Again I quote the eloquent Henri Nouwen. If you haven't caught on yet, I adore that man, as he somehow managed to spy on my brain for the last 38 years. In "The Inner Voice of Love," he writes:
You must avoid not only blaming others but also blaming yourself. You are inclined to blame yourself for the difficulties you experience in relationships. But self-blame is not a form of humility. It is a form of self-rejection in which you ignore or deny your own goodness and beauty.
When a friendship does not blossom, when a word is not received, when a gesture of love is not appreciated, do not blame it on yourself. This is both untrue and hurtful. Every time you reject yourself, you idealize others. You want to be with those whom you consider better, stronger, more intelligent, more gifted than yourself. Thus you make yourself emotionally dependent, leading others to feel unable to fulfill your expectations and causing them to withdraw from you. This makes you blame yourself even more, and you enter a dangerous spiral of self-rejection and neediness.
Avoid all forms of self-rejection. Acknowledge your limitations, but claim you unique gifts and thereby live as an equal among equals. That will set you free from your obsessive and possessive needs and enable you to give and receive true affection and friendship.
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FWIW, this is a saying I've coined about the past that helps me;
"All you can do about the past is seek to make amends, be forgiven, learn from it and find God's healing."
If I've done those things, I really have no reason to hold on unless, as you implied, I want to beat up on myself and my self-esteem. And that's something I don't recommend.
I have read the article which fully based on the Blaming yourself.I found this post very interesting as it contain very informative knowledge regarding the forgiveness and rejection.I agree with the given wordings:When a friendship does not blossom, when a word is not received, when a gesture of love is not appreciated, do not blame it on yourself. This is both untrue and hurtful.
Just what I needed to read. Thank you!
Wow, this gave me so much insight into how I think. It's uncanny! Thank you for helping me understand myself and this disease.
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