new to the group with a broken hart . I feel loss over a failed relationship.

I’m new to this group. I have to say that I’m getting over a relationship of 5 years(affair). I know it wasn’t right. At the moment it felt good. It was a rush for my life but it ends. A lot of tears. But i learned a lot from that experience. We learn from our mistake. Abby

I’m just out of a very verbally abusive marriage and am looking for the strength to believe in myself again.

Terese,
I’ve been a member of beyond blue for over a year now, and have a lot to say about emotional affairs, as I am now in a romantic relationship with a friend of 25 years. I have knowledge of raising a depressed teen, having depression (managed pretty well), and living with a semi famous person who is recovering BPD, and 12 years clean an sober (him). He does public speaking, comedy and has a one man show, (That has played in two theatres in San Francisco) about his life, outing himself as mentally ill in the media. He has a lot of knowledge about mental disorders, addictions and has made a living for 30 years doing stand-up comedy and fundraising for mental health causes and homeless issues. You may check out his website dougferrari.com to see more about him. He has written books, and is currently working on a book about “what Obama has to clean up” – a humorous look at the Bush years. I would like to become more involved in this subgroup because our emotional affair (which he never realized was happening until I left my husband and moved in with him has saved both of our lives. Thanks for your attention and all the good work you do on beyond blue. It’s my favorite email of the day!
Deb

I am handling a failed relationship and a marriage going down as well. I would love some support from a group like this. I know it was not a good idea getting involved but we had over 1000 miles between us and never even so much as touched one another(we were friends from HS)rekindled last January and it lasted till June. Anyway, its taken a tole on me and I am working to get thru it as well as my failing marriage. The marriage is failing because of alcoholism…not the affair.Thanks for this group.
Denise

I need support like this. Just reading the blogs that others are having the same problems, and having the same feelings, helps me. I may not be able to disclose my emotional affair because I see this man in a professional capacity, but I need to be part of this group. I will read and comment, but not disclose. God is truly my only savior. I suffer these same thoughts and feelings as Ovidia – in the Obsessive Need to be Loved – and of those as listed above. Counting my blessings DOES help. I try not to feel sorry for myself by concentrating on those who have it much worse off than I, but when your heart is breaking and you feel so alone, it’s hard. Thanks.

Hey there:
My husband wants a divorce after 15 years. He’s wanted one for a year and we have not shared a bedroom in about that long. I met someone as a friend and now I am in love with him. I seem to be getting rejected by both at the same time although my friend wants to still see me, although he is not “invested emotionally as I am.”

Hello All,
Just wanted to say that I can relate to many of you. I just recently got out of what I thought was a “real relationship”. Turns out that a couple months ago after being with this person for almost 2 years, I find out he is married. At one point I did think to myself that this was too good to be true… It totally broke my heart, and decided to put a stop to everything (at least thats what i thought). I ended up going back to him, as much as I tried to let go, I couln’t bc I really love him. I knew it was wrong, but felt so right everytime we were together. We continued to see each other for a couple months, until I just thought I had enough, and realized that this was wrong, and it this wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I just couldn’t deal with having a guilty conscious anymore. I prayed to GOD to give me the strentgh to put a final stop to everything, and I thank GOD for giving me that strentgh. I walked away from him, and there is no turning back. Right now I’m still sad about it, and feel lonely, I still cry everynight and try to understand what is the reason for all this. Since they say things always happen for a reason. I know GOD is with me and he the only one I go to for comfort, and I will be better in time.

The group is private and require admin approval, yet others have been invited to join. Is it better then to acquire a different profile to join the group in order not to be recognized? I mean some in that group aren’t involved in emotional affairs, but they’re just there to read the posts of those who are trying to put together their lives.
My marriage of almost 39 years ended after my spouse found her ‘soulmate’ on line. It didn’t work out for her but the entire fiasco injured a lot of people, including our three adult children. I can’t say I regret this, though I suffered quite a lot over her emotional affair, only I like my life now, my relationship with my kids got stronger and friends I’ve not seen or spoken to for years came back into my life. Sometimes a breakup is a God send.

Nothing hurts as much as betrayal, trust me I’ve been there. Heart Broken, by being involved with a married man you’re it’s making you suffer, but not as much or as deep as if you were the wife of that man. I found an email in my husband’s box, from his one time mistress, a woman with a PhD in Psychology no less. A person who has spent her life going from one man (married man) to another, including having a child with a married man, breaking up a family then being left by the man for another woman. This wasn’t enough for her and she pursued my husband at a time when our marriage was at it’s most vulnerable. My marriage is finished, Kaputt, we divorced 3 years ago, but the hurt and the insecurity that this act of betrayal gave me is still with me and will be with me until I take my last breath. Meanwhile the other woman is still trying to ‘put her life together’ in the email I found in my husband’s box she recriminated him for not making good on his ‘promise’ to marry her! Who in the world accepts a marriage proposal from a married man??? and knowing that the man is married.
As the result of this affair her life unraveled and she lost her job, her daughter, the child she had with another married man, has developmental problems, she’s in her mid 50′s and has no future, yet she’s franctically searching for yet another fool to con, now she’s worried over not having a future anylonger. I doubt one day she’ll wake up to the fact that what goes around comes around, she’s spent her entire life hitting on married men, mostly cause a married man is more vulnerable than a single one. There’s more competition to be had when pursuing an unattached one.
I’ve been in psychological counseling for almost 3 years and though now the rage has left me the hurt remains with me.
Think about it all of you who give into an affair with a married man, you’re creating so much bad karma for yourself!

I just found this site and it seems to be just what I am looking for…support. Four months ago, I emailed an old boyfriend. He was my first love and I had never forgotten about him. He wrote back saying that he had never forgotten me either, this is after 40 years! Both of us are married. Almost immediately he started calling me and talking about seeing each other. Recently we got together with our spouses. We live in distant states. After we met, I thought our communications would end but they haven’t. I know he is happy in his marriage and it appears his “relationship” with me is just something “extra”. I know that my feelings for him are different from what he is feeling. My marriage is not happy. This is so painful for me, but it is very hard to end this, especially since I was the one that ended it so long ago and I know how much I hurt him. I don’t want to hurt his or my spouse by this emotional affair either. Is there anyone who is in a similar situation? I would like to hear from you.

Hi,I just had an emotional break up with a married man .he has 2 kids.initially we started with simple friendship.he used to be very caring and honest with me.i used to share my all daily problems with him.he used to listen them very patiently.then after 2 -3 months,he told me that he loves me and he has very pure feelings for me.he told me that i pray for you from my god.that you should always remain happy.he said that he prays to get me early in his next life.he claimed that he can do anything for me as he s very protective about me .he used to send me very emotional sms’s and mails.we used to chat with each other for whole and over phone too.he became a part of my routine i started missing him badly in the weekends.i cud never thought that this guy can ever ditch me in my dream too.but yes.1 thing i didnt like in him is whenevr he got the chance he tried to touch me everywhere.i always pushed him away .for that he got very upset.i made him very clear in the beginning that it will only be a emotional bonding not much coz he s a married man. he said that he doesnt luv his wife.then finally one day he was forcing me to meet him alone and i refused .then he became very angry with me on this ,scolded me too.and now its 4 months he is not talking to me at all.i m really very sad and missing that time.he s avoiding me very badly and i think he s flirting with other girls too. but i m mentally very tortured these days.i cant even beleive this that this person can be ever like this.i still cant digest it.he has changed a lot.i m very very sad .please help me and advice me.now at this stage due to recession in market i cant even leave my job.i am at marriageable age too.my parents are looking guys for me .thats an another torture ..please please help me to get out of this i really need a counselling .sorry for a lengthy message…Please help.and save me.
How could people use the name of GOD for convincing girls for a sin.I am really shocked.how can he swear false on GOD.just to make me assure that he loves me”…Please help me to get out of this.

Thanks for allowing a place to bear feelings to others. I am a married man that was involved with a single woman for over three years..I knew it wasn’t right, but it started out as what both of us wanted..I was (and still am) in a bad marriage and she was there at the right time…we fell in love over the three years and, just like Heartbroken in the first post, she became full of guilt over the affair. She started pressuring me to get a divorce, which I am still having trouble doing. As a matter of fact, she is still contacting me wanting me to get a divorce and come back to her because she is still in love with me. The only problem is that she took off cross country with another man she had only known for a few weeks the day after we broke up. I don’t know whether she really loves me or if she is playing me…I found out after we met and she confided in me that she had many relationships…she is still seeing this guy she ran away with, but I know it was just a rebound from me..God knows I should work on my marriage, but I miss her so much…any advice would help…Heartbroken here too…

I have just started a facebook support group for anyone who would like to join. I started this group to help with my healing process. Everyone is welcome to join. Search my name or “emotional affairs support group”. Just another area to find support. I believe every little bit will help.

i was in a relationship with a married man and he broke it off 3 weeks ago….he just told his wife about or relationship..(which he promised he would never do) i am married and my husband is emotionally abusive to me….i loved this man and would have left my husband for him….i am upset and emotionally killed inside that i would be treated like dirt and left to pick myself on my own….the guy i had an affair with told me he would always be there for me….i lost my job b.c of him and my best friend….i am so upset….we only had the affair for 5 months but it completely changed my world….his wife must be forgiving him b.c he is with her….i cant believe that is happening…although he does have young children and so do i….i used to be obsessed with my family and then when i started this affair with this man….i became overwhelmed with the whole affair that i would lie to be with him….i have been thru a lot in my life….sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and grew up without a father….i just dont understand why i am not worthy of anyone’s love…the man i had the affair with changed his # and got rid of all the ways he could contact me….like i was the blame for the whole affair…it was both of us…i just dont know what to do….i need support…is there anyone out there to help support me??

I have been in an affair with a married man for over 3 years. I had been in a destructive, abusive marriage for over 25 years and promised myself if I ever cheated I would divorce right away. After 6 short weeks into the affair I left with nothing. My children are grown and out of the house as well as two of his with a third age 15. He has promised over and over that he will get a divorce, but he has obligations right now. I talk to him every day, but only get the chance to see him maybe twice a month. I know I get nothing out of this relationship but heartache, but everytime I get strong enough to get out he talks me into “Just a short time more”. I feel so isolated and alone and cry every day. Does anyone feel the same way?

Dear Friends,
I am living with a man who has been sober for 20 years, suffering from depression and Bipolar disease. We have been together for 5 years, about 3 years ago he was contacted by the “love of his life” from HS. She is married but having relationships problems, it started off rather innocently then got serious about 2 years ago. When I accidently found out through a text message from a person labeled Todd I thought my partnetr was secretly gay, well that wasnt the case, we saw a counselor he promised both me and the counselor to end it and did. However about every 6 months she contacts him again, after one of those times he responded. I just found out they have been at it again since July 4 2010. I am needless to say very sad and lost. He wont acknowledge his part in it and wont tell me hes sorry. He says they are just friends am I just a fool? I feel like one. Thanks for the help, Louie