Figuring out the cause of a relapse, or even a rough spot bordering on relapse, is a bit like solving a riddle or working on a hard crossword puzzle. It's like a long, dreaded hour in Advanced Calculus class (even though, you know, I never made it to that room). There are the new triggers. For me that's grieving my recreational sport I so enjoyed--running--because I want to avoid a hip replacement at all cost. Reading my junior-high journals and processing those painful memories didn't help. But there are the regulars, who lurk behind most of my dark patches...a denial of my illness, the misconception that I am the dirty-blonde version of Wonder Woman, and, of course, unrealistic expectations.
I so appreciate your help navigating through this forest of fears. So, listen up for some of your own wisdom.
* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue and click here to follow Therese on Twitter and click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.
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You know how much I admire you..Our paths so similiar its comforting. I love your blogs, your videos, your truth and your strenght.
Have you ever posted a video explaining to family what its like for "us" how to help not to help..and really just to give a glimpse into our mind...your realism and honesty and how to explain things can shed light on those that live with us.
I love this video, Therese. The shift from running to swimming is an interesting one, maybe a metaphor for something, a kind of life change we all experience from time to time. I injured my knees on a long run through Washington D.C. around the time of my 33rd birthday. It was a particularly beautiful day, I was wearing old shoes and I ran seven miles instead of my usual three. Somehow, my knees never really recovered from that. I went to rehab and had physical therapy. I was told I would run again! But I never did. The shift to swimming was---arughh!--so depressing. I felt slow and thick in the water for a long time, but within the year a new peace kicked in and I found that swimming was more pleasing to my senses, more meditative, less frantic. You don't get the huge high or the kick unless you really push yourself, but you settle into a nice, luxurious, gratifying peace. After my swim, I float on my back, look up at the ceiling and breathe! I feel so grateful. Hang in there. --Amy
Beware the barrenness of a busy life. - Socrates
That was in the BeliefNet quote this morning and it sure rang true. Sometimes the repetitive aspects of continuing to swim can be boring -but it's also comforting somehow. I don't want to become numb or zoned out but something about repetive motion seems to calm me a bit. I do the exercise bike regularly. I confess that I multi-task and may watch TV or talk on the phone while keeping my RPM's as high as I can and still talk/think. But I also do a form of meditation while 'riding'. And when I climb down after half an hour, I feel validated, like I've paid my dues or something. And even if other things haven't gone right - that one thing sort of sustains an holds up the rest of the day. It's great for my circulation even when I'm sort of blue and not doing much circulating otherwise.
Frank,
Therese, I know how frustrating it can be to loose that endorphin kick of aerobic activity, in your case running, in my case the elliptical trainer. I had ankle fusion surgery over last winter on both ankles, one at a time. 6 months in leg casts---6 months with no aerobic activity. I gained 10 pounds, turned to vino too often and lived very close to the "black hole". Once the ankles were fused, the spine gave out. I'm only 54 and I have the body of a 90 year old! But thank God, a friend gave me her recumbent bike which she said was collecting dust and it has been great! I am able to ride away with no pain in my back everyday. It's so good for my head. I read while I peddle--enjoyment reading---which otherwise I tend to feel guilty for taking time to do. The time flies by so fast! It has become an activity I look forward to everyday!
I like the way you called taking care of depression like it's a business. It's a tough business to be in, but the alternative is much worst. I've suffered from a very bad clinical depression for 5 years now, since my TBI, but thank God for friends, a great neuro-psychiatrist, and this website! Thank you for sharing good and bad times and your wisdom with all of us! When I feel I'm alone in this---I log on and there you are! God Bless You!
Hi Therese,
Thank you for all that you do. My Mom had bipolar disorder and so does my daughter. My purpose in life, right now, is to get and give more of an understanding of bipolar disorder. I want to do it in a humanitarian way and with the humor that was so much a part of my mother. I loved your 12 days of Christmas. Bravo!!!If you get a chance, I know you would enjoy my film on BipolarLight.com, which is available for free. It was filmed in May this year at the Temple Theater in Saginaw for lay people. I was asked to use humor, song, dance, and music to explain BiPD. It is so good to know that you are a kindred soul out there.
Dr. Jay
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