I very much like this comment on the combox of my friendship video:
This video post on friendship really hit home. I've had a lot of shame about having girlfriendships blow up. Now I can see that they were unequal, unhealthy, toxic, and needed to end, just as many dating relationships ran their course in my single years.I now have a motto, reverse paraphrasing Gloria Steinem: I no longer accept behavior from a woman that I wouldn't tolerate in a man.
The bottom line is, in any relationship -- is there mutual respect? Attention to boundaries? If a person is relentlessly negative and leaves you deflated after every contact -- that's not a friend.
I do think women, in particular, can be guilty of using their friends as complaint-receptacles -- they often assume intimacy without realizing it has to be earned, just as in a dating relationship.
I no longer feel bad about letting rotten relationships go.
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I have been single, married, divorced, then widow. over a 40 yr. period all the friends ive had turned out to be users. I was always a happy person who unfortunatly trusted everyone. So when I found out what my friends were doing to me I was shocked and hurt. Now im like a hermit and retired. My only friends are my dog and a cat. I will speak to everyone but never get close again to anyone. Finally my physical health and mental health are calming down and Im feeling pretty good. Im learning to take care of myself first and not always worry about others. I was always there for my friends in bad times. but when I had some bad times they all stayed away..So I learned my lesson and take care of number 1 and my pets..
it has just dawned on me, after 16 years, my two "best friend" do not like me. little things have crept up from time to time, but i just brushed them off. this last espsode really opened my eyes. one friend said we should have a girls night and stay over somewhere. my mother in law is in florida and said i could use her home for the girls weekend. she was excited for she has many close friends that she does a lot of things with. time was passing quickly and i needed to make plans for food and time that we would leave. i called each of them on monday and asked if they could call me on friday and let me know if they could still make it. well friday came and went. we were out but there was no voice mail left on my phone or computer. saturday i ran into one friend and she said "about the 28th i cannot make it" i said "i figured cause you did not call me friday". she in turn said she was busy but left a message saturday morning which she did not. the other friend blew me off completely which dosen't suprise knowing that the other friend can't go. if has dawnd on me that one will not do anything without the other so i was the third wheel. i was resigning myself to that fact and started to feel okay about breaking it off with them. when i read this article it made me feel a whole lot better, the weekend turned out fine. in invited two couples and their kids to come up and we are all excited to spending some time together. i had a wonderful friend who liked being with me as much as i liked being with her..she moved away but i will see her soon.
I was trying to be a good friend to someone that didnt have it so great as I did. And what ended that frienship was her talking trash about me, believe me it wasnt the first time. She always had to be the center of attention, to EVERYTHING, and It crawled up to me to pinch me ..
And yes i cried and i was mad after almost 10 years of being there for her, and trying to be compassionate, and yes she did a few things good for me cant say contrary to that fact, but telling me to have kids with someone that isnt a good person, not really trusting me, and so forth, just was toooooo much for me. I hope her the best, and as a saying goes.. i hope you have such a wonderful life, that you wont have time for me again....
best wishes to all.
We have a saying in Tibet. "If you lose your temper and get angry, bite your knuckles." This means that if you lose your temper, do not show it to others. Rather, say to yourself, "Leave it."
The Dalai Lama
I can't be friends with someone I don't trust anymore and recently I found out that my so called "best" friend had been seeing a guy I was really keen on. Of course she told me he was no good for me and that I shouldn't trust him as he was much younger and very good looking so might end up breaking my heart by cheating? She forgot to mention it would be with her though!! To make things worse he sent me a text which she'd sent him about me saying I was "bugging" her by talking about him so often!!! With friends like this, who needs enemies?
Pippa
I decided to break off a long relationship with someone who I thought was my friend. Through out the years, I have had people tell me that she wasn't my friend but I chose to ignore it. I began to realize that it was a whole lot of truth to that. Sometimes you can hang around a person who is so negative that it just starts rubbing off on you and I felt myself becoming just like her. Tired and miserable. I just woke up one day and realized that I dont want to be like this anymore, I have to change. And she was one of the first decision on my list to remove from my life. Since I have had no contact with her, my life has been in peace. I have no conviction in my life whatsoever about my decision. Even when I decided to quit talking to her, of course I got emails and text messages that were so irrevelent cause that is all they know to do, is to be immature. Thank God for revelation of the truth.
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