Last year when I read Sherre Hirsch's book, "We Plan, God Laughs: Ten Steps to Finding Your Divine Path When Life Is Not Turning Out Like You Wanted," I knew I wanted to interview her on Beyond Blue because I think I can confidently say that for most you, well, things aren't going as expected. And Sherre's humor on this very subject is refreshing. She was Associate Rabbi at Sinai Temple in L.A. for eight years and is currently on the nationwide faculty of Canyon Ranch.
Question: What is your biggest "disappointment," or rather "surprise," and how did you cope and move forward?
Sherre: Four months after "We Plan, God Laughs" was published, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. I had dedicated the book to her for her amazing courage and strength and I was not prepared to see her fight for her life once again. Over the next few months, I revisited a lot of the same questions that I posed in the book. She is still fighting and there are many times I have to remind myself that God is on our side, even when it does not feel like it, because with God I am stronger than alone. The paperback edition came out on June 16, the same day my mother turned 65 - it inspired me to focus on our blessings and what I can give back, so I'm donating a percentage of all book sales to The Art of the Brain.
Question: Could you provide an abbreviated version of the ten steps you offer to devise a plan that reflects, as you say, who we are now and who we want to be?
Sherre: We all have dreams of what life "should" be like--what we were supposed to do, where we were going to be at a certain age. Maybe it was a Cinderella plan: you'd marry the prince, move into a castle, and live happily ever after. Or, maybe you were going to be the head of your own company by 35, retired by 40, and living it up on an island in the Caribbean. How do you get from this life to the one you really want?
1. First, Look Back
We all get stuck in our lives. The lucky ones, once; the rest of us, quite often. In order to live the life you dream, you need to figure out what got you stuck in the first place. What is it you need to move forward from? When was it you first thought, "My life was supposed to be different?" You need to look back in order to move forward.
2. End the Excuses
If you want to move forward, you've also got to end the excuses. No more "I shoulds," "If onlys," or "Well, everyone expects me to..." Excuses are a language to mask our fears. It's time to turn those fears into faith. Figure out what it is that YOU really want. Promise yourself that, today, there will be no excuses.
3. Understand the "Now"
To discover the life you want, you need to be living in the present. When couples get married I remind them to be present--put resentments, anger, blame behind them for a moment, take a deep breath, and just be here now. To move ahead, we have to fully understand our current state. Count to three and realize that this moment is sacred.
4. Celebrate Your Divine Gifts
It's so important to realize that you are a person endowed with many gifts. Recognize these tremendous qualities and celebrate them. In the Torah, God describes himself as having 13 divine attributes. You have at least that many too! Celebrate those attributes by identifying 13--yes, 13--amazing qualities that make you, you. You have to appreciate your gifts before you can use them to discover the life you want.
5. Personalize Your Creator
So who is this creator anyhow? Your creator is your partner, your mother, your best self, and your best friend. Your creator is always by your side, through the good and the bad. Use your own language to talk to this creator--talk, laugh, cry, scream, sing. You'll discover that you are never alone on this journey, and knowing this is vital in getting wherever you want to go.
6. Your "Spark" Matters
Each one of us has a special spark. Your goal is to turn this spark into a flame and give your own light to the world. You might think of the moments that have brought you peace and meaning--what thread ran through them? You might ask a friend or look to the people who inspire you. Above all, remember, your spark matters and is helping to light our world. It can just as easily light your way in discovering the path you desire.
7. Move Forward and Up
I hate the term "settle down." Why settle? Why go down? It's time to realize that the true mark of living the life you dream is to "engage up." It is to take a chance and break the routine. Even a small step is a huge leap of courage. You are a courageous person! You are!
8. Enjoy the Ride
It is easy to judge your path when the results are obvious. Are you happy? Are you successful? But when you are on the path to living the life you want, what really matters is not the immediate outcome, but the meaning that it brings to your life. You know there is meaning when the process starts to matter more than the end results. It's then that you exude the divine beauty that shines from within.
9. Keep Asking Questions
Living a life of meaning means that you have to keep living--keep "engaging up," keep sparkling. You can only do this if you keep questioning. Doubts and questions are what make your path in life so dynamic. If you are afraid to ask and reassess, what feels fresh today may feel stale tomorrow.
10. Repairing Yourself Can Change the World
So, why should you try to live the life you dream when it is easier just to live the life you already have? Because you matter and your life will be an inspiration to those around you--your children, your friends, their children, and their grandchildren.
In Judaism, we have the task of tikkun olam, repairing the world. However, the first step in repairing the world is to repair yourself. It's true for every one of us, regardless of time, place and situation--once you begin, you too will change the world and discover the life you want.
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Rabbi Hirsch expands on a truism that famous atheist, John Lennon ("life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"), identified decades ago. And her harrowing personal experiences lend her credibility.
But the article itself sounds like pablum -- or worse, The Secret with a Judeo-Christian veneer. Maybe she just didn't summarize her ideas well enough in the interview, and checking out the book would lend more understanding?
My friend Andi sent me this today. It saved me from taking two bottles of pills this evening. I wanted to go home-to where my mother would have my bed pulled down if I were out late and where my Father would sprinkle baby powder in it because I would always be his baby. I wanted to see them and be with them. I wanted to stop reading but I could not because here was my not perfect life in front of me. The good life, the degrees the accomplishments, then the cancer, the broken marriage-broken even before cancer. The Prince of long ago, the love of my life reconnecting and rejecting me. He is wise. You must move forward. Oh my. I must read and read again. There is so much to take in. I have no one. I am alone. There is no one except God or the Universe for me. This I must believe. I have grown so thin that I can hug myself. I haven't been hugged, kissed or had physical contact for many, many years. We need this to survive. I am broken, in pieces after being whole for oh so long.
Blessings to all.
hello,i am 36yrs old and i have 3 boys an a grandboy and i got layed off from the job that i really enjoy doing and that i'm good at but after it layed me off i got so depress i didn't know what to do but eat until i could'nt eat anymore.i can't find a job,i can't pay my bills,i can't buy my kids what they need and that really stresses me out.i had a dream to but it didn't go like i wanted it to go.that really hurts when you sit there an think of how your life suppose to have been but didn't turn out like that.me and my boys are suppose to be living it up but i had a down fall and i havent been back up like that since and it is really tairing me apart.those comments that i was reading made me think back on alot of stuff.but i thank god for all the blessings that he have sent my way and keeping me from doing bads things.thanks for listening.GOD BLESS U ALL.
THANK YOU FOR THIS INSPIRING ARTICLE.... I WOULD LIKE TO READ MORE OF THESE UPLIFTING MESSAGES....
May the good Lord bless you always for spreading this articles to the whole world which gives inspirations to all who read it. May you have more interesting and inspiring articles to share with. Keep up the good work and doings you have.
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