Rethinking the Term, "Borderline"

What is "borderline personality disorder"? What are some of the symptoms? My wife has terrible mood swings and whenever we try to discuss them she insists that she is only reacting to something that I or our children (ages 20 and 16) have done. My journals reflect that every 15-30 days she has something to be angry and upset about and it reflects in how she responds to me and our children.

Bonnie, your question is very important - not only to you but to your child - and it has probably been asked since the 1940s. I would hope that in this "day and age" therapists would all be working to answer it.
And the comment with no name points out something that is often rejected... those of us who live with people who have personality disorders are also victims. We aren't the bad guys and we aren't always to blame. If professionals can't explain or cure their patients then how can non-professionals be held accountable?

I wish all of you well that are dealing with this issue. I felt a victim to this "disorder" myself with my ex-wife, and for the life of me could not figure out what I did wrong to cause these behaviors. Even after the divorce, brought about by her, there was one more suicide attempt, and years of treatment. For my health I did all I could to avoid contact with her as it appeared still that I was the cause of her irritation. In the midst of all this, my daughter was put into inpatient treatment for various mental disorders, very similar to my ex. Both are now in the DBT treatment program, and I am ever so grateful that my daughter seems to be doing far better. I won't comment here on my children's relationship with their mother, for obvious reasons. However, I think three very important things helped my daughter, for those of you with a child diagnosed with this. One, she is in the DBT treatment program. Two, she has developed an honest relationship with God and therefore herself, and three, she avoids contact with her mother. I realize that not all can have all three of those, but I do believe that if treatment is received, and all parties involved can have a closer relationship with God, the problem is much more easily resolved. This has been my observation, and is shared by her siblings, all of who have developed a sincere relationship with God. And no, I am not a bible thumper. I don't believe clergy would be able to help with the disorder, at least they could not in our church. I'm talking about honesty. Patience all...... I know how you feel.

Wow, Sue you need to enter the 20th (no, not 21st century). Women are not our biology. We are sooooo much more. I hope your journey leads you to some self-esteem.

Not all Borderlines are female. I am in the process of divorcing my undiagnosed BPD husband of 27 yrs. I first learned of BPD a year ago. Everything in my life fell into place as I read the symptoms, diagnostic criterion, and stories of others who had been married to a Borderline.

I wept as I realized that my husband's aversion to mental health practitioners meant no hope for a future with him. He began acting out in threatening and destructive ways in May, and I filed for divorce with a restraining order in June.

Not untypically, he has vilified me and has made himself out to be the victim. He "cannot understand" why I got the RO or how I could "lie" about him and be "so cruel." This after his written and verbal threats concerning his guns, and his threats (on tape) to "destroy [my] personal property and everything inside the house because it all belongs to [him]."

Long story short, BPD destroys relationships. Our 15 yr old daughter is so upset by her dad's outbursts and unpredictability that she has hardly spoken to him since Nov.

Great resource:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

It's sad when the people you love cannot be a part of your life.