Advertisement
I loved Gretchen Rubin’s article on “drift” … essentially making a decision by not making a decision. She gives the example of an engaged friend of hers who clearly didn’t want to get married, but didn’t do anything to prevent it, and then got divorced a year later.
Just taking one drifting step can you set you in a course that’s very hard to stop. In my case, I drifted into taking the LSAT (the law-school application test). “Why not, might as well, could come in handy, maybe I’ll be glad I did,” etc. This is a good example of the fact that drifting doesn’t always mean taking the easier course; it was a lot of trouble to prepare and take the LSAT, but it was still drift.
The tricky thing about drift is that people rarely want to admit to themselves that they’re drifting. So what’s a good way to catch yourself in drift? I tried to make a list of warning signs for myself:
– Thinking “This situation can’t go on,” but then it does go on.?
– Complaining a lot about a situation without working to find ways to make it better.?
– Hoping that some catastrophe or upheaval will arise to blow up a situation, e.g., fantasizing that you’ll break your leg or be transferred to another city.?
– Feeling that other people or processes are moving events forward, and you’re being passively carried along.?
– Getting the urge to do or have something because the people around you are doing it or want it. One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “Just because something is fun for someone else doesn’t mean it’s fun for you – and vice versa.”
To read Gretchen’s post, “A Problem in Happiness: Drift,” click here.
* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue! And click here to follow Therese on Twitter. And click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.
|
Previous Posts
How Do You Heal Loneliness?
posted 6:33:10am Feb. 16, 2012 | read full post »
Rewire Your Brain For Love: An Interview with Marsha Lucas, Ph.D.
posted 6:00:56am Feb. 14, 2012 | read full post »
Love Deeply ...
posted 6:00:28am Feb. 13, 2012 | read full post »
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post » |
|
||
|
|
||
| click here to see all of our uplifting newsletters» |
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted August 20, 2009 at 2:59 pm
It is amazing how either people drift over time or how people know they shouldn’t have been together in the first place. There are signs but they don’t see it until it’s too late. That’s life you live and you learn. On a side note, I love your blog and would love to feature you on my website, http://www.therapycounseling.com. It’s a great website and free for people to get advice. Please email me and let me know.
posted August 20, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Keep your mind on what you want to attain. Don’t follow the crowd. Conformity is in every stage of life, from the teenager to the senior citizen. Be your own person, everyone else is taken.
posted August 21, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I fight “drift” by being proactive in a situation. While my vertigo was lasting far too long, I had my PCP refer me to every specialist that knew anything about dizziness, blurred vision, and nausea. Ultimately, it led to X-rays showing I had severe arthrtis in my NECK which was compressing the blood flow to my brain!! Another example was my mortgage. I am NOT able to pay it AND my other bills, so I applied for Loan Modification. Although I haven’t heard from my Lender yet, it set the ball in motion, and MAYBE I’ll get a deferrment. Going along just to go along is wrong; stand up and recognize your own WORTH, and wha it is you REALLY want. Excellent article, Therese – I needed it!!!
posted August 22, 2009 at 12:24 am
By not making a decision, I have made one. My gosh, maybe I can now put my 56 year old life on a real track – I’ve been drifting too long. Thank you Therese J. Borchard!!!
posted August 22, 2009 at 7:56 am
I have been feeling for about a year now that I have been drifting in my life, going with the flow, accepting things that I don’t agree with just so that I can try to keep the peace within my household.There are lots of other things to for over a month now I have been trying to figure out where “Leeann” went!!! A husband doesn’t go and look for a place to live and then rent it without his spouse, something is wrong there and that is what has happened to me as well as many other things and I have sat back well no more!!! I have come to far in my with my mental illness and finally am starting to get back that old “Leeann” recently and that is the struggle I am facing. Drifting for 15 years going around in circles iam getting dizzy.
Thank You Therese as always your words of wisdom and encouragement help so many GOD BLESS YOU and I hope that you taking the time off from modern Technology will help or has helped both you and your family. Everyone needs a break to regroup or how can we function if we don’t do it!!!!!
Leeann
posted August 22, 2009 at 6:09 pm
ummm hi ummm…i have a serious problem ….i am 34 years old and have 2 step daughters and real daughter by my wife which is 28 and she and i have been legalily seperated sense june 17 2009.she has a restraining order on me what do i do…..
posted August 24, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Oh my, I have been drifting for 11 years and didn’t know it had a name.
Not interested in dating any man; somehow got in a relationship and marriage. It was not as it was proposed; not 2 retired people doing things and traveling together. More like 2 roommates, each doing their own things and paying one-half of all expenses. It ended in a heart breaking divorce and disillusionment. Going into the marriage with stated goals and coming out because they were false.
Two years later another relationship gone wrong. He persued me. I only wanted an occassional lunch/dinner and movie/theater. I drifted into another committment. This time WITHOUT marriage, but living together. Six years have gone by and life is not what I intended. I have suggested he move out but he won’t talk about it. Then I just do nothing, AGAIN!!
I need to read this article until it sinks in my old brain. I am a depressive. What if I make a stand to drift no more in this relationship, but buckle under the pressure? And yes, the pressure can come from me. This puts fear into me and holds me back from
action.
HELP, please.
.
posted August 24, 2009 at 9:25 pm
OOPS….I didn’t put my name on the above comment. Any suggestions for me from you?
Bev Y.