This post is timely for me today, as I am having huge struggles on my job. I am obssessing over things and people and it’s not good.
I am already on limited disability, but we need the medical benefits. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and unsafe. Every time I go to work, I am angry and rageful. I’m not dealing with other people well at all. I already cut my hours down at work, but that’s not helping either.
It’s getting very dark for me right now. I’m weary and I feel like I’m not going to make it.

Therese,
This subject is right on with me at the present. As you and some of our readers know I am disabled and do not work outside the home anymore. I am a fulltime caregiver to my 79 yr old Mother who suffers from Schizophrenia,Depression and now Dementia. It has to be the hardest job I have ever had. Because I do not get an actual pay check for it and very little recognition it has also got to be the most difficult and stressful job I have ever had! When I worked as a Paralegal at Law Firms I was treated with respect, paid good for my time, my self esteem was definitely stroked more than it is now here at the house.
I admire the HELL out of you T. Being able to not only be a wife to Eric, a mother to your children and all that entails but on top of all of that to be an established writer! Beyond Blue has been such a wonderful gift you have given to all of us. I know that you have been doing alot of Inner child work, working on your own issues aside from trying to be of assistance to all of us with ours. I was not aware of today being Bosses day. But since you are the creator and this site is your baby I guess that makes you our Boss, or the Boss of this site anyway, ha. So Happy Bosses Day to a friend who I want to give recognition to not only today but always.
love ya, Mary Anne

Some mornings, the only two things that get me out of bed are Schumie (my dog) and the need to, as I joke, “earn bones” for her.
There are times when even my beloved Ana can’t reach me …

So much truth to this topic. I work full time but some days it is so hard to just put one foot on the floor and get out of bed. But I have to. Job responsibilities and family responsibilities (as main provider) do not allow the depression “to win”. Some times I find myself angered by people who say they are disabled by mental illness (depression specifically). I believe the only way that can happen is one has the means to let it happen. To just give up and let your family down and then to rely on society or government to take care is just plain wrong and a cop out. I dont mean to sound mean or uncaring. It’s how I feel and maybe, a bit of sour grapes, because some days I just need to shut down…….and I cant.
Earlier this week an employee of mine, who I supervise, spent two days at home, sick days if you will, with fever and stomach virus. No question asked, everyone understood. “Get well, see you in a few days.” I cant imagine calling in and saying, “I’m depressed, cant get out of bed, cant think, am so numb I can hardly move”.
Is depression an illness. Not sure. It surely is not accepted as such, save for the pharmaceutical and psychiatric community of owe their livelihood to such labels.
So, each day I suck it up and move on.

Hi Im Trish, working is a hard task for me when Im feeling so depressed and the BP is kicking me . the people that i work with do know when im feeling bad and they really push my buttons.Im a very good worker, I help everyone mostly I will overdo myself.they know about my illness and it don;t matter,I have been through hell most of my life started very young, have had two mental breakdowns im on meds .Im going through seperation from my husband three years now after 36 years of marrage.Im alone ,keep to myself. just me and my two dogs. Its very hard to get through a day when people do things to hurt you . I feel a lot of times just ending it all. but what keeps me going is my child,,,,,,shes so loves me and needs me and i dont wont to hurt her that way,,,,,,,,,but its really hard!!!

I’m a new reader, and this post is eerily timely for me. I just got the paperwork in to take a medical leave for depression. I can understand Creston’s point above; but I’m a teacher. When I start having morning where I cry uncontrollably and nothing can make it stop, or anything retriggers it, there is no way I can perform my job satisfactorily. Teaching is such a stressful job that there are teachers without mood disorders who break down in the classroom, burst into tears in front of the kids, etc. I think I’m doing them a disservice to go into the classroom when I can only squeak by, because they are depending on me (amongst other teachers) for their education, and for the next few weeks, at least, they can have someone that’s actually fit to teach and help them learn in the classroom while I get well enough to be more like that enthusiastic and energetic person I am at other times (I have SAD as well, and that makes it worse in the winters).
So I decided to go ahead with the medical leave–it is the option that works best for me, and, luckily for me, I have been saving up money in an emergency fund, so I can (although just barely) afford to take the time off.
It is difficult though–no one would question my decision if I’d broken my leg, developed pneumonia, or had complications from diabetes. It’s only questionable when it is depression, and when there are people who think it is not an illness, or believe it is a choice. Which is what I hate most. Who would chose to be this way?

I have found that while any occupation has its pros and cons, its the people with whom we are thrown together that can contribute more to depression. I can state in all truth that I just don’t like people. Generally, I believe most people are entirely self serving. Be in no doubt that each and every one of us are continually exploited and exploit others for our own and others agendas. Productivity = Money? Money after all is the god of the ages, but even the rich master exploiters are vulnerable to depression so “money isn’t everything” as the saying goes. Back then to the people, the master manipulators, the emotional blackmailers and even those who perhaps innocently just feel the need to be valued. After all, what are friends and family? Who are enemies and distant? Why do we actively try and change peoples opinion and mindset? From individuals right up to countries, we are constantly trying to impose our will over another. Why? Some notion of value I think, whether monetary or otherwise, it must come down to what we think we want. Want = Value? Without notions of value, we are depressed.
National Boss Day? Why not National Exploitation Day? If it were this would be a true celebration by nations. Creston above had a valid point. Sure it smats of “suck it up” like everybody else. What makes you so special? Which incidentely, is a very similar attitude to that which perpetuates a generations inequities and equities onto their offspring. His writing is not engrained in the certainties that people bombard us with each day. When I used to count myself part of the whole, a tax paying cog in the wheel, everyone who claimed depression and ‘leached’ off the rest of us were a waist. If I could get over a terrible upbringing then so could they. If I could move on from the loss of family then so could they. Perhaps more revealing of my nature was “So SHOULD they”. “Sour grapes” indeed. What I NEVER considered was: Why should they? Why should I want them too? Does my will override theirs? Without this questioning I remained special, perhaps even stronger. Oh my feeble mind.
Some time ago my black and white world fell away. No longer was there a right and wrong, friends and enemies, a good and evil. My likes are still likes although most serve only me. My hates are still hates but I am no longer fed them, whether they come from within myself or from the established order of things, I forever ask why. I literally question everything rather unquestioningly accept someone else’s truth. If I do anything today it will be to understand something to get the meaning of this near life long gut feeling. Rage, despair, anguish, depression etc., are simply words that convey meaning to some and nothing to others. Call it the World, Society, in villages and in families, we are what it made us.
I have come to understand that the root of all conflict and despair, is when one imposes it’s will to the detriment of another. Thus I am more depressed today than I ever was. The structure of the world leads us born into servitude. Born into families already under the iron grip of inequality and ineptitude, who’s twisted values lay prey in our vulnerable infancy. Even a cursory look around reveals a multitude offering their truth, begging your trust. There isn’t a man/woman alive whom I could fully trust. Not one without an agenda to serve his/her perceived reality. Living and breathing under someone else’s yoke just doesn’t sit right. That old gut feeling again.
After cursing Almighty God for much of my life, I realise now that the worlds suffering is the work of mankind. Of course half of me is still stuck in the ‘great debate’, evolution or creation, searching for meaning and purpose. The other half however, sits with the biblical Almighty who has explained the fall of man. Who has also promised his return when the time is right. For this half of me: No Almighty = No hope. Peace and good luck to us all.