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Mindful Monday: Turning Guilt Into Good

Monday June 8, 2009

Categories: Mental Health, Relationships

The most powerful line in the Khaled Hosseini's "The Kite Runner" is this: "And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good." My regrets are different from the narrator of "The Kite...

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Filed Under: guilt, redemption, The Kite Runner

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Tom

June 8, 2009 5:10 PM

How bout that wonderful captcha?!

Kathy

June 8, 2009 10:26 PM

It's always better to learn from someone else's mistakes than having to learn from your own, especially if you make the same one(s) again and again. When you listen to someone else's story in such a way that it evokes an empathic response from you, and allows you to learn a lesson in a relatively painless way, you not only win but you give the other person a great gift as well. Nice post.

SuzanneWA

June 9, 2009 11:52 AM

Thank God you were there for that toddler, and you reacted instinctively to the situation - good going!! This carries with it some form of "paying it forward," where, once a lesson is learned - through experience, or where someone has helped YOU out of a dangerous situation - it is almost beholden on you to do good to someone else. There are too many examples of this form of "turning guilt into good," so I'll just leave the idea for someone else to think about!!

Your Name

June 9, 2009 11:58 AM

My father is an alcoholic and my whole family -myself included - has enabled him for the past 50 years(talk about making the same mistake over and over again!). Recently, I decided that I couldn't take being around him when he was drunk and that, while I couldn't change his behavior I would change mine. I told him, my mother, my sister and my brother, that if my dad was drinking I would take my family and leave. I don't think anyone really believed me b/c when it happened (we tried to be descreet, but it didn't work), I got called some very nasty names and no one has spoken to me since. I know what I did was right, but I am still carrying around an immense burden of guilt. Does anyone have any lessons I can learn from?

Wayne G

June 9, 2009 12:14 PM

Earlier this year I lost my friend, who I thought had loved me very much, He lied to me so much that I wanted to hurt him. I lied to him about something that was very important to him and his family, I lost his friendship and now I feel so guilty about what I did and its hurting me every day. What should I do to get rid of all this guilt.

Your Name

June 9, 2009 1:32 PM

Wayne.....did your friend die? If not, you can either reach out to him and apologize or let it go. I sort of am in the same situation. I'm really mad at a friend who I felt took advantage of my generosity. I was always picking up the check and she never reciprocated. My fault--no one can take advantage of you if you don't let them. Now that she is making really good money, I am jealous but instead of confronting the issue I turned her off with a caustic tone.

Some friendships are meant to let go of.

Wayne, above all else forgive yourself. Sounds like he started the lying.

mary margaret

June 9, 2009 6:12 PM

G.U.I.L.T. = Getting Ugly In Lost Time

some cultures have no word in their language for this emotion

Your Name

June 9, 2009 8:29 PM

If there's opportunity given to me,i take it,work hard do my best! Knowing who my critics are and knowing their intentions makes me more confident.Working hard is my focus,and being grateful in every opportunity that comes way.In so doing,i shall be able to prove myself so that one day,i prove them wrong.

Nicole

June 10, 2009 12:37 PM

How do you let go?
How do you forgive yourself?

Sandy

June 10, 2009 4:05 PM

Wayne,

Perhaps you could write a letter explaining yourself and then send it to your friend or his family. If your friend accepts your friendship back that would be great, if not, I think at least a bit of weight will be lifted knowing that you gave it a try and at least got to explain yourself. If you don't hear back from your friend, at least you gave it a try and you will know it's time to "let it go" and move on with your life...???

Leeann go to

June 11, 2009 5:13 AM

Hi Therese,

AS always your blogs and videos apply in my life. Letting go and forgiving myself is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life.
I have forgave others when my dad died and realized life is to short (he died and I was not talking to him at his death), I forgave my mom and my mother and most important I asked for their forgiveness why I don't know but it brought closure to me. Now I have a teenage daughter who is almost 16 years old who has cut me out of her life. The pain of that and everything else going on in my life is out of control. My dr's and husband want me to Respite and I won't for once I want to fight and take one minute at a time or one second if I have to. I always blame myself or maybe it's b/c of certain people whom blame me for things and not long ago I went to confession. There I confessed all the sins I could think of after 7 years of not going sins that the father told me I didn't even have to confess that they were not sins. He even told me that I am way to hard on myself and I laughed and said father you hardly know me and he said everything you have told me you have taken ownership in everything, there must be others involved and to blame. Well I did what he told me to do. Guess what I still am the way I was when I walked out, I did and still do fell great about confession and the cleansing of the soul but I continue to do the same old same old. How do you get past it? How do you turn off your ears when others attack you or blame you? Will I ever believe that it is not my fault and not take the guilt and let that as well as my mental illness run my life instead of me controlling it and not it controlling me?

Thanks again
God Bless Leeann

Mary

June 13, 2009 1:23 PM

Nicole, when Bess Myerson died someone said that everyone night before she went to sleep she said "I forgive you" to herself. I thought that was so neat. So now I've been practicing that.....and also during the day when I have the usual blunders I beat myself up about and get into regrets from the past.

Say "amen" to it also and try to move forward. With practice you will find yourself freer.

It's taken me over 50 years to learn that forgiving yourself is the most important.

Jocelyn Valdez

June 15, 2009 3:33 PM

Forgiving is the only way i know that I have been able to move forward. I have to forgive people who don't like me or hate me for no reason. I did not know that people out there can hate me for being too slow or being very easy-going. I am sorry if it bugs them, but they aren't fair to me because they expect too much too fast from me or maybe they enjoy making it hard for me and try to turn me into a bitter person. I rebuke them and refuse to be bitter. I choose to love and forgive. The way I beleive it should be is that if they still want to be my friend it is great, but if they don't, then that's okay, too. Anyway nothing has been lost in my opinion, except maybe getting the chance to know one another better. Everyday is an opportunity to forgive ourselves and others for our sins and faults.
It sure feels good to get this problem off my chest and to forgive everyone who has wronged me or treated me unkind.

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