John McManamy: Living With Mental Illness

There’s a side of the story I never considered. That being the one that the people who live with those who struggle with mental disorders live IN an abusive relationship. Our world is geared to thinking strictly about the person suffering the disease and not the person suffering with the person suffering from the disease.

Yes, support groups are available for the spouses of the suffering but more often the energy is on the sufferer. (As it probably should be, actually) But that leaves a huge segment out there who are berated for not understanding or not being sympathetic enough or not caring when that’s probably not true. They are jus beaten down and weary.

Reminds me of those who comment about the way I raised my kids when they have none of their own but read a few books by other people who have none of their own.

Thanks for giving me this side to look at and ponder.

As i was reading this it occured to me my own family tossed me away like yesterdays trash. I was Bi-polar and they were not educated.I had HIGHS and LOWS no in between and very energetic. I was taking some medicine's which made me worse,so against medical advice I stopped.I also had manic episodes which threw me into Drugs,and prison.Finally I had, had enough I went the my church at the time and asked Pastor for help and through Jesus and his words I learned who I was and how to control myself.I still experince certain days where I feel at a total loss but with God all things are possible.I also found my soul mate and he is always reminding me to slow down,he will say "2 seconds".Being diffrent isnt easy for me, sometimes I just want to be normal like everyone else.

Interesting, well-put article. Looking at my own recovery, I think I only became sensitized to how my actions impacted my husband when I faced some of the causes of my own depression. I oftentimes emotionally confused him with my abusive dad, and read things into his actions that didn't belong to him. He has his own faults, but I put on him my dad's as well. (Sometimes when I talk about my dad, I accidentally use my husband's name, even still.)

When I took responsibility for my actions, because depressed or not, I am responsible for my actions, it was a turning point for the better in our marriage. We still have some areas we don't agree, but at least we don't have my dad's abuse continuing to impact us.

Ouch indeed. My family has had long, long and hard struggles with mental illness. I feel so for the poster who said she was tossed away like garbage. Our family's experience has been different -- someone who needs help, and has taken it, but is incredibly self-absorbed and cannot see any other way but her way. It is draining and horrible.

I recently read a great book that kind of helps make logic out of the behaviors we've seen but not necessarily understood -- this book has been passed on to other family members. It's Life is Like a Line brilliantly written by a sufferer, Cynthia Sabotka. It's a story about a family broken by a lifetime of deceit and the mental illness that has followed them for generations -- and more importantly, I think, is that it gives insight for families searching for answers.

My best to all.

To CAROL: Have you EVER met a "normal" person? I haven't; we aLL have issues. It's how we react to them that indicates our "normalcy" And as for being "tossed out like trash;" You are GOD'S child, and have a place in the Kingdom. Hold your head up high, and see the LIGHT. And - good luck!

Hey, Everyone. Thanks for your feedback. To Martha: Our families have feelings, too - that's the point I'm making.