Video: On Death and Dying

Oh Therese- I'm so sorry. Very moving video.

Hi Therese,
I am sorry for your loss.
Death comes as such a shock to us all, we never want it to happen. I experienced my sister suddenly die of a heart attack just last January, and it was the saddest and most beautiful time in my life, because I understood death on a much deeper level. There is always one thing that comes to my mind when I hear about someone that has died, and that is there is a much bigger plan here at work then we realise. Think of the last thing Dan said May God hold you in the palm of his hand, that is just beautiful, it was like his soul was saying goodbye, and that is very powerful and is a blessing to all the people who were there, and Dan has been reborn and still is very much alive just not in a physical sense.
The loss of someone is always very sad, but as time goes on we can start and trust in a greater power whether it's God or something else, and know they have gone to a very special place where there is no suffering or illness, and they are happier then than we could ever imagine. We are all here to experience life , and to remember who we really are, and not what we can learn from life. We have to change our prepective on death it is as beautiful as birth, as we all die at the perfect moment and we all die for ourselves.

Therese, I pray for your classmate's family and for all those, including you, who suffered such a traumatic event.

Because I have the distance of not being there, and hearing you second-hand (agonized though I hear you to be in your pain), something else occurred to me.

The night before he died, Martin Luther King said famously, "I have seen the mountaintop, but I may not get there." There seems no doubt, given his words that night, that he knew the horror (or perhaps, in another interpretation, the signal from the G-d he served that his mission was complete) that was to occur the next day at his hotel.

Maybe, just maybe, on some level, your classmate "knew" (not in any earthly sense, but perhaps in a divine sense) what was about to happen and wanted to deliver a message with his last words.

In other words, maybe G-d was speaking through him. And now speaks again through you.

PS -- It may seem petty now, but you still deserve congratulations. Even your classmate, I'm sure, would acknowledge that from where he is now.

No words. Just here with you in this experience.

Thank you for sharing in the lesson of life. You are a truly beautiful soul because you see the exquisite spirituality and light that shines through each interaction...

There are two ways of spreading the light: be the candle, or be the mirror that reflects it.--Edith Wharton

Sometimes, you are both.

Dear Therese - I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you had to witness it first hand - I know how hard it is to lose loved ones - my mother committed suicide, my dad died, my son was murdered, my daughters grandparents went from vibrant, healthy strong people to dying right before my very eyes.

We don't understand nor can we ever really get over a loss - yours is so fresh honey - be easy on yourself - love yourself enough to take your time and not let anyone tell you to get going - and remember your friend always - and lean on the Lord with all you've got - I know that's what has gotten me here - because I know it's only by grace of God that I am alive today.

Be Blessed - and may the light of God surround you, the love of God enfold you, the power of God protect you and the presence of God watch over you - for wherever you are God is.

Hi I was wondering if someone can tell me how to cope with grief.My mother past away Nov 17 2008, she was 91 yrs old.Me and my mom was very close as i was the baby of the family...People tell me she went to a better place of no more pain or sorrow i know that but it still doesnt ease the pain...

Lori, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious mother. I can only tell you that it takes time to get beyond the pain and grief that you are feeling. I lost my only child (son-29 yrs old) in May 2005. I have been thru the loss of my father and my brother, however nothing prepared me for the pain and suffering that has incurred after the loss of my son. I would also feel the same if anything happened to my mother, as we are very close as well. My prayers are with you as you travel thru this emotional roller coaster of sadness, pain, regret, all the things that come with grief. I'm sure that your Mother is in a better place. Believe me, I know that that does not ease the pain right now, but it will be a comfort to you at some point in your journey.

May God Bless,
Carol B.

Dear Lori,
Time doesn't heal all wounds...LOVE does!! To lessen your grief, put your time, energy, and helpfulness to OTHERS who have no one to help them at all. There are many people, (young and old), who have no family that are willing to go to the store for them, or sit and have a cup of coffee with them, or just listen to them ramble on about the "good old days". When you give a gift of your time, you are sharing God's love, and letting them know that they still have value and worth, and that they are not alone. As you do this, God will bless you and guide you through each day and night, and soon your mind is not on YOUR GRIEF, but your HELPFULNESS to someone in need. Much love is needed in this world...so don't wait for someone to come to your rescue, if you aren't willing to go to their rescue. Much good advice for me, came when I was trying to be of service to others. God handled my grief. I am a happier person now. Soon I will see my mom again, but only in God's timing, not mine! God makes no mistakes in judgement, therefore I know taking my mom to heaven was for a wonderful reason for her. May God bless you, my child.
Love in Christ, Dreama

TO Dreama,
It may be your opinion as to what to do when dealing with grief, however, after losing a son, mother and a man I loved, all in 15 mos. I think I can say with a large degree of expertize that the ONlY thing anyone can do for those grieving and in mourning, is LISTEN when they speak , and hold them when they cry.
We dont" wait for someone to come to our rescue"...How dare you say that...where did you get that from??????I stayed in bed for a year , cried EVERYDAY. So where would I or any of us get the strength or even desire to "rescue ourselves".

I think your comments were cold and callous. AND Honestly...for someone who seems to trying to be 'Christian" I dont think Christ would have said it that way.
I was taught if you cant say something nice , BE QUIET
Pat

How ironic to get this in my inbox today. I'm sure it's some kind of divine intervention because I really need people who understand. Today is the last day my late fiance'{ Daniel } walked out of our door....to go to the hospital. { we were 3 weeks shy of our wedding day } I did not think that I would be torn up as bad this year, as it's been 10 yrs. since that very day. I've not dated since he died. He was my everything, and just a down right great man.
I'm not sure even what to write, I lost 11 super close loved ones in these 10 yrs including my dad, whom died 2 mos after my Daniel.

I'm feeling empty, and felt like I should open up.....somewhere.
That's all I can say right now, but I promise to come back and hopefuly make a new friend that understands or something. My mind is scattered, plz excuse my confused writing.

>>> Marcia

P.S. I am a Christian, and that's the only reason I am still alive.....I know this for sure. Anyone who reads this and is not of belief, plz do not get offended, I'm still a person too.

Dreama,

I did not read what was said about the Christian part you speak of, but....I'll just say this....I'm a Christian too, and no one...Christian or not should say anything negative to you, I'm sorry for that person's words....maybe they just have no idea.

For your losses....I truly care about what you went through.
This is my first time on this page......I hope to get to know some people that understand. And yourself......is someone that seems to understand all too well. I myself lost a son, he was 10 wks old, and died of dehydration and complications. I was so young and had no support. I was 22 when he died. { I'm 47 now }

Hope to talk to you again.
>>> Marcia

There's really nothing anyone can say or do that will take away that hole in ones heart when they have lost a loved one. People who say things that might hurt or seem callous usually do so out of genuine caring not realizing what they say could be misread. Most people don't know what to say or do at a time such as that.

Grieving is a natural and important process to go through. It's hard and it hurts but it does get better. It has been shown two years is the typical grieving period. The first year is the hardest and it begins to lessen during the second year. You never get over missing your loved one but in time you begin to focus more on the joy of having had them in your life more than the pain of losing them.

God Bless.
Ann

I lost my beautiful, 16yr. old son, to the choking game. I had and still have a lot of trouble, coming to terms, with this senseless death.I try to remember the good things, that made him so special. I was so lucky to have had him, for 16yrs. Yes, I do have days, where I will cry a lot. I go to the cemetery, with my coffee and have a talk to him. This seems, to help. We will always, come across, reminders. A song, a smell, a colour, a phrase, someone's voice, a book. Many things too numerous, to mention. We can only deal with this, when it happens. Every day, I thank God, for the opportunity of caring, loving and knowing this great young man. Thanks for "THE DANCE",(a beautiful Garth Brooks Song, played at his funeral.

w

It is always hard and emotionally wrenching when a loved one passes, regardless of their age. I do not use the expression that the person has been lost. Far from it, the father, mother, son, daughter or friend has been called home. They have gained the ultimate promotion and have joined God and his son in their heavenly home to be rejoined with loved ones who have gone before them. Yes, you do not get to see them everyday and talk to them in person, but you can still talk to them and they still hear you. I know it is easy to say for someone who has not just had someone pass, but with time, taking a day at a time, it does get easier. I am not suggesting for a moment that it is forgotten, far from it. Try if you can and take comfort from the fact that the person has gone home and one day, when God decides its time you will all be reunited.

To Ann:
I am sorry for your loss and it seems you have accustomed yourself to living without your loved one. You say 2 years is the grieving time. My beloved son of 44 died 5/6/06. I cry every time I think of him, I cry when I hear someone else has lost a loved one. It took me over 2 years to go to his house and go thru all of his belongings and sort them and pack them to have them shipped to my house. I can only go thru his things when someone is with me, otherwise all I do is cry and then I can't accomplish anything. I am 69 and still working full time. I am able to do my job and my friends at work have been very helpful. My daughter doesn't understand and thinks I should talk to someone. People have told her that there is no time limit on grieving. I remember hearing from Dr. Kubler Ross that there are 5 stages of grieving and we all go thru them but at different times and in no particular order. By saying that it takes 2 years may give someone the idea that if they grieve longer there is something wrong. No there is nothing wrong, I have talked to women who lost children 20 and 30 years ago and they still are grieving. Thanks for listening and I apologize if I said anything to offend you.

My heart and soul go out to you so much.April 25 2004 my beloved son Danny Watson Jr,30 yrs old,and his fiancee,Dawn Thornton,28 yrs old,were murdered in their little home my son has bought for theirselves and their 2 little boys.They had only lived there 2 months.The 2 little boys found them the next morning.The ones that did this cruel cowardly act were looking for a drug dealer that had lived 3 months before my son bought the house.Though they knew they had the wrong ones they still murdered them.Instead of gifts for his birthday,father's day or Christmas we decorate his resting place.I lost my mom to bone cancer in 2003 and in 2007 my husband lost his brother at the age of 42 to a heart attack.I stongly believe I will see my baby boy when I leave and go home on my journey to Father God for He is my real father and I love Him so.Please hurry back Jesus,this world is getting so so painful.The three thugs were caught and sent to prison never to see the light of this earth again.Thank you Father God for them being caught.But there punishment now is nothing from what our hearts are going through.

i THOUGHT THE VIDEOS WERE INTERESTING.i AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSES.i HOPE EVERYTHNG IS GOING ALRIGHT FOR YOU.rIGHT NOW i GET CABIN FEVER BECAUSE OF THE CRAPPY WEATHER WE ARE HAVING .iT SHOULD OR WILL BE WARMER IN THE NEXT TWO OR THREE DAYS SO i CAN GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.CDOLLINS@ROAD RUNNER.COM.

Therese,
You are such a sweet person...I can tell every time that I watch one of your videos.
This one had me choking back some tears.I thought about how my mother must have felt losing both of her parents in 2007 not even 4 months apart. Even though they lived long, productive lives they are still greatly missed every day.
My prayers are with you and Dan Myers' family. The way that you described your father passing is somewhat how my mother must have felt.
Thank you for sharing your grief. It is healthy for you to get it out and it Has provoked me to look at certain situations in a different light.
God bless you my friend in Christ,
Walter

If I Knew
Submitted by: redeemedgirl
Author: unknown- it was emailed to me on a 9/11 memorial email
IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be ! the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would ! give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "! I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay! ."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

Oh My Gosh!! Reading the above Poem, "IF I KNEW" , has broken my heart all over again!! The words written in that poem are all so poignant, and SO TRUE!! ...and the wounds of my broken heart have been ripped wide open again. I have lost 4 family members to death in the last 4 years...Both of my parents...My 18-month old Grandson, and my Son (my grandson's Daddy). When will the wounds of losing these people who we love, and who are closest to us, ever end...
or DOES IT?? I can't look at a picture, listen to a song, or even see families on TV without bursting into tears. Oh God, Please send the healing!!
~Misty~ (Alone in Oregon)

Therese,
I have 'dial-up' connection to the internet, so it took me a few minutes to 'download' and be able to hear your video...but after listening to it... I just want to say, that 'Yes!...it is the Sudden Deaths that are so traumatic'.. where the person is 'there' one moment, and in the next moment they are GONE!
When my parents died (two years apart), I had a few days of 'warning'... of knowing that they were going to dying, they were in the hospital in a controlled enviroment, and I was able to say 'Goodbye'.
But when my Son died, I had seen and talked to him just before I went to bed, and a few hours later, I had the deputies at my door telling me he was DEAD... after crashing into a tree just minutes before. It is hard to 'wrap your mind' around that!... to let it sink in..to let it make any sense!
Same with my grandson, he went to bed an alive and vibrant little boy.. then during the night, alone in his crib, he died of an asthma attack, struggling for air, unable to cry out...and found dead in the morning. My God, what a shock! He was only a year and a half old!! He wasn't 'supposed to' die! It took me two years to accept the fact that life and death happens in God's way, and on His timeclock...not on ours.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts on this subject.
~Misty~

Therese, Im sorry for the loss of your friend...that evening must have been very tramatic for you...seeing someone so full of life, one second, then taken the next.

I do know what you mean by contacting the people you care about just to let them know...you care. My grandmother past 7 years ago & it still seems like yesterday. She was everything to me!! I have many regrets about that day...but vowed not to ever repeat them to others that I love. Im now a very, very honest and open person with my feelings of affection towards the people I love and care about...like you spoke of in the video.

Blessings to you.............Lydia

from Melinda
I lost my beloved son was was 19yrs old. I was just seeing him become a man. In May 2007. My son had came up Georgia for the weekend with a friend of his to visit me and his three younger siblings and so we couldtake his van for emission here in Md. I just gave him the van a couple months ago so he could have reliable transportation to get back and forth to work because he just moved there in December after Christmas with his dad.my son had arrived here Saturday morning around 10:30am when I heard the knock on the door and opened the door and seen my beautiful firist born son I rejoyced giving him the biggest hug he may have ever gotton in his life. I told him I hope I want chocking him for holding him so tight. All he did was smile and felt much love. That Sunday came I jeff church early to cook a big dinner and purchase my son a bible to take back with him I high lighted everything in there really wanted him to read. I seen him only brief before leaving church and when I came home I talked with my son brief 12 midnight when he told me he was down the hill at a friends house.4am I heard gun shoots i wasn't quite sure if I was really hearing fire works because after the shots I heard fire works I never slept after hearing them. Hours later I found out my son had his life taken from him by someone he knew because he refused to commit a robbery by someone he thought was his friend by his brother. Although this person was giving avlife sentence without possibiity of parole. My life is half gone because a big peace of me left when my son left here. I do still have faith in God that my son is with our savior and that I'll be with him in our everlasting home in heaven.

I also lost a son to a car wreck in 1996 seems like yesterday it leaves a big hole in your heart. I lost my dad in 2000 and my mom dec. 13th 2008. I do not understand all of it. I just know i miss them all terribly.

DEAREST MELINDA,
MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. I KNOW YOUR HEART IS STILL HEAVY WITH SORROW BUT TRUST IN THE LORD DAY BY DAY &HE WILL GIVE YOU PEACE!

Marcia, I started crying when I read about your soon to be husband dying 3 weeks before your wedding. I can sympathize and empathize, but I cannot say I know how you're feeling. I only know that I feel a lot of pain everyday as well. My boyfriend died March of 2008, so next month it will be exactly one year. Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried. I miss him so terribly. Although my situation is not the same as yours. I wasn't about to marry my boyfriend but it was discussed, even to the point of what we would name our son if we had one. He was only 49. I feel cheated that I didn't have the chance to be Mrs. Charles Douglas Paxton. There was so much more we were supposed to share, so much more learning and growing we had to do together. I have been robbed. It was either the night before he died or two nights before he died that one of the last things he said to me on the phone was, "Mona, the only thing I could ever hope for is to go to sleep and never wake up again", and that is exactly what happened. I'm so angry, why did God grant his request? I needed him. He had a mother and brothers and a sister and friends who needed him, but he was also suffering from severe depression and alcoholism. He was terribly sad and it seemed like he had given up. I just hoped that it was going to get better and that with me by his side, I could help him fight through all of his hardships. It was a result of his massive drinking that caused his death. I'm so lost. So empty. I feel there is nothing left for me here on this earth. I pray to God every night that he set me free and take my life. I don't want to be in pain anymore. It seems to be getting worse because I keep thinking I could have done more to save him. I also hurt because I can't stop thinking about what I could have had, what could have been and what almost was. Even though it has only been not quite a year, I too have not dated. I have had other guys ask me out and show interest, but I cannot even think about touching another man or kissing another man, or even having the slightest bit of romantic feelings towards any other man. Some people say that they believe there is more than one person who was meant for you. I believe that's true in a lot of cases, but I also believe that sometimes there is only just ONE person who was meant for you and I believe that that person was my Charlie. He was my other half. My soulmate. My kindred spirit. He was all I had. He was the only hope I ever had for any kind of future. Now that has all been destroyed. I don't want to be with anybody else. I have no desire to seek anybody out. If I can't be with Charlie then I feel that I should be alone because, again, I don't believe that there is anybody else that was meant for me except Charlie. I just keep hoping and praying that I will be reunited with him again someday soon, as well as my Mother because 10 months before Charlie died, my beautiful beloved mother died as well. They both died sudden deaths. I don't know how to go on. I don't want to go on. They were both my lifelines. I know I can't kill myself, because I believe it's a sin, so did my Mother. I told her a few months before she died,(although, I didn't know she was going to die)I said that when she and my father die that I will want to kill myself, because I won't be able to go on without them. My mother told me "No", that to kill yourself is a sin. She told me, "God gave you life and He has to decide when He will take it". I told her, "Well, you won't be here, so you won't know", and then she said, "Oh, I'll know". "I will know". It was then that I gave her my word that I wouldn't kill myself. That is the only thing that is keeping me from giving up, but I don't want to continue to suffer in pain anymore either. They say that God is a merciful God, so I pray that he will release me from my pain and take me home with Him. I will pray for you, Marcia. Please let me know if you have any words or thoughts for me. I can't take the pain anymore. That's why I am praying for the Lord to take my life because He doesn't want us to suffer, right? So then He should take me because I suffer everyday. I don't know what to do. I have completely given up. I pray that God will set me free soon. God Bless You, Marcia. My heart aches for you because you had your wedding and your fiance taken away from you. It's not fair and I don't understand why we have to have people that make us happy taken from us too soon and leave us with nothing but emptiness and pain and heartache. I don't understand at all. How are you able to go on and cope with YOUR pain? Please let me know. Thank you.

Mona

I remember when my father died in 1993 and I was wondering how would I drive past the street he lived on without going into a panic. About 2 weeks after his death I had this dream that I was walking with a group of people and we were walking across a lawn toward a very large white building with pillars. I remember looking around at the people and I saw my father and he said here I am and I am alright. As the dream continued it seemed it fast-forward like a scene in a movie. I was inside the door of this building and I and a few others were welcoming a group of people into the building and a woman was looking for her daughter and I reached out to her and told her here she is and I looked down and it was a little girl. The woman was happy and went on further in the building with the others. I remember taking these people to different rooms and then sitting on the steps after watching the sun set and feeling at peace. When I awoke I felt so much peace and the dream seemed so real. I felt that I would be ok now.

Hi, Mona my name is Tammy Abbott and I couldn't help and feel the urge to speak to you about the pain you are feeling.

I was in a horrible place like that for about 4 years. My grandfather passed who was like a father to me and I held in my grief till it made me physically sick and depressed. I am a person that takes care of everyone else except myself. So I kept pressing forward and holding everything in. I seen it as a weakness if I needed anyone to help me. Then everything in my life seemed to always be in my mind God trying to punish me. So I in turn instead of depending on him sought to blame him for my situation.

I finally when I never thought I would ever be a person that would get so low to want to kill myself and I felt I had no reason to live I sought a counselor. It took 2 years before I broke down the walls I had built my whole life and cried. Then I spent another year or so with her helping me to heal.

I can honestly say I know how you feel, it's horrible and usually in the situation people who try to give you words of encouragement it doesn't help. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor many times crying uncontrollable and I never would have thought I wasn't strong enough to get through. Depression will break a strong person over time. Things that you thought you would never think of start coming into your mind. I started back in my childhood with my family problems thinking of how I failed.

This is a very long story and not just a story but a life changing event. Many times when I wanted to try to find a reason to live my emotions would not allow it. You need healing and believe me it does not happen over night. I have included my e-mail and I don't mind corresponding with you even if it's everyday because I remember I would search the internet for ways to get through depression and how to deal with grief and I never found anything that really helped. Until I found someone I could talk to that didn't know and wasn't going to judge me and was just going to listen and let me get it all out so I could get to a better place a more stable ground. I know right now you feel very unstable....you can get to a safe place. I did and now I am back at church singing and helping others.

I have found through the people I come in contact with who feel they can talk to me that they were just like me. I had the outside disguised well and the hurt was killing me on the inside. So I never take how people are on the outside most of the time you will find the most strong looking people are dealing with great tradegy and try to hold together.

I believe now that I am in a better more stable place in my life that my purpose is to now help others in a situation that I know all to well. It is a very scary place and if you don't reach out to someone you will drown in your sorrow. I want to help because that is what God wants me to do.

Please e-mail me directly if you want to just have someone you to talk to. I was there and you can get out! I am back in college and thank God I still have my husband who stayed when I was going through the worst time. I am here for you! Don't give up I know you can get through because I did and I didn't think I could. I tried several times to kill myself and thank God I didn't succeed because there was a bigger thing for me. You will get there.......

Tammy Abbott
tammyabbott@fuse.net

I have had many great losses in the passed 3 years. My daughter 29, my husband 46, My Dad, my girlfriend of 30years and her mother, a co-worker of 15 years, two close female family friends all within three years. All different emotions all painful. Losing people is hard work to get through I am standing by faith to get me through. I chose to use a natural products to battle depression, however I no I haven't had a chance to release all of the pain inside so I decided to join a group to help me through all of this especially my daughter and husband. So keep praying because I know I do not understand all of this loss or if I ever will.

How uncanny ! I lost my 31year old lovely, loving and beautiful daughter
on the 5th of February 2009. She calls me mama even at 31. I loved her so much that it hurts. I know she is with God because when she offends you, she is quick to ask for forgiveness. I did ask for beliefnet to pray for her whilst she was in hospital. She was discharged from the hospital on 31st of December 2008 and was doing fine until her transition..

Life is a gift from God, as is Love.....never say goodbye....for when a person meets the person you are....both leave with an essence of the other forever.....aho

I am home to check email and to change . My Dad lies dying as I write. I thank you for this. GOd meant for me to read this email and watch this video. Dad is 85 and has been suffereing with Alzheimers and Thrombocytopenia, a blood disorder for a long time now. The hospital sent him home last night to die at home. We, his family, are holding a death watch I guess. For so many years he was the rock we all came to. It's hard even now to let him go. We know he will be in a better place and in my own mind all I can think right now is when his spirit leaves that pain wracked , sick body his mind will be restored and he will be whole again. He will once again be David Mack Crutcher. A man after God' own heart. HE has been a CHristian most of his life and a Godly man of faith , strength and the highest integrity. I believe with all my heart the angles are present and are with him now to receive his soul unto the Lord. We are supposed to rejoice when someone goes on to the next life. ANd I know that though the body dies the spirit lives. I guess I just wanted to say something as a tribute to a good man. We are ready to let him go. But we will miss his physical presense so much. GOd bless you all and the same here- may GOd hold each of you in His Hand as he has held my Daddy in His wonderful hands.

I feel the loss so much, for my beautiful daughter, Darlene Denise, made her transition October 5, 2003. Her favorite month of the year. I will never get over her passing remembering her birthday,and special days in the year. We use to say look at the Moon and know I am thinking of you no matter where you are. I miss our good times, she suffered a lot with addictions making everyone that loved her suffer too. I still see her big smile and hear her laughter. God must have a plan, for I miss all my loved ones that have made their transition so very much. Blessings and Light to all that read this that have lost someone dear to them. Live your life and know All's Well. God Bless us all.

My older brother died on October 27, 2008, from that dreadful disease called Huntington's. He was 74 when he died and that in itself was quite remarkable. He fought hard for about 7 years, but in the end knew he would not win this and then gave up. Our family, especially me because I am writing this, miss him terribly, but he could not ask for him to live when there was anything left to live for and his suffering was horrible. He knew his Savior, Jesus Christ, and was anxious to go home with Him and get his new body! We are very thankful for that and would not wish him back in his suffering. There is tremendous comfort and victory in knowing that our loved ones are freed from this world of suffering and with the Lord. Our hope then is to be united someday when we, too, are called home. There is only one way in life and that is knowing the loving Father through His Son Jesus.

My condolences to all who have lost there love ones. On December 24, 2008, my dear grandmother Sarah Brown passed away. She would have been 85 years old on December 25, 2008. My grandmother raised me, my siblings and a lot of relatives. I can only speak for me right now because I had a bond so deep with my grandmother that only God knows. I have lost others who were also close to me but this one really hits me hard. The fact that I was not by her side when she passed add more to my pain. It has been very hard for me because we were both living in different countries and therefore I could only afford to visit her once or sometimes twice per year. I would call and check up on her progress every day. She died but her inspirations are here with me. She was a God fearing woman. She became a born again Christian when she was in her early 20s. She taught me how to pray; I use to listen to her praying and preaching the word of God which was one of my favorite things about her. She was kind, compassionate and full of strength. We all looked up to her. She was the root of the family! Talk about a good sense of humor! She would make us laugh everyday. I've missed here so much and I know time heals all wound. I embraced all the dreams I have been dreaming about her and I hold all of her precious memories close to my heart. It's hard for me to let go of the physical but I know that absent from the body present with the Lord and I also know that she is in heaven where there is no more sorrow or pain. May God bless you all.

I don't know how we all have felt by los of someone close I just know how I feel and I just hated the feel when my dad die It took me 7 years to finely get passed each year without remembering the day of his death .I was not their all my brothers and sisters were.I have always been the last to know about anything thats goes on with the family. their is one thing that all of those who still have parents alive.this is very important and it has helped me alot over the years is to get a mini casette recorder and tape some of your talks with them without them knowing would be the best. if you have not figured it out yet. this is what it gives you you can play it and hear their voice when ever you want to it helps believe me it helps you get throught the years so much better I have many tapes and have given copys to my brothers and sisters they thought it was the best gift they had every got from anyone. It is hard to be without them I am a 57m and still cry when i think of the good times we had. we must pray for the liveing not those who have passed and to the safe of all are service poeple all over the world guarding our safey from all the bad. okay LET US PRAY. Ronald B

Thanks Evelyn! Do know that God sees and knows everything? He already has a super plan in action for all of us who are grieving. He sees our hurt and pain and do remember that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Be strong in Christ! Lets all pray for patience and guidance as we grief. God Bless U!

I truly feel the pain for anyone who have to bare with the lost of someone! At this point, I am literally fighting to keep my sanity, and not die of a broken-heart.

I lost my son(DaJuan Hodges) in an unimaginable way on that horrific day of 9/11/01 in the World Trade Center; June 2004, I was faced with losing my only child/son I have left due to Testicular Cancer - at present, he is Cancer Free; December 2005, I lost my oldest brother suddenly, due to a vessel which burst in his brain; five months later (May 2006), I lost my Mom who battled Alzheimers' for 9-years; this next one I consider a lost as well (I was equally devastated) - September 2006, I got laid-off from my job after 29 years of service; January 2007, I lost my niece due to complications from kidney failure, and October 2007, I lost my grandmother due to aigments from old age - she was 100... this now leaves me with no parents or grandparents.

By the Grace of GOD, I am STILL standing... I'm leaning a little; but, I'm STILL standing. Yes, I do have my days quite often, especially with the lost of my son; but, I get back up and keep it moving. I feel as though I was shot in my heart and I didn't die, all I can do is feel the pain. I fight through it all and continue to hold my head up, and try not to let everything get ahold of me.

What helps me... I keep my love one's legacy alive, and hold all the precious memories I have of them, close to my heart, for this way, they will never be forgotten.

no need to choose a campus
you won't be going away
no rush hour traffic
no deadlines to meet
no golden retirement day

your walk through the chapel, though memorable
was not on your father's arm
but in the trembling hands of your classmates
who had never known such harm

where would you live?
would you have any kids?
would we be close to each other or fight?
would all of our lives be different
if you'd only stayed home that night?

parents out-living their children
i try not to think of that pain
snapshots, secrets and memories
in the empty bedroom remain

getting the chance to see the world
growing old with a person who loves you
these aren't guarantees even for the living
but they're our wishes for those taken too soon

these words are merely self-pity
the thoughts of those left to grieve
now, she's forever pretty
and in her mother's arms she's warmly received

------

My first interest in Beliefnet was when a prominent member of our church participated in its leadership. The letters of loss I have read are heartbreaking. Pamela Dixon's loss of her son on 9/ll and her distress over her other son's illness, which thank God, has abated and her other losses are devastating and deserve the most profound sympathy and respect.
I have fought for almost three years the appendix cancer of my daughter,48, who lost her battle in May, 2007. The terror, long waits in emergency rooms for morphine shots, creditors phoning, trying to contact her doctors for help were a nightmares to her, her stepfather, her devoted male friend and to me. When the pain became unbearable after the hospital sent her home saying there was nothing more they could do, she said "Mama, please let me die." She was holdng on because of me, my friends said. I said to this beautiful, funny and incredibly brave lady,
"There is always another act." Her biological father was a heel who left when she was seven, a time when I had remind my two children there would be another act, since she was thought of as "damaged goods" at her exacting school due to her being from a "broken home". When I pray, I pray for forgiveness of this selfish, untruthful man, who might as well have held a pistol to my daughter's head, for she saw my pain and was gun shy of marriage. Having a baby would have given her immune system a nine-month rest and recouperation. When you lose a child, it is as if your heart was pulled out of your body by giant tongs. Your life of duty makes you resemble a snake newly dead, but which continues to wiggle. I have always felt grief for the tragic events of others and did not need this to strengthen my understanding. Of course no one can know the mind of God. My own first question to God will be similar to the question of all those who have lost loved ones, especially, before the lights of their lives had full lives themselves, lives of the full cup measure they deserved: I must ask, "Dear God, Why?"

I have lost a son in a car crash 20 years ago a beautiful set of twin boys and now a husband my best friend of 48 years. If I didn't have faith in the lord which I didn't in my son death I wouldn't be hear to tell about my grief. I don't know how this e-mail arrived in my box because I had never heard of this site before. But, it is sure something I could use at this time. Blessing to all as we pave our ways through. Dot

I lost my only brother 8 months ago to lung cancer. We were so close, I talked to him every day, he was my best friend and he was there for me always. I have lost both of my parents and many friends and loved ones but nothing has affected me like the loss of my brother. I can't sleep, I see him and all his suffering he went thru all the time, each time I close my eyes, he endured so much pain....I really don't know what I'm going to do; I just can't seem to get thru this. I a Christian and know I will see him again along with my other family members but I just can't get over the pain I feel right now.

That was very beautiful, and I wish I heard it sooner. I had a fiance',we were together 6 years, and ever since I met him he taled of how the best way to go, is shooting yourself in the head. He talked like this ever since his divorce, before I met him. We broke up 3 yers ago, cause I couldn't handle his talk of suicide. Well, to make a long story short, he attempted 2 suicides, and a co]worker seen this, kept it to herself, well the 3rd time he succeeded, and shot himself in the head. He made sure it was a night that no one would find him right of way, in his cleaning business. He left behind 2 beautiful kids, and a beautiful grandchild, that was named after him. He always said he never had a legacy to leave behind. What about his beautiful family, and how they're suffering from his death. His daughter was married 4 months after his death,her Dad didn't walk her down the aisle. All this for being 12,000.00 dollars in debt. What a waste of a life. By the way he was on prozac too, for depression.

people say time heal
i lost my mom 8 months i took care of her after my dad passway 3 years ago of massive attack
i know my mom with dad
i stay home took of my mom i will do all over again

When I was in high school I met a kid that became my best friend,someone who was a brother in every way but blood.I became part of his family and he was part of mine.In April of 1973 he got cancer and died in December of 73.I was lost,devastated and mad at God and the world.It took me 2 years of hatred,bitterness,and a lot of Jack Daniels before I realized I couldn't honor my best friends life doing what I was doing..It took a lot of prayer for me to change my ways.I was brought up a believer in God and knew He could change me.I began to enjoy life and all it brings.I have had many friends die,so now I just listen to their loved ones and give them a shoulder to cry on,an ear to bend,or sometimes a butt to kick to vent on.When my super friend Duane's mom died my shirt was soaked with his tears.He's 6'2,360 lbs but he needed a shoulder.I got the email about this video the day before another friends funeral,and I listened to his wife and kids and grandkids and held them tight to help their grief.When I got back from that funeral I was told another friend had died---and I will try to be there for his family's needs.I have had just about every accident imagineable but yet GOD keeps me around.I tell friends who question why I'm not dead yet that there are a few cats who didn't get their nine lives cause I took them.Maybe I'm still here because GOD wants me to be a solace for my friends.I don't know.I just firmly believe that when I get to Heaven my friends will be waiting at the gate so we can be together again.This belief keeps me going.I've been longwinded so forgive me for that.I hope that there will always be someone to turn to for all of us who have suffered losses.

I lost my Dad from brain cancer in 2001, then in 2007 we put Mom in the hospital as she was having intense pain, over the holidays results from tests done were slow, and on jan 3 I was notified by her Dr that she was completely full of cancer from head to toe. All we can do is keep her comfortable. She died that die 1/2 hour after I spoke to the Dr. I am completely dedicated to the saying don't take your loved ones for granted. They leave so fast.
I lost my first husband in Oct 1980, the following May my grandmother died, and the following 4th of July my son was hit by a car on his bike and killed.
It seems my life is so full of death, I cannot handle it well, my husband, son and mother, wer the worst, I had mental breakdowns following thier deaths that hospitalized me.
Never ever take anyone you love for granted.

I have lost many people in my life, from friends, family, all grandparents, both parents, my son at age 3 1/2, and I KNOW they are with God in Heaven and we will be reunited one day. It still hurts. But, the Bible states that God has prepared a mansion for us all, and we will someday reside with Him and our loved ones in glory. This brings me joy and peace. We all WILL have eternal life. Meanwhile, always express your love, and NEVER take for granted. You never know when your work here will be done and God will call you home. You may have time to say goodbye...you may not. Live each day as if it were your last. And always, always, ALWAYS say thank you, I'm thinking of you, I LOVE YOU!!!! Make that call, write that letter, make ammends, say I'm sorry, hug, kiss, laugh....NOW!!!!! You never know.....

Please be aware that we are here for just a moment and that God offers an eternity as the answer. He gives us family and friends to carry us to His consolation and we must hold our people together and tell them that life should be a joy, it is not to be taken so seriously and those we lost will be with us again and to treasure all who come into our lives.

Thank you for another reminder to us all, to not take any moment for granted. I work with terminally ill patients through Hospice and am reminded daily as I listen to their life stories, discover their special gifts, and provide support during my time with them. I have learned a long time ago to say to my family and friends how much they mean to me and what impact they have had on my life. To be able to cherish the words I love you and have no regrets. In the day to day hustle and bustle, I sometimes forget what is important. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thank You for this video, My son and many of his freinds just went and are still remorsing over a very close freinds death. He was young only 21 years and had many to go. I have saved this video in hopes my son will review it or see it with someone of his other friends on utube.
This young man took his life, and he was so smart and enlightening, made everyone laugh, but just couldn't find his way. He call upon my son to come to his aid and my son did not that day.
Now my son feels sincere remorse for not going to meet with his best freind.
I just hope this helps others understand, life is here today and can be gone tomarrow. It is no ones fault, it is just the way our maker has made it. When it is our time, we are called back, there is nothing anyone can do.
I believe This young man Jeffery York, was taken because God had a better plan for him.He was a wonderful, joy, for a young man.
Sincerely,
Jamies MOM

This weekend will be 24 years as my mentor and teacher left me and no matter who you are what you are we never really get over the lost of a friend. Not a day goes by I do not think of him or how he made me feel alive again after I tried to end my own life earlier the year before but instead he showed me we are never alone and that as long as we love and care and share we never really never are alone.
My heart goes out to you and no one can take your pain away in this time of a great lost but only time will carry away the pain but never the memory of the one we love or miss..

I am so so sorry for your lost,I lost my in 2005 and lost my sister my baby sister she was 4o years old from ovarian cancer.And my dad had several strokes.Now I was diag with cancer in 2006 after giving birth to my daughter i discover a lump on my breast i had chemo for 8 session and finish in dec 06 the end of dec every thing was clear of cancer.hooray In sept of 07 had put in a debrillator because heart got weak during chemo.in Nov 0f 08 I discover another lump on the same breast yes it was cancer again,I had a macetomy will start chemo in feb 27. They have to be very careful of which medicine they have to give me because of my heart.Because with every chem your heart does get weak.So yes I truly scare of dying at home, I have 3 daughter 16,12,2 and two older boys on there own.I really say is it worth doing chemo .May God hold us in the palm of his hand.

I have watched all my nuclear family - plus two husbands - die. My father was the first - in 1969 - when I was 21. I was at home alone with him, and watched as he carried on the "death rattle" for what seemed an eternity, until the Rescue Squad got there. When we arrived at the ER, they didn't take him out of the ambulance - the nurse said sharply - "There's nothing we can do for him." I screamed three times, startling the technicians in the ER - it was just NOT possible. He was 3 weeks away from his 63 birthday.

I found my first husband dead on the bedroom floor when I returned from visiting my mother in the nursing home. He wasn't breathing, and it scared me. I called his parents and said - "It looks like Temple is dead!" They rushed over. He had had a kidney transplant when he was 17, and got along really well with it. He had had bouts of meningitis, which didn't last long. As I left that afternoon, he had a cold, but otherwise was doing OK. So when I walked in the bedroom and saw him lying there - it was HARD to take.

I lost my mother to the complications of Alzheimer's. Because I had watched the two most important people in my life die before my eyes, when they called and told me she was "crashing," I just COULDN'T drive the 40 miles to watch HER die. She had gone down to about 68 lbs; refusing to eat. The first of that month, the nursing home said she was crashing, only to survive til the end of the month. Her mind was gone - her BODY refused to give up.

Then my brother died of AIDS. He came from NY (where he was an interior designer) to "spend some time" with me 3 years before, NOT telling me he was HIV positive. He lived two years with it; then became blind and had neuropathy in his legs. He ended up in a nursing home. When they called to tell me he was "breathing his last," I couldn't go to him, either. It would have been tooo hard on me to watch him die, too.

However, my second husband passed while I held his hand for five hours. He was 19 years older than me, and we had just been married for 3 months (we were together 5 years). Unfortunately, because of an amputation, he was a morphine addict, and overlooked a pain in his stomach for a long time. I noticed he had no appetite, but didn't think anything of it. Finally, he became incoherent, and I had him admitted to the hospital with a temperature of 104 degrees. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with him, or how to treat him.

They called me 4 days later - at 1 in the morning, after I had taken my night meds - and said he was crashing. I pulled myself together, and went to the hospital. He didn't acknowledge me; just laid there. I put my head down for 45 min. to give my meds time to wear off. When I awoke, a technician came to take blood - and my husband perked up and "welcomed" him to "prick me!" But - he never said anything to me...I think that hurts more than anything. But - I continued to hold his hand - tight - for the next 4 hours, until something oozed from his mouth. As I took a tissue to wipe it - I felt his soul leave his body. He just stopped breathing - no death rattle, nothing, just silence. He passed so quickly and quietly, and so UNEXPECTEDLY. The doctor asked if they could do an autopsy - I told them YES. I didn't know what killed him...

Because of the morphine, he was unable to feel the terrible destruction that was going on in his stomach - he had a perforated ulcer that caused peritonitis. This led to a MASSIVE infection that ate him up. That did NOT make it easier to take.

To people who believe in a loving God, it IS easier to believe their loved one is in a better place. I am a strong believer, and my faith has kept me going. I live life to the fullest (although I have bipolar disorder), and try to enjoy the "little" things of life to give me joy. "I know that my Redeemer liveth." He promises us comfort for those who mourn, and joy after sorrow. To everything, a season. May He hold you in the palm of his hand, and guide you through every day you live.

Yours in Christ,
SuzanneWA

T'm 72.The last of 8 that my mother rased.I have 2 brothers out of 6.My 1 sister is gone.Both parents are gone.Mother&father gone.I gave birth to 3 girls.I have 1 living.Oldest was murred.Youngest died conplacation of diabes,from age 10 years to 47 years.My youngest brothers wife lives with us and has a handycap,and not well any more, neather is my husband.If it wernt for my Lord Jesus Christ, Id Give up.But hear I am trying to run away, and no way to get away.6 grandkids.8greatgrandkids.An a 9th. in April.I never get to see any of them.

I have had many close family members die with me in the room. Being there with them does not ever make it easier when you have to say goodbye. I also worked in a nursing home for six years with alzeminer patients. That was hard! Watching their minds go then their souls pass. Lots of deaths and it never gets easier to watch some leave. But one think that is easy is that God is always with you. God bless you!

Father in Heaven;

I ask you, please, to be with all these who have loved and lost so much. But especially the young individual who initiated this letter. I did see the video as I was able to bring it up but just going by the words written their family has suffered a grievous loss.

Father, all is done according to your plan and there is no one who knows that plan excepting you. I have faith that the lost loved one is with you in your Home just as my first wife, my dad and all of the loved I have lost.

Father. I thank you dearly for allowing me and assisting me in writing these words and I will continue to pray for Mr. Meyer and his family.

Thank you Father

Tim

on august 21,2008 . my 22yr old son was shot and killed while trying to retrieve his moped that was stolen by an 11yrold boy. his moms friend decided to pick up a shotgun and shoot at my son and roommate while they were trying to get there bikes back from this child.my son never had any experience with individuals who used guns..his life was taken from me and my family. how do you survive something like this?????you ask god "why?" over and over again, my son is a great father and amazing son(he is my rock),a perfect brother and friend..he worked hard as an electrician to provide for his children..my son didnt deserve to die..and i cant seem to go on living without him....i am dying inside everyday. everyday i am in survival mode. i find anything and everything to keep my busy.....the moments i have to myself are the most excruciating...can you imagine not being able to hold your child ever again..not able to hug and kiss him or run your hands across his tired face?? CAN YOU IMAGINE????

My husband and I had been separated for several months. He was going to the VA Hospital in Portland, OR to work in-patient with his alcohol addiction problem. I had my own demons here in Texas. I used to beg him to come home when he would take a sabatical, but this time I didn't. I got a phone call from my mother in law January 15 of this year, my husband was found dead. He extanquinated in his sleep.
I feel haunted in the fact that I didn't reach out to him and beg him to come home, like I always did before. Now he is gone. I feel guilty, and I have that coulda' shoulda' woulda' sense. I feel like if I had reached out to him, he might still be here.
His death and the circumstances surrounding his death have renewed my faith in the Lord. If I had done this before maybe he'd be here with us today.
The point I am trying to make is we need to be thankful for what we have instead of complaining about what we don't have.
This loss is so devastating that it is hard to get through each new day.
Don't wait until it is too late, you never know what will happen tomorrow and what if you aren't prepared when the Lord calls you home?

brenkaywager

My mom died in August 2004,it was very unexpected, a week before she passed, she and I had gotten into a disagreement, and I was very angry with her. i left her house, and refused to go back until I'd gotten over my anger. In the meantime, she'd gotten sick, and although she was in the hospital and kept asking for me, I was being my usual stubborn self, and refused to go and see her. My sister kept calling me and telling me to go and see her, but, still, anger was my driving force. To this day, I still suffer from pangs of guilt you would not believe, especially on her birthday, Mother's day, etc. I look back and wish to God, I could go back, and tell her how much I love her to this very day, how much I miss her, and how sorry I am for ignoring her when she needed me the most, just because of my stubborness. Take heed from this, and remember, nothing is more important then telling the ones you love how much they mean to you, everyday, take it from me, I know.

I know this might sound radical to some, but I believe that we can communicate with those that have past. By way of thoughts, outwardly spoken words, inwardly spoken words or feelings of love for that individual. I just tell my dad just how much I love him and how greatful I am to have had him in my life, even though while he was alive we didn't have the best father/son relationship. When I tell him I love him, I feel the love returned- welling up inside me (like a two way coversation).

I agree it is important to tell let the ones you love know how you feel, as often as possible.

Love to all, Roger

I have lost so many people I love. At 16 I found my Mom dead in bed. They say she died in her sleep peacefully. I needed her so much at 16, so it was very hard. My Dad had died just 11 months earlier. I thought my world had come to an end, but I carried on. I've lost 3 brothers, two husbands and my son, who was 36. That was in '99. There is no grief greater then loosing a child. He was hit by a car while crossing the street. He was so badly damaged that I could not see or hold him, which broke my heart. I hated so much after that, until I got into a bearevement program. Two years later I'm back to loving life and God. I've become stronger over time. I was so depressed that one day my daughter said to me "I want my mother back". Don't get me wrong, I still grieve and cry for all my loved ones, but I go on for them and help others cope. This is my mission in life as planned by God, and I will continue until it's my time to go. God Bless you all today and always.

I lost my mother 6 years ago, I had just graduated from high school 9 months before and was pregnant with first child. 2 months after I graduated my mother decided to move back home with her mother; since me and my brother were the last one of her kids to graduate high school. All of us were grown, and there were no one left to raise. My mother stayed gone for 6 months, then one day a week before Thanksgiving, I came home to find her sitting in the living room, waiting on me, like she would do, when I was coming home from school. I was so excited to see her, I could not stop kissing and hugging her. I looked into her eyes and could see that she did not look the same. Her eyes looked so tired and sickly. My mother died February 3, 2003. It had dawned on me months later after she died, that she came home to die, to be near us. I miss her terribly, my kids will never see her, touch her, or feel the warm hugs and kisses that we felt. As each year goes by it does not get any easier, just less hurtful. Now everyday I tell everyone who is special to me, how much they mean to me and I love them, because you never know what god has in store for you or that person!

my mother died this time last year . and i cant go on with out her but i do .
i miss her so much .
as a child my mother sent me to live with my father as my mum had all these kids and we had a bad stepfather.
i never got to know my mother till i was in my 50s. and she was the most fun loving person . and i lived with her for a short time after a devorce. then i had to leave again . and told mum i would be with her again . and i was not there when she died,
i feel so bad i wish i could turn things back,
but i cant,,