Most of us lack confidence in our communication skills so we often just end up “saying nothing” in order to “keep the peace”. While it
seems we have done a good thing by promoting a “congenial” atmosphere
it is usually a false peace we’ve created. Inside the battle rages and
festers and will eventually erupt one way or another. If not in an all-out rage at the person(s)perhaps in serious illness such as depression or anxiety, panic dis-orders,or even a physical illness like anything from head-aches to emotional related disease. In many people this cycle of negative behavior ( suppressed emotion alternating with angry out-bursts)is passed from parent to child and
becomes a pattern of behavior not only within the family but in all relationships. Some people go all through their lives living in this
destructive manner. Their lives seem normal to them so entrenched they are in negativity. I think many of the passive aggressive types develop this way. It just goes on and on….ruining lives and those around them….on the other hand, we can’t go around inflicting our
moods and emotions all the time on everyone around us…they creates
a kind of hellish behavior and atmosphere of its own. The worst type
is the “saint”!! The hardest to live with ..and those who do SHOULD be the ones to be cannonized….but seldom are. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO
LOVE! Either you truly love one another as yourself or you don’t! It is at once simple and difficult as that!

At times, I believe the inability to “assert” is blamed too much on the person who is called “sick” when (as in all relationships) there is a “circular dance.” This is how I see my retreat from expression.
When I expressed fairly natural feelings as a child, I was the recipient of out-of-proportion responses on so many occasions. This included some physical violence at times. It became easier and easier to try to go with someone else’s flow when I had an explosive parent and was surrounded by explosive siblings. When I did break my pattern and lose my temper, the responses by my family to my less typical behavior were exaggerated. Explosion was “normal” for my siblings so it was okay. When I exploded or became hopeless and depressed, there was no patience for it, because it wasn’t my normal behavior.
This is still true in my family as a mature adult. I still am pretty careful in expressing and defending myself. Therefore, I’m the “sick” one, although I’ve had the most stable marriage, have well-adjusted grown children who also have stable relationships with others, and am otherwise, pretty successful. My abusive, tantrum-throwing sisters and their children are favored by my parents.
The punishment for expressing and asserting myself in a normal manner is major “blow-back” from my family. You have to be ready to deal with it, and, like others, I don’t wake up every morning ready to have my family of origin throw their emotional abuse at me, especially when I’m under a cloud of depression–which I’m actively trying to resolve with both meds and counseling. I’d like to hear from others on this topic.

Dee,I know we aren’t sisters but it sure sounds like it. My family called me the emotional one and wouldn’t tell me things because they didn’t want to hear what I had to say. Even to this day they don’t want to hear. I have work so long on how I could make myself better, with the things I tell myself the depression just sits in and I’m hearing all the things they told me as a child and up. I have no ideal how they got so prefect. I’m so afraid of my own thoughts and feeling they are just in this box that is all wrapped up in the most beautiful package. Loving oneself is not as easy as it sounds.