July 2009 Archives

Last year when I read Sherre Hirsch's book, "We Plan, God Laughs: Ten Steps to Finding Your Divine Path When Life Is Not Turning Out Like You Wanted," I knew I wanted to interview her on Beyond Blue because I think I can confidently say that for most you, well, things aren't going as expected. And Sherre's humor on this very subject is refreshing. She was Associate Rabbi at Sinai Temple in L.A. for eight years and is currently on the nationwide faculty of Canyon Ranch.

Question: What is your biggest "disappointment," or rather "surprise," and how did you cope and move forward?

Sherre: Four months after "We Plan, God Laughs" was published, my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. I had dedicated the book to her for her amazing courage and strength and I was not prepared to see her fight for her life once again. Over the next few months, I revisited a lot of the same questions that I posed in the book. She is still fighting and there are many times I have to remind myself that God is on our side, even when it does not feel like it, because with God I am stronger than alone. The paperback edition came out on June 16, the same day my mother turned 65 - it inspired me to focus on our blessings and what I can give back, so I'm donating a percentage of all book sales to The Art of the Brain.

Question: Could you provide an abbreviated version of the ten steps you offer to devise a plan that reflects, as you say, who we are now and who we want to be?

Sherre: We all have dreams of what life "should" be like--what we were supposed to do, where we were going to be at a certain age. Maybe it was a Cinderella plan: you'd marry the prince, move into a castle, and live happily ever after. Or, maybe you were going to be the head of your own company by 35, retired by 40, and living it up on an island in the Caribbean. How do you get from this life to the one you really want?

1. First, Look Back

We all get stuck in our lives. The lucky ones, once; the rest of us, quite often. In order to live the life you dream, you need to figure out what got you stuck in the first place. What is it you need to move forward from? When was it you first thought, "My life was supposed to be different?" You need to look back in order to move forward.

2. End the Excuses

If you want to move forward, you've also got to end the excuses. No more "I shoulds," "If onlys," or "Well, everyone expects me to..." Excuses are a language to mask our fears. It's time to turn those fears into faith. Figure out what it is that YOU really want. Promise yourself that, today, there will be no excuses.

Today I have the honor of interviewing Vivian Eisenecher, author of "Recovering Me, Discovering Joy," and a sought after speaker, mentor and writer since 1996. Her other published works include articles for "Chicken Soup for the Soul" and Woman's World. Her inspirational story has been enthusiastically received by churches, companies and corporations, national organizations and national associations. She is passionate about reducing the stigma of mental illness and substance abuse. She loves helping people meet their potential and discover joy in their lives!

I also asked Vivian if a person struggling with a mood disorder can benefit from the 12 steps in his or her recovery. This is what she said ...

I think the 12 steps can be used to recover from anything! There are now over 200 12 step programs that address a plethora of different issues. There is a 12-step recovery program called DRA (Dual Recovery Anonymous) that addresses recovering from not only substance abuse but also from an emotional or psychiatric illness.

The Dual Recovery Anonymous™ approach to dual recovery is based on a simple set of ideas and steps. They encourage us to find our own personal recovery, the one that is most meaningful. They are meant to support those of us who wish to bring a spiritual dimension to our dual recovery. The DRA program is worked on a day-by-day basis just like A.A.

Here are the suggestions for dual recovery from http://draonline.org:

• Today, I will be free of alcohol and other intoxicating drugs.
• Today, I will follow a healthy plan to manage my emotional or psychiatric illness.
• Today, I will practice the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability.

I found The Twelve Steps to Mental Health (below) at http://www.changes.org.uk:

1. Admit you've got a problem
2. Take action
3. Trust and cooperate
4. Get the power
5. Use and develop personal resources
6. Begin personal evaluation
7. Cultivate healthy thinking
8. Cultivate healthy behavior
9. Realize that feelings are not facts
10. Get on with your life
11. Give it time
12. Pass it on

* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue! And click here to follow Therese on Twitter. And click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.

I published the following post on the Huffington Post two days ago. Judging by the 400-plus comments, I apparently hit a raw nerve. I only read two comments before feeling nauseous. And I didn't go back because my friends who did read the comments told me to stay clear. 

In "7 Nights to Sexual Intimacy," Rabbi Shmuley Boteach offers couples a weeklong program to "watch the slow burn of passion become a fireworks display." To get to his gallery, click here. It begins ...

For many years, I have sought to draw attention, as a marriage counselor and author, to the diminishing sex life of the American couple. CNN recently reported that 4o million Americans live in marriages that are utterly platonic. Sexual reconnection for married couples is not a luxury but a necessity, and a marriage devoid of lovemaking is akin to a body devoid of life. So I "modestly" propose a week of sex, especially for those couples who have a moribund sex life. What you'll be practicing is the journey of sexual intimacy, rather than a goal-oriented sprint toward climax. Try this 7-day program of passion, and see if you can reignite the sexual soul of your marriage.

Continue to the first step of sexual intimacy.

Thanks to James Bishop of FindingOptimism.com for finding this helpful post by mental health advocate Kate McLaughlin on ways you can support a loved one with a mental illness. To visit her insightful blog, click here.  1. Accept your...

Nine years ago John Gallagher tried to kill himself--not once, but twice. Today, with God's help, he is dedicating his life to helping others cope with depression and its impact on families. Here is his story. Read more at...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...

The following passage is from Henri Nouwen's book, "The Inner Voice of Love": Try to keep your small, fearful self close to you. This is going to be a struggle, because you have to live for a while with the...

Today I have the honor of interviewing Owen Stanley Surman, M.D., a practicing hospital psychiatrist known internationally for his work on psychiatric and ethical aspects of solid organ transplantation. Following the death of his wife, Dr. Surman devoted six...

Rick Nauert, Senior News Editor of PsychCentral.com just wrote a piece about a new grant from the Institute on Aging that will study the effects of caregiving on family caregivers. Prior studies suggest that caring for an elderly family member...

One of my favorite authors is Robert Wicks because, as a professor of Pastoral Counseling at Loyola University Maryland, he is constantly integrating spirituality with psychology, and offerings ways to prevent secondary stress, the pressures encountered by those who...

Robert Wicks includes an interesting questionnaire toward the back of his book, "Prayerfulness: Awakening to the Fullness of Life." It is designed to help you gain perspective on how open, resent, and prayerful you are in your daily life; it...

Larry Drain of the Hopeworks Community blog wrote an excellent post on three things we can do about our moods: prevention, coping, learning. He writes "Moods are processes--not event. They have a coming and a going." Like mindfulness specialist...

I was recently invited by Caren Osten Gerszberg and Leah Odze Epstein who write and compile the fun blog, "Drinking Diaries" to contribute my two-cents on where I am with the whole drinking thing. Check out the other interesting...

Here is some more information on the blog, Drinking Diaries: Whether we are drinking it or not, alcohol remains a potent part of our lives. Our culture is saturated with it, steeped in it. We confront alcohol everywhere we go--from...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...

When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able to take that loneliness way, even if only for a moment. When you feel a huge absence that...

Today I have the pleasure of interviewing one of my first Internet buddies, James Bishop, who runs the site FindingOptimism.com and writes the Finding Optimism blog which has been voted as one of the top depression blogs by Psych...

Ever since I was discharged from the inpatient psychiatric program at Johns Hopkins, I have kept a mood journal where I daily record the amount of hours I sleep, my mood (rating it a fantastic and serene no. 1...

Fresh Living blogger Holly Lebowitz Rossi recently wrote a helpful post on how to get past cold feet or any second-guessing for that matter. She writes:  I have a theory about why moving inherently involves a cold-feet stage. Here...

I'm speculating here but I think that we freak out less about decisions--big and small--when we get to a point in our lives when we simply care less about things. That's what Gretchen Rubin recently wrote in a wonderful...

As a manic-depressive, I have a box of tools that I use to help me stay on the path of recovery and get as far away as possible from the black hole of despair. However, they are not all...

Awhile back I wrote a piece called "You Really Hate Me? On Taking Criticism," where I laid out some brain research that explains why we depressives are so sensitive and have such a hard time with insults or even...

Alright so I may have said somewhere back that I was never going to do twitter, but, well, I caved in. So far I think I have five people following me: my husband, my kids, my mother, and my sister....

I admire my friend and fellow blogger Katherine Stone for being such a warrior in the fight to understand postpartum depression. Whenever controversy surfaces in the media, my first inclination is to run and hide, whereas hers is to get...

(Image: Getty Images)You know how I've been telling you all to head to the mirror and say to the gorgeous creature staring back at you: "I'm good enough, I'm strong enough, Gosh darn it, people like me!" Yah, well, forget...

(Image credits: kaneda99) You know how you try to push out a rude, intrusive thought as you sit down to work or do the laundry, or read a book to your kids? Yeah, well try not to do that. On...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...

Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., the founding director of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has a lovely quote on practicing mindfulness: In his book, "Wherever...

I loved this blog post by Beyond Blue reader Mel about what she learns from her dog, Ollie. I thought I'd give you 7 of her items and make you check out her blog to get the last three. Mel...

Thanks to James Bishop of FindingOptimism.com, I found this great piece on Dilbert.com by Scott Adams about why dogs benefit a person's health more than cats. He's got some interesting hypotheses ... one of which is that you have...

When I was buried in the Black Hole of depression, nothing comforted me like the Psalms. My very religious aunt told me to read them every morning, because they were written for people fighting against despair. So I would...

On my post "6 Favorite Prayers," Beyond Blue reader June wrote: "Thank you so much for these!
Will there be a sequel?" Here my sequel! 9 of my favorite scripture verses ... Ecclesiastes 3: A Time for Everything There is a...

I've missed Beyond Blue reader Larry Parker's wise and insightful comments on Beyond Blue. I didn't realize how much I missed them until he wrote this in response to Vincent on the combox of my post, "What If You Have...

I used to be afraid to write. Because I knew I would write badly. I couldn't commit my words to the page because I was sure I would use the wrong ones not to mention incorrect grammar and punctuation....

Yet another way of silencing the inner critic and perfectionist is trying not only to cope with failure, but to ENJOY it! Gretchen Rubin explains in her blog, "Enjoy the Fun of Failure. At Least Try" that two of her...

Today I have the honor of interviewing Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist and college professor who blogs for "Psychology Today." Howes earned his masters degree in theology and PhD in clinical psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary, where he studied...

Ryan Howes pens a very important post in his "Psychology Today" blog, "Shouldn't Psychotherapy Make Me Feel Good?" Because I've often walked away from therapy with a horrible knot in my stomach that I didn't have prior to sitting...

This post doesn't relate to me, of course. Because every time I have ended my therapy sessions, it seems like it's time to restart. Maybe one day I will finally graduate..... God I hope so.  But I think this topic...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...

At the end of track 3, of Elisha Goldstein's CD, "Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression," he recites this moving poem by Derek Walcot. Each time I hear it, I get a little closer to self-acceptance. And ironically enough,...

Happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests these 8 steps to a more satisfying life. 1. Count your blessings. One way to do this is with a "gratitude journal" in which you write down 3 to 5 things for which you are...

Today's interview is with happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., who is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside and the author of "The How of Happiness." In 2002, Lyubomirsky was awarded a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize. Currently,...

A recent Northwestern University study found that what makes a person a good dating partner might not determine who is a suitable spouse. For couples in both a dating relationship and a marriage, an important contributor to a satisfying relationship...

I enjoyed Gretchen Rubin's blog post, "Five Mistakes I Make in My Marriage," because I make the same ones. To get to her original post, click here. Here are her picks:  1. My demand for gold stars. Oh, how...

Katherine Stone over at Postpartum Progress writes an interesting post in response to the Vanity Fair article by Todd Purdum suggesting that former Vice President candidate Govern Sarah Palin was experiencing postpartum depression during the Presidential campaign. She is right...

I'm not one to stay up and watch TV. For one, I have to practice good sleep hygiene so I can preach that message to you guys. But A&E's documentary series, "Obsessed" piqued my interest because it exposes viewers...

Dr. Jon LaPook, chief medical correspondent for the CBS Evening News, penned an important post on the Huffington Post about OCD. For his CBS segment, he interviewed Jeff Bell, KCBS radio broadcaster and author of "Rewind, Replay, Repeat: A Memoir...

Psych Central's Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., wrote a comprehensive post about anxiety disorder and how to treat it. She also lays out four common misconceptions about anxiety disorder that I thought was worth excerpting here. 1. Anxiety disorders aren't that serious....

I was moved by Fresh Living blogger Holly Lebowitz Rossi's post on the passing of her grandmother. What a wonderful way to celebrate the life of a deceased. I think I'm going to make some lists of my own....