Fellow blogger John McManamy has started another blog called "Knowledge Is Necessary." I took a peak this morning and loved his recent post "Making Peace With Our Loved Ones." John writes:
At least half of the correspondence I get from readers comes from loved ones, including family members and sweethearts. Without exception, they are at a loss and their stories are heart-breaking. They are the innocent bystanders of our illness.
I've also had ample opportunity to listen to loved ones at various mental health venues, plus I am forever engaging them (or, rather, they are engaging me) in conversations in coffee shops, on public transport, everywhere. More recently, by virtue of a broken marriage to a woman with bipolar, I've have had an opportunity to sit in with a DBSA-run friends and family support group.
Believe me, our loved ones see our illness far differently than we do. We may complain that they don't understand us, but far too many of us fail to recognize the horrible abuse we have put them through.
Believe me, to live with a person with a mental illness is to live in an abusive relationship. Until we own up to this hard cold truth, we will never make peace with ourselves and our loved ones. We will always be stuck in our recovery, perpetual victims, always finding fault in the people who love us, always blaming our outrageous behavior - illness-related or not - on our illness.
To continue reading John's post, click here.
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Ouch indeed. My family has had long, long and hard struggles with mental illness. I feel so for the poster who said she was tossed away like garbage. Our family's experience has been different -- someone who needs help, and has taken it, but is incredibly self-absorbed and cannot see any other way but her way. It is draining and horrible.
I recently read a great book that kind of helps make logic out of the behaviors we've seen but not necessarily understood -- this book has been passed on to other family members. It's Life is Like a Line brilliantly written by a sufferer, Cynthia Sabotka. It's a story about a family broken by a lifetime of deceit and the mental illness that has followed them for generations -- and more importantly, I think, is that it gives insight for families searching for answers.
My best to all.
SUPPORT!!!
To CAROL: Have you EVER met a "normal" person? I haven't; we aLL have issues. It's how we react to them that indicates our "normalcy" And as for being "tossed out like trash;" You are GOD'S child, and have a place in the Kingdom. Hold your head up high, and see the LIGHT. And - good luck!
So I suppose we should all just go live in a cave????
Hey, Everyone. Thanks for your feedback. To Martha: Our families have feelings, too - that's the point I'm making.
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