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Blogger friend Ovidia who writes “The Busy Time” just posted the following piece on her blog about the obsession to be loved by a certain someone. I wanted to post it, at least in part, because I’ve received such an overwhelming response to the support group that I just started last night for persons involved in or grieving an emotional affair. Last week, when I posted my “12 ways to mend a broken heart,” my in-box was full as well. Perhaps some of my BB readers will find consolation in Ovidia’s honest post. For the full text, click here.
The crux of the matter is this:
I cannot seem to get over this obsessive need to be loved by someone. A man/partner/friend-and-lover someone.
The longer I am alone and lonely, the more I desire this relationship and the sicker I get.
The more I want it and the sicker I get, the more off-putting I become and the less likely I am to find it.
Even when I am white-knuckling through the days, trying to control my thoughts and impersonate a normal person, there is stuff going on inside my heart that I cannot seem to control.
I “didn’t meet” someone at a work function last month, but was intrigued. Became Facebook friends, discovered he was single and his dogs were his life, and sent him a raft of helpful (?) messages when they got out and were lost, briefly.
Wandered over to his building and introduced myself last week; had a 20 minute, very enjoyable conversation about four-leggeds, and he accepted an invitation to tour the new animal shelter Saturday.
For the rest of the week, I did everything in my power to reign in my wayward thoughts, to view them with amusement and let them go when appropriate, and to concentrate on the fact that if I was going to have someone come over, I was going to have to clean the living room and the kitchen and that was A Good Thing, no matter WHAT the circumstances. Confessed all to my therapist Thursday and got some helpful advice as well as encouragement that I was on the right track.
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Previous Posts
Love Deeply ...
posted 6:00:28am Feb. 13, 2012 | read full post »
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posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
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posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post »
The Treasures of Darkness
posted 6:06:40am Feb. 06, 2012 | read full post »
On Groundhog Day: 12 Winter Depression Busters
posted 6:30:47am Feb. 02, 2012 | read full post » |
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted January 13, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I too suffer from depression. I’ve recently startaed my own blog. What about starting a web ring for depression?
darrel
http://www.hopefordepression.blogspot.com
posted January 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Someone… Anyone to feel as excited to see me as I am to see them. That’s all we ask for. Anyone. “Hi, I’m Frank” and you are….?
Oh, I see the roll of the eye, only a hint of one but I know it’s there because I have put it there so many times before with so many people.
I am fun to be with… I am, I scream to no one but myself… No one listens anyway so why bother to say it… To scream it!
Yes, all those around me think of me as whole but I am not, I am lonely and alone behind this smile. Can’t you see? Can’t you see?
No… You can’t because you don’t care to look with eyes that only look to the surface or look for the “main squeeze” who completes your ensemble. Your surface ensemble…
Home.
Alone.
What’s the sense to it all? I just don’t know… Maybe tomorrow will be different…
**********************
I understand
God Bless
Frank
posted January 14, 2009 at 3:31 am
Frank i so understand where you are comeing from.If people would look past the outer appearance to the heart they would find some of the most beautiful people.But sadly we get judged by societies standards.Everyone should take time to realize that just a smile or kind word can make a world of differance in someones life.
Lonely in Ohio.
posted January 16, 2009 at 10:47 am
Hi, my name is Susan & I also suffer from depression.
I too can relate to what people say & think, I can trueley say the only person I can turn to is GOD. He has seen me threw a’lot. When I get depressed I want to just craul in a hole & hide from everyone.
I have 3 beautiful children & 3 beautiful grandkids they are my life.
So why am I depressed ?
I turn to drinking & all that seem’s to do is upset me more & upset my children. So then I think why do I make things worse ?
I feel like what the heck why not I give up on myself alot & just think why not. I do believe in god & trust in him, but not in myself.
God bless all of you, & best wishes for a blessed year.
Susan.
posted January 16, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Susan, Frank, Marilyn, I can truly relate to what you are saying. If people would look in the inside and not be so cruel to the outside of someone they could really understand the love. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone and depressed, but I also need to know that someone is going to be there no matter what.
posted January 16, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I can empathize with all thats being said here, i to am lonely and i try to meet people but people tend sometimes to be so fake. They say all they want is to meet a wonderful person but they also have a certain type of person in mind and dont look past the physical appearance. Then they wonder why they cant meet someone. i wish people would say what they mean and mean what they say.
posted January 16, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Hi All,
I hear so much pain in your words and I want you to know I too have been there and sometimes still go there. What comforts me is knowing that I always get through it. In other words, after the dark there is always a dawn. ALWAYS is the key. Even if you think you trust in nothing, you do trust that the Sun always comes up in the morning. It always does. And the same goes with your depression or loneliness. Believe that you will get better, know that you will get better. If you say you will not, then guess what? You are right. But if you believe you will get better or better yet, that you are better, then the universe has to grant you that. Just like the Sun comes up in the morning. It’s the way it works. You must make your request and have faith that it’s on it way. The universe always grants your wishes. Another thing I learned is that Jesus lives in each and every one of us. He is with you even in your loneliness, He lives in every one of us. So the way I like to look at that is to ask “If you saw Jesus would you take care of Him, give him what He needs, be a friend to Him, and love Him.” For me the answer is of course. So then I have to face myself and say then what are you waiting for? Love the Jesus in you and you are loving yourself. The great thing is when you love yourself and trust yourself with all of your flaws others will too. You are a magnet for love. If this seems too much to feel right now, ask God to help you love yourself. Second, Be grateful for what everything you DO have. Focus on what you DO have, rather than what you don’t have. You have an amazing way of writing that allows others to want to interact-Be grateful for that. You have the courage to open up about your deepest feelings- be grateful for that because not everyone can be so honest. You have sought out beliefnet and support groups for yourself-be grateful for the strength, and wisdom to know that you need these resources. The list can go on and on- List all that you’re grateful for as often as you can throughout the day. Thirdly, go do something good for someone else. The best way to make friends is to be a friend. You must act out what you want. The universe (God ) responds to want you put out there.
May God Bless You, and give you peace and love.
Dreams do come true.
posted January 16, 2009 at 3:23 pm
I Am There Now, Fighting To Over Come Loneliness. I Just Overcame Depression And A Broken Heart Through Gods Love And Guidance. Now I’m Just Taking It One Day At A Time. And My Father Is With Me Every Step Of The Way. Thank God For God.
posted January 16, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Ever considered Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous?? It is an awesome 12 step group that deals with this very thing. It is based on the 12 steps of AA and helps many people overcome this desparation. I was one of them before Oct. 2008
God bless you.
Kathy Griffiths
posted January 16, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I understand, you’re not the only one feeling this. I think what makes it worst for me is knowing that every guy I have gotten serious about in the past 2 years are not interested in actually loving me in return. Rater to help them get thru their issues. I have actually met 3 guys that would have been very good matches for me, but one was trying to decided if he should go back to his ex wife, 2 more were just using me to build the courage to actually try for a serious relationship with someone else, anyone else. I know it is frustrating and it only makes you more cynical.