Beyond Blue

May 2009 Archives

Friday May 29, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

5 Rules for Living with Chronic Illness and Depression: An Interview with Elvira Aletta

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On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best to do some research and feature it in an upcoming Friday post.


Today I have the pleasure of interviewing one of my favorite therapists, Elvira Aletta, Ph.D., on a very important topic: chronic illness. I say important, because it now pertains to me (and thus is important), and I need to learn some coping techniques ASAP before I fall over, into the Big Black Hole of depression.

Dr. Aletta is a clinical psychologist, wife, mom to two teenagers and blogger, seeking the balance in upstate New York. She is working on a book "How to Have A Chronic Illness So It Doesn't Have You," and would love to hear your story about how you or someone you love thrives with chronic illness. Write to her at draletta@explorewhatsnext.com. To learn more about Dr. Aletta, check out explorewhatsnext.com.

Question: I know that you have dealt with chronic illness personally and professionally, and this is an area of specialty for you. Do you have five good rules for living with both chronic illness and depression?

Dr. Aletta: Yes, I've had my share of chronic illness. In my early twenties I was diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome, a rare kidney disease that usually affects young boys. Weird. Then in my thirties I came down with scleroderma. Never heard of that either. When we are young it is our God given right to take our health for granted. Chronic illness means getting sick and being told it's not going away, and that stinks. Our bodies have suddenly freaked out on us and we've lost control of the one thing we thought we could count on.

It's not depression if you are adjusting to a major loss. That's grief, which needs time to process. Allow yourself that time to mourn, to be angry and sad about what you've lost. You need time to accept the new reality.

Then at some point, we need to take action. If we don't, grief morphs into depression and that can make your physical illness worse.

Be aware that one or a combination of factors can cause lowered mood when you have a chronic illness:

➢ The situation. Loss. Grief.
➢ Changes in appearance, mobility, independence.
➢ The illness itself may have depression as a symptom.
➢ Pain and fatigue.
➢ Side effects of medication and other treatments.
➢ Social pressure to appear OK, especially hard if there's no diagnosis.

My five good rules to deal with it all? OK, here we go...

1. Be confident you have the right doctor.

When you have CI your relationship with your doctor is second only to your spouse or your parents. Being honest (and you must be honest!) with that person means you need to be able to trust them to hear you. If you don't have that kind of relationship get a second opinion. Shop around. In my CI career I fired three highly recommended specialists because they were jerks. Thankfully I've also had wonderful physicians who literally saved my life and my mind.

2. Define your circle of support carefully.

Isolation leads to depression and it is so easy to isolate when you feel lower then dirt. People may surprise you. Peripheral friends may step up and be terrific support while others you thought you could count on cave. If someone inside the circle asks, "How are you?" Tell them the truth. When someone outside the circle asks, lie, say, "I'm fine" and change the subject. Too often they can't handle the truth and they suck any energy you have taking care of them. A patient of mine found her mother would get hysterical at any medical news so it was better to keep her at arms length.

If someone asks if they can help say yes. Accepting help is a gift to them. Trust that someday you will be on the giving end. My patient's mother could do laundry for her and that made both of them happy. One big way someone can help is to go to doctor's visits with you. The extra eyes and ears take the pressure off you when the news is emotionally laden and important, even if the news is good.

Friday May 29, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Group Beyond Blue: Chronic Pain and Friendships

Group BB rose.jpg Group Beyond Blue member Arianna started an interesting discussion thread called "Depression/Chronic Pain and Friendships." She writes: 

As we all suffer from depression, or some other MI, I'm wondering if anyone else has the same problem I am having. One of my best friend of 30 years called last night, we spoke, when I told her my Dr. prescribed me another medication, ie nerve pain med, she freaked out, as to ''just what you need another pill to take."

Do I want to take my medications, HELL yes, if it makes me feel better and have a better quality of life, I will continue to do so. So, at this point, I will SHUT my mouth and not say anything else about the medications to my friends. I'm very honest, but this is causing problems....depression + friendships.....chronic pain + friendships..............SUCK.

To join the conversation, click here.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.

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Friday May 29, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Elvira Aletta: An Exercise to Build Self-Esteem

The following is one of my favorite posts from Elvira's fantastic blog, Explore What's Next.

Growing up how many times did you hear stuff like, "Who do you think you are?" or "Pride is a sin. Be humble." It could have been well intentioned people, like our parents, who thought they were giving us good advice or maybe it came from people who, for whatever reason, wanted us to keep our light under a rock.

There's such a thing as the kind of pride that goes before a fall. I get that. Another word for that kind of pride is hubris; the excessive, empty pride that some people on Wall Street had way back in 2008.

Pride can also be a good thing. It can nurture our self worth. Too often we don't allow ourselves to bask in that warm glow of prideful accomplishment when we've done something well. Those old voices keep us from being completely OK with it.

If you are feeling low, try this simple exercise. Close your eyes and think of things you've done in the past that made you even the tiniest bit proud. It could be something like learning to ride a bike for the first time or singing in the church choir. It may be "bigger" like closing a lucrative deal at work or climbing a mountain. If we allow it, the feeling of pride is the same no matter what value others may choose to put on it, like big or small. For once, size is not important.

My mother-in-law was the first in her family to earn a high school diploma. Her pride in that accomplishment is just as great, just as genuine, as mine in earning my Ph.D.

Getting back to the exercise. Stay with the sense of accomplishment that's in your memory. Breathe it in and let it rejuvenate your spirit in the present. No matter what is going on, you did that one thing, whatever it was. Be proud; no one can take that away from you.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.

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Thursday May 28, 2009

Categories: Video Posts

Video: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Brain!

Sharon Begley, author of "Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain" explains how training your thoughts actually changes the hard matter of your brain. She writes, "Something as seemingly insubstantial as a thought can affect the very stuff of the brain, altering neuronal connections in a way that can treat mental illness, or perhaps, lead to a greater capacity for empathy and compassion. It may even dial up the supposedly immovable happiness set point."

In this video I demonstrate, as usual.

To watch the YouTube video, click here.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.

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Thursday May 28, 2009

This Is Your Brain on Religion

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David Ian Miller posts a fascinating interview with Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of "How God Changes Your Brain" on The San Francisco Chronicle's website: SFGate.com.

Newberg's book discusses the results of brain scans conducted on more than 100 people who engaged in meditation and prayer. Writes Miller:

The research shows that the physical and emotional benefits of spiritual observances dramatically accrue over years of practice, but even recent converts exhibit healthier brains -- in one study Newburg's team scanned the brains of people who had never meditated before, then taught them simple meditative methods. After eight weeks of meditating 12 minutes a day, an evaluation showed considerable improvement in memory scores and a measurable decrease in anxiety and anger.

I encourage you to read the entire interview by clicking here. I've excerpted the first two questions below:

In your book, you write that religion is a "wonderful tool because it helps the brain perform its primary functions." Which functions are you talking about, and how does religion help those functions?

The brain has basically two main functions, globally speaking. It helps us to survive, and it helps us to adapt and grow. Religion is extremely valuable in both respects.

A lot of the new research that we've been doing shows that when people engage in religious or spiritual activities and practices, or they have religious experiences, by and large they tend to have a positive impact on a person's mental health and wellbeing. That helps them accomplish their goals, to set a path for themselves, and therefore helps them survive. At the same time, religion and spiritual pursuits help us change and grow over time by giving us a model for transforming ourselves. Ultimately, they're our way of asking ourselves to follow the ideals of what we think a good human being should be.

You measured the effects of doing a practice like meditation or prayer on the brains of long-term practitioners in different spiritual traditions. What did you notice about the brain of a meditator that's different from someone who is not meditating?

When we compare the baseline brain scans -- meaning when the person is at rest -- of long-term practitioners to those of non-practitioners, we see substantial changes in many parts of the brain.

For example, long-term meditators have higher activity in their frontal lobes, the part of the brain that helps us focus our attention and will on whatever behaviors we need to do. Another interesting finding we have noticed occurs in the thalamus, the central structure that helps different parts of the brain communicate with each other and is very involved in processing all of our sensory information. We find there is a difference in how the thalamus is acting in long-term meditators compared to non-meditators. We think this may have something to do with, on the one hand, enabling the brain to function in a heightened way, but it also suggests that it really does alter our way of looking at reality when one engages in these practices. It changes how the brain works.

To continue reading, click here.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.

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Wednesday May 27, 2009

Categories: Food and Health

4 Things Healthy Older People Have in Common

I'm, right now and right here, sitting on the peak of that so-called hill we always talk about. Things could go swell for another 40 years, at which time I'll be buried by any remaining friends. Or they could...

Wednesday May 27, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Gretchen Rubin: How Well Do You Know Yourself? Take the Happiness Quiz

Fellow blogger Gretchen Rubin is always getting me to think about what I could be doing differently or slightly better to arrive at that happiness thing people are always talking about. She offers her readers a great happiness quiz on...

Tuesday May 26, 2009

Phil Fox Rose: 7 Steps to Meditation

Thanks to Beyond Blue reader Barbara Bowman who is always turning me on to new spiritual authors and thinkers. She and many other regular readers know that I am on a forever quest to meditate. But this article she...

Tuesday May 26, 2009

How Would the Dalai Lama Treat a Mood Disorder?

I was delighted by this response to my post, "My Holistic Approach to Depression" by Beyond Blue reader Rick S.: I am a Buddhist and have meditated for 35 plus years. I teach meditation and teach Buddhist philosophy in the...

Tuesday May 26, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Leo Babauta: 11 Ways to Be Mindful When You're Busy

I just found this wonderful article on mindfulness posted on zenhabits.net by Leo Babauta. He gives us 11 ways we can be mindful. 1. Do one thing at a time. Single-task, don't multi-task. When you're pouring water, just pour...

Monday May 25, 2009

Mindful Monday: Don't Let Fear Motivate You

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...

Monday May 25, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

On Memorial Day: Thank You, Veterans

I was going to write my own thank you note to all of the men and women who have served to protect this country, but I think John Grohol does such a beautiful job on his site. He writes: This...

Friday May 22, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

Do Antidepressants Dull Emotions?An Interview with Ron Pies, M.D.

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best...

Friday May 22, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Ron Pies, M.D.: Having Problems Means Being Alive

Awhile back I ran an article that psychiatrist Ron Pies penned for The New York Times on grief and mental disorders and posted his article on Psych Central on the same topic. I find Dr. Pies to be a compassionate...

Friday May 22, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Psychiatric Times: The Couch In Crisis

Dr. Ron Pies has a blog of his own on the Psychiatric Times website. It's called "The Couch in Crisis." I took a peak today and really enjoyed his posts, especially the one titled "The McDonaldization of Psychiatry: Psychiatric Knowledge...

Friday May 22, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Actress Kirstie Alley on MOTHERS Act

Katherine Stone at Postpartum Progress has written an interesting article about Kirstie Alley's statements on Twitter: "The goal is to pre-screen pregnant mothers for depression. If they fit the bill, it is mandated treatment which is drugs. And for her...

Thursday May 21, 2009

The 8 Best Spiritual Sound Bites of Graduation Advice

I can't remember all the speeches at my commencement ceremony. But I do remember looking up on the stage to see my best friend, the valedictorian of our class, sitting there among all the luminaries, and wondering how in...

Thursday May 21, 2009

Oprah's Wellesley Commencement Address

I love Oprah's advice to graduates in her Wellesley College address. You can read the entire speech by clicking here. This is my favorite paragraph: I remember being taken off the air in Baltimore, being told that I was...

Thursday May 21, 2009

Anna Quindlen: Enjoy the View

Another story that helps me to put things into proper perspective is a passage from Anna Quindlen's "A Short Guide to a Happy Life." The text was originally her commencement address to Villanova University. Click here for the entire speech....

Wednesday May 20, 2009

Want to Be Happier? Kiss More, Hug More, Love More

I've always known that my sensitivity and deep affection for people can often become a source of my depression. There are many days I wish I didn't care so much ... you know, about the woman in the back...

Wednesday May 20, 2009

Categories: Anxiety, Mental Health

Recession Anxiety: 8 Tips To Manage Financial Stress

I'm reposting this piece on recession anxiety since I will be discussing it on ABC News Radio with Host/Correspondent Richard H. Davies. The show is called "Hey! It's Your Money!" "It's Gone!" Just kidding. (The last sentence.) Like most...

Tuesday May 19, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

Why Antidepressants Do Live Up to the Hype: I See a Cup Half Full

I always get a little irritated with articles like the one just published in Time magazine: "Why Antidepressants Don't Live Up to the Hype" by John Cloud. Why? Because I know that somewhere out there is a person who...

Tuesday May 19, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

To What Extent Can Buddhism Help with Depression?

I read with curiosity Beliefnet's new blog called "One City: A Buddhist Blog for Everyone," in particularly the post titled "To What Extent Can Buddhism Help With Depression?" because was sort of waiting for the anti-med talk. But Denise Abatemarco...

Monday May 18, 2009

Mindful Monday: I Believe in Angels

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...

Monday May 18, 2009

Angels In My Hair: This Life Has Meaning

The following excerpt is reprinted from "Angels In My Hair: The True Story of a Modern-Day Mystic" with permission by Doubleday.  One particular day, some months after Joe's death, I was finding it really hard to cope. I had...

Friday May 15, 2009

5 Ways Churches Can Minister to Those with Mental Illness

Awhile back Mark Brown of Brownblog asked me to write two blog posts: one about how you grow your faith as a person with a mental illness, which he published awhile back, and one about what churches can do to...

Friday May 15, 2009

How Facebook, Twitter, and Google Might Affect the Church

Mark Brown of Brownblog posted a fascinating piece on how the digital revolution might affect the Church. He writes:What do we need to do to ready ourselves for the digital revolution?  First up, we need to recognize the utter...

Friday May 15, 2009

Group Beyond Blue: Church + Mental Illness

Group Beyond Blue member Belleo started a wonderful discussion thread called "Church + Mental Illness." Weigh in with your thoughts on how the church could do a better job of reaching out to those who suffer from mental illnesses....

Friday May 15, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Brownblog: Is Faith Good For Your Health?

Many thanks to Mark Brown of Brownblog.com who is taking the topic of mental illness very seriously in his ministry to help the church be the anchor so many people need. He linked to my "8 Ways Faith Can Heal"...

Thursday May 14, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Survey Says: Spirituality and Faith Are Important to Recovery From Depression

In April, blogger John McManamy posed this question to his readers: "How important is faith and spirituality in your recovery?" And he shared the results in a recent blog post that you can get to by clicking here. John...

Thursday May 14, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

The Dark Night and Clinical Depression

What's the difference between a dark night of the soul, as understood by the Spanish Carmelite mystic, St. John of the Cross, and clinical depression? It is a topic that has intrigued me for over 15 years because my senior...

Thursday May 14, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

An Excerpt from "A Hell of Mercy" by Tim Farrington

From A HELL OF MERCY by Tim Farrington. Copyright C 2009 by Tim Farrington. Reprinted by permission of HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Doubt as to whether you are in a dark night or "just depressed" is probably...

Wednesday May 13, 2009

8 Ways Faith Can Heal

In February "Time" Magazine published some fascinating articles on the "biology of belief": how faith can heal us. Folks who attend church services on Sunday have a lower risk of dying in any one year than the guys who...

Wednesday May 13, 2009

Can You Pray Your Way to Health? Some Experts Weigh In

I was searching for health and prayer stories and stumbled upon this one from Beliefnet. If you want to learn more about the real statistics on prayer, click here for the full article. Here is an excerpt:  News stories, midmorning talk...

Tuesday May 12, 2009

8 Ways to Overcome Envy

The Huffington Post just published my post, "8 Ways to Overcome Envy," and I had to post it here because I love the picture of the three toddlers. Man, they captured my expression so well! Here's the post, which...

Tuesday May 12, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

The Bad Mom Club: Who's In?

It's been three years since I published "The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World," but the controversy over who is deemed a suitable mother and who's not hasn't change an iota.  A week or...

Tuesday May 12, 2009

Categories: Parenting

An Interview with Ayelet Waldman

I found this interview with Ayelet Waldman on the amazon page of her book, "Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace." Question: Why did you write this book? Ayelet Waldman: Do you...

Tuesday May 12, 2009

Categories: Parenting

Meet Catherine Connors, author of "Their Bad Mother"

I guess Beliefnet has another bad mom onboard. I was happy to see that Catherine Connors has joined the flock of bloggers here on Beliefnet. I was especially moved by her recent post, "What Makes a Mother." She writes: ...

Monday May 11, 2009

Worry Not: I've Got Your Back

Scripture is chock full of "chill out," "hang tight," "I got ya covered," and "we're cool" verses. Among them: I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear....

Friday May 8, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

A Letter to New Moms

Blogger Katherine Stone at Postpartum Progress, will host the first annual Mother's Day Rally for Moms' Mental Health this Mother's Day. This online event will feature 24 open letters to new mothers on the importance of maternal mental health....

Friday May 8, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Amy Tiemann: Self-Care Tips for Mothers

There is a spark within each of us--I call it our "mojo"--that makes us special as individuals as well as mothers. That spark may simmer down to an ember during demanding phases of parenting, but it is essential to...

Friday May 8, 2009

Not So Happy Mother's Day: What If You're Estranged From Your Mom? Or Kids?

There's an important conversation going down on the Not So Happy Mother's Day discussion thread regarding motherhood and the not-so-happy picture. How do you celebrate Mother's Day when you don't speak to your mom? Or your kids don't speak to...

Thursday May 7, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

How Do Women Measure Self Worth?

Fellow blogger Cheryl Saban penned an interesting post on The Huffington Post the other day on how women measure their self-worth. It's a topic I've been thinking a lot about lately ... as I'm trying to shift my self-worth...

Thursday May 7, 2009

Global Spirit: Forgiveness and Healing

It's funny. I was just writing about forgiveness and healing ... remembering that quote from "The Tale of Despereaux": "There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness," and then I received this clip from Global...

Wednesday May 6, 2009

Categories: Video Posts

Video: Be a Friend to Yourself

Have you ever compared the way you shout at yourself with the way you speak to a friend? My therapist reminds me of that dichotomy almost every session. So I'm trying very hard to catch myself, and be a little...

Wednesday May 6, 2009

Fresh Living: Befriending Who We Are

Fresh Living blogger Valerie Reiss and I have been on the same wave length lately. Shortly after I taped my video on befriending ourselves, I found her blog post on the same topic. Valerie quotes Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron about...

Wednesday May 6, 2009

Henri Nouwen: Avoid All Forms of Self-Rejection

I hope you all aren't sick of Henri Nouwen. I realize I quote him, oh, every other day, but his writings capture so well the gunk in my heart. So here he is again today: You must avoid not only...

Tuesday May 5, 2009

Fr. Joe Girzone: God Is With You, God Is There

I don't know what I would do without my guardian angels -- both Ann and Fr. Joe -- and the other people that come into my life just at the right time to give me a message of hope. They...

Tuesday May 5, 2009

Nothing Happens In This World But By God

I loved this passage in my morning meditational by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, a French Jesuit: You will arrive at [peace] of mind without difficulty if you never lose sight of the great and consoling truth that nothing happens in this...

Tuesday May 5, 2009

Categories: Video Posts

Video: Escaping Depression

This video was taped last summer, but its message is evergreen. There is a reason why most psych wards integrate occupational therapy (which I've come to call "recess") into their programs. Believe it or not, painting that ugly bird house...

Monday May 4, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Mindful Monday: Can You See Your Progress?

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...

Monday May 4, 2009

Categories: Depression, Mental Health

Group Beyond Blue: Can You See Your Progress?

I started a discussion thread on Group Beyond Blue where folks are chatting about their small and big victories. To join the discussion, click here or visit Group Beyond Blue by clicking here. I especially liked this contribution from John...

Friday May 1, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Friday's Question: How Do You Get Out of the Pot (Relieve Stress)?

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best to...

Friday May 1, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

10 Stress Busters

Stress is like dark chocolate. A little of it won't kill you. In fact, small blocks here and there can be good for you, or at least give you a reason to get of bed in the morning. But...

Friday May 1, 2009

Categories: Mental Health

Fresh Living: Are You Having Enough Fun?

I love this Fresh Living post on where to begin to have some fun. Blogger Valerie Reiss gives you 50 suggestions! Go check them out. Here are a few:  1) Bounce on a trampoline 2) Watch 30 Rock on Hulu.com...

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