Thanks to Group Beyond Blue member SoberToday who revised and edited this letter authored by Ben Oberin about HEP C to speak to those of us who live with depression and anxiety. You may read her discussion thread at Group Beyond Blue by clicking here.
Having depression and anxiety means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Getting help means many things as well, again most of them not quite visible to you. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about depression and anxiety and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually mis-informed.
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand ... These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me...
Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable emotional turmoil and exhaustion, fighting thoughts that make me feel insane and fighting the voice in my head that says you cant do this anymore just go. And if you visit I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I may worry about life and work and my family and friends much more than the regular person, but I still want to know how your doing.
Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm having a moment of remission. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not suffering, or that I'm cured, or any of those things. Please, don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!". I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy and maybe even hopeful for the moment.
Please understand that being able to go out to my son's soccer game one night doesn't necessarily mean that I can do it the next time. I am greatful for the days that I can do those things but dont get mad the next time I say I really cant go out for dinner. With this illness it gets more confusing.
That's what Depression and Anxiety does to you. Please understand that Depression and Anxiety is variable. It's quite possible (for me, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I just want to stay close to home and sleep.
Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!", if you want me to do something then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please do not take it personally. Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better..
Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm out for the day (or whatever). Depression/Anxiety does not forgive. In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick - I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out... Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, or staying out of my head. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or my counsellor or therapist. I need you on a different level too ... you're my link to the outside world... if you don't stay in contact with me because you think Im "too depressing" or want to be alone your wrong...,... and, as much as it's possible, I need you to understand me and not judge me. I judge myself enough. This isnt something I can just "snap out of"..if it was that easy do you not think I would have by now. If I could control this illness I would. I dont like to feel stuck in the bottomless pit of despair, I would rather be out and enjoying life, feeling free fromt he chains of my mind. I would like to be like you but Im not. I have had to accept this illness and I hope one day you can to because when I have your support and understanding Im stronger and have more hope and days of remission can be cherished with you.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
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I have been suffering with depression for 8 years and there are good and bad days. There are days that I want to run away and then there are days that I am happy and ok. The worst days are the hopeless ones or worthless ones. I am going to a depression class which has helped me to understand this sickness and help others to realize that you just can't "snap out if it".
It was just by chance that I read this letter and a lightning bolt came at me out of the blue. Depression for me is a daily given since I have a child with autism and cry for everything he is missing in life and is cheated of for whatever reason. Where is his perpose for being here. I can't help blaming myself but for what? Some days for me a fine but most days, I can't sleep at night because I fear for him, then I sleep all day. It has taken over my life.
I can really relate to you. I have experience all of these feelings. Being a prisoner in my own mind and body. I also have slept my days away with no energy or desire to even bathe. The guilt is immense and I yearn for those good days when I was inspired and full of optimism and hope. I want to live because I was meant to live. Breathing is a chore at times and I struggle to inhale oxygen to sustain me. Having people around helps a bit, but everyone seems to be in their own world and it's true people don't really like being hearing or being around depressed people. Even my prayer life is suffering. I try just praising God because in the past it has liberated me and I feel free, but even that takes so much effort and energy from by very being. I'm usually the person doing the encouraging and when life to me seems a blur and joyless, it really places me out of character. It's as if someone else has invaded my body, soul and mind. This is turn, causes me much anxiety and sadness.
But, as you say a physical illness is apparent, but depression is emotional but cause extreme pain and sadness. The greatest relief is sometimes a good cry, but it alleviates the pressure on your heart. People look at it as a weakness and try to talk you out of feeling this way. You want to believe it, but somehow you just can’t. If only they could understand that it is what you want to do more than anything.
I am now considering going to therapy and seeking the advice of my doctor. THANKS FOR SHARING.
To hopeful7
I know exactly how you feel. I hate it with a passion. Its usually when satan knows Im in that state of mind set and thats when Im hit the hardest....you just want to crawl in a hole for weeks and stay there, at least that's how it makes me feel. I don't even have the energy to fight back. Praise is the best thing that we both can do at that moment. I have to make myself read the Word, that is where we will get out strength and satan knows that. I know we are going to be experiencing the GREATEST out pouring of God's spirit SOON, and the devil is a liar!! Hold on with me!! It will SOON be all over!! God see's and knows our hearts. He WILL set us free!!! Take courage!
It's on its way!!!!
God Bless YOU!!!
Thank-you for this.
I am always misunderstood always told you're lazy that's why you're depressed or just stop thinking so negatively if you went out more and thought positively you wouldn't be this way.
put a smile on your face
Get out of your house.
Go for A walk
call a friend on the phone
UGHERS
Ok maybe these may help for people who are just feeling down
But I do not just feel down I've struggled with this for many years and now that i am actually seeking help for it the dr says you're just lazy that's why your depressed. Thing is I'm not lazy.
I have my high moments I live for those moments I hate feeling so darn low and I keep praying that Jesus will one day help me never to be depressed again.
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