My wife (ex) never moved on… She ended up marrying him, after a decade of pain and pure hell. During the time when the “stuff” hit the fan, I responded by falling into an emotional affair of my own that ended up getting physical. But there was no future in mine, and it ended almost as soon as it started. My ex-wife on the other hand is now married to her “emotional affair.” But believe it or not, after all the pain, we came to understand what we did to each other during the marriage and we share joint custody of our daughter and get along pretty well. Which is very good for our daughter. However the decade of pain had dire consequences for me. I still suffer greatly from depression, and am currently unemployed (since January ’06) because that’s when I finally crashed and burned. I succumbed to being haunted by the ghosts of “family past” and regret, and I crashed and burned. I did not want the divorce. And now I am alone during the week.

I realie like you as female that i m still caught up in the domioe affects of my child rearing days coming up.seem to make the same mistakes unkowingly getting to physical darama relationship and just gave in trying too love someone again. the fear of pain of bonding then ending up alone is just toomuch struggle for me. As i see this is your case also . guilt feelings must e let go of and longings too.

Thanks so much for writing on this topic. It’s a fine line sometimes, but such is life. As a woman who loves women, it’s a very slippery slope indeed, because you have your girlfriends, and your partners come from the same pool of “plenty of fish in the sea.” I was married to a woman a few years back, but she got caught up in that cycle, and refused to let it go, so ofcourse, I had to let her go. In some situations I know my limits very well.
I remember, I made every effort to explain how I was feeling, what the effect was on me and our family, and what it was that she was doing, and how we could fix it…and that the first move was on her, she had to let go of this “friend.” I’m thanking you, because I don’t feel like I was a crazy, jealous person anymore…not that I’m never a crazy jealous person, but not in that situation…I didn’t think I was, but I didn’t know the right terms for the situation, and it was very hard to explain without knowing that I wasn’t alone, or over-reacting, etc.
It would have been useful then to know what I have a greater understanding of now, but it wouldn’t have really made a difference in that situation. I wanted to express my gratitude for what you share, and let you know, that it has helped me to squeeze some logic into my reptilian brain, and let go of much of the hurt that situation caused. Good things, Sandy

My son’s fianceé just dumped him and hooked up with her emotional affair. I’m trying to help him get over that kind of heartbreak.
I had cautioned him about some of her behavior and ideas that were tell-tale to me. I had tried to get him to stop bragging, as he did worldwide on Myspace, that he “owned” her heart. So far he hasn’t got the lesson learned very well. Emotional affairs are engaged in by hopeful hearts. Right now he doubts the integrity of anyone. And unfortunately, from my own past experience, I can see that leaving him wide-open to be the target of another woman’s emotional affair. Matters of romance are very difficult to manage without a solid foundation of real love for oneself and one’s fellow human beings.

I MYSELF WAS WITH SOMEONE FOR 4 YRS..I THOUGHT I LOVED HIM BUT HE PUT ME THROUGH HELL AND BACK..I MOVED AWAY FROM HIM 2 TIMES AND CAME BACK THINKING THAT HE WOULD CHANGE..AS HE SAID HE WOULD,WELL IT WENT BACK TO THE SAME WAY BEFORE I LEFT..HE WOULD YELL,THROW THINGS AND BREAK OR BANG THINGS..I HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN A ABUSEIVE MARRAGIE SO I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE ONCE AGAIN.I BROK MY BACK AND WAS STUCK OF NOT DOING NOTHING FOR 6 MTHS IN A BRACE ALL HE DID WAS TELL ME GOOD BY AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND KEPT TELLING ME THERES THE DOOR..IT WAS NOT EASY TO JUST PICK UP AND LEAVE WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS AND NEED SOMEWHERE TO GO.WELL,I HAD MET SOMEONE A YR BEFORE I LEFT,THIS PERSON TAUGHT ME WHAT A REAL MAN CAN BE..KIND,GENTLE,LOVING AND NO FIGHTING..NOW MY OLD EX WANTS ME BACK AND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THERE IS NO MORE US..THAT I COULD NOT BELIVE THAT HE WOULD CHANGE..LIKE PEOPLE SAY YOU CANT LEAD A HORSE TO WATER AND MAKE HIM DRINK..HOW DO I LET HIM KNOW ITS OVER..I TRIED SO MANY TIMES AND TOLD HIM I AM HAPPY WHERE I AM NOW AND WHO I AM WITH..ALL HE DOES IS CALL AND YELL AND TELLS ME TO MAKE A CHOICE WELL I ALREADY DID..WITH THE GUY I AM WITH ..NOTHING WILL TEAR ME APART FROM HIM AND WE ARE PLANNING TO GET MARRIED I GUESS YOU REALLY KNOW IF ITS TRUE WHEN YOU JUST LOOK INTO EACHOTHERS EYES..I GUESS ITS A GIRLS INSTING…I ALWAYS NEW WITH MY EX THERE WAS SOMTHING WRONG AND JUST COULDNT PIN POINT IT..WELL I GOT TO SAY I MOVED ON I AM NOW HAPPIER THEN EVER AND FEL A BIG PART OF MY HEART HEALING THAT I AM AWAY FROM THE BAD AND NOW WITH THE GOOD..I HOPE THIS HELPS SOME PEOPLE THAT HAS BEEN OR IS IN A REALTIONSHIP LIKE THIS..I MOVED ON AND I AM AS HAPPY AS CAN BE..

Six years ago I had an affair with a married man. I thought we were soul mates..he quit his job of many years to move closer to me, going home only on weekends to his wife. We were both planning on leaving our spouses to be together.. then everything came crashing down on us when I became pregnant. We never realized the great pain it would cause our spouses and everyone around us. We were discovered and it was pure hell on earth. In the end, he stayed with his forgiving wife and my husband divorced me, though we remained together for about 5 more years after the divorce and remain friends. I also fell into severe and deep depression and still am being medicated because of this six years later. I felt such remorse for my actions, but at the same time, I genuinely loved him and felt intense grief at losing him so abruptly, it was like a death losing this companionship so abruptly..Though I have NEVER contacted him again because I know it would be wrong, we basically parted to avoid hurting those around us and not because we did not love each other.We just could not bear our children and pain we were inflicting on others. Im sure I sound selfish to those who might read this, but recovery was very hard because being the “bad girl” or guilty party I couldnt discuss me grief for losing him and had to hold it inside all of these years..Maybe I’m not sorry for my actions.. just sorry to lose him and so very sorry and guilt ridden that others got hurt from this. Regardless, I have learned my lesson a hundred times over..the pain affairs cause to others AND to yourself is devestating and can turn your life upside down. A very hard lesson learned, and being a women society is not nearly as accepting or forgiving of these actions. Wives tend to be much more forgiving then husbands with the old “boys will be boys” kind of mentality.
Learned my lesson the hard way….

I’m confused about “physician affairs?” Did you mean physical affairs?

At the beginning of our relationship, I didn’ have a problem with my husband’s ex. About 10 yrs ago she said we needed to have a talk, out of that talk, female intuition, i felt her feelings for my husband was more than just friends. So i asked for the friendship to end. A few years later I found out they had been corresponding through emails and phone calls. He said he would tell me when there was contact, but again, he lied and i found out by him being careless and leaving his work email open at home. Buggar. He told me again it would stop.But again a year later i found text msgs. So this time i told them both, if you have to have a friendship it has to be out in the open, all emails are through our home account and phone calls when i am home. They have only emailed twice in the last 8 wks, which to me is odd, when they apparently used to text,email or phone a couple of times a week. He gets very defensive when i bring this up and says he told her to back off till i got use to it all. What do you think are they still conversing secrectly.

My wife and her best friends husband began being together all the time. I know this because they were seen by alot of people including myself and my youngest daughter. I asked my wife if anything was going on and she said that they were having marital problems and they were both putting her in the middle. I then saw them together and asked my wife were she was and she said that she was doing something that I knew was a lie, so I told her that I had come up to her work to take her to lunch, and when I went to were she said she was they were together. So I told her that I was done and that all she had to do was tell me that she didnt want me anymore. That was about a year ago and it is still eating me up. The friend and her husband come around often and I dont know what to believe. My wife denies that anything ever happened but something inside of me doesnt believe her. We have been married for 20 years and I have always thought things were good but I dont know what to make of this

We must learn how to be more fair with our emotions and staying strong on what we believe in to get a better output.

I also was taken aback by the statement emotional affairs developing into bull-blown physician affairs. Is this related to transference? Maybe you could discuss this in an upcoming blog.
I admit to flirting but would usually only keep the flirting down to situations where other people could overhear. This kept the two of us “honest” and kept the flirting from getting out of hand.

You know that football season has begun when you see almost everyone wearing NFL jerseys all over the place. There are fans some who wear the NFL authentic jersey while majority are wearing NFL replica jerseys.In every sport that we like, we do have our own favorite players and favorite teams that we support so much. We watch all their games and cheer them on when they get a score. We also tend to shout motivational cheers when they play awfully. We even buy posters, coffee mugs, t-shirts, jerseys and other stuffs containing the players names and the name of the team that we love so much. This is how most of the sports fans support their well-loved sports icons and teams.Maybe you are wondering where and how to buy NFL jerseys. Buying replica jerseys is a daunting task that needs time and right choice. You can buy NFL jerseys in any sports house near your area. Aside from land based sports houses, there are also online sports house that allows you to choose or even personalized your own replica jersey.

There are few things as frustrating as trying to find something that you need quickly.

I like this blog.