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You know how I've been telling you all to head to the mirror and say to the gorgeous creature staring back at you: "I'm good enough, I'm strong enough, Gosh darn it, people like me!" Yah, well, forget about that now.
Because there is new research that says happy thoughts might make you sad. According The Economist:
Joanne Wood of the University of Waterloo in Canada and her colleagues designed a series of experiments [in which] they questioned a group of 68 men and women using long-accepted methods to measure self-esteem. The participants were then asked to spend four minutes writing down any thoughts and feelings that were on their minds. In the midst of this, half were randomly assigned to say to themselves, "I am a lovable person" every time they heard a bell ring. [Please don't try this at home.]
Immediately after the exercise, they were asked questions such as, "What is the probability that a 30-year-old will be involved in a happy, loving romance?" to measure individual moods using a scoring system that ranged from a low of zero to a high of 35. Past studies indicated that optimistic answers indicate happy moods.
As the researchers report in Psychological Science, those with high self-esteem who repeated "I'm a lovable person" scored an average of 31 on their mood assessment compared with an average of 25 by those who did not repeat the phrase. Among participants with low self-esteem, those making the statement scored a dismal average of 10 while those that did not managed a brighter average of 17.
Dr Wood suggests that positive self-statements cause negative moods in people with low self-esteem because they conflict with those people's views of themselves. When positive self-statements strongly conflict with self-perception, she argues, there is not mere resistance but a reinforcing of self-perception. People who view themselves as unlovable find saying that they are so unbelievable that it strengthens their own negative view rather than reversing it. Given that many readers of self-help books that encourage positive self-statements are likely to suffer from low self-esteem, they may be worse than useless.
Great news for us, right?
I can't help but think this research is related to the research study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison that used high-definition brain imaging to reveal a breakdown in the emotional processing that impairs the depressive's ability to suppress negative emotions. In fact, the more effort that depressives put into reframing thoughts--the harder they tried to think positive--the more activation there was in the amygdala, regarded by neurobiologists as a person's "fear center." Says Tom Johnstone, Ph.D. the lead study author at the University of Wisconsin:
Healthy individuals putting more cognitive effort into [reframing the content] get a bigger payoff in terms of decreasing activity in the brain's emotional response centers. In the depressed individuals, you find the exact opposite.
This was certainly the case with me. When I was suicidal, very severely depressed, the methods that I use now--that are extremely helpful in pulling me out of destructive thinking--only backfired at that time, because the more I failed at redirecting my thoughts, the more I hated myself.
Which leaves me with absolutely no conclusion for you guys. Sorry. You're damned if you ruminate on negative thoughts, and you're damned if you tell yourself lies.
Maybe just try to be quiet? Good luck with that.
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THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE IM ALWAYS FIGHTING AND TALKING TO MYSELF AN LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AN I RANT ALOT TO MYSELF ABOUT HOW I AM AT PEACE.IM A VERY SELF CENTERED PERSON WHO DOESN'T LIKE CONFRONTATION,I STAY TO MYSELF TO AVOID THOSE TYPE OF CITUATIONS.MAYBE THATS NOT HEALTHY AN MAYBE THATS WHY IM MENTALLY ILL.I AM AFFRAID OF OTHERS AN EVERYTIME I GO OUT TO PLAY I HURT MYSELF.MY SELF ESTEEM IS LOW BECAUSE I FEEL USELESS AN THAT I AM NO GOOD FOR ANYONE.I HAVN'T HAD A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP IN YEARS,AN I OFFTEN THINK OF SUICIDE.BUT THAT WON'T SOLVE ANYTHING.MAYBE ITS GOOD TO FIGHT A LIL HORSE PLAY NEVER HURT ANYONE.THEN AGAIN VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER IT JUST CREATES MORE VIOLENCE.AGAIN READING THESE STORIES AN LOGGING ONTO BELIEFNET,MY SELF ESTEEM IS SLOWLY GETTING BETTER.
It feels good to be vindicated! I've been telling therapists for years that tasks like looking in mirrors and telling myself "good" words and "fake it till you make it" doesn't work, just make me feel worse! Having grown up in a horrific abusive household and told at 29 that I should have been killed when the sperm donor had the chance (I broke off all relations right after), I have a very low self-esteem. Now at 50, I have found a way to at least quiet the roar. I have a meditation chant that calms and lets me sit in place, which allows new messages a chance to tickle some of the bad message out of the way. The four words are "Just now, let go." It is 2 meditations I found here on Beyond Blue and on an idea, combined. Inhale on Just and Let, exhale on Now and Go. "Just now, let go. Just now, let go." For this moment only, let go of the bad feelings and emotions. this allows the new ones to trickle in. Do it once a day, 1 minute the first day, increase once a week by 1 minute until you reach the amount of time you are comfortable with. As you learn to let go, it will become easier to do and in your therapy sessions, you will be able to incorporate the mediation in your work there and start learning your DBT or other skills. Blessed Be!
Good luck with being quiet is right ... and yet, as John McLaughlin would say, you have inextricably lurched into the truth.
When we are in the throes of depression/OCD/bipolar/GAD/etc., we have no PERSPECTIVE. This is why the study's results don't surprise me.
That means the way forward is to take a step back. And sometimes, if your brain chemistry is sufficiently out of whack and destroying your home and work life, that may mean (yes) hospitalization or at least a detailed outpatient treatment program.
My hospitalization many years ago helped me a lot. But I don't think it was because they put me on the right drugs (because ultimately they didn't) or even that they gave me the right diagnosis. Rather, it was just a week to basically do nothing and renew myself mentally, yet under medical supervision given my delicate state.
I remember reading John McCain's book about his POW experiences during Vietnam while in the hospital. I don't like his politics, but I will forever admire the man as a human being after that. And believe me, THAT gave me some perspective to go forward ...
'Fake it until you make it' is lying to ourselves and that is exactly what we don't need or want. But we are accused of it so much of the time. Those of us who fight our dark battles need truth, not platitudes. If we know the truth and can somehow get a handle on it then we can do something about it. Some things I've done I NEED to be ashamed of but then I take it too far. I do a similar meditaion as Taborri and take supplements and exercise. And a little self-compassion is usually called for.
What I learned from Emery Bear is that first you have to de- program your brain. Our brains are like computers and you can not load Windows XP on an earlier program. You first have to take off the old program. He told me to tell myself that the premise I am flawed is a lie. Do that for six months and then tell myself that I am good becoming more. I had really old programing that needed to be erased. He cautioned m,e that my ego would fight this and he was right. Sometimes I could not even remember what I was suppose to tell myself. When things calmed down, I knew I could move forward with the affirmation. It truly helped. That is probably something that would reveal a lot if they studied this.
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