I thought I could just be friends and continue to work with him, but I was wrong. You have to find another job and get out of there. Sorry, that’s just the truth. You won’t heal from it until you do.

I agree with Carol. Start looking for another job. Healing from the loss of a dream is hard enough all by itself but having to see the person on a daily basis on good and bad days… it will only add to the discomfort. Sometimes change is a blessing.

Take it from someone who has been in your shoes… Your best bet is to try and find a new job as soon as possible and get away from the letch! I thought that I could still work with my so called freind after our affair ended, all it did was to leave me open for more pain as he continued to have relations with others that I had to endure.. in the end it cost me my heart, dignity and my job….. MOVE ON!

I know how you feel i stayed for 9 yrs.you need to chance jobs .

I too, am in the position of being with a married man..30 years!!..I am sincerely trying to break it off as I reach 60, I am alone the majority of the time..My Great-grandchildren and anti-depressants keep me going..It’s too lengthy to get into here..Yes break it off before you are old and alone!..My help is my faith..The Serenity Prayer keeps me strong..Good luck~

AS FOR ME THIS IS MY OWN IDEA, IT IS NOT EASY YOU HAVE TO QUIT THE JOB AND FIND ANOTHER JOB.IF NOT YOU WILL BE INVOLVED AGAIN

You need to be strong and move on. Find another job asap and as hard as it will be for you, the change will bring blessings your way and lead you to someone that will truly love you. You deserve better and the wound will heal. It might take time, but it will happen and you will come out of this a stronger, wiser person.

You have to realize that you are only something for him to blow his nose on and conveniently discard. If you can’t move on to another job for some reason, then you have to endure the pain until it wears down and you see him for what he is. Commit yourself to God, believe and live accodingly.

I was in love with my supervisor and he was married. we had an amazing time together, but he belong to someone else. we had a 2 year love affair. he left his wife for a short time and then he went back. i finally had to quit my job. i found a new job, a new man and had a daughter. I put my daughter in dance school and low and behold, my ex lover had his daughter in the same school. I saw him serveral times a year for dance recitals. it still hurt. he was handsome, charming and he had my heart. i continue to think of him from time to time, and it’s been 23years. my only advise is pray for strength and let your heart be open for someone else to love you.

A great book thats helped me let go of past love affairs in my life was by Paulo Coehlo, 11minutes. But the basic quote that always stick in my head through my grief is the theory that we fell in love with an idea. Which is usually want most women do to themselves. We fall in love with an idea of the man or what kind of man the person can be.. but not the actual person. So realize that and it should help a bit.

So, I see I’m in good company! wink
I completely understand the disillusionment and pain you have been through. I see that your original post was a couple of months ago and I hope that you’ve been able to take steps toward finding a different job — AWAY from him. You can’t “be friends”. True friends don’t entice and mislead you.
Here’s my own “been there; done that” story… I met my first love in college – 30+ years ago…very charismatic frat boy jock meets very naive, vulnerable, emotionally-starved girl. I gave him my body, heart,and soul.
Even though I moved away, married someone else and had 2 kids, I kept a flame burning for him in my heart for 20 years. I decided to look him up about 6 years ago (following a divorce from my husband). All it took was hearing his voice and by the end of that phone call, the “magic” started ALL over again. Fast forward 6 years: My “fairytale” didn’t come true. I got used (again) and VERY depressed. Meanwhile, he’s on his 3rd wife, a successful banker, and appears to be unscathed.
Lesson learned: He was a user at 19 years old; he’s still a user at 52 years old. He was (and still is) SO seductive and knows JUST how to play people for his own purpose. For me, it’s taken LOTS of years, many different therapists and antidepressants, rage, and tears, but I’m finally free from the illusion that there could have ever been any other outcome. He’s out of my life for good.
Regardless of what these guys say, their ACTIONS are the only thing that you can trust. The darn shame is that they prey on innocent, naive, needy women and leave them devastated psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally.
You’re in my prayers. Be well.
I’ll end on this note:
A Gaelic Blessing~ May those that love us, love us. And those that don’t love us, May God turn their hearts. And if He doesn’t turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles, So we may know them from their limping.

I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL I’VE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND 30 YEARS AND HE HAS LEFT OUR MARRIAGE TO BE WITH SOME ONE ELSE AND WE ARE STILL TOGETHER. IT HURT VERY BAD BUT I PRAY EACH DAY GIVE IT TO GOD CAUSE HE CAN DO MORE WITH IT THAN I CAN . WHEN HE GOES AND COME IN I KNOW HE HAS BEEN WITH THE OTHER WOMAN SOME TIME ALL I CAN DO IS CRY OUT TO GOD

You are not alone…I am probably one of 10,000 women that have become involved with a boss, co-worker, etc. I know how painful it must be for you and the fact that you are still “working for him” does not make it any easier. When someone tells you that you shouldn’t have gotten involved with a man that was married it doesn’t make the hurt go away it only makes you feel guilty for the fact. Focus on you, not him or his family or even anybody else that you’ve discussed this with. YOU are the person that you have to deal with every day and cope with being alone every night.
It will take you some time but you will slowly begin to move on. First do for you – find another job……soon! Do not stay in the same enviornment and suffer – that is the most negative thing you can do for yourself. Keep your anger, hurt feelings, and whatever else there is in check as hard as that is to do and find another place to work – and don’t drag it out!
I tell you this because I had an ongoing relationship with a boss for 6 years…….we both worked for the government and to split us apart they sent he and his family overseas. My heart was broken – it was not an easy task to let him go but it did happen….its just slow!

My fiance left me almost one year to the day he got on one knee in a restaurant and proposed with a gorgeous huge ring. He who had been cheated on and who said he would never do that to anybody (stupid me believed him), left our home and moved straight into another (younger) woman’s apartment. My best male friend kept me from completely hitting bottom, and we began dating. To this day, he is the kindest most decent boyfriend…and to this day, I still pine for the ex who left me. I am on Prozac AND Wellbutrin, and have a stash of “good stuff” for really bad days. The only reason I don’t take the good stuff every day is because my Dr won’t prescribe it. I obviously have no words of wisdom for any of you…just wanted you to know there is yet another person in the “continuing to love somebody who crapped on you” club.

I just read this post and I do understand the hurt and the overall yuckyness of the situation. However my first question was, to myself, geeze, I hope this woman didn’t seek medication to help her deal with FEELINGS! and the second train of thought I had was responsiblity.It takes two to tangel and often all the red flags are waving at the begining, at least pop up throughout the “relationship” and it dose take two to tango. I find that for my self when I take responsibility for my actions and focus on MY part in the situation, an amazing thing happens and I grow up which leads me to a place where I can leave the past in the past and move forward. When we remain in a place of blame we remain a victim and the healing can never begin. Is this guy relay worth all the power you give him in your life.

I met this boy named william when i was eleven years old. We was together for 3 months and than we broke up. In 2003 we got back together. I thought that he was the one for me and that he really loved me. So in 2006 we had a baby girl and everything was going just fine. We’ll in augest 2008 i found out that i was pregnant again and than he left me in october of 2008. he hasn’t seen our daughter in 2 months and is saying that the baby boy im haveing isn’t his. I haven’t been with any other man or even wanted to try being with another man. I have just been setting around hoping that he will get his head on and do what is right. I don’t want to try to move on or even see another man even though he was been with another girl this whole time and the girl was susspossed to have been my friend. What should i do? I love him so much and don’t want to be with any other man but him. Also i don’t feel that it is right to be with another man because i don’t want my kids to call anyone but him daddy. just like i don’t want his girlfriend around my kids and i told him that and ever since i told him that he hasn’t come to see her.

Hello– I am right there with the rest of you– My guy was someone I dated in High School and he was in the Coast Guard–we wrote to each other for 4 years–needless to say, we each married others–I was moving and found old photos, so I contacted his brother to find out if he would like to have them back– he called me and we started talking and emailing each other–we didn’t meet personally for about 2 months after our communication started–he told me he wasn’t married, so I let go of my unhappy marriage believing him when he told me he always loved me, and the first thing he was going to do was marry me so I couldn’t get away again–needless to say, every word he said was a lie– when I accidentally found out he was married, he still looked me in the face and said he was going to look for an apartment and move out, he just needed to change some financial paperwork so others wouldn’t notice–he even asked me to move to Texas with him so he could file for divorce there and not have to put up with her tantrums face to face– Luckily, I wouldn’t go with him unless he filed for divorce here in Pa—turns out, he moved to Texas with HER, and told everyone I was a crazly stalker that wouldn’t leave him alone–this all started in 2004, and he still calls me and tries to make me believe he really does care about me-says her health issues keep him obligated to take care of her(which he does very well) she does not work, lives in a new house he built for her outside Vegas, and they both like the slots–my life was devastated, and it has taken a long time for me to find the way back from being so broken–never thought someone I knew for so many years would be so cruel and lie so viciously— You Never Know—as Rascal Flatts sings–Let My Heart Rest In Pieces—the other woman is not always the bad guy

i have been there and done that, time took care of it, i know , nobody wants to wait. but, like i said, it worked, i am very happy with my third wife now.

I read these other comments and it makes me feel better that i am not alone. I lost 3 fiances to death and had children by 2 of them. I figured I was never to love again after last one died in august of 2007. I met this guy who had went through a real bad divorce 3 years ago and more recently about 2 months before i met him. We were both leary about seeing each other but we grew closer and though i told him i was very fragile about the deaths and being hurt again, he turned out to be schizophrenic and he always was thinking I was out to get him! Well on Christmas eve i took him to see one of his daughters in San Jose and he kissed me and said he loved me and I would see him on that sunday.Well I never have seen him again. I went to go find him through his relatives and I found out he was back with the women he had been seeing, that he said he seen with 2 other men at the same time, and just got out of prison. I have been devestated once again and the depression is hard. But seeing i am not alone by being taken for a fool, makes me believe that only me is going to make me happy and no man makes me be me. So hang in there ladies, the only ones we should hurt for are the ones that died. But we will live on and no living man can tear us down.

keep your chin up! After all I’ve been through/experiened, I still keep hope and faith that there are STILL good morally decent honest people (men) in this crazy insane world!
Please do not get discouraged and lose hope/faith in people.
Do some investigative work when you find yourself intriqued and wanting to further the relationship!
It will pay off.
Bottom line: keep your faith!

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WAHT IF ANTTHING I CAN DO TO BGET MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO LOVE ME LIKE I DO I HAVE NOT SEEB HER IN 5YEAR SHE LIKE IN OHIO N I LIVE IN IOWA SHE HAS A SISTER THAT I HAVEN;T SEEN IN 2 YEARSILOVE N MISS THEM SO BUT I DON;T KNOW HOW TO GET THRU TO THEM THE ONE IN OHIOHANG UP ON ME WHEN I TIRED TO TALK BUT NO HELP HER BABY DUE THIS MO I KNOW I WELL NEVER GET TO MY G .GRANDBABY SO BRANDI N MAKAYLA GRANDMA LOVE U 2 VERY MUCH SOME ONE ME FIND MY OUT KAY

I agree with Jim in this. time is the great healer. one has to go through the issue and grieve appropriately so that you emerge as a better person. and lets not forget, this happns to men too. my wife who i thought loved me set me up to abnandon me with our kids and go live with another man. i’m fighting for my chidren now. one has to keep the faith for something and allow time to do the healing.

You really need to put distance between yourself & this man. Find another job, and don’t look back! Five years ago, I had just left my husband, and was going through a very hard time. I was starving for affection and fell for the player of the year. Even though he told me that he’d left a pregnant wife, he made it sound as if it was all her fault. For the next three years, he played me for all it was worth…to him. I went through pure hell with this man and his bitchy teenage daughter that he insisted live with us since her mother didn’t want to put up with her. After having a breakdown, I finally saw the light and threw both of them out the door. I’ve prayed for forgiveness for getting involved with him. I’ve moved on…somewhat. I still have trust problems with men, and am trying to work that out. It’s hard to go on after being deceived, but go on you must. Just don’t look back! Life does go on.

MISSING A FRIEND THAT PASSED AWAY DID NOT GET TO SEE HIM BEFOR HIS DEATH I CHOOSE TO NOT SEE HIM AND NOW I WISH I HAD I CARED VERY MUCH FOR HIM FOR A VERY LONG TIME I SOMETIMES WISH HE CARED FOR ME AS MUCH AS I DID ITHINK IT WAS ONE SIDED AND THIS MAKES ME VERY SAD.DIANE

I HAD FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN FROM ENGLAND. I MET HIM OVER THE INTERNET. HE WENT THRU A HORRIBLE MARRIAGE AND WAS DIVORCED FOR 2 YRS WHEN I HAD MET HIM. IMMEDIATELY I FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HIM..IT WAS LIKE NO OTHER LOVE THAT I HAD EVER FELT. HE WAS GETTING A VISA TO COME TO USA TO BE WITH ME …OH I WAS SO HAPPY. HE WORKED FOR THE GOVERNMENT OVER THERE . THEY HAD SENT HIM OVER TO IRAQ ON SOME SORT OF UNDERCOVER ASSIGNMENT. WELL I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT HE FELL ILL AND PAST AWAY. AND THAT WAS THE END OF THAT. UNTIL I CAME ACROSS SOMEONE ON THE SAME SITE WHERE I MET HIM…AND IT JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE HIM. DAVE . BUT HE WILL NOT TALK TO ME ..I DONT KNOW WHY OR WHAT I DID ALL I KNOW IS THAT I CANT GET OVER THIS ..I JUST THINK OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.. AND HOW HAPPY I WAS GOING TO BE. HIS FAMILY WONT TALK TO ME. NOBODY TALKS TO ME …I AM SO LOST. I GUESS THAT IS A LESSON ..A HARD LESSON TO BE LEARNED. MY HEART WILL NEVER BE MENDED. I HAVE SUCH A DEEP HOLE IN MY HEART THAT I WISH I COULD JUST CLIMB IN AND DIE MYSELF. IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF I WAS TOLD WHY HE DIDNT WANT TO BE WITH ME BUT THATS NOT THE CASE HERE ..I WAS JUST DROPPED LIKE THAT WITH OUT ANY CLUES.
I LOVED THAT MAN WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL..THERE WILL NEVER EVER BE ANYONE TO TAKE HIS PLACE IN MY HEART…..NEVER !!!
HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER FELT LIKE THIS ??? IF SO I FEEL FOR YOU ..I REALLY DO ..IT HURT SO BAD!!

I HAVE BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR 4 YEARS KNOW YES WE HAD OUR PROBLEMS BUT SOME HOW WE ALEAYS ENDED UP BACK TOGETHER BUT ON VALENTINE’S DAY HE TOLD ME THAT HE DID NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP AND THAT HE HAD NO PLANS ON GETTING MARRIED I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART THAT IT IS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON. I HAVE BEEN FATIH AND TRUE TO THIS MAN BUT I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS. DO YOU THINK THAT I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING.

Rejection is a terrible thing to overcome. It wounds our hearts in the worst way.Without sharing my own tragic story my best advice is to not let any person have so much power over your emotions that it detroys your emotional well being and health. It is up to you to regain your self esteem and confidence. The best medicine is to allow yourself to feel happy again and become even more successful at whatever you do. Everyday we should choose to be happy and force the negative feelings away from our heads and hearts. By doing this you just might attract the person you are meant to be with. Do any one of you truly want any of these relationships back knowing what you know now? Could you trust them again? You’d be forever afraid of being hurt again. Then you would find yourself saying and doing the things you think they want and you’d lose your own identity. We are all worthy of a loving and equal relationship. The right one is worth waiting for. Blessings to all who are suffering and choose to let go and wake up happy and hopeful tomorrow.

Its been two years since I been dump by man that I wss seeing from work for six years. After the both of us retired, he mail me and he want to move on and told me have a good life. This man was very cheap and selfness. When come to birthday, Christmas and Valentine, forget it. You just get a cheap card on your birthday and Valentines, no present for Christmas or any of these holidays. One thing he excused me giving him stange phone calls in the middle of the night, I knew never did. Now, I see he been winey and dining another woman that he never to did me. I move on, but I am very careful what kind of relaitonship I am going have next in my life. So, far been two years since happen I haven’t been out with no one let.

In matters of the heart, we sometimes can’t help ourselves. I am learning to move on. I really learned to love someone unconditionally even though he doesn’t see my heart and my pure love for him. We sometimes stay stuck in feelings of hurt and pain and unforgiveness.
Its hard to let go, I gave my all to someone who had issues on why he can’t love me;or see my side in things. Maybe, I’ve learned he just wasn’t “THE ONE”. He isn’t married but sometimes I think he’s married to all his past baggage and that clouds the way of seeing the beauty of the person who loves you.
So, I hope you pick yourself up and I am trying to remember that we deserve to be loved ALL of the time, not SOME of the time.
Find the beauty in you; one man’s garbarge is another man’s treasure.
Bless you and all who are hurting.
Angel

I am recovering from a broken heart from a man that I really loved unconditionally. He wasn’t married, but I think he was married to all his past baggage of hurts that clouded my beauty.
All relationships hurt and but I’ve learned that I gave my all and it made me stronger. I guess he wasn’t “THE ONE”.
I will wait for the ONE who will love me for all of me and see my inside beauty filled with love and despite my flaws my ability to grow.
Don’t let toxins on either end destroy something.
I hope we all allow each other to grow and find a partner who will enhance us, for all we are and grow together in the journey.
One man’s garbage is another’s man’s treasure.
Despite his rejection, I’ve have had to work up my self esteem and will go on and wait for the man who will love all my beauty.
The right one is worth the wait.
God bless all who are hurting.
Angel

I was hurt by a man in such a deep and profound way, I thought I would never get over it. I woke up every morning for 2 years feeling as if there was a heavy rock or a pit in my heart and I just had to get up and go on living. Miraculously, one day it disappeared and now I never think about him. If I do think about him, it is with relief that I am not with him. He is cruel and untrustworthy. I am only writing this in order to say to anyone who might be hurting as much as I was, that it can end. I thought I would die from the pain of it. (and I’m serious about that)..I spent a full week inside crying and not eating after he unceremoniously dumped me for another woman (an acquanintance)….

just ask God 2 forgive you and ask for his gidance and 2 help you and he will and he will get you through any and all just trust him and he will help
you just believe and trust him anyway hes allways there for us all hes teh only way to get through everthing pat

I think most women have been hurt by a man at one time or another. Just remember that you are not alone. Do not feel it is a sin to fall in love with anyone, even if it is the wrong person. You sometimes cannot control your heart or your mind. Especially in the area of love. And you might want to consider that this man, leaving you or you leaving him, is a gift wrapped up in a big red ribbon. Inside the gift is the reality of what would have happened had you ever married him. He showed you his real side and better now that way down the road when you are more involved. I look back at relationships that were disasters waiting to happen, and even though I thought I was in love forever, now I know it would not have lasted long anyway. Just an infatuation that fizzled out. How lucky are we that get dumped early on. The next girl he chooses may not be that lucky and will be hurt more profoundly than we were.

I suggest 1) finding a good therapist who specializes in developmental psychology and 2)read “When the Past is Present” by David Richo. His other books may be very helpful too.

We must first realize that comeback is greater than our setback! That we all have experienced a lost! However, our loss may have been a gift. A detour from God! He is not the author of confusion! So whether a relationship, job, house or car. Feeling as if we have lost something may not of been the case. It may just have been a our second chance to get it right! God bless everyone who puts this in remembrance when you feel as if you have lost. Or did God make a way for your escape for your betterment and the fullness of your life? Remember, the best is yet to come……….

The very same exact thing happen to me. I feel we cannot blame ourselves totally for loving so deep. It’s an unhealthy way yes, but it happens. I believed and believed he was comming my way sooooooo bad it had me almost crazy when he left and went back to the wife & kids. I mean I was in this relationship for 4 yrs. and was so deeply in love (so i thought) I couldn’t see the tree’s in the forest. I didn’t work with him, but his wife & children live 5 streets over from my home. I was right out of a divorce with a 4 yr. old daughter & much mental abuse. I was married 10 yrs. to a Alcholic/Police Officer that taught at the local high school young women about abussive men????? I beat myself up for yrs. after until i finally have fogiven myself. It will take time, but God & time heals all. God Bless you and best wishes for your future.
I learned 2 months after he left me and went back to the wife & children unfortunatley just before Valentines Day he had a stroke and was in a rehab for 1 yr. He came to see me after a yr. and said he was sorry and I told him go home in a nice way. My ex-husband retired 4 yrs. after we had broke up and became ill with cancer suffered & died within a yr. he was only 54. So we know what goes around comes around….I really dis-like saying that, but i never hurt a soul and maybe thats how it goes??? Love, Maryanne

I wish therapists were better equipped in identifying transferece problems right away. You need to be careful when selecting a therapist I feel. My therapist worked hard on me and my issues not focusing blame on my ex. I wish my ex had sought a good therapist and had a copy of this book, I used to say to him, I’m suffering for all the people who came before me. How sad, when real true loves gets destroyed when not nutured properly. I wish he saw my beauty in believed in me. I hope to one day find a partner who wants to grow and not attack and blame all the time. I’m recovering from someone’s past and each day I feel better and one day I hope to open myself up to love again. I pray for my ex to find love and protection and healing. We can only heal ourselves and be true to ourselves. When we seek healing outside ourselves totally, even by a therapist, we will never be healed. So everyone here (including myself) let’s learn to look within more. I know we can’t make someone else see how beautiful we are, but in time, we learn to give that to ourselves and trust the best partner will show up in our lives. Blessings and hope all are healing, Angel

Suni & Shanta, you both gave great insight.
Blessings, Angel

I say this with compassion because I have had to give up a relationship.
You need to get a new job. Changing people places and things will help you get over him. Yes, it will take time but if you do one thing each day to change your situation you will make progress. Good Luck and Prayers to you.

Hi, I just found this and realize I really need it. I fell hard for someone who was my friend first, and had been for several years. I was never that physically attracted to him but the first time we were together, wow, it was like this wave of passion. He kept saying he wanted “casual” but at the same time he said he didn’t want to jeapordize our friendship, except, he did. He slept with someone while he was also fooling around with me. I keep switching between blaming him and blaming me. And, I keep wanting to talk to him – one more time – to get closure, but I know that won’t work. I know he won’t give me the resolution I need. And I’m mad because I fell into a pit of distrust of not just him but many of my friends. Wow – sounds so high school but it’s not. We are all in our 40′s and 50′s. Anyways, what Angel said above is really helpful. Need to find that love and happiness within. I’m also afraid if I entirely let go, I will lose him and I’ll never love again. I know that’s crazy and untrue, but still. thanks for those words.

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