other again. maybe you would benefit from reading some of sylvia brown’s books about these subjects; her writing helpedto clarify some things for me. this also may sound really ‘out there’, but if you ask the angels to help you they will, they are very close by and just waiting to be asked. i hope this is useful information and some comfort to you.

I recently lost my pet his name (puppie)I only had him for 1 month and 2wks. and then he was gone. he was very sick and I didn’t know it I had rescued him from around the neighborhood where I lived. my son and nephew told me that this little dog was just minding his own buisness when the kids where just messing with him throwing things hitting him and one day I camed over and seen him he was so cute! I went home trying too get him some food but he wasn’t in front of my sister house anymore he was gone so I drove around looking for him and then I finally found him and I seen him following some teenagers around the neighborhood and I drove up beside them and asked was that they dog they said no and thats when I tried to get the puppy into my car by giving him some food he was so hungry that I finally got him into my car and drove away took him home and kepted him I had another dog but she was much older than he was but things worked out alright until I couldn’t come up with a name for him so I named him (PUPPIE)
and that’s when everything in my life went so fine he brough joy into my life until the most devasting thing happen he had parvo” a deadly virus that I had no knowing of and thats when everything went down hill for me I tried everything I could to save him I didn’t have a job so I didn’t have any money to help him I tried to get people to help me my family my boyfriend and friends nobody wouldn’t help me get help for PUPPIE and he just faught his way to live he would look up at me for help with his sad eyes and looked so sad at me I cried and struggle to help him but no one wouldn’t help me but too make a long story short I will never forgive myself for not helping PUPPIE he died that saturday 4/12/08 in my home he took his last breath while watched it heartbreaking to me I really hate myself for not being able to help PUPPIE like I wanted too.

I am so sorry to hear about you lose of PUPPIE.
Loving a beloved pet is the same as losing a
family member.
I hope your pain will ease in time. And will find
another space in your heart to give another
needy pet a place there, too – when you are
ready.
Thank you for sharing, ((( you. )))

To PUPPIES’ Best Friend,
For although we may not be together
In the way we used to be
We are still connected by a cord
No eye can see.
So whenever you need to find me
I shall always hear you
And I will never fail
To wag my loving grateful tail.
In Memory of PUPPIE…

I’ve really, really try to stay strong everyday. I lost not only my best friends, but they were also my brothers. I know the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I will see them again in heaven. I keep thinking if i can only just go now! But i know its not up to me, one of my brothers took his life. I know if he only knew what it would and has done to the family he would have never done it. I’m trying not to let the guilt of my everyday life, when things go wrong and i cant fix them. I blame myself for so many things, and i dont know why? But my kids have to deal with that and watch over me to make sure i dont do nothing like that.
But I tired it again and took 16 valueim at one time, and i am not sure why i’m still here. because i never even went to the E.R. or got sick, my daughter just took me to her house 3 hrs away………..i know it wasnet my time and i feel worse for doing that to them i just dont know if its mental or just depression.

It has been 5 years since,going on 6 I lost my mother, she was the type of person that everyone loved .She was easy to talk to. Sometimes I find it to get up in the morning or to plan the rest of the day I thit would get easier but I was wrong .I manage the days but all it takes is a song or her favorite television show .My depression has taken over my life . My Mom was my world ,my best friend . Sometimes I can hear her laughing.So now my sister and I talk about what my mother would say about things .But we have each other To handle moms death .So I have learned to handle it.I really do miss my mother.I take depression meds they help me to cope. I don’t cry as much any more.Sometimes I would like to be with her .But I hear her saying” don’t forget about the babies”.My children and my grands.

Dear (((Rita,)))
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your two BF brothers. One would be hard enough but two… I can’t imagine what heartbreak you are feeling.
Rita, imho. I believe you need to book an appointment with your doctor ASAP. Grief will trigger clinical depression. It is not anything you can “will” yourself out of. I know this from my own personal experience.
I had always been an optimistic person until being hit with numerous losses. I knew I was grieving, but it continued. I used all the coping technics that had always worked for me in the past; to no avail. So, I put on my “happy-face” mask; suffered, cried privately and had thoughts of suicide/death for almost a year. I continued to believe I was just being “weak willed.” This went on for almost a year. Then, to my, then, embarrassment I burst into tears in front of a coworker. She was able to get me to open up about what was really going on. When I finished telling her, she looked at me as if I was crazy and said “You, silly goose, you have depression. You can’t will that away, anymore than a diabetic can will themselves to process sugar.” She made me call my doctor, right then and there; and they scheduled me in for that day.
I will not bore you with the rest of my story except to say… I lost a whole year of my life because I didn’t recognize the symptoms of depression. My coworker was right; I had been a silly goose.
So, first things first, call your doctor’s office tomorrow and tell them why you need to see the doctor ASAP.
Remember, you are Not your thoughts right now! Your brain is mis-firing. It Is the Depression Talking.
Don’t be like me…a silly goose! Get help Now.
Consider yourself Hugged! I’m always an email away….

This article really hit home for me. While I can not imagine the unfathomable pain of losing a child I do know the pain of losing a loved one. I lost my life partner, soul mate and fiancee of 14 years suddenly to cancer three years ago. While those around me feel I should be over it and move on with my life I just cant. I have learned to put on an exterior that makes it appear that I am fine but inside I am still hurting. It is like being surrounded by a fog – nothing is as funny or tastes as good or is as beautiful. I cry myself to sleep at night and tear up at times during the day with the excuse of allergies. I feel something missing all the time I miss him and talk to him all day and night and do not want to go out because I am surrounded with his picures and things when I am home. I wait for the day when I can join him again. The only person that did not pressure me to find some one else or move on was my mother and I lost her suddenly last year and miss her everyday. I have gotten to where I prefer to be alone because everyone has lost patience with me So I get up and go to work everyday to keep a roof over my and my daughters head and to help her with college but all I really want to do is hide at home. So reading this article and your stories has brought me some peace that I am not the only one that seems to grieve for a long time. My prayers go out to all of you and I wish you many good blessings in the future.
Gail

Dear All.
I having suffered:
* Cancer
* The Loss of Three Children
* Being Widowed Twice
So, I will speak from my own personal experience. I hope what I say may help.
If not, Just disregard.
Grief only comes in one size – Extra Large!
The first thing to know is that You are not alone. As you work through Your grief, others are experiencing similar pain. I say this Not to diminish Your pain and suffering at all; but to give You some comfort in knowing You are not alone in Your suffering.
* Grief is what we feel.
* Mourning is the Outward Expression of Your feelings.
Grieving and mourning are a natural process. Mourning is not only a natural reaction to loss, it’s a necessary reaction if you are to regain Your sense of Self and go on with life.
When you have lost a loved one, it’s almost as though You have been physically wounded – shattered might be better word – a part of Your life has been taken from You.
You may be asking lots of Questions:
* Why did God let it happen?
* Why did it happen, now, and in this way?
* What is the purpose of my life? etc.
Death reminds us of our lack of control and feeling powerless.
You may be Angry with:
* God.
* The Loved One Who Died.
* Yourself
* The Clergy
* The Rescue Team
* Other Family Members. etc.
Acknowledge Your anger and try to find a healthy way of handling it.
* Hit a Pillow.
* Scream
( I wouldn’t suggest you do this in a Shopping Mall though.)
* Break something!
(I went downstairs to the storage room and threw old glasses, full force at a concrete wall. It felt Great!! The clean-up: not so great, but I felt better.)
You may feel Guilty.
* IF Only I Had – - – - – - – - – -.
(you fill in the blank.)
I don’t believe any of You are. You did the Best You Could. That’s all any of us can do. Don’t
push down Your feelings of guilt. Talk openly about it, as long You need to, until You can let it go.
You may Feel Depressed.
* Sad.
* Low Self-Esteem
* Tired.
* No Appetite.
* Unable to Sleep.
* Sleeping All the Time.
* Crying.
* Unable to Cry.
* Confusion.
* A Sense of dread.
* A Feeling of Being Stuck in a Nightmare Without An End. etc.
Depression is a part of grief. If you are able to, talk with someone that You know is there for You. This will help You from becoming severely depressed.
Keep A Daily Journal. Write once a day exactly what your feeling – No Holds Barred! It’s For Your Eyes Only. This will help You in two ways:
1. Your expressing Your Feelings of Grief.
(Remember, No pushing down of Any feelings!)
2. It will help You *see* if You’re getting worse.
Thoughts of self-destruction and suicide are to be taken seriously.
** See Your Doctor ASAP! They may or may not prescribe an anti-depresseant and/or anti-anxizty medications. Medication can help you in moving through the grief process.
** Grief Support Groups provide a safe place for talking and sharing Your feelings with others who understand. You can benefit, also, from the social support offered by group members.
I urge you to cry as much as You need to. Simply cry and cry and cry and cry -as freely as a baby does. Put no restraints on Your urge to cry. It’s something You need to do…Your system needs to do that. Scientist have now
proven there is a *toxin in tears of sadness that is not there in tears of joy.
Understanding that grief is normal and natural doesn’t make the process any easier. It’s a dark, painful tunnel You must travel through at Your own pace.
When You are dealing with Your loss – You are dealing with one of the most stressful situation known to human beings. On a stress-level scale created in the 1960′s – the death of a loved one is calculated at 100 – the top score – the most stressful event in the life cycle.
One thing that may help You is to understand that the more fully You mourn – that is being an active participant in expressing your feelings, crying, talking about Your feelings; about Your loved one, to the fullest – the more You will emotionally heal in a healthy way and move on with Your life.
When I say, move on with Your life, I don’t mean You will ever forget Your loved one. I mean You will be able to move on with many positive aspects of Your life.
Your journey of grief will never end. People do not get over grief. Reconciliation is a term I find more appropriate. In reconciliation your feeling
of loss will not completely disappear, they will soften realizing that Your loved one will never be forgotten,
Remember we are designed to heal!

My personal experience I found myself in an angry stage when I lost my brother, because it was unexpected, then I found myself in a depressed
stage where I would not want to eat, work or even spend time with my family. Not realizing what was happening to me, I lost almost everything, including my children. When It came to the time of almost losing my children, I thought wait a minute doesn’t anyone understand what I am feeling? No one know, because I held everything inside. My father had alhiemers desease at this as well, and this was something very hard for me. Father was the head of the household and now he couldn’t remember the names of the people who lived in his house. I knew deep down inside of him, he know who we were. and this real hits me deep down the same now, as it did 6 years ago when we lost my father. One thing he did remember to give me, is the lesson of holding on to the people you love inside, even though you don’t remember their names. by holding to the pictures of your loves. Since then I was able to go with life and hold to the pictures and as long as I have the capability to remember the good memories of time spent with my brother and father, I am able to cherish them and enjoy and share them with others. But also I have with me my father by my side, knowing that he is looking down at me and I know my brother is there as well checking up on me as he did when he was alive. I do the things today with my family and my work,for my father and brother knowing that they will be proud of me. And that makes me proud as well, and happy.
It’s true we are designed to heal!

Grief, grieving, mourning, depression. In our “be in control of your feelings, actions, thoughts, past, present and future” society, we have to label everything and “fix” everything. And, we are supposed to have a timetable – and the sooner we take care of it, the better. And if we can’t take care of it, then take a little blue pill to fix it.
When I was growing up, eons ago, in a latin culture, being in mourning for a year after a loved one’s death was the norm. You grieved for a full year. You wore black for a full year. Your family, your friends, your co-workers, everyone realized you were in mourning and in a sense, your clothing was the banner of your grief. People who loved you and cared for you would make sure you did not have to do more than the basics of living. They took care of you, of your physical, emotional and sometimes even your financial needs.
During that year of mourning, you didn’t go to parties – not because people didn’t want you there, but because people respected your need to spend time grieving. You weren’t asked to volunteer at church or at school or even for family events. You were, in a sense “cocooned” from the everyday world. You were allowed to cry, to be sad, to talk about how much you missed the person, to vent, to be angry, even to scream, without someone trying to get you to a doctor to medicate you. Herbal teas that soothe, or preparing a warm bath were the usual home made prescriptions.
I have watched programs or news clips of people in other countries screaming, falling to the ground, ripping their clothes, when faced with the death of a loved one. Why don’t we do this in America? Why do we try to contain our grief? Why are we so concerned about making others uncomfortable with our pain? Why can’t we just let go of control?
I believe that each trauma carries it’s own “bucketful” of pain, if you will. And how big that bucket is, is very personal. I have to empty that bucket completely before healing begins. If I am carrying around a bucket that is half-full of the pain of loss, and then I experience another loss and I only empty out part of the “bucket” of that second loss, now I am carrying around two half-full “buckets” of pain. The weight of those buckets drags me down in so many ways that I don’t even realize.
It took ten years for me to fully let go of the pain caused by my father’s death. I cried very little when he died. I dealt with the funeral arrangements, with family and relatives, with lots of little things and then I immediately went back to work. I lived far away and I did not choose to dwell on his death. But, I know it affected me deeply. That pain, that hidden pain became a wall around my heart. I was an angrier person. I was a dispassionate person.
After ten years, I went to his grave (which I had visited previously without any real emotion), and I stood there, and I cried and cried and cried and I yelled at him. I yelled at him for not taking care of his health. I yelled at him for giving up on life years before he died. I yelled at him for not being around to meet his grandchildren. I yelled at him because I missed him. Of course, I was in the middle of a cemetery yelling at a tombstone, but that didn’t matter. It was the beginning of allowing my heart to open again, and going from a pastel set of feelings to a neon set.
I think sometimes we need to let go of control. Well, perhaps we always need to let go of control and just allow pain and grieving to be – to fully feel and not be frightened by the depth and intensity of our feelings when we are in pain. We can either feel a dull, shallow pain for a long time or feel deep, intense grief for a short time. We choose. We know what we need to do – and sometimes it is just ok to be sad, to be quiet, to take time to remember.

?What do you do if you know in your heart nothing will help you cope ? I am crying now…. please excuse grammar mistakes. Not a Priest or Pastor, not a Support Group, not ANY kind of doctor or therapy, not my spouse, not my family, not drugs, not drinking or eating too much or too little. What else can my doctor do….prozac, cymbalta, paxil, wellbutrin, klonopin, adderall, concerta, nortriptilyne ((spelling?))….I have no access to steet drugs. and I’m thankful. I wouLd try anything to relieve some pain. I forgot, tried writing in my journal and everything from essential oils to reflexology to acupunture, yoga, prayer and meditation. Now, I am having to take drugs for my health. In the last couple of months my body has managed to aquire several autoimmune diseases, elavated liver enzymes, a “viral syndrome”, several rare antibiotic resistant bacterial infections, fungal infections, thyroid, bladder and intestinal problems. The highlight of my day….what part of my body is getting a biopsy??? I have deep spirtual beliefs against suicide.I am going to live a life without purpose….I AM SORRY FOR THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS. NO ONE NEEDS THIS………………HE WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I LOVED/LOVE HIM. MY BEST FRIEND IS GONE. I’M SORRY FOR BEING PATHETIC.YOU WILL ALL BE IN MY PRAYERS, IF I CAN MANAGE TO PRAY AGAIN.

It’s five years since I lost my sister and soul mate to cancer. Our lives were never easy but we all (4 siblings) had each other. I’m still trying to feel the release I was told about in a grievance group. They said that once you can think about your departed love one in a happy way (they way they were before illness), then you are starting to let go and live your life again. Not one day goes by that I don’t think about Deb. She was 49 when she died and we talked about what life would be like when we grow old together. My husband and kids don’t understand that I can cry at the drop of a hat. I am so emotionally tied to guilts of how I cared for her when she was ill. Five years is a long time but it flew by. I tried to journal but I just go into an uncontrollable crying fit. My friends try to comfort me but truthfully, I have really withdrawn myself. I think they get tired of listening to me and seeing me cry. No one can ever take the place of Deb. Don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I feel like my life will never be the same and the feeling of missing her fills my life.

This April just passed has been 3 years since i lost my one and only sibling. My sister Lesley. Age 38, She had a massive anyerisum and died that very same day. I have lost the will to live, even though i have two children age 14/17 I cry almost every day, cant hold a job down. I had a thriving business before she died. I was a florist. I did her funeral, and closed up shop so to speak.
My parents put enormous pressure on me without realising it. just driving, and mum worries, but i understand why. i Have absolutely no friends, nor do i wnat any. I long for a realationship, i am a single mother. I want someone to hold me and tell me its ok.
I’m angry becuase nobody told me it would be like this, nobody told me it would even happen. Everything is fine one day then bang, your life is turned upside down. How is it possible that one person can mean so much to you, that you feel you cant live without them. How come you do not realise how influencial they are in your life when they are alive. why does it take death to realise all these things.
My life will NEVER be the same again. I feel embarassed when people ask if i’m crying or something, how long ago did she die. And i answer 3 years ago. those who have lost understand, but those that have not lost look at you like you are mad. “time to move on now, it has been 3 years” 3 years it feels like yesterday.
i spend most of my days in bed. I try to be up showered and dressed when the kids come home, but that sometimes doesnt happen, so i fake illness, mummy has a bit of flu. They are not stupid, they know whats going on. I worry at what damage i may be doing to them, for their future years.
I want so much to get out of this hole you have no idea. I contemplate taking a handful of tablets, or driving into a tree every single day. I scare myself, its got to the stage where i dont even think the children will miss me, in fact i think they will be better off without me. Maybe a more sane person would be better off looking after them. I certainly dont bring anhy joy into my life.
I pray for a sign from mu darling sister. anything, i cant accept there is nothing after death, but i need proof. I am not one of those people who can just beleive. I wish i could. I fiddle with rosary beads, in the hope thet my faith with return to me. but nothing.
Now i am so frightend of being alone. My parents although pretty healthy are in there 70′s. i cant bury them myself. That was something that Lesley and I would do together. Now i have to wait and when the time eventually comes, i have to do it. I dont know if i will have the strength to do it. To loose someone again……… I hope they both go together. the pain wont be twice as bad, pain is pain. They have been married for about 47 years, i dont think one would survive without the other.
Writing this has made me feel better. I do keep a journal, but its not the same as this.
I am angry, so angry for not being prepared for something that is definatley going to happen. Maybe they should tell you at school. not to frighten the children, but explain the reality that will happen to them at some stage in there life. Being un prepared is horrible. you get such little time to chose caskets, music, flowers etc. we hadn’t even discussed it, she was 38. Preparation, nothing morbid, but a few hints should be discussed. or kept in your journal, somewhere, i drove myself mad, that funerla had to be perfect. it was the last thing i could do for her, it just had to be perfect.
If you read this – thank you for listning to my story. i just want to beleieve in something, feel normal again, stop crying. I hope this has helped someone whoe feels anything like me… I suppose nothing is normal, but there are similaritys.
My thoughts are with anyone who has lost, and cant understand like me.
Help me if you know of anything – Please. Tracey

Hi I lost my husband a year ago and I still talk about him like he is still here.I believe he is because I love him so very much,he will be here as long as i am alive.He is still apart of me.My friends say i am wrong about looking at my deceased husband this way but it is the only thing that keeps me from falling apart.He was my best friend and we did everything together and enjoyed each other very much.I still cry I think I always will and i’m still a young women and my family wants me to move on and i don’t know how.

In Case!!! God Bless You!!! Eli

Please dear souls, see your doctor and see a counselor that helps people to get through grief. You can get to a point where you can honor the person you have lost by telling others of the joy they had brought to your life. Get out and help one or more people in need, don’t lock yourself away. The person who has passed would not like to see you trapped in this state but would wish you joy and peace. Life is for the living and you must re enter this plane of existence. Put this person in a very special part of your heart and open it to both give and receive the love you had for an received from the person who is gone. This will honor them the most.

This is for Tracey, Hi Tracey, My name is Annie and I live in NC. I moved away for 25 yrs. to KS and 2 yrs to Branson. I finally gave up my financial security to come home to a large family with my own family. I left because I was an abused child and nothing was here for me. My brother was living here in Carolina foothills. He was in some trouble with a driving thingy and had already had other tickets. He had to go to court and wanted me to go with him. I did and spoke for him. He had a lawyer, but the judge said after I spoke that he had already made up his mind to put my brother in prison, but after what I had said, he was going to give him another chance. My brother was murdered 17 months later. He would not have died had I NOT moved back home and had I not went to court for him he would have went to prison. NOW I have spent my life savings here in Carolina and I must leave. NONE of my family cares that I am here. My Mother hasn’t spoke to me in almost a year and she lives 6 miles away. My Father avoids me. I don’t know what I did. I am the only child they have that isn’t on drugs and still has my children and husband of 25 yrs. I am not perfect. BUT, since “Jammy” my brother died, I have lost me. I have felt like you and people tell me to move on. I can’t move on. Even if I leave here I feel guilt like I am leaving him here. His wife burried him in an old timey wooden box like they did in the old days even tho, at the time I still had some money and begged and pleaded to help with the cost. She would NOT let me. She turned the life support off before we could get there, before 5 am in the morning to touch his still warm body. I don’t know where you are Tracey, but I think maybe we could help one another. I don’t usually write things online. I sleep too. I did it solid for the entire year of 06 and most of 07. NOW if I get up and take a shower, I have done good in my books. I have no desire to do the things I used to do, write songs, play piano, watch TV get online. NOTHING. I see no future, just death. I too, feel like you do when it comes to what the bible says about heaven, but Tracey, we have to believe in something we have never seen, that is called “FAITH”. God will come through for you, I PROMISE. He will come through for me too. I have faith, but daily it’s a struggle to get out of bed. To take a shower to fix my hair. It all seems worthless. WE HAVE TO TURN the page. There are many people out there who feel like we do and have lost loved ones too. We have to be strong inside and watch our thoughts. YOUR sister would want you to NOT BE THIS WAY. I know she wouldn’t want you to give up. It’s hard, but you have to push push push. Each second, each hour, each day. READ the bible. It will help. Before you open it, ask God to please send you a message and then open it anywhere and apply what you read to you personnally. Look for signs from your sister. I use butterflies and have had experiences that seem like somehow he is still somewhere watching over me. My Mother and Father were never there for the 6 of us. They are not there now either. I loved Jammy as if he were my own son. He was born when I was 9 yrs. old and I took care of him as I was the oldest. I took care of him like he was my baby. And even as my sibblings got older, I still have been there for them. BUT, now that I went to court for Jammy and he died, I feel I have done something awful and what do I know. So, I don’t do anything to try to advise or help. My email is shoe hill at yaho. I don’t know if they allow you to put emails on here so you can figure it out. Please put your name in the subject line or Jammy in the subject line so I know who it is from. I pray for you Tracey and for me too. My brother and I were close. He was a good person and would protect me to the ends of the earth. My sisters are all on drugs and I don’t have them to talk to either. Just to worry about their deaths and my parents dying and leaving me with the guilt of their deaths and not having a relationship with them. Then who do they expect to pay for their burials I don’t have anymore money. I spent it to be with them and now they have deserted me. What do we do Tracey. WE get up out of bed first, we shower and put on our makeup and fix our hair. We workout if we can something if it’s just a walk or some stretches on the floor. We pray and read the bible. We just have faith even if the devil tells us there is no God no life after death, we still believe in the unseen. We have not died so we do not know. Please email me! Annie

hi,
i have read the stories above–they seem real as far as death of someone close is concerned–but ofcourse the course adopted isnt real for this life–i had a brother who was very close to me and died in my own hands taking his last breaths –i was angry ,furious,guilty and what not sad depressed–it took me three years to come out of it! life goes on one has to be realistic he also had a very sudden death at the age of 24 on his birthday!! impersonal interests ,helping and reaching out to others,writing,doing things and chores which the deceased person would like to do if alive,visiting graveyard once a wek and praying, praying daily,going to a religious place like church or mosque,socializing,talking about feelings with others, defining a purpose and then living to it–theese are or may be the things one can hold on to and then gradually move on into the realm of living people again!
its a good forum and i wish all of us here to have a hppy life again–amin.

Hi am ruetha I am dealing with some of the same problems, I lost my soulmate of 23yrs,two years ago feb I have been in the hospital for care, for depression . And I highly recomend it. It helps awhole lot. But your right pray and faith also need to used the most.
my GOD bless us all and we all need to pray for each other.

I read all these comments and I recognize some things in myself that I’m just now beginning to be able to put names to. I thought I knew what depression was, but am just beginning to understand that I had no idea – that I was in it for years. I can’t go anywhere for counseling as the finances aren’t there, nor is the time. Loss? I lost my beloved brother 30 years ago – he was on his way to me and was killed by an officer of the law in a vehicle accident which was forced. A long story. I think that’s when it really kicked in.
I was married to an extremely abusive man who finally left me for someone else, thank God, but still controlled my life until 1996. In 1996 I was at my mother’s bedside as she died. Many unresolved issues there, many. No way to resolve them now. No way to resolve them THEN.
In 2001 I lost my grandmother who raised me and my ex-husband who was just then FINALLY becoming a friend. About a month later I lost my beloved StepDad – SHOULD have been there for him at the time, was not – rotten choice on my part. Almost exactly a year later lost my significant other of about 20 years – alcohol/diabetic coma caused an auto accident.
A year after that I was required to move from the farm as we weren’t married and it had to sell. Since then I’ve learned just what depression is and how it manifests itself in sooo many different ways. I’ve been involved in two relationships since then – one was simply a mistake, the other one nearly cost my life due to abuse.
My life is basically over and I don’t know what to do about it. I see it happening and I try and try to not let all this get to me – but I get blind-sided at the strangest and most inappropriate times.
I can’t socialize any more, because of what I think people may be saying about me, or fear of what they may say TO me – I work, I come home, I sleep, I get up and go to work. Weekends I’m just lost.
For no conceivable reason I will burst into tears, at work,at home, on the way to and from. In my head these people speak to me – no, not like I hear voices – through thoughts and memories – and loss and guilt for all the woulda/coulda/shoulda’s hits me square on. I have no defense.
I read my Bible – at least I used to. I don’t read much any more that isn’t escape garbage. I don’t do any of the things I once did because I just can’t focus. There’s always an excuse why I can’t/didn’t do whatever. I exist from day to day and just can not get started in a forward direction again.
This is sadness, yes, it is. But it should have passed by now, should it not? What am I supposed to do here? I have no wish to die, but there seems to be no reason to live. I feel as if I’m on hold.
Sorry I took up so much space – I just had to write this all down I guess. Throw it out into the universe. If this is Karma, how on earth do I burn it away?

I am a little confused about the difference between grief and depression, they seem to go hand in hand. However, I suppose prolonged grief can become major depression if not properly dealt with. There is not a lot out there on grief counseling but I know it exists. I myself have dealt with a lot of heavy blows in my life time and a lot of it I think I have held in and continued to hold in and I know this is not good. But sometimes I don’t even know what I am holding in, it is buried very deep, I think. Days can be long. I have turned to unhealthy habits to deal or escape some of these pains and in turn added to the basket of pain. I am trying to rebuild and sometimes, with loss of confidence and support I find it difficult, but I keep trying everyday. I will not give up hope and belief.

Hi everyone,
Depression has had a telling impact on people across the world particularly for the last decade. Being grievous for an extended periods can certainly lead to depression. Once you are depressed, the only way out of it is to undergo the right treatment, it does not matter whether it is a medication, therapy or other natural treatments like yoga and meditation. As the period of grief extends, what you are doing is that you are planting deep seeds of the impact of the unfortunate occurrence that affected you.
And, consequently you will find it extremely difficult to come out of it and end up being depressed. So, do not allow yourself to remain grievous for prolonged amount of time. You can learn more about this by visiting http://www.pillwatch.com/category/major-depression-treatment.html. You can definitely find useful information over there that can help you understand about depression and recover from depression.
Thanks.