So much of our mood has to do with diet. I really recognize that in my son, David. You give him an ounce too much of corn syrup, and he is one whacked-out kid. Back when I read "Potatoes Not Prozac," I vowed to keep simple carbohydrates out of my diet. I'm still not there, but am making progress.A fellow blogger, Karly Randolph Pitman, has created a perfect resource on the web for those of us like myself that are sensitive to sugar, and for those, like her, who are willing to give up sugar one day at a time. Her site, First Ourselves, uses radical self-care to help women heal from overeating, binge eating disorders, sugar addiction and a negative body image. Per Karly: "At firstourselves.com, you can join the First Ourselves sisterhood and take special classes to help you kick your sugar habit, change your relationship with food, and change your relationship with your body. Gain tools, support and skils to create a physically, emotionally and spiritually nourishing life."
My childhood memories are punctuated with sugar: bakery donuts on Sunday mornings; a pillowcase full of candy on Halloween; Dairy Queen trips in the summer; pies at Christmas. Our home had a junk drawer brimming with potato chips, pretzels, cookies, and tortilla chips. This didn't include the ice cream in the freezer, the muffin mixes in the cupboard, the Pepsi in the fridge and the candy bowl on the piano. I ate sugar every day, and thought nothing of it.
I ate raw cookie dough, baked cupcakes, or had popcorn and Coke when I was feeling sad. As a teen, I became bulimic, and my favorite binge foods were sugar-laden: ice cream, candy, cheesecake, donuts, pastries, and muffins.
In my 20s, I became cognizant of my sugar addiction. I was having children, and I wanted to eat better, both for my babies' sake and my own. I could no longer eat whatever I wanted and still feel and look good. I also experienced the first inklings of depression that plagued others in my family, and was looking for a cure.
I read several books about sugar and its addictive qualities. The information changed my life: finally, I understood why I could eat an entire bag of Twizzlers in one sitting. The connection between sugar consumption and depression was eye opening, too: no wonder my moods were constantly swinging.
And yet, even with all this knowledge, even with all my experience of how terrible sugar made me feel, in body, mind, and spirit, it took me a decade to quit sugar for good. I've gone on and off sugar more times then I care to count.
Here's how my script played out:
I would be sugar free for several months, and then have a piece of cake, justifying my indulgence by vowing to return to my sugar abstinence the next day. I would tell myself I would eat just one serving and put the rest away, forgetting that I have never been able to eat just one slice my whole life. One cookie would turn to two, then three; to candy the next day; brownies thereafter, then an entire can of raisins. Before I knew it, I was binging on sugar, eating out of control, riding an emotional roller coaster of mood swings, depression,
and irritability.
Finally, I would reach my saturation point of self-disgust, and put myself through the painful process of sugar detox. Then the cycle would start all over again.
When I don't eat sugar, I feel fantastic: my moods, blood sugar, and emotions are stable. I don't suffer from cravings. So why did I eat it, besides the fact that sugar is ingrained in every holiday, outing, or celebration? I ate sugar because I felt deprived; or I wanted pleasure, or I felt like lightening up. I ate sugar because it connected me to my childhood, and all my happy memories. Or I bargained with myself, justifying that I could handle sugar because I felt so good (forgetting that the reason why I was feeling good was because I wasn't eating sugar.)
But then, after one too many sugar binges, I embraced a new truth about myself: I can't eat sugar. Ever. I'll be sugar free for the rest of my life.
I didn't want to accept this. I still secretly wanted to eat sugar, just without the negative side effects. The prospect of never eating apple pie or a chocolate chip cookie again was so heartbreaking that I couldn't stay the course. But I had to accept my truth: that my body doesn't react normally to sugar. I can't eat a sugary treat, every now and then, without leading to a binge. I had to get to the point that my sugar binges were making me so miserable that the alternative, abstinence, looked appealing.
Here's what woke me up:
I can't live the life I want to live if I'm binging on sugar. I can't be the parent (my children will gleefully relay that sugar turns me into Witch Mommy), wife, woman (it's really hard to feel good about your body when you feel sick and bloated from overeating), writer, or friend that I want to be while I'm depressed and eating sugar out of control.
It became a question of sugar, or my life.
I chose my life.
It was an easy decision. Easy in that I knew what I wanted. And yet its implementation means giving myself excellent self care, support, and nurturing: I eat three to four meals a day, everyday. (It's hard to resist sugar when you're starving.) I do my best to get a good night's sleep. (It's also hard to resist sugar when you're exhausted.) When I go out to dinner, I choose a restaurant that has something I want to eat. I carry food with me when I'll be gone for the day.
Does this sound hard? No, what's hard is looking in the mirror and not liking what I see; not being able to fit into my clothes because I've been diving into the granola; hiding myself from the world because I'm depressed. That is hard. Supporting myself is easy.
I don't crave sugar now. Really. It's a no-brainer for me. When we made chocolate cupcakes for my son's birthday a few months ago, the sickeningly sweet smell of the cupcakes made me sick.
Abstaining from sugar doesn't deprive my spirit, but nurtures it. Avoiding my life purpose because I'm sugar addicted, however, does. An easy choice, after all.
* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue and click here to follow Therese on Twitter and click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.
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Isn't there sugar in everything? How can you just avoid sugar? Just avoid the obviously sweet things? Like treats, candies, cookies, cakes, pies, etc.? How do you really "avoid" sugar? Thanks.
Hi Jackie,
Yes, I abstain from all sugar - anything with added sugar. I am able to abstain from sugar by eating whole foods: tons and tons of veggies, nuts, seeds, beans, plain yogurt, fish, chicken, meat, etc. I don't eat a lot of is fruit - it's a treat for me that I eat in moderation - as I'm sensitive enough to sweets that even too much natural sugar triggers me.
But that's my choice and what makes me body feel its best - what I do to stay whole and sane. There are many people who can eat sugar moderately, many people who can eat tons of fruit without a problem. That's just not my body.
If you want to know more, I have a free ebook at http://www.firstourselves.com where I talk about why and how I gave up sugar. Kathleen des Maisons also wrote a fabulous book for those who suspect that they may be sensitive to sugar, Potatoes Not Prozac. I highly recommend it.
Hi Tom,
You may try sprouted, flourless bread like these:
http://www.foodforlife.com/
Many people who are sugar sensitive do much better on flourless breads. They have a slightly nutty taste that I think is very good. My kids especially love the cinnamon raisin bread, english muffins, and the tortillas.
Hi Sandra,
Yes, you are right: once you stop eating sugar, the cravings greatly disappear. You feel fantastic.
I can empathize with your sadness about going back to sugar. That is very common - I've done it zillions of times. When we revert back to overeating, it's not a character flaw; it's simply a sign that your life circumstances are more challenging than your coping skills. That's understandable, given your grief and loss.
Be gentle with yourself. It's part of the journey. Can you be curious and open, looking at what you can learn about yourself from this situation, instead of criticizing yourself?
For more help with overeating, you may be interested in my kick sugar course here:
http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/
I also have lots of free articles on firstourselves.com.
Much healing to you,
Karly
Wow, what a great article. Yes, sugar is an addiction and yes, it is hard to quit, but the health benefits on the other side of kicking sugar certainly pay off.
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