A week or so ago I started a discussion thread on Group Beyond Blue, asking folks to weight in on what they do with disabling anxiety. One of our members had emailed me looking for answers. There are several good insights if you want to peak. You can get to the discussion thread by clicking here.
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I found myself here tonight after watching the new Ad Council commercial with the message that "caring is not controlling". I googled the phrase to learn more about about the Ad Council and the nature behind this statement. Needless to say, I was intrigued, mostly because I suffer from anxiety and OCD and find myself trying to control everything just to feel 'safe' or 'okay'. This is not a constant state I dwell in, it comes and goes and tends to emerge from any slight sense of rejection I feel. Like, if I get a response back from my boyfriend's text message, I assume he is ignoring me. Then out comes this person that later I am so ashamed of, and the cycle of shame begins...
My family doctor prescribed Xanax for panic attacks that I was suffering from each month around my cycle. He has also put me on birth control to help regulate my hormones. That seems to have helped the depressive spells that bookended my period, but have found that I am much more volitle emotionally. I find my anxiety now comes with a lot more anger and have had trouble staying asleep at night. At times I will just be awake for 20-24 hrs at at time. As you can imagine, this lack of sleep doesn't help the attitude or moods. I am exhausted most of the time, but can't turn my mind off long enought to sleep. I don't want to take xanex everyday to control the anxiety though and I don't want to start taking sleeping pills each night either.
If this is all a chemical issue, then fine, i will just go see my doctor again for meds. But I tend to think it is really a deeper emotional issue that is not only causing relational issues but also physical issues. Either way I am working with a counselor too and detrmined to get "beyond" the blue.
NOTE: Since there is no way to edit a posted message I should clarify. I meant to say in my example of when I feel anxiety, that when I DON'T get an immediate response from a text message I feel rejection. I see how irrational this is now, but in the 'heat of the moment' it all seems right. Its like this self-fulfilling prophesy that I am the worthless person that I believe myself to be, but the sad thing is that why would I want to be right about that? Its just sad. I am trying to work through that now, why I would want to be right that badly about something so aweful?!
Either way, I am hoping as I move closer to knowing God and building a relationship with Christ that I will gain understanding and find the strength to over come my anxiety, ocd and low-self esteem.
When anxiety is out of control, all I can do is live one second at a time until I can control it. The best thing to do is distract myself and I keep a list handy that contains things for me to do just that. When all else fails, pray.
Between the anxiety being out of control and the depression taking me futher down the well I'm not for sure which way I'm going. Not being able to sleep, being angry, . tnhere are thing I have to do. I have a husband who is disabled and just had surgery. I must take care of him. I take my meds but they aren't working very well right now and it's one big circle. I'm not for sure God is listening to this very messed up person who can't get it togther.
Tom, Shaylyn,Tomess up and Judi,
Ha friends I have been just where you all are. Anxiety and Depression, I learned fast that is hope. My hope and help came from getting in touch with God and my self. Prayer is the answer to any problem we may have. Try before getting up in the morning, pray and get your selves prepared for the day { God will go with you through the day}, he never leaves our side. Then in the evening before bed time { pray again and thank him for the day and pray for rest during the night. Please give this a try and see if it helps you all, it has helped me with mind.
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