My husband walked out on our marriage. We were both bipolar but he could not deal with my crippling depressions. I loved being married and have a huge hole in my heart. But I take comfort in knowing others have gone through this too. Though I wouldn’t wish a marriage break up on anyone.

Susan:
Your divorce story is just heartbreaking. Mine was a less cruel twist — my wife who majored in and made her living in (industrial) psychology lost all empathy for her husband’s disease in her literal and figurative clinical perspective.
I think the biggest issue I need to face in my own heart — and gut — with Ana is the fear that she will leave me due to my illness. And the REALLY scary part is, Ana knows this already.

This isn’t quite on the subject, but I saw on your blog a reference to your mother’s blephrospasm. You said there was only one treatment. I m quite sure there is another one, also used for spasmodic dysphonia (which my ex was treated for, and which worked wonders). Botox shots are injected by the nerves, temporarily disrupting the signals (for months at a time). It slowly wears off and is repeated. I know this was also used for treating this eye disorder quite successfully. Just a friendly fyi….tho you may know this already!

T,
Well I am on the flip side of this. I was married to a man who was dually diagnosed with ADD as well as BiPolar. This happenned after we had been married our first yr. I knew from his behavior, having to be “on stage” the center of attention that he sufferred from the ADD as he had alot of the same behaviors as my son who was diagnosed with ADD when he was in middle school. I tried using the same methods of communicating etc with him that I was taught when I went to counseling for learning how to live with and help my son. The BiPolar diagnosis was a surprise though! It was only after he took a large knife, slit his shirt and then proceeded to cut his chest that I drove him to the ER at the V.A. He did go in the car voluntarily. Once he was being talked to/seen by a nurse he was asked whether he wanted to admit himself or if it was going to be necessary for them to have one of the officers come and take him. Either way he was NOT leaving the hospital that night! After 5 days in the psych unit he was released to my care with his med’s; Depokote and something else. I forget now it has been awhile. I loved this man DEARLY. I went with him to meetings, made sure he went to his own mtgs, he signed up with Anger Mgt, continued to make his appts with his Dr and take his med’s. But alas, one day he walked in the house and SCREAMED that he wanted a Divorce. Out of the clear blue. We had not had any arguments, in fact 3 days prior he took me shopping for a leather couch that I had been wanting, AND gave me 1/2 dozen roses with a Soulmate card. Ok, THIS was bipolar behavior. He lived in a Manic state, I had never seen him depressed. Being someone who has been diagnosed with reoccuring depression and having been through 3 MAJOR episodes in my life I know what that looks/feels like.
Anyway, I shared all of that to say this: there is nothing a spouse can really do for thier partner who is diagnosed with that disorder. Sure, being supportive helps tremendously! Taking your partner to get help if you see a decline like I know Eric has done for you can be lifesaving but the bottom line is this. If someone does not want help there is nothing you can do for them. It is very much like dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict in my opinion. Until THEY are ready to get help, take the med’s, see Dr’s and do the necessary work to live a life of recovery, anything we do for them is in vain.
I just HAVE to comment too while we are on this subject about the E Harmony thing. After living the stressful and hurtful yrs I did with my husband who was BiPolar I want to KNOW if someone I meet or might be interested in dating has any type of illness. Whether it is one of a medical or mental state. I do not like surprises of this nature and if I had of known prior to entering this marriage my husbands history and state I probably would have made a different decision. I was raised in a home with a father who was mentally ill. As a child I watched him go through shock treatments, go to 12 step meetings to stay sober for 11 yrs before he went back to drinking, take med’s and quit taking his med’s. Aside from that my Mother who the family always thought was a little dingy was diagnosed with Schizophrenia yrs later. I got it from both sides of my Family. I am BLESSED in that I have only sufferred from Depression and not any of the other conditions. I have spent most of my life living with people who are mentally ill. It is very difficult and I have to be very careful now who I choose to be around, spend time with. Others illnesses can bring me down, trigger my own depression, cause me undue stress etc.
I don’t think that choosing to NOT be around someone who is Toxic to your own welfare is discrimination. Rather I consider it an informed, cautious act of self preservation.
I do not dislike people who suffer from these illnesses, I DO consider them illnesses and not character flaws. I have alot of friends who are recovering addicts, alcoholics or mentally ill. I just have to limit how much of my time and energy I can give to someone who struggles with one of the diagnosed mental illnesses. I have had to learn through my own therapy to have boundaries and to use them. To have balance in my life, something I did not learn in my home of origin.
I will quit rambling, I have just read losts of recent posts and had so many thoughts on them collectively that I had to respond, give my 2 cents. Hope this is not offensive to any one. It is not my desire to be critical or hurtful just helpful and hopeful.
Blessed Be, Mary Anne

Larry, I don’t know what to say. Love means taking chances and believing that things will be OK. It’s not always good, but when it’s good it’s great and even when it’s not so good, it’s still OK.
Sometimes you have to take a chance on loving someone. It’s a strange thing about love- it’s easy to take your clothes off and do what comes naturally, but it’s a lot harder to be naked figuratively in front of your beloved and let them love you despite any flaws. Because it’s the flaws that make us human and lovable.
You and Ana have a good foundation for a great relationship. That’s the most important thing. If it doesn’t work out.. .then you were blessed to know her. But I think it will work out. I really do. Both of you deserve happiness.
_Susan

Oh Larry, thank you. It’s weird, you knew my ex, as does Therese.

I think the suggestions for helping a person with the bipolar illness cope were well done and will be helpful to many couples and families. But as a bipolar I can say this about myself at least. I walk a fine line between monitoring my emotions and thoughts and becoming narcisstic and demanding. I think a list of suggestions for bipolar people to help us make life for those around us would be helpful, too.
Thanks,
Theresa in St.Louis
Thanks

My son is biPolar and just resently got out of the hospital after 3 weeks of what they consider extensive treatment. The first 3-4 days after he got home were great no issues. However this have changed drastically in the last 3 days with his coming home anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours later than his curfew (he is 20). Last night was the worst as he came home drunk, angry and yeah you know the drill. After going upstairs I found him laying in bed (eyes open) covered in in own vomit. I tried to get a response from him after failing I called for my youngest sons help. We finally got him to wake up and battling for what seemed for hours to get him to get up and him attacking me we finally convinced him that laying in him own vomit was not the best idea. Needless to say it was a long night and I am at my witts ends. I can not live with him like he is but I can’t send him out into the world with no where to go.

As I can understand Mary ann Heyde reason for not wanting to be around other people in her family that are mentally ill. Bipolar being it runs in family’s very often. I struggle with this myself. I am stable on meds not but sometimes they stop working and have to be changed during these time I have gone thru useally a manic period which I often won’t see because I feel good.But sure to come is the depression that I know it is hard on my family and one of my daughters will not have anything to do with me because she see the same symptoms in herself. It hurts when family will not come around because you are sick if it was cancer or anything else physical would it be diffirent? I do not know the right answer but for her to say to me her Dr. says she should cut ties with me hurts.

I was told that I’m borderline bi-polar when I took a mental health test one day at CLEVELAND STATE UNIVERSITY, I don’t know what that means, but I don’t take medicine because I don’t think I need to like they’ve suggested. I can control my anger and depression. My younger bro. who lives with me, inherited schizophrenia in which he had for past 7yrs. and gets a medicine injection for it every 2 weeks. Although he drives me crazy 24/7, 365 days/yr., he’s still my bro. and I’ve been trying my best to keep him from being homeless because no one else wants to put up with him hearing unreal voices and constantly having loud arguments with himself 24/7 and most of the times he acts like he doesn’t care about anything. All I really can do for him is provide food, shelter and love for as long as I’m able to and pray to God to keep him safe everytime he’s out in public.

My father was bi-polar and he made life very difficult for my mother as well as my siblings and myself. The violence, depression didn’t stop until the day he died. Very disturbing. I have two daughters that are bi-polar and again, it is emotionally draining for everyone who comes in contact with them. They suck the life out of us. I love them but know that this is not emotionally healthy for the rest of us. I know I always felt that I had to provide a home and food for them to eat. No more. They’re adults and I’m tired of my walls being kicked in, food being thrown, being cussed out. NO! NO More! I have a right to life without drama. Too much. They have to do for themselves. Everytime they destroy a relationship, they want to come back home. They refuse to take their meds. If they took them, they might be able to maintain a relationship. They choose not to.

Wow how depressing my 10 yr old son is bipolar is there no hope?

Reading this has helped me so much! My family is not alone! Thank you

I’m sooo confused how to handle everything myself. My daughter was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She actually lives with my mom because of a physical episode we had. I, myself, amd bi-polar and do not understand it either. I feel like I’m losing my daughter. I would rather save her than myself but I don’t know what to do to help her. She will not talk to me and EVERYTHING is my fault. She is now 22 and I still feel very responsible for her. She has no one else. I found out my mom told my grandmother that if she didn’t love my daughter she wouldn’t be living there. She has no insurance and neither do I. I try to pay as much of her doctor and pharmacy bills as I can. She has applied for disabilty but was turned down. I have spent all my savings on helping her and now I’m at my witts end. Can anyone help us understand all this and get help??? I would appreciate it very much.

To Dana, it took me 3 tries to get SSI or disability. Please try to appeal. Don’t give up hope. Has she tried to work? Has she quit many times? I was diagnosed by one doctor as having borderline personality disorder. Years later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. There may be a county program where you reside that may help financially. Try to keep medical records. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Kath–can i ask how your son was diagnosed, what kind of symptoms he was or does have and what kind fo medication he is on. I am bi polar myself and have a 12 yr old grandson who I believe is bi polar but ppl working with him do not seem to want to go there even after i point this out to them. He is currently in a treatment center because of his behavioral issues and want to know more to be able to help in amy way I can. Thanks

Bipolar disorder is temporary. Most of these people need extra attention from someone they choose to love and be with.
Talking a lot helps in clearing the gap or silence in the brain.
Jobs are certainly helpful is relieving their self worth therefore depression can be lifted.
Financial stability is vital to a healthy mind.
A brief doze of medication helps in closing this gap in the mind.
Exercise is also very important.
Believe me,,,I have been there and will never have the bipolar disorder again..
Still the same BLUE!!!