One of the myths surrounding mental illness is that it escapes successful people ... that the poor, weak, and ambition-free folks are the ones waiting for their prescriptions at Rite-Aid.
I know better. Because I've seen so many of my successful friends fall into the Black Hole unable to surface to light on their own. I've read the biographies of Abraham Lincoln and Art Buchwald, Jane Pauley and William Styron, and I know there was never anything weak about them.
I try to highlight the stories of successful depressives whenever I find them because I know that we need that boost of confidence ... to be reminded that our illness has nothing to do with our skills in the workplace, or our desire to accomplish great things. We just have some interesting brain wiring that takes some time and energy to figure out.
Rhonda Rowland, former medical correspondent for CNN, writes a great blog post about depression and successful people on the very cool website that she and co-founder Diana Keough launched this month called Medical Mommas. She describes the first moment her dad came to terms with his depression. Writes Rowland:
I remember the moment well. My phone rang at 9 a.m. sharp on a Saturday morning in 2002, as if my dad had been watching the clock, waiting to call.
The first words out of his mouth were: "Your mother told me about a story you're working on about some executives." He and my mom lived in Florida. At that time, my dad owned his own luxury home building business in the southwest part of the state but was beginning to phase himself out of it, in preparation for retirement. When he called, I lived in Atlanta and worked at CNN.
Yes, I was working on a story about my boss, Tom Johnson, former CEO and president of CNN. Tom and another prominent Atlanta businessman, J.B. Fuqua had recently gone public with a secret they shared: both battled severe depression.
In the story, I described their secret lives - important meetings cancelled at the last minute, lights out in their offices so they could sleep or hide, cowering in the corner and crying like a baby. These men, who appeared to hold the world in their hands, were enveloped in a deep darkness that stole their self-esteem and self worth.
Depression.
"I think I might have that," my dad said, matter of fact.
I could hardly breathe. What?! My dad is always happy. He has everything together. He's our family's patriarch. He's the go-to guy when any of us have a problem. He always listens and always has a solution. I was incredulous! How could I have missed this in my own father?
A moment later, my dad started speaking, letting his secret spill out. He told me he was in a very, very dark place and didn't know how to find his way out. I could hear the fear in his voice. Until this moment he hadn't told anyone and I could almost feel his relief as he talked. He spoke as if he was talking about someone else. A stranger.
What I did next, was what I tended to do when I was reporting stories: I tried to put my feelings in a box. It was too painful to think this was happening to my dad. He needed help and needed it fast.
You need to visit Rhonda's blog to read the rest, but what a great service she and Diana do to reach out to other successful depressives and tell them that they are not alone.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.
Rhonda Rowland's father, Gary, discusses his depression in a piece that I know will inspire many of my male readers.
You can get to it by clicking here. I have excerpted a few paragraphs below.
It's been 7 years since I received the diagnosis. I can't believe it's been that long already?
Before the diagnosis, I remember feeling very afraid, thinking I had Alzheimer's disease. It's what my mom died from when she was 88-years-old. I don't know how to explain it. I would try to psych myself up and try to talk myself out of it, to feel better and less afraid. I would ask myself why I felt so down because I had everything going for me.
I still don't know what sets me off and makes the downward spiral happen.
I don't remember when I first starting feeling depressed. I think it snuck up on me, a little at a time. All the things I loved to do--and looked forward to doing--didn't matter. I started to lose interest in them. I would start to cry when I was driving in my car. I'd be driving and crying and asking myself, ''What the hell? This is so embarrassing!''
It would happen a lot when I was driving home from my office. Anything - small things, even a billboard where an infant's hand was reaching out to an adult - would send me to tears. On the way to the office I'd sit in the parking lot trying to psych myself up to go in. I had never experienced that before and had no idea what was going on.
Some days I'd go to bed and it just didn't matter if I got up in the morning. I never thought of taking my life, but nothing seemed to matter. This was during the time when I was wondering what the hell was going on. I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong.
I didn't feel like I could tell anyone either.
To continue reading the story, click here.
Check out MedicalMommas by clicking here.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.
Just as I read Rhonda Rowland's blog post about her father seeking help for depression, I received an e-mail from Molly McVoy, M.D. who works with the American Psychiatric Association about a Father's Day survey on depression. According to the results, being a father is an important factor in a man's decision to seek help for mental health issues. On the American Psychiatric Association's website called HealthyMinds.org, a summary of the survey is published:
There are more than 6 million men suffering from depression each year, and though many try to deal with it on their own, the survey indicates that fathers are more likely to take their mental health seriously for the sake of their children. Over 90 percent of men surveyed said their role as a father or legal guardian would have an impact on their decision to seek help if they were feeling depressed.
Survey respondents were more likely to say they would encourage their fathers to seek help for depression if they are parents themselves. More than 90 percent of parents or guardians who still have contact with their fathers said they would be likely to encourage their own fathers to seek help for depression if they felt it was interfering with his work or relationships, while only 85 percent of the non-parents would encourage their father to get help.
While stigma surrounding mental health issues has declined, many men indicated that they are more comfortable discussing other health issues. Half of the men surveyed said it would be easier or equally easy to talk to their fathers about depression, while a third said it would be easier to talk to them about screening for cancer than seeking help for depression.
Visit HealthyMinds.org by clicking here.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.
On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the week!
A few days ago a friend forwarded me
a post on DailyOM.com called "Boredom: Fanning the Creative Flames." It says:
The human mind thrives on novelty. What was once a source of pleasure can become tedious after a time. Though our lives are full, boredom lurks around every corner because we innately long for new experiences. Yet boredom by its very nature is passive. In this idle state of mind, we may feel frustrated at our inability to channel our mental energy into productive or engaging tasks. We may even attempt to lose ourselves in purposeless or self-destructive pursuits. While this can be a sign of depression, it can also be an invitation issued from your mind, asking you to challenge yourself. Boredom can become the motivation that drives you to learn, explore the exotic, experiment, and harness the boundless creative energy within.
In Hindu and Buddhist traditions, boredom is perceived as a pathway to self-awareness. Boredom itself is not detrimental to the soul--it is the manner in which we respond to it that determines whether it becomes a positive or a negative influence in our lives.
A bored mind can be the canvas upon which innovation is painted and the womb in which novelty is nourished. When you identify boredom as a signal that you need to test your boundaries, it can be the force that presses you to strive for opportunities you thought were beyond your reach and to indulge your desire for adventure.
The wisdom in these words is especially important to depressives and addicts. Because the depressed person often looks to a person, place or thing, to take away her pain, and an addict does the same to dumb himself, or to avoid the uncomfortable feelings hidden underneath the addiction. In his book "The Addictive Personality," author Craig Nakken writes:
Any addictive relationship begins when a person repeatedly seeks the illusion of relief to avoid unpleasant feelings or situations. This is nurturing through avoidance--an unnatural way of taking care of one's emotional needs. At this point, addicts start to give up natural relationships and the relief they offer. They replace these relationships with the addictive relationship.
In other words, addicts, even if they have given up the addictive object, remain vulnerable to swapping the right and peaceful and sometimes-boring path with an exciting one that could get them into lots of trouble.
Boredom, then, is the door to addiction, distraction and danger or creativity, innovation, and growth.
The trickiest part is that first move. Beginning a healthy alternative. Signing up for a club. Registering for the new class. Trying a new program.
I enjoyed the Beliefnet gallery written by Darren Littlejohn, a recovering addict and author of "The 12 Step Buddhist: Enhance Recovery from Any Addiction." I'll excerpt the first few steps, and then you can find the rest by clicking here.
From the Buddhist perspective of attachment, we're all addicted to something. On some level, we are attached to what we think will make us happy and we have aversion to what will cause us suffering. The 12 Steps (originally from Alcoholics Anonymous) are a powerful set of tools to create recovery from any addiction. The wisdom of the 12 Steps can enlighten anyone--if we understand their essential principles. Check out the following 12 steps as tools to begin the journey to freedom from any addiction.
1. Practice Acceptance
For 30 seconds at a time, practice allowing everything in your world to be exactly as it is. Don't try to change, grasp, or avoid any circumstance, thought, or emotion. Practice this with everyone you come in contact with. Look them in the eyes and say to yourself, "I accept you exactly as you are." Try it in the mirror too.
2. Develop Confidence
Our lives can be confusing. The impermanence of money, relationships, jobs, and material possessions can cause us to feel like the world is unstable. We need to develop the skill of having faith or confidence in positive things. Make a list of five positive things that don't change - like a mother's love for her only child. Read it daily and add to it often.
3. Create a Place of Refuge
Our day-to-day lives are often stormy with changes and unexpected setbacks. We need to find shelter. Every day, find a quiet place to cultivate a feeling of safety. Set up a shelf in a corner of your home or office. Add flowers, gems, and images of spiritual people. Sit in this space every morning and evening. Take refuge there. Eventually, learn to take your refuge out into the world with you.
4. Make Time for Self-Examination
Instead of negative self-criticism, learn to evaluate objectively your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of three things you do well, three that you could be better at, and three that definitely need improvement. Take into account feedback from parents, spouses, teachers, and employers over the course of your life. Where were they correct? Learn to ask yourself the question, "How am I doing in this moment?" Be gentle with yourself. Don't use a hammer.
5. Set Up a Self-Honesty Team
ll great people have a sense of self-honesty. In order to achieve it, we need to take the counsel of others. Find at least one, but no more than five people in your life whose advice you are willing to follow. Invite them to be on your spiritual/self-development management team. Read them your list of strengths and weaknesses once a week for a year.
Click here for step 6.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.
Today's interview is somewhat untraditional, but I think you'll enjoy it. After I read the hilarious anecdotes in Nancy Bachrach's newly released memoir, "The Center of the Universe," I knew I had to dig a little more on how,...
The following is an excerpt from "The Center of the Universe: A Memoir" by Nancy Bachrach. Used with permission of Random House. In the ancient forest on the Right Bank of Paris lies a jewel-like island where Napoleon, just...
Optimism Software is broken into several sections, which help you to track various aspects of your recovery. For example, in the "Stay Well Strategies" section, you can list the things that you know, or suspect, are beneficial to your health....
After trying out James Bishop's Optimism Software, I became intrigued by this new wave of technology tools to help us with sanity. So it was with great interest that I looked at the new Live Happy iPhone application based...
As a member of NAMI FaithNet, which "supports faith communities in mental illness outreach, education, and advocacy," I receive their newsletters. A recent issue featured an interview by Gale Bataille and Bill Berkowitz with Jay Mahler, activist and founder of...
I was touched by this comment on the combox of my post "5 Ways Churches Can Minister to Those with Mental Illness" by Beyond Blue reader Vincent Zimmerman: Therese, I sometimes think I must be the only person diagnosed with...
I think one of the most consoling things a fellow manic depressive ever told me was that I (the person known as Therese) never disappeared during my severe depression. It felt like I did, of course. Because I could barely...
On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...
Titles like this usually make me cringe. Because I'm waiting to hear some easy solution to all the complications that arise in almost any long-term relationship. But this piece by John Grohol of Psych Central I found to be solid,...
Today I have the delight of interviewing fellow blogger, John McManamy. He is an award-winning mental health journalist and author of "Living Well with Depression and Bipolar Disorder: What Your Doctor Doesn't Tell You ... That You Need to Know"...
I have really enjoyed John McManamy's recent articles on play, and how it is absolutely crucial that we have some fun. So I invited him to elaborate a little here on that point. Hi, Therese. Many thanks for having me...
For readers like myself that still have a hard time envisioning what play really is, here's a great example. To get to the YouTube video, click here. You'll find John McManamy playing the didgeridoo. And if you don't know what...
On Mother's Day, Group Beyond Blue moderator Mel started a discussion thread for folks who have strained or distanced relationships with their moms or children. And for Father's Day, she's done the same. You can get to the Group...
(Image by Stephen Webster/Wall Street Journal) Health Journal columnist Melinda Beck penned an amazingly accurate and helpful article in the Wall Street Journal about the self-criticism that so often accompanies depression and anxiety. Not only was I delighted that she approached...
You may want to rent the movie "Austin Powers" before you watch my video on mini-me. You'll appreciate my logic a tad more. But even if you haven't watched the flick marketed toward adolescents or anyone with an adolescent sense...
My interview today is with David Borchard, Ed.D. NCC, a licensed professional counselor career management consultant with 30 years of experience helping adults identify their passions and develop a vision for the next phase of their lives. He specializes in...
I also asked David Borchard, licensed career counselor and consultant (and my father-in-law), this question: How can finding your passion, either as a new career or a pastime, contribute to better mental health? Here's what he said: The human mind...
Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Anne Naylor. A consultant in personal motivation since 1982, Anne has written three personal development books: Superlife, Superlove, and Superyou. She specializes in consulting for individuals in transition or those wishing to...
On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...
Beyond Blue reader Frank Bucher sent me a touching email after he watched my video about Henri Nouwen and the Spiritual Life. I thought his interpretation of my cone was right on, and I wanted to share it with you...
The following is one of my favorite meditations in Henri Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love."The love that came to you in particular, concrete human friendships and that awakened your dormant desire to be completely and unconditionally loved was real...
Today I have the great pleasure of interviewing a hero of mine, the brilliant mind behind PsychCentral.com, the Internet's largest and oldest mental health network ... Dr. John Grohol. John is the CEO and founder of Psych Central and...
I was just talking about this very topic to a friend: the counseling version of "Truth or Dare."He said to me, "Sometimes I'm not always that straight forward with my therapist ... Some days I just don't have it in...
I enjoyed this post from fellow Beliefnet blogger Hillary Fields about whether or not to impose when someone has, well, peculiar behaviors. In her post, "Good Neighbors: Respect Privacy, or Leap In to Lend a Hand," Hillary writes: My neighbor...
I am a bit surprised by the response on my post, "Do You Believe In Angels?" at the Huffington Post. I went back and forth on whether or not to post such a religious topic on a secular site,...
Awhile back, I included a Beliefnet interview with Joan Wester Anderson as a second post after my video on guardian angels. On the message board of that interview, Beyond Blue reader Barbara shared this story:I don't know why things happen...
I started a discussion thread on Group Beyond Blue called "Do You Believe In Guardian Angels?" To open the discussion, I write this: On my blog I discuss a book called "Angels In My Hair" by an Irish mystic...
Many thanks to Molly McVoy, M.D. of the American Psychiatric Association who forwarded me a new survey recently released by the American Psychiatric Association regarding the negative affect of the economy on women's mental health. You can read the survey...
Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Russell Bishop, currently Editor-at-Large for the Huffington Post and founder of Bishop & Bishop, a consulting and coaching company. Russell is the author of numerous articles on the power of choice and...
I thought I'd review Stephen Covey's four-quadrant model of time management, the one he explains in "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People." Maybe this time it will stick for me! To view my YouTube video, click here. To read...
The following post is a great summary of my interview with Russell Bishop. Here he further explains the difference between important and urgent, and how not to burnout. To get to his original post, click here. If you are lucky...
The most powerful line in the Khaled Hosseini's "The Kite Runner" is this: "And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good." My regrets are different from the narrator of "The Kite...
I've started a discussion group at Group Beyond Blue called "Turning Guilt Into Good" where folks are sharing stories of times they did just that. To visit our discussion, click here. To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue,...
In "Home Tonight: Further Reflections on the Parable of the Prodigal Son," Henri Nouwen writes, "The following story from Luke 15:11-32 provides the complete backdrop to my own story. Find a quiet, comfortable space, put aside preoccupations, and trust as...
On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best to...
I found this helpful blog post from "Health.com" by Dorothy Foltz-Gray and Beth Dreher on finding your ideal weight. Here are the first two steps: 1. What's your BMI?How tall you are, obviously, has a lot to do with...
Huffington Post Blogger Louise McCready recently interviewed Dr. David Kessler, author of "The End of Overeating." The Q & A was fascinating. Here are a few excerpts: LM: This book started while watching an Oprah episode. Prior to that,...
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It was with interest that I read Dr. Soram Khalsa's post on The Huffington Post about the Vitamin D epidemic in this country today. The medical doctor writes this: As a board certified internist, I have chosen, for the...
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I was also moved by Group Beyond Blue member Safehaven's response to Mali66's journal entry. Safehaven writes: Dear One, Trying to "take in" the whole picture can be very frightening. I know from experience. You feel as though the weight of the...
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On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...
The following excerpt is from Henri Nouwen's book, "The Inner Voice of Love" (the one I'm always quoting from ... it's my favorite). Whatever you are doing--watching a movie, writing a book, giving a presentation, eating, or sleeping--you have to...
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