Speaking of therapy, have I ever said how much I wish I didn't need therapy? I look forward to my annual pap more the therapy. Not because I don't like my therapist - actually, I think she's brilliant. But because it is so gut wrenchingly difficult to give words to some of your feelings and thought you wish you didn't have.
That's why I loved the pointers for surviving therapy that author Sue Atkinson offers in her insightful book "Climbing Out of Depression." The following excerpt is used with permission of her publisher Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin Books.
Going into therapy is not an easy option. Some think it should be on the life events list for high stress. If it were, it would be pretty near the top! There is no doubt that therapy is though, but if we an survive, it could be the most helpful thing that we could ever do to escape depression. (No promises, of course).
Here are my rules for survival.
- It takes enormous courage, so tell the therapist if you are terrified.
- Expect it to get very much worse before it gets better.
- Even if after ten agonizing sessions you still think that the therapist hates your guts, it may be worth going on, but tell him or her.
- If the therapist is clearly an insensitive idiot [I've had a few of those], get out quickly.
- If the therapist tries to make connections between things that have been said, trying to get at what is underneath the words, and these connections make absolutely no sense whatsoever to you, it's important to say so. If the therapist's reaction is then to search further, or try another approach, that's a good sign. If, on the other hand, the explanations sound like irrelevant garbage and you say so and you get put in your place and made to feel small, that may be a signal that the therapist needs therapy as much as you do! Rapid retreat could be called for if this persists, but it is crucial to explore it first with the therapist; it could well be a key issue.
- Don't just give up. Explore all problems thoroughly.
- It might be that, if things go badly, we have unrealistic expectations. Explore this with the therapist.
- If most of what is said is jargon, it is a good idea to say so. If the response is a real attempt at communication, go on. But if it is one that makes everything all your fault and "shows clearly that blah blah blah gobbledygook gobbledygook, don't you think so, Sue?" I don't know what to suggest. I never really figured that one out.
- All therapy is painful. It's not a good idea to give it up for that reason. However, it can be a good thing to stop if life gets so overwhelming that your survival is in doubt. There is a right time for things. We need to be ready to face things. There are also some therapeutic approaches that may not be right for you at that time. It's okay to say you can't cope with it right now.
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I hear a lot of people talk about how there are "up and downs," "bumps in the road," and "conflicts with my therapist."
I have been with the same therapist for over six years and we fight all the time. It doesn't feel good at the time we are fighting, but once we discuss the problem, make up, and move forward, it seems that our relationship is stronger than before. My therapist and I have both come to believe that our relationship itself is the therapy. I kind of use my therapist as a guinea pig and our relationship as a practice run, since I haven't been this open with anyone before. Is the fighting a normal part of therapy or are we just mismatched? Or have I just been seeing him for too long? (although we've been fighting and making up since the beginning).
Any insight would be helpful.
I am on 2 waiting lists to speak with a therapist. Unfortunately, some in my family, especially those close to me, don't believe I have a problem. Is this the norm?
Many don't believe in therapy and family can be the hardest to even be open to it maybe because we want them to support us in what we are doing in our life to better ourselves & they think we are crazy or they are stuck in their ways and blind to your needs. You know what you need and how what you have been doing hasn't fixed anything.You know when it's time to find another way.
I have been blessed to have found a wonderful therapist; but after many trails to do so. A good therapist is compassionate, yet helps you, discover how you can learn and grow. We have to live in our own skins no matter why we are in therapy. I hope the person who posted and is on the waiting list to speak with a therapist finds a good one that doesn't tell you what you want to hear but compassionately and objectively helps you understand how you respond or have responded to things in the past and helps you release. I agree with Laurie that familys are blind to our needs. Why would you care if your family doesn't support your need to be in therapy. Sounds like that's just a reason to seek it, and approval from others is not what you need. Hope you all find the support they need and listen to themselves and learn to discern a good therapist as well. My therapist questions me alot and really helps me understand myself and is happy to see my progress. I don't have to see her as much anymore and she is happy about that as well. Hope we all find our way to the inner peace we are seeking. Wishing you all healing, Angel
Is it better to just tell your therapist and spouse that "the marriage relationship is over" and move on with your lives, or continue sessions that seem pointless when both know that there's no hope? And, how do you take the first steps to resolving joint ownerships of property? Can and will the therapist assist with that, if they believe that their purpose is to attempt to "rejoin" the marriage?
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