wow T, you are a mighty strong woman. Thank you for sharing one of your bad days with us…God Bless you as you walk through the healing process……

I believe you, I believe you, I believe you. I always have believed you. When you say you’ve been there, I believe it 100%. I didn’t need to see it to believe. Often people think that because you can look a certain way or you’re able to carry on your business, etc that you’re not truly in the midst of a deep dark depression. They couldn’t be further from the truth.
I ache for you.
Bless you for sharing this with all of us. You show yourself at your most vulnerable. Do you know how giving that is? I mean, really! To give ALL of us out here that gift–to show your realness and your vulnerableness–wow! I have tears in my eyes.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Many people do not even know that I suffer from depression because at times I AM able to hide it so well. But that isn’t always the case as you have showed us. Sometimes we can’t hide it. Sometimes we just choose not to show it. But it’s there. It’s REALLY there. You live it. You know it.
I am so happy for you that you have 6 different people/support systems that you can turn to that understand when you’re feeling like this. Unfortunately, I’m not in “that place.” I’ve grown up in an environment/community/ethnic/religious background where you’re supposed to pretend everything is okay. It’s all about appearances. So, to actually open up and admit your frailties or your imperfections or your illnesses or whatever is not too acceptable. I’ve tried to surround myself with some healthier people and people that DO understand. But I’m afraid that as a depressive and as one who has been hurt badly, it is very difficult to trust or feel safe with people.
Back to you–thank you. Thank you for sharing yourself at a time when you aren’t feeling your best. I’m praying for you. It does end. You will not be in this place forever. Keep on keeping on. Do things to nurture yourself. Speaking of nurturing–I looked it up on line (googled it) and I came up with some 14 different pages of ways to nurture myself. Let that parent of your inner child not be critical of how you feel right now but be nurturing and let the little Therese know that it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.
Thanks again, Therese. Much love, Valerie

Hello….wow, i am so sorry that you’re having such a rough patch. I am so impressed with your bravery and insight though, and you touched on something that I am currently struggling with, ie, could i have prevented this? is it my fault? what can i change to make it all better? i am very sick and tired of it being my fault! So thank you, and i sincerely wish you peace xxx

I can certainly understand where you are coming from. Mental illness from my expreience, has no comparisons. However as much as I dont wish to compare pain.. I feel incumbant to share my experience as well.
My depression was zombie like. I on my best day, felt absolutely nothing. Feeling blue, for me, would have been an upper!
I went through that for 5 years. Living but not at all alive. Not a moment of happiness, or even sadness for that matter.
It wasn’t until my husband was at the brink of disaster, with the loss of his income as well as the loss our home, that the hand of God lifted me out, and filled with with His Spirit.
It was as if, my hitting bottom wasnt enough, both of us were now going to have to suffer. Even the only place we had left our last sense of security was going to be taken away!
I had no reason to live, for I felt there was nothing left inside of me.
I had lost all my faith, so I truly had nowhere to turn. The depression was such, that although I had what others would see as the best of what the world has to offer.
I had nothing of myself, because I had lost my God.
I know it was’nt me who pulled me out of that dark place. I didnt even want to live? How could I get beyond something when I had nothing to draw upon?
I dont know why I’m sharing this with you, maybe only to say to others, that my salvation was not of my making. And even today, it remains a mystery as to how I was blessed by His Hand. However, I thought someone might need to believe, that all things in God, are possible, even when we have lost faith in Him, He somehow never gives up on us?

We love you, Therese — me and ALL of us in the Beyond Blue community

Oh, Therese. Hang in there, sweetie. You can make it.

Therese,
You are very brave for showing us this part of yourself. Thanks …

Hi, Therese, I am thinking about you and I’m sorry you’re in this hard place now. You’re wisdom, strength from what you’ve been through will carry you through. It’s wonderful that you share your pain and by doing so lessen others.
I am bipolar. These blips sneak up out of the blue and it’s true that it’s a chronic illness. Doctors/people/friends would ask how i could “pinpoint” what caused an episode. It’s pretty hard and then one starts blaming. What you said really felt right. You’re the first I’ve heard say that but it rings true for me. You did nothing to cause it. Be gentle and as nice as you can to yourself as you are with others and the waves of pain will eventually subside.
: ) It gets better. Hang tough.

Thank you, Therese. I really needed this today.
really really really really needed this.
You are so dear and so precious.

One of my favorite quotes is from the young poetess Nikki Giovani: “Mistakes are a fact of life. It’s the rspose to the mistake that matters.” For those of us with bipolar disorder, I think it’s fair to substtute “Depression” for “mistakes.” what differentiates a bipolar from a unipolar depression,IMHO is that you CAN’T pinpoit a reason for your ovrwhelming sadness. It’s not necessarily a response to life,itIS our lives. Your comparison to a thunderstorm is apt, Therese. It put me in mind of a squall breaking over my beloved Lake Michigan. There’s the line of dark clouds on the horizon and then within moments the wind has whipped the water into angry waves and the lifeguards are beckoning all swimmers out of the water to avoidthe strong riptides that can be extremely dangerous. The sun disappears behind those dark clouds that have left the horizon for the ovrhead sky and huge raindrops begin pouring down as if somebody has upended a huge watering can. Small boats that have ignored the brief warning are frequently capsized, dumping thir passegers into that very water the lifeguards have been frantically attempting to clear and pinickers scramble to get their meals under cover even though the wind makes that a dubious proposition. Everything from beach umbrellas to soda cans go hurtling down the beach never to be seen again as people scramble to their cars, cutting their beachtime short. Unfortunately, at least in my experience, depressions don’t even give off that brief squallline warning. Suddenly they just ARE! Having been there, I know exactly how deeply you are hurting, Therese. My heart goes out to you even as it saddens me that you feel you must”justify” your depression to us. For an individual to judge someone else’s depth of depression seems nothing less than outrageous to me. It’s like saying the rainbow that YOU see is less beautiful than the one I spy arching acoss te sky or that you don’t really know what love is like because you’ve never experienced it MY way! Balderdash! I’m so sorry that you’ve succombed to the snake pit, Therese, but am glad that even from that awful place you can adopt a “And this, too, shall pass attitude. That’s an INCREDIBLY difficult thing to do when the black dog is holding you in its teeth and shaking you back and forth lie a rag doll. At least for me, that knowledge offers only the slightest bit of comfort because I know I have to experience it for a time before the sun will shine once more. Somehow the passing always takes longer than I anticipate, making it even HARDER to accept it as a temporary state of mind. You are SUCH a strong woman, Therese, and so filled with love for your fellow sufferers that you will lay even this highly personal battle bare for us to witness. Please know that I (and mot other B.Bers, I dare say, will be ifting you up in prayer that this bout be a relatively speedy one. (Notice I said ‘relatively’ because it’s hard to gauge the time when you’re cuddled up next to a boa constrictor watching a cobra flaunt its hood and a rattler shake its tail. Eery moment feels like a lifetime at that point. Pamper yourself, my friend, you SO richly deserve it. That’s sometimes the ONLY thing that helps me no matter how many details of my protocol are in place. Call those special friends to whom you know you can turn and allow them to help you regain the surface. There’s nothing like a kindred spirit in those trying falls, and only those who’ve been there can honestly understand how dark it is all around you. You’re a light in that darkness for so many of us; may you receive some illumination for yourself as well.To those who are able to provide you with that,I say a heartfelt thank you! NO ONE should have to fel the lonliness and despair a true depressive episode triggers, least of all someone who is as giving as YOU ARE!! Please also remind yourself that for every “naysayer” thereare at least a dozen of us who DO believe in you and understand how “real” your personal battles are. You are SO loved, my friend, by countless of us!

Hi Therese,
I just want to let you know that, like the others who have commented here, I am very grateful for your having made and posted this video. Depression is so hard, and while I know that there are millions of other people around the nation and around the world, even, that are battling through it, it’s comforting to have a blog like this one where those involved in the battle actually have a face.
“Beyond Blue”–YOUR blog–has been saving my life over the past week or so. And I’m grateful. I’ll be praying for you and for all of us. Thanks, Therese…

Dear Therese,
First, a greeting. We named for the same saint, the Little Flower, my sweet, young parents spelled mine wrong in their excitement. Still, the Little Flower, looks over us both and sends us gifts of love. How often I get a phone call from friend or just a rush of fullness after I call on her.
She’s in our hearts.
Second, I was a reporter/feature writer at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch for 26 years. That stint ended last September in a buyout. Forty of us over 50, walked. My career includes years in which the paper was a symbol of excellence. So I am a pretty good judge of copy and you’re out of the ballpark good. You reach deeper, share more and therby touch more lives, than most writers – including me – have ever had the guts to do. You have helped me, especially to face the reality of relapses. That’s going to help me structure my second chapter as a writer.
Now since I am old enough to be your mother, and have been at the heady height of a career going well, here’s some advice meant to encourage not to chide: Eat right, exercise, pray, get enough sleep. Except for Eric, the children and your mother – and Eric and your Mom will help you negotiate caring for yourself most of the time – these come first. Too much tinkering with them leads to trouble.
As Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk and internationally known teacher, says, we must have some calm, peace and joy within ourselves to reach others.
And this is from me: Because others can be irrational, irratiting, pains in the but just like us.
I’ll be praying for you and your beautiful family every day. Just try to take a breath once in while – probably not on deadline and probably not as another must do – as you finished a paragraph and realize it what a gift it is form something concrete and helpful from pain.
Theresa

Therese, you were there for me when I posted about my last relapse, hospitalation, suicidal thoughts, bipolar, Dad in hospice, job sucks, etc. I wouldn’t be posting now, but for you.
You are truly loved by all of us, and we have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Just this last Sat, I was in another funk, and tried to ease the pain with alchol. It didn’t work. So I went back on your blog, and felt so much better. Like you, I didn’t know what caused it, and it just came on.
I’m learning to deal with crisis, and as my therapist taught me to ask myself two questions…..
1. Can I solve the problem/crisis?
2. Is now a good time?
If the answer is no to either one, I will try to put it in a box on a shelf for the time being. It’s not avoidence, because I HAVE to get back to it when the answer is yes to both.
You hang in there, and I’m sure we’ll see another one of your funny posts soon, and will be laughing with you.
Hugs and smooches, blanche

Therese,
Thanks SO much for reminding me that “this too shall pass”. I am in a very dark place right now and can’t seem to find my way up and out. If I can just remember that it will get better and that my life is worth living, then maybe just for today I can hang on.
Karla

Therese,
Wonderful, honest post. I know exactly what you are talking about, and I also have people in my life who say “what are you depressed about”? My 14 year old has been struggling with depression/mood disorders for 2 years now, and just got released from juvenile hall two weeks ago. He’s already slipped up on his probation, and we are going thru the anxiety of him returning to jail. Thru it all, I read your posts and watch your videos and realize there are thousands of people out there who are going thru depressions and having to live their lives whether they feel like it or not. Gratitude to you and prayers for all of us who suffer these mysterious disorders of the brain.
Deb S
teensmom

I work with people who have various disabilities and it amazes me how often they are accused of “symptom magnification” related to their pain.
Pain cannot be measured — and people either feel the pain they describe or they are liars and fakes.
I am so sorry you have been hurt because of this same mindset — and it is a double-hurt when it comes from others who experience the same sort of pain.
This is not a contest — so people who suffer are not required to broadcast what’s in their hearts. But you have done so as a gift to us…
Reminds me of Jesus showing his scars to Thomas.
God bless you, sweet sister. And thank you for the love and patience you are able to show in the midst of a chronic illness.

I can’t seem to view all of the video–might be because of Canada Day and everyone taking advantage of the holiday. Oh, well, I’ll try again tomorrow.
As I said in a comment on your guest book on the bnet community, although I am not a depressive, your blog inspires me. The honesty you showed in the video (I was able to get to somewhere around the halfway point) is a good example. I admire people who are able to talk about something like that honestly and without flinching. I try to be like that, too.
I don’t think there’s much that I can say without repeating what everyone else has said. Well, okay, I will repeat one thing: you’re in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

therese
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. People who are depressed just don’t have the ability to think things out. If they did, they would be rejoicing with you, that you are doing better. I am rejoicing with you. You are real and open. I always say to God, I want to be real and open. So He is using you to show me how to be real and open. Thank you. By the way meditating is getting easier for me, I often think of your birds nest. It causes me to laugh, and thus I relax. Keep getting stronger. Try not to resist the set backs. Sometimes the resistance makes it worse. I have been depressed, its not good. I have been well, that is good. I have had relapses and had to learn to walk again. joanna

Therese You’ve always somehow touched my heart, with your insightful postings & humble honest video’s, (not an easy thing to do, somedays). As I follow your blogs, amongst an ever growing, fanbase of friends, and true fellowship, of like sufferers. No matter what mask I’m hiding behind, that particular day. I know I can safely remove all pretense, 6 out of 7 days / week, (even if only for 5 minutes sometimes), enough time to open your blog, take it all in, and have it brighten my day, enrich my spirit, and not feel, so all alone. Yeh, most people only see, what I want them or let them see. The concealment of my true state of depression, or mania, so well praticed, so well hidden, for so so many years, since childhood. Yet through your God given and blessed talents, I can relinquish, some control, and for sometimes many hours, afterwards, be open, and honest, and vulnerable. Even allow myself to nurture, my body and soul, or even feel, with real emotions, that which I usually deny myself, all to regularly. So my friend. Thank You once again, for your honesty, bravery, and vulnerability. I’m truly sorry, for not being able to post comments, more often, as it takes alot, out of me, and leaves me drained.
This To Shall Pass (I hope soon)

Therese,
This is the retired reporter/feature writer who shares your faith in the saint for whom we are named,St. Therese the Little Flower. I am also the woman who said she admires your work and your incredible honesty concerning the effects of the bipolar disease on your life and your family’s life.
I am sending this second note to insert a fact I inadvertanently left out of the first. I am bipolar. I guess we do all need editors.
That fact is central to the email and gives it credence. hope you got the first one. I’m a Neandrathal and don’t know to check. You and your husband, I saw him sort of dancing on a video with a daughter, are turning your pain into relief for others. I counsel you to take care of yourself so you can keep on giving and enjoying. My bouts are always the result of trying to do too much.
With a prayer for you, your family and your work in that order,
Theresa Tighe, St.Louis, Mo.

Therese,
To see your beautiful face with tears on it just broke my heart. You are an amazing and awesome woman. Thank you for sharing this.
– Katherine Stone, Postpartum Progress

therese i know how you feel when you say that no matter what you do you cant control the episodes that they just come out of nowhere i wish i could share this video with so many people becuse you had the strength to show what its realy like liveing with bipolar my heart and prayers go out to you. marilyn

Therese, you said that you have 6 numbers of people you can call when you are suffering from depression.
You have thousands of people online who would be thrilled to pick up the phone and find you on the other end, no matter what day you call, and no matter how you are doing.
We love you.

Thank you.

Therese,
Thank you. You are a gift from God sent to help us all who suffer from depression. Please know that you are so loved and appreciated. -Sue

Therese,
I just want to let you know how appreciative I am of your blog. I have been reading it ever since it started, and it has been a great support for me in my very bad days.
You inspired me a great deal to face my depression, to give it its proper weight, to not be judgemental about myself, and to face it with honesty and humbleness. You have a lot of my love and gratefulness, and I hope you get through these dark days safely.
Amy

Dear Therese,
I was away and just caught up with this video. As with the story of Pandora’s box, I feel encouraged that there is hope after the darkness. I cannot thank you enough for your blog and for your personal support concerning my mother’s depression. I think you’re amazing, and I’m sending you love, hugs, and admiration.
Love always,
Wendy

HI Therese,
Thank you so much for courageously posting that video. My mother has bipolar disorder and when she is in a depressed part of the cycle, I have a difficult time empathizing (because I’ve never experienced such a devastating emotional state of being). As much as I know she can’t just “snap out of it,” I find myself wanting her to do so. I will keep this video to remind myself my mother’s strength in combatting this illness each day.

YOU KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER! It always does. I go through HORRIBLE bouts of depression and anxiety yearly, but it always gets better. No one knows WHY we have to face these horrible times, but if you can just get through it…..
Right now in a very balanced mindset. I’ve come out of my depression and no longer am waking with a racing heart and aching belly. I know it will probably come again (hopefully not as bad as it was this past winter) and it will go away again.
I have to say, Therese….although it may sound shallow it is very inspiring to see such a beautiful woman talk about these issues you deal with. You truly are a gorgeous person. Natural physical beauty…..and most definitely on the inside too.
Cara

Hi, Therese:
Thanks so much for sharing such an intimate look at depression. I think your comment at the end is key: “I know I won’t be in this state forever.” I wish I could find that insight when I’m depressed, but when I’m in that state, that degree of enlightenment is hard to come by.

Hi Therese,
I am relatively new to Beyond Blue but am certain that I was led here by an angel. I have just watched your video about your bad days. It hit the nail on the head.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression 8 years ago. Since then, I have had manny upheavals in my life and have found myelf hanging on by my fingernails. I left my husband of 13 years, took my 2 young daughters and moved from Chicago to London without anything but our clothes and knowing no one. It was terribly difficult but a good move.
I have now lived in the UK for 6 years and have married a man with 2 daughters as well. Although I am very lucky to have been given a chance at life again, things can be so hard.
I had a breakdown about 18 months ago. I have been really struggling ever since. My husband tries to understand, but I know he doesn’t. I have to work every single day to continue my climb out. I know I can do it, but some days, the light feels alot further away than others.
Thank you for being a voice for those of us who suffer with this terrible chronic disease. You are an inspiration.
Love, Cindy Turner

Thank you for your article on this website. I saw a few of your videos and they are great for those of us struggling with depression. Some people have disorders that may be helped with medication, others it is due to circumstances in our lives. This helps to know that we are not alone, that we will get better and that God loves us and hates to see us in pain. I am reading the book, “The Shack” and the character in the story deals with a terrible tragedy that makes him question “why?” to so many things. I know in my situation, it helps to read encouraging books, listen to people like Joel Osteen’s sermons and surround myself with positive people. However, that can be hard if we are stuck in a terrible relationship or a dead end job. I have to keep looking at people like Joseph in the Bible who endured hardships for years. To all who read this and are suffering, may God greatly bless you and restore all that has been lost.

I have a daughter that is bi polar, and it is so true that everyone is worth more than the disease. I think that its letting go and letting the lord carry it through , as he will do exactly, but one needs a faith that will not doubt for a moment..it is just as hard as the bi polar…to work at the trust and belife that god will carry you true it. Joel Olsteen is an excellent inspiration, but when it comes to the knowledge of guidance of how to get through the suffering of the physical mind, and bring you to that spiritual helaing journey I would advise Joyce meyer. I think once you hear about her own life of abuse and suffering, and how she came about her healing, will surely bring you to that journey of healing..as we all know that every problem of life has a solution in the word of god … not everyone has been blessed enough to break down the definaition of the word of god. I assure you that you will find it listening to her ministery ..one thing we all know for sure is .. we are reflected apon through our life time which creates thoughts and attitudes.. althought this seems like two unimport words there defination carry a lot of power…it takes practise to change ones thoughts , and the attitude we take towards out thoughts leaves us to the results of our circumstances and most of all how we function in out lives…our thought pattern is what forms are circumstances , and that the attitude we take towards thee outcome will leave us in the state of mind we bring apon ourselves…Feeling that we are not worthy of being joyful and well It is not what the word of lord saids..”I come to give you life abudantly…joyfully!
I have been there , and wore many T shirts.. You can heal! It will take time, and each day you will be more confident..prayers,strong unquestioning faith…and listen to joyce meyer…she will help build faith in yourself, through undying faith in Jesus Christ..she has been there through her won suffering..suffering is pain no matter which form it comes in. love and gentle blessing to all MTA PS theres a godly spirit shining through therese bouchard

My first time on this site. I’ve had a down ward spiral in live since the yr.2000. Have lost My parents, and three sisters to illness. Watch Mom die then my sister lost her self in greed and has done so much to hurt her family I don’t know if she can ever mend them with me. Meantime our Oldest sister that I cared for we watched as she was taken by MS. Her faith in God gave her the grace and courage to live through MS. Lost the fight in Oct 16, 2005. Again was put through hell bye the sister who likes to hurt and called my youngest sister and me Murders, because we followed MS sisters living will(which was soooo hard to do). Youngest sister found out she had non-curable cancer throughout body Aug. 2006 , Dad died of COPD (Oct. 3rd sister with cancers Birthday). Had to go to Mass. and take care of him and his estate. Still no help from sister who is full of hurtfulness and no concern. Sister (MY best friend besides my hubby) with cancer stayed home while we cared for her she was brave and taught us all allot about dealing with pain and how to live with her own mortality. We lost her Dec 6, 2006. I didn’t mention the 6 pets I lost to old age and cancer through that same time frame. 2007, I had physically had enough and ended up anemic and finding out I had tumors and surgery. Physically fit now but, my mind is a car reck . Depressed and doing one day at a time. Realized I have a great family Hubby Kids and beautiful grand daughter, but really missing the others who have left me for now. Just keep telling myself not forever. I’m trying to focus on the family here and give myself the permission to let the grieving go when it creeps up on me.
Thanks for this web site, Nancy

Watching your face as you described the curtain that descends (as it surely does), for some reason it struck me that I couldn’t imagine a tribal individual undergoing a similar experience. It would seem almost comical, and certainly incongruous. “But of course,” I thought, “that’s only your lack of exposure to indigenous societies talking. Let’s google it.”
I came upon this page about “what depression is not”:
http://www.humangivens.com.au/?depression=isnt
Referencing one or two societies without depression (and blowing off genetic predisposition entirely due to a few epidemiological studies) smacks of superficial science. But does any of this resonate with anyone?
I just wonder if we’re simply unsuited to our current culture and way of life.

I am saddened that you care about your readers so much that you felt the need to prove your suffering. There are some people with terminal illness who somehow are at peace, and there are others with chronic illness who are devastated. There is disease and there is our individual response to it – and with mental illness, the two are tied up.
I don’t feel the need to qualify my level of depression to somehow prove legitimacy to post. What I will say is that something you said is something I’ve been working on, the idea of letting a flare up run its course and simply holding on. I know there are feelings I had that can be mollified by an action, but there are moods that I feel deep in my gut when I know that my thoughts are irrational, there’s nothing I can do, and I need to take some extra care of myself those days.
Further, and this also is for the poster who mentioned the indigenous societies, I know that quite often I do not get in enough sleep, proper nutrition, physical activity, and quiet time in solitude. All this is “medicine” albeit not in pill form. This is not to make myself feel guilty – but it’s a reminder that it’s important to take our “meds” to help us feel better. Modern pharmaceuticals have a place; they can make us motivated enough to actually go for a run or sit in meditation. And for many, it’s a lifelong maintenance drug like antihypertensives are for some. This is another aspect of me I’ve been working on.
So, thank you for reminding me that sometimes I need to just hold on and wait for the worst to pass. And please – everyone take care of themselves.

And to add to my comment about the indigenous societies – I’m not quite convinced by the article that was linked (I think you posted it as food for thought, right?). Our genes and brains are in a feedback loop. We don’t see changes taking place, but they’re there. It’s fine to call a disease culture or society-specific, and it very well may be that our “lifestyle” is one to which some have trouble adapting; but what made them maladaptive in the first place?
OK I am done for the night. Take care

Therese, from my vantage point, you seemed somewhat OK compared to me on my bad days, but I truly appreciate your sharing your thoughts with all of us. In response to the article/information relating to what depression is “not”–some of it I can relate to, but for the most part I believe, and I don’t know this for a fact, that the author of the article NEVER HAS SUFFERED FROM SEVERE SEVERE DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR DISORDER. Unless you have suffered and continue to suffer, no one can understand–why? In my opinion, no one can actually see “it.” People are relatively kind when illnesses can be seen or seem to be accepted as true physical issues, but this “mental” issue, well, that is another story.
I believe with me that “everything” has contributed and continues to cause my problems–genetics, family, traumatic issues–lots of them in my life. I truly relate to the person who posted about so many deaths in her family and with her pets–death in big doses takes its toll. And, for me at this point in my life, I have NO biological family; thus, this, to me, exacerbates an already horrendous situation.
And, yes, I have gone the route of medicines, doctors, spirituality–been there, done it all, and did it all according to the doctors’ instructions. Of course, I don’t think any of them have suffered from either depression or bipolar disorder.
I have no answers, but what Therese says may be one key–the very very very bad days sometimes lessen into the very very bad days and then into the very bad days, and then into days which I actually can’t describe–OK days, somewhat OK days, but never what I consider to be pure joy, happiness, feeling at peace.
IT ALWAYS IS A STRUGGLE, at least for me it is.
Thank you for reading this post, and I truly hope for you that you are able to find peace in any way which helps you to get up every day and be somewhat productive.
Do any of you have a terrible time with self-discipline? I start projects and then don’t finish them; I get interested in something and in a heartbeat I lose all interest. Would like to know how you “force” yourself to complete projects and do every day things when you feel way way way way way way way beyond blue….
PEACE TO ALL

Thanks Terese for your vulnerability and honesty.
I think that like you, I am sure that there are SO many people in my life who think that I have Mild Depression only b/c I am able to wear my mask when needed and then hide away when I can not even put it on. During the seasons on my life when suicidal thoughts have intruded I have wondered at how many people in my day to day life would be genuinely surprised.
I have learned that even on my bad days , I can compartmentalize and push through and give an outsider the impression that I am fine. It is only on my 10 days (worst on a scale of 1-10) that I hide out and no one sees how bad those things are.
So, hang in there. Thank you for being honest but I do hope that you know that there are many of us who can relate to where you are, trust what you say about your depth of hurt and pain and know that many days when you are pushing through to post stories to to just get out of bed- that you are putting on enough of a mask to survive!

Dear Therese,
I’ve been receiving your newsletters for months and they’ve been exceedingly helpful, comforting, insightful, and much more. I’ve often wanted to comment, but always held back (and who has the time…). Today I just couldn’t hold back:
1. Thank you so much for doing this. I, too, am saddened that you feel a need to prove you suffer as much as you do. I think that is also part of having an illness that sometimes “doesn’t show”. I took your word for it from the very first time I read anything by you. I wish you had as much faith in yourself as so many of us do.
2. I always say that I want a Dr who has actually taken the medication himself – AND gone off it, AND had it adjusted – to prescribe my medication. Otherwise, they have no idea how much extra suffering it entails. This is NOT a statement about whether medication is justified or helpful. It is about the person administering it and making the decisions knowing what is involved from the inside.
3. I am absolutely delighted to hear you say that you know it won’t last forever, that it WILL pass. That is the recovery, that is the result of all the work you have put in. You are a model and an inspiration, and we’re here with you – as you are for all of us – for when the cycle runs its course and you feel as together as you look.
Many blessings.

Therese,
Thank you for your courage in sharing your current experiences. I know that when I compare my insides to someone elses outsides, I lose. I believe you and that what you are experiecing is as bad as you say it is and no one can judge what you say or how you look as other than what you say it is. No one else is feeling what you are feeling and cannot say it is not real for you or anyone else. It takes a lot of practice to hang in there the way you are doing.
I also am well practiced at appearing OK when I am dying on the inside. Even my therapist cannot tell at times how deeply my suffering is. I am grateful she believes me when I tell her I hurt so bad that I cannot stand up straight.
No one can judge the depth of another persons depression!
Lots of hugs ((((((((((((((((Therese)))))))))))))))))))

Thank you! Being able to talk about it when you’re ‘in it’ is incredibly important to those of us out here who have difficulty finding others to relate to. As the saying goes, you may not be able to describe/define it, but you know it when you see it. Depression is such an inward struggle, it doesn’t translate well when trying to share it with others. Mania – there are bigger cues to pick up on. Brainfuzz, not answering the phone, not showering – these attributes of depression – may not be viewed as signifiers to many; but you know, we know, that we don’t have a head-cold, or need just a little time to ourselves – its depression, and we know it when we see it.

My mom suffered from depression all her life … yet she was an excellent special ed teacher … but there were days when she really had to fight to get up and out of bed and go to work for her kids … I was in high school then, I would help her by doing her hair and picking out something for her to wear and telling her how pretty she looked before she went to work … me fixing her hair, was one of those things that helped her … and me … and I still find that fixing someone’s hair is filled with affection, and I remember her. She is gone now and I miss her. But I know how much she suffered and managed to work during the school year and fought like crazy during the summer to not lose it all. I would be afraid of finding her gone when I came home from work. Severe depression doesn’t always show and my mom was a fantastic writer with a flair for the dramatic … she could really tell a great story. But I remember the times that I lost my mom, I remember more the times she came back and how much I loved her. I would remember those times while I was fixing her hair and telling her she was the prettiest mom ever. I always knew it would pass, that she would come back, it could take years, but she always came back… All the best to you and many hugs.

Dear Therese,
I’m perhaps only situationally depressed (not neurochemically or otherwise deeply depressed), but that’s why I started reading your blog a long time ago. Anyone who has read your blog for a fair amount of time realizes the depth of depression and despair that you can experience and the manner in which you manage to give the appearance that you are fending it off, sometimes more or less successfully. You don’t have to prove anything. Those of us who are familiar with your past know the heights and depths of your illness. Those who don’t know are not reading thoroughly or carefully enough. Although I appreciated your video and feel even more deeply your pain, don’t feel obligated to ever do this again. As I said, you don’t have to prove anything. I think I speak for most of your readers when I say, we love you, and we understand.

Dear Therese,
I’m perhaps only situationally depressed (not neurochemically or otherwise deeply depressed), but that’s why I started reading your blog a long time ago. Anyone who has read your blog for a fair amount of time realizes the depth of depression and despair that you can experience and the manner in which you manage to give the appearance that you are fending it off, sometimes more, sometimes less successfully. You don’t have to prove anything. Those of us who are familiar with your past know the heights and depths of your illness. Those who don’t know are not reading thoroughly or carefully enough. Although I appreciated your video and feel even more deeply your pain, don’t feel obligated to ever do this again. As I said, you don’t have to prove anything. I think I speak for most of your readers when I say, we love you, and we understand.

I’m sorry Therese, that you felt you had to prove your street cred to people who hit and run your blog. I think the remarks that some commenters made comparing your depression with theirs, are thoughtless, and sadden me.

Thank you for this video blog. I have been having bad days and feel severely depressed. I know everyone experiences depression differently. This is what I needed today to know that I am not alone. Thank you for being an inspiration and for all your comments especially for having the courage to share your moments of deep despair and depression. God bless you.

Aww Therese, I’m watching this really late (2/5/10), but I’m so sorry you were feeling so bad that day.
*hugs*
Jill

Hello Therese:
It’s funny, you would think that depressed people who read your blog would understand exactly where you are coming from. I have battled depression for most of my life, and when I am out in public and around people, I am able to appear quite “normal” and well-adjusted. I became very adept at hiding my depression from people, because I find that most people don’t want to know about it and don’t want to be around somene who is depressed. I haven’t worked for quite some time, because I stayed home to raise my son. Just in the las t few years was I diagnosed with clinical depression. However, I now know that I was depressed during all those years I held successful jobs in marketing and public relations. So, to all those people out there who give you a hard time: yes, you can battle depression and still have a job and function in society.

wow this video was so moving…
Today is a bad day for me, and I am feeling like giving up on today and just lay in bed, but hearing you talk about your ‘six numbers’ gave me a little hope.
While sometimes (eh, most of the time) I feel like people would be annoyed if i reached out, its important to me to not fall off the face of the earth and to call the few people that understand.

Thank you, thank you for posting this. I’m new to your blog. I’ve read your book, but the pictures and the positivity have led me to believe that you have bipolar “conquered” and you no longer struggle. I’ve felt like a failure because I’ve not been able to do so. sometimes my depressions are so deep I’m not sure I’m going to make it out. Everytime one comes on, especially after a period of remission, I’m sure I’ve failed, I’m a failure and I might as well give up. Fortunately I do have a good support team and I’m so happy to add you to that group of friends that understands. Thank you again for being so vulnerable, courageous and loving to all of us who need to know we’re not alone and we’re not doomed forever.

thanks.
r.

This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man lord luma have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self.
His email: orissatemple@yahoo.com

he bring my boyfriend back
i am Eunice and i want to thank Dr.jadula for bringing
back my ex boyfriend, we broke up for more than 9 month
and he told me that he will never want to see me in his life again. i love him
so much to the extend that i could not think of deating any man again, i was
confused and depress due to the love i had for him.i did everything i could do
to have him come back to me but all went in vain. so i decided to contact a
spell caster, i did not believe in spell casting i just want to try it may be it would work
out for me. i contacted dr jadula for help,and he told me that he have to cast a love spell
on him, i told him to do it. after 3 days my boyfriend called me and started to apologize
for leaving me and also he told me that he still love me. i was very happy and i thank
drjadula for helping me get back my ex back to my hands. his spell is the greatest of
all over the world, it was the love spell he cast on my ex that make him come back to me. all you
ladies who want back their ex back i want you to contact Dr.jadula for the return of your
ex boyfriend and also your ex girlfriend he can also cast any kind of spell you want him to
cast for you. his contact email is jadulaspelltemple@gmail.com just try him and their will
be a solution to your case.