Consider for a moment these statistics: According to the Americans for Divorce Reform, the divorce rate in this country will stay at somewhere between 40 to 50 percent of marriages if current trends continue. And Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology estimates that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second marriages, and 74 percent of third marriages. BUT according to Steven Wickstrom and others, the divorce rate for a couple who actively prays together is less than one percent. I kid you not: less than one percent.
Why?
Maybe it goes back to Jesus' words in Matthew 18:18-20:
Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst.
Now comes the fun part ... learning how to do this. I'm not a prayer expert. No, no, no. Not with this distracted mind. But I don't think God cares about your getting it perfect together as a couple, so I'm going to throw out some small steps to get you on your way.
1. Fold your hands ... together.
I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but think about how much our body language says about what's going on inside our minds and hearts. I have a friend who specializes in perfecting peoples' presentations. He explained to me recently that every time you talk to someone is a presentation. When you answer the phone, when you wave to your kid's teacher, when you say something less than kind to the driver in front of you who just cut you off. All of those are presentations. So start here: fold your hands, both of you, at the same time.
2. Say thank you.
They say gratitude is the highest form of prayer. It's also the one I forget. Because I'm too busy getting through my wish list ... "And please God, let my mom's MRI be negative, and help David on his spelling test, and help Katherine not to ever go out with a mean boy who could potentially break her heart." But thank you is an appropriate starting point. So do this: thank God for everything good that happened in your day. Or pick three things. Then tell your spouse do the same. Or have him go first!
3. Light a candle.
Eric used to light a candle every night before we went to bed ... back when Katherine was sleeping in her own room (please don't tell the parenting experts). It really did foster intimacy between us. Something about fire brings you back to the beginning of the world ... when God first said, "Let there be light." And the cool thing about staring into a flame together is that you don't have to say anything. All you have to do is be quiet and know God is there.
4. Whine if you want.
Married couples have a clear advantage over the single person praying because their request is heard twice. They get double credit for their intention! So be honest with God and tell him what's bugging you. Whine if you want to. Tell him that you don't appreciate the latest obstacle he overnighted to your house. It will be good for your marriage because it articulates your frustrations and problems, and affords both you and your spouse a forum in which to bring up and discuss the stuff that can ruin a marriage if it's stuffed inside for too long.
5. Ask for guidance.
After you've had a nice whine, ask God together to lead both of you towards peace and fullness of life, as He promised in the Gospel of John: to have life and have it to abundance. Tell God you like that "abundance" part, that it sounds real good, and your willing to do a little work to get there. So some directions would be handy.
To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.
To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Add to Facebook
Add to StumbleUpon
Subscribe
Praying together sounds so simple. But when marriage partners are of different faiths, praying together may raise more problems than it solves.
For example, when the Christian partner can't pray without saying "in Jesus' name" and believes a Jew's prayers are not heard without those words, and the Jewish partner can't feel ownership of a prayer made in Jesus' name, praying together is just another reminder of all the differences and problems between them.
Praying together may help marriages where the partners are already basically in sync. But I think the statistic is as much about that-- that marriages where partners have similar, healthy problem-coping styles last longer-- as the power of prayer.
On the contrary, I don't think prayer is simple at all. Oh, the mechanics, yes, maybe. But I've experienced a multitude of times when words don't audibly come and even my thought patterns don't allow for clarity in composition. It's then that I sit in what seems like a stupor, grasping for the right way to convey my plea. God knows what you need before you know you need it.
Most people, who think they know the Lord, know only about Him, but don't really know Him. Reaching into the Love of Christ, takes a total commitment of yourself to the reality of God's love. Take a breath, and ignore the problems. Soak up the Love of God, Keep quiet and listen. You are never alone unless you want to be.
Prayer is the key that unlocks any door – do you believe? In a marriage there will be doors in need of being open and closed but God knows these things first hand right, course he does. Yet matrimony is his will. With that, statement in mind leads me to my next statement. I am reminded of what the bible advises regarding prayer – “And he (Jesus) spake a parable unto this end, Men ought always to pray and faint not”. You see Jesus knew that in life there would be mountains and valleys if you will and thus wrote you and me a prescription before returning to his heavenly Father. Now the problem is some refuse to take the prescription as written. The prescription did not say once a day or once a month, but read s-l-o-w-l-y what it says. If we as believers’ would take the prescription by FAITH as we do our earthly prescribed medication (faithfully that is) I believe as I John 5:14-15 advised we would please our Father and we would have the petition that we desired – in this case the keeping of my marriage.
Prayer is the key that unlocks any door – do you believe? In a marriage there will be doors in need of being open and closed but God knows these things first hand right, course he does. Yet matrimony is his will. With that, statement in mind leads me to my next statement. I am reminded of what the bible advises regarding prayer – “And he (Jesus) spake a parable unto this end, Men ought always to pray and faint not”. You see Jesus knew that in life there would be mountains and valleys if you will and thus wrote you and me a prescription before returning to his heavenly Father. Now the problem is some refuse to take the prescription as written. The prescription did not say once a day or once a month, but read s-l-o-w-l-y what it says. If we as believers’ would take the prescription by FAITH as we do our earthly prescribed medication (faithfully that is) I believe as I John 5:14-15 advised we would please our Father and we would have the petition that we desired – in this case the keeping of my marriage.
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.