Yes, we know who we are
I would also note Terrence Real’s book “I Don’t Want to Talk About It.” I have found it the single best resource explaining how men experience this cruel disease differently from women.

I concur with Larry.

I think people will depression should seek Jesus the higher power. I suffer from it and took medication did not help but I look to the the man that made me which is god.I read my bible everyday. I seek his guidance.
Try Jesus because he care for people that is depression.

My husband has been diagnosed as being bipolar and I have read the books and support ideas. I really try but sometimes get so frustrated. I appreciate the fact that he went at all and is getting help. He did that about 3 years ago. He lost his job 1 1/2 years ago, which triggered a good year of major mood swings and depression. He has been under control for a few months now with Depakote and Effexor. I do find that leaving him alone is sometimes best and I do try to help him in nonconfrontational ways. I look forward to reading what all of you have to say on this subject over the next few weeks:)
Peace -
sp

It’s so cliche and predictable to say the fix is to trust in Jesus. While that certainly can, and does, help, if all we had to do was trust Him and all our troubles would stop, then apparently there is not must trusting going on in this turbulent world?!!? Please stop with the unhelpful cliche answers.
As a man, I can tell you I struggle with depression and with accepting depression within myself. More over, I struggle with impact on my family and ability to provide for them in tangible and intangible ways. My first inclination is to say to any woman who’s husband cannot provide, who has “let” their mental illness “win” such that they are not providing for their family–to leave him. I do not understand that kind of “love” which would stay with him. Honestly, I dont. You didnt marry a boy. Grow up men or stay single!! Depression is not an option for men. Dont give in.

My Son Just lost his best friend,he is not eating or sleeping and he told me he would have killed himself if it was not for me.I feel helpless and I do not know what to do.

I am a clinician who has been treating male depression for over 40 years. I also have suffered from depression and bipolar illness in my own life. My book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Treating the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, was based on a research study I conducted with over 30,000 males.
Thank you for letting people know that men and women offer suffer from depression in different ways. We need to recognize that many men “act out” their pain and unhappiness. Irritability, anger, and aggression are often ways men cover their depression.

I believe that one of the reasons men may go untreated for depression is that they may have tried some of the SSRI medications (Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, etc.) may have found that there is a very unpleasant sexual side effect. This side effect may be very unpleasant for the partner as well. I suggest trying a drug like Buproprion HCLD…which because it works on both the seratonin and epinephine systems, I have found that for me there is no such side effect.

I truly believe that the best doctor than can cure anything is the loving hand of God, however, He also blessed everyone one of us with a gift, some have been given the gift of healing, the intelligence, foritutde, in order to help those of us who didn’t get that gift. Sometimes our brains do not produce enough of the serotomin needed(or any other natural chemical), or are used up quickly by stress, therefore we need to replenish that chemical. For people who suffer from vitamin deficencey, take vitamins, what is the difference!!! Thank God for giving the people who have invented the medication the intelligence to develop these drugs… that help
us live a normal life.

My husband suffers from depression amongst a couple of other things. It is very difficult for him to deal with this and it has impacted our marriage greatly. He cannot find a job or really even keep one. He snaps at people if things “rub him the wrong way”. Grrr! I knew beforehand that he had “issues” and I’ve tried to be there for him and to be supportive, but sometimes I don’t know how strong I can be to keep him “afloat”. His morale is down no matter how much a person tries to “boost” him. He is moody, angry, sad, etc. Yes! He does take medication and has done a bit better, but still, it is all very difficult. All I feel I have left to do is pray…male depression is a very serious matter.

I have a wonderul man in my life that i just adore and that i’d do anything for everything wa great until this august he jusy all of a sudden started screaming and fussing at me and our 3 children for no reason he’d come in from work mad and taking his fustrating out on us he’s never hit me but i’m afraid he might one day. He don’t have anything to do with me are the children hardly any more he don’t wanna be seen with me outside of the house,he’s lost interest in sex,he don’t help around the house with anything any more he’s even told me it is my fault our family is so unhappy it’s gotten so bad to where he has asked me and our 7 yr old daughter to move out, how do i get him into see a dr if he think’s there is nothing wrong with him he says it’s everyone else but him who has a problem. Please help me to help our family stay together.
Thank You
Cindi

I AM A MALE, SINGLE, 46 YEARS OLD, AND I AM DEPRESSED AND I KNOW IT.
IT HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED AND I DO TAKE MEDICATION FOR MY DEPRESSION, BUT AS OF LATE, I HAVE BECOME MORE DEPRESSED RESULTING FROM HEALTH, FRUSTRATION, BOUTS OF CRYING, FEELING LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE SOON, A SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS AND THE NEVER SEEMING ENDING FRUSTRATION OVER FINANCES. I SOLELY LIVE FROM MY DISABILITY INCOME THAT I RECEIVE, AND LIFE AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE IS HARD. NONETHELESS, I HOLD ON TO HOPE, AND MY FAITH IN GOD. THAT IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING AND STRIVING DAILY.
I PRAY A LOT, AND LATELY CRY ALOT AND I AM ONE WHO NEVER CRIED FOR ANY REASON. NOW IT SEEMS I DON’T NEED A REASON TO SHED TEARS. THE REALEASE OF THE TEARS ARE GOOD AS I BELIEVE IT EASES THE PAIN INSIDE A LITTLE BIT.
I TRY AND KEEP A POSITIVE MENTAL MINDSET AS MUCH AS I CAN, BUT SOME DAYS CAN BE DIFFICULT, AND THE PAINS THAT I AM CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING REGARDING MY HEALTH DOES NOT HELP IN MY CURRENT STATE. THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS MESSAGE ABOUT MALE DEPRESSION, BECAUSE FOR ME IN MY LIFE AT THIS MOMENT IT IS VERY REAL. I HAVE HOPE THAT ONE DAY SOON, THINGS WILL GET BETTER AND THAT I WILL NOT SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION ANYMORE. I PRAY TO GOD ALMIGHTY THAT HE WILL HEAL ME.
THANK YOU!
SGS

I suffer myself from Bipolar disorder. I now cannot afford my medications due to lack of insurance As of 9/17/2008 I have been off of one medication for 6 months (Seroquel) and (Cymbalta) now for 3 to 4 weeks. My day to day life is like being on a perpetual rollar coaster. I get agitated easily, cry often and can get mad at the drop of a hat.
Not only do I suffer but everyone in my family. My husband and I are divorced after 26 years of marriage. But due to financial difficulties, we share the same house with our daughter and grandson.
My ex and myself are diabetics, so getting that medication is difficult also.
My ex and I lost our jobs of 27 years and 25.5 years due to our company moving to Mexico in 2006. I have had at least 5 temp jobs (hoping I am on the last, and starting permanant soon), but my ex tried going back to school to become a more desirable person to hire. That didn’t work out, we were separated, starting a divorce, house being foreclosed on after living there for 22 years.
So now my ex is suffering from depression, but we can’t afford the medical exspence of doctors to get the medication and help he needs. He is at home all day with our 4 year old grandson, till my daughter and I get home. So he has feelings of worthlessness, crying, and just wanting someone to love him. There are no “free” clinics in our area to go to, to try and get help. And there is no way he can get medicaid or medicare to young, and we make to much money, Ha Ha. We barely survive.
Right now to heat water for baths and showeres, we are using a propane tank from a gas grill. We can’t afford the gas to fill our LP tank. God alone knows what we are going to do this winter. I sure don’t.

Now I know why my husband is acting “so weird” these past few months. He is 54. Last Aug. 5, 2008, he broke/fractured his calcaneous(left foot) and this triggered I think a severe depression on his part. He is so sensitive and gets angry easily. I haven’t read anything about male depression until now. I am very grateful for today’s featured article. I just hope and pray that he would be able to overcome this negative phase of his life through the loving support of his family. I am able to deal with his depression because of my positive outlook in life since I look at life from all angles. I am 56 and a professor of English in one of the colleges in our community. Thank you and GOD bless.

i thought for the last 2 years that my depression was “situational” having lost my father at a young age; divorce, and a struggling business was just part of my life at the moment.
as i look back at the life i grew up with i am now realizing that my depression is probably something that i have just lived with and not really been “aware” of.
now that i’m 43 and just been diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea as well; i’m not really sure which came first. the docs believe the apnea was probably something i was born with. i’m treating the apnea and looking into the depression. my M.D. of course prescribed anti-depressants and not being a fan of “pills” am reluctant to try this approach.
my hope is that by correcting the apnea with surgery, some of the depression will be lightened. it’s probably just a dream, but the 2 have to be inter-related.
i secretly read this column and have never posted being unsure of my spirituality these days; however; i’m getting desperate and for the first time experiencing suicidal feelings and thoughts.
i would appreciate any thoughts …

I really am glad to see the above men are willing to accept the fact of depression. Most men have a hard time admitting it. My guy of 10 years lost his brother, had some health problems and ended up finding a lover and hiding it for 5 months before the guilt finally made him admit it. He went with her, didn’t want me anymore and she was 10 years younger than me. Now he realizes that he made a mistake and is depressed again. I love him and am very sad for him, but have a trust problem.
You guys out there, self medication whether with alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex will only make things worse when the newness wears off or the bills come in. Go to the doctor and follow his/her advice and treatment. It will pay off in the long run.
Law.

my biggest eye opener to the fact that i am a man suffering from depression came several months ago when i realized that i have no vision of any kind of life for myself after 50.
i have a 9 yr old daughter and i can’t see myself at her high school or college graduation.
what does this mean as far as my state of depression? is this the reason that i abuse alcohol and work incessantly? am i the only one with this self destructive behavior and more importantly how do we change it?
i own a successful business and have worked through many issues trying to be self preserving; but i feel like i’ve run out of options and steam. can someone recommend a self help book on the subject as well as the therapist search that i have just started?

my brother is suffering depression ever day and doesnt know how to deal with it,he’s 9 hours a way from me and i really wish there was something i could do to help him,he feels useless,like he has nothing to live for and some days doesnt even want to go on,i love my brother dearly and dont know what to do,i scared i’ll get a phone call that something has happened to him,,sincerly kellie

Why is a lot of people here in America suffer from Depression and emotional disorder?I,m sorry i know its not an issue, just wondering. Just posting here took me courage since i’m not hundred percent english speaker.I’ts very comforting to know that a lot of men suffers too.I myself suffers from emotional disorder, anxiety with panic attack and agora phobia,sorry again i learned that this is not mental its emotional. For the past two months it became so intense that going to the grocery is difficult. Right now i have avoided going to the mall. Going to my class is a real struggle for me now. its like day by day i have panic attack. My doctor wants to put me with medication but instead choose a supplement for anxiety,panic, depression that i ordered online,been takin it for about a week now.Just wanna share it with you for those who doesnt want to take drug med. Theres a lot of program outhere that can cure not just treat this conditon i know. just check the internet. Maybe it will work to most of you. try checking EFT and Abundance Course. To all of us Never Never Never give up.

Well if you do admit depression as a male. What are they going to do about it? Depression is not curable and at best is somewhat treatable. Anti-depressants are 33% effective. That, to me, sounds horrible. Until depression can be successful treated, then there is no use to go through the medical systems. Psychiatrist are worthless and still in the dark ages of treatment. However,mild depression may be treated, but why not just talk to a friend instead? Why go through the bs of psychiatry? They will bleed you dry with their bogus treatments. You may say “wow this guy is bitter or this guy doesn’t know what he is talking about.” Believe me I’ve had major depression for 12 years and nothing helps. It’s a terrible existence and when you get diagnose with depression it is like a death sentence. So good luck with there bogus treatments. BYE

I am a 35 year old mother of a 13 year old and 8 year old daughters. After quitting my job due to back problems, I found myself getting more and more depressed as the days went on, my husband works the graveyard shift therefore, its all on me, homework, picking kids up, dropping them off (piano, swimming, soccer, dance,.partys,sleepovers etc…)I became to feel so overwhelmed my brain just could’nt slow down. I couldnt sleep or eat! I went to the doctors and got put on some meds (lexapro), ya they worked, but then I could care less about anything going on around me! I quit taking them because i gained weight and was letting my kids get away with to much!
My brother, gave me some books to read, which helped. now I am constantly looking for new spiratual books. I suggest reading :
A course in Miracles, It is a workbook for students searching for inner peace. You only read a lesson a day.. I believe it is available online!
A new Earth by Eckert Tolle is also very uplifting.

I had no idea that there are so many males with depression. I am a woman whom had five children, the youngest is 11 and the other children are all grown. I am 45 and I just recently moved to South Texas which is mostly hispanic I speak no spanish. My closest brother just passed away Aug 10, of this year. And three and a half years ago both of my ex’s passed away within in 2 days of one another. I was up there running back and forth taking care of them which I didn’t mind. I went up to care for the second ex and the first one also fell ill.
But sheesh, you try and try to understand why things happen to one person and you try to stay as strong as you possibly can and yet you still feel very weak. I know there are a lot of people who has problems worse than me but it just makes you think, “why me.” I have been remarried for almost three years now and to add to it all…his family has nothing to do with me. They show no comfort in my brother’s passing, my husband is working overseas three months at a time and home for thirty days and no one even calls to see if I have recieved any calls from him. It is depressing because I know of know one in this area, his family treats me like I don’t exist and I feel like I am all alone on this planet.
I would like to tell that fifty year old man that wrote about his depression and how he has a nine year old. Age is just a number and God willing you will not only see her graduate but get married and see your grandchildren as well. I know everything will be eventually okay, but it seems like a long long road until it actually happens. It does to me anyway. I just dislike feeling so alone and the non-caring and dis-respect I have been recieving around this area. I just find it hard to believe that people are as cold as they are. I feel bad for myself but actually I feel worse for them because of how they are.

Tell him to get some Prozac from the doctor.

I’ve struggled with depression for years now. When I finally got up the courage to mention it to my doctor, I simply said, “I would like a prescription to prozac.” He never asked me why, he just filled out a script. After 6 months I asked him to double it. 6 months lateer I asked for something stronger so he put me on Celexa. We doubled that after about 8 months. After a year I asked for something stronger so he put me on Effexor and this last Spring we upped the dosage on that to 225mg.
He never once asked me what is wrong. I suppose I wouldn’t have been able to tell him.
Today I suffer from all of the above symptoms and I have planned my death a hundred different times. (Planning it is all I intend to do; for some reason it comforts me to have an escape plan).
If my doctor were to refer me to a therapist, I might go just to have someone to talk to, but I don’t have high expectations for improvement. I WISH I would improve, and I guess I’d be willing to try about anything at least once if there was some promise. But as an earlier post put it, their are associated costs with therapy and that accumlates very quickly… which is rather depressing!

I am a single mother of 3 children 17, 11, 13. I too have very bad depression mine is so bad i cant work so I get social security. I do not like to go out in public cuz i ussually end up having panic attacks. I am writing to let evryone know that if your not getting help for counseling cuz of cost you may want to check into places like the first call for help or just check around there are couseling that has a sliding fee scale that goes by your income. Word of advise though make sure you get someone you can open up and talk to.

I have always been sad,felt sorry for myself stayed away from my
family had thouthts of sucide i probably would have killed mayself
i was brought up as a catholic. the church did not belive in sucide
and you would go to hell. so that was not a option. i was about 12 yrs
old when this started. I always thought this was the way you were born
and there was nothing i could do about. I am 63 now about 2 years ago
a catastrophic event happen in my life. My wife of 40 years going to
leave me if i did not help. I went to a consuler which i never belived
in consulers just thought they were just out for the money. he helped
understand why i had this problem. He also found out i had severe
depression and sent me to a psych who could give the correct medication
it very important to go to a psych,not your regular doctor. he started
me on lexapro.
the psych started with 10mg to get used to the dosage. i came back every month. he would ask me how i felt. i was better but still had
some depression, he increased my dosage, for about the next six months
i was feeling good about myself. as time went bye i still had some
depression. I go to the pshych every three months. i told the pshych
about this,he started me on a low dose of buperion. i take buperion
in the morning and lexapro at night. i feel like a normal person now
you are always have you sad monents but that’s normal. my life has
been 100 percent better. I will always have to take this medicine
i would not have it anyother way
My point is depression is a medical problem and can be treated
with medication. if you have severe depression it can be treated
you will need a good psych because he is the only one who can tell you if you have depression
it is important to be monitored until you have the
correct dosage. now my regular doctor can fill my prescripton.

It makes me sad to read comments like “If my doctor were to refer me to a therapist, I might go just to have someone to talk to, but I don’t have high expectations for improvement. I WISH I would improve, and I guess I’d be willing to try about anything at least once if there was some promise.”
I have used medication as an aid as I’ve gone through therapy. It is correct to say that it isn’t cheap, but the improvement in my life is worth more.
There is a male in my family who said for years that anti-depressants were for “crazy” people and he wasn’t crazy, although to everyone else it was clear he suffered severe depression. He thought therapy was a waste of time, and just a way for psychologists to make money. But as his depression worsened and his wife said either he had to get help, or his marriage was over, he got serious. The prospect of not living with his children made him seek therapy, if for no other reason than to prove to his wife that he was “trying.”
The improvement over the past couple of months has been remarkable. They are back together. He realizes how his depressive anger was damaging his children, and for the first time in years, I see him at ease. He is the first one to say that he has more work to do, and is continuing therapy. He seems happy for the first time since I met him. He couldn’t “put on” these changes — he’d tried on his own for years. A therapist is a guide, but the patient has to do all the work. If they are willing it makes all the difference, but so often after a session or two, people say “it doesn’t work.” There is no magic in therapy, but it is a safe place to learn to understand yourself and learn new ways to think. The young man is only in therapy, not using anti-depressants. But I think it is whatever combination works for you.

The timing here is too weird for me not to throw two cents in. Yesterday, Friday, I was on my way to see my psychiatrist. I have been on medication for depression and anxiety for a few years now and it was and is time for my drug cocktail to be tweaked. I have to use public transportation and I only mention that because when I discovered that I did not have my Xanax with me, I was beyond the point of being able to turn around. I needed some Xanax because I felt the anxiety coming. Sometimes it hits and bowls me over, hangs around a few minutes, and then I start to recover.
But when I get a warning that it is coming, it is like comparing a large storm to some showers. About half an hour later I was in the waiting room and felt like I was being beaten. I was bent over in my chair because it hurt too much to try to sit up. I even considered curling up on the floor. This was the worst episode I’d had in a long time and I was moving passed being too macho or embarrassed to curl up on the floor. My doc finally came in and in the position of holding onto my self, grabbing my arms and holding tightly, bent over and not breathing very well I “walked” to his office. The attack had already gone on much longer than usual. I had expected to reach a certain point of exhausting me and then it would leave.
My doc got me to sit up straight, explaining that while bent over, you can’t properly move air. And he had me put my hands down flat on his desk. The rational here was that having something hard and firm for my hands to be on would help.
And the craziest thing happened, he was right. Oh, I had several miserable minutes trying to sit up, remember to breathe, and boy, my hands were planted on that desktop. And of course, he and I are trying to converse about how I came to this situation and what had been happening and so forth. Finally my voice started to sound normal and I didn’t have to concentrate on the breathing.
Remember now, all this befell me and I had been on the meds for a few years. I reached the point of acceptance of my mental state some time back. And even with meds, and mostly doing the right things, I still can get hit like this.
If any guy reading this that doesn’t want to admit their depression, I understand. I was nearly fifty when I finally reached the point where I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was not going to have depression because I was me, and I don’t do depression; or so I told myself for a lot of years. Now I have to wonder what life might have been like if I had done something, anything in the earlier years? But I was so deep in denial that it just wasn’t going to happen, at least that is what I very deeply believed while I was in denial.
Just to wrap up the story, I have a new drug I am trying. The first ten or twelve hours have been okay. Once again, I think we might be on to something.
Richard

My boyfriend has all the symptoms except the drug problem. But, he had a drug problem years ago before we met. I don’t know if he has had thoughts of suicide he really doesn’t talk that much about things that are important. I have been telling him that he needs to see someone for over a year now. He say’s he is fine. What can I say to him to get him to see someone?
He can be such a great guy when things are going good for him. But, when things go bad just the smallest little thing can set him off. I fell like he could be such a happier person if he could just deal with things and move on. We have gone weeks at a time without seeing each other because I just can not handle his behavior. He will just call out of the blue and be his old self again.
He has 2 sister and 1 has been diagnoised with bipolar disorder. He refuses to see his family at all. He is always invited to the family events but, we never go. He tells his mother and sister that he has to work overtime. His phone never rings because he has no friends. He is always angrey with me because I am on the phone all the time with my kids and friends. I have gotten to the point that I just tell go make a friend and do something I am not the end all to your life. I know it is mean but, some times I just can not take his attitude. If anyone has advice please let me know. Thanks so much Renee.

My son had chronic headaches and stomache and bowel problems, but we had no clue that he was depressed. Now he’s gone…suicide. Men need to learn to swallow their pride and talk about what is really wrong. I miss my son and I cry at some point almost every day. If you have suicidal thoughts or think you are just angry and feel that you just have a negative attitude. Check it out. There is help. Men today put too much on the shelf. It’s dangerous to hold too much in. And mixing alcohol with depression leads to suicide. You will be missed more than you may ever know. Don’t give up.

Wow. Comments from people who have no idea what it’s like. Blaming the man:
“Men need to learn to swallow their pride…”
“Men today put too much on the shelf…”
“I know it is mean but [if it's mean, why the "but"?], some times I just can not take his attitude…”
I risked it, and took the time to talk to my wife about my feelings of:
* Loss of concentration
* Isolation from family and friends
* Avoiding pleasurable activities
* Fatigue
* Loss of interest in work, hobbies and sex
Her response? “I had no idea that I had married a pessimist!”
That’s why men don’t talk.

Ola,
I’m a fan of online gaming
best regards,

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THanks for the article. It explains alot to me as a guy. I face those issues for sure and everything you said about why men are not diagnosed, are correct. Sometimes being a man, the way you are brought up to be one, is harmful, in many ways, to your wellbeing.

Good article on Male Depression. Society has conditioned men to believe they should be able to handle everything or they are less of a man. Showing weakness through emotions (including tears) is thought of as an undesirable characteristic. If you have a family that depends on you as the sole providers (like me), then you don’t want to show weakness to them. It may make them feel insecure or afraid. Then, your spouse gets tired of hearing about your issues and you don’t know where to turn for help. Talking to other men, unless you know they have suffered depression, is impossible.

Y0
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Another unique cause of male depression is Chemotherapy/Biological Threatment for Cancer. My husband is a Stage 3 Kidney Cancer Survivor and was treated in a Phase I Clinical Trial( doses are sky high) with Interluken/Interferon. He was a zombie during that time and still is different than he was before the cancer was dx. He is isolated and refuses the help that has been offered to him. He just doesn’t have the insight.
Work also can make males depressed. So many of the interesting professions have become paperwork loaded jail cells.
I would love to see communities reach out to these men, to all of us with depression. Churches offer watch the football game in the parish hall night, book club reading Lebron James autobiography, get a rich parishioner to donate money for a professional game block of tickets half off with car pools. House Repair workshops! Anything to bring men and whoever into the edges of the fold!

I’m trying to deal with my husband’s depression and it’s putting me in bad health I think. I think he’s bypolar. He’s angry all the time, he demostrates violent behavior. We are in our early 50′s and he’s impotent and that causes a lot of problems. Our marriage is really suffering. I’m trying to stand by him in this crisis but I’m not sure I can help him, or hou much more I can stand before I’m crazy.

Men tend to “act out” when they are depressed — even though people decry spousal abuse the reality of the situation is that it happens often and usually the male partner takes his unhappiness about his job, his frustrations, etc. out on the female partner. Unless he is actively sending the wife to the hospital, we are supposed to weather the storm. When we do that, it usually escalates, because we’ve accepted mistreatent. I was in an abusive marriage for over 30 years — emotionally, physically, economically, and sexually. Why did I stay? He began with small, constant reminders that I was “nothing” so that he could feel superior to aomeone. The arm grabbing didn’t leave bruises at first. He learned thereafter how not to leave marks. Even after I turned my entire paycheck over to him, we never had any money for me to go to the dentist — but he and my daughter had great dental care. And on and on — it was ramped up slightly each day from the first — and he was a great guy in public, giving credence to the threat that if I went public, he would have me committed for being crazy. Subsequently, I became severely depressed.
Guys, the really manly thing to do is to stop the bull and get yourslf straight. If you are not man enough to do that, you are not man enough to have a partner.

Thank you for writing this newsletter it was very helpful for me and my husband god bless you.

Very good article. As a 26-year-old man who has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder I understand the difficulties of understanding how it could happen to me. Based on different life events, a hostile buyout at work, the death of my mother I quickly sank into depression and it wasn’t until my wife noticed it that I actually noticed it. I’m not a violent person but when I was depressed and arguing with my wife I ripped a lamp off the wall and it wasn’t until that point that I realized I had a problem. It’s funny to read the symptoms because I’ve had them all, anger, loss of interest, thoughts of having an affair (I never did). To the women out there who have husbands who are in depressive states they need help. The best thing you can do is to be supportive but not overly pushy. I hated it when my wife would sit and ask me what was wrong… honestly we don’t know! We just know that we don’t feel right. Slowly they will come out of their shell, you just have to make sure you don’t immasculate them when they don’t do the stuff they used to. Be supportive by just being at his side and helping him when he needs it. And men, ask for help! If I wouldn’t have put my pride on the backburner and asked for help, I know I would have killed myself. It’s important to notice you need help

Maybe this is what I am feeling? I have been feeling this on and off since 1999. I have my good days and my bad days, mine is rooted in things like 9/11 and wondering what this world is coming to…my son is 7 and his mom is gone. My idea of the perfect remedy would be to disconnect from the net, the media and go and live in a cabin in the wilderness like they did a 100yrs ago, homeschool my son using the Bible and a candle or oil lamp, chop wood for the winter, hunt, fish, and enjoy life free of all the drama, everywhere one looks the world is crumbling apart…but as a person of faith, we are not called to shrink back or retreat, the battle is real, and the One who calls us is able to help us overcome…w/ that being said… Faithful is He that calls everyone of us; who will also bring it to a Completion

Therese you are a blessing to us all, thank you for this information.
My brother has suffered from depression for many years. His wife has left him because she does not “believe” in his depression.
He cannot work and is very ashamed and now even more severely depressed because he has to go to court to ask for alimony. I don’t know if he can go through with this and our entire family is suffering deeply, worrying about him and the future. We wish she could have tried to understand instead of sarcastically demeaning him to mutual friends and relatives.
Throughout all of this he remains a deeply spiritual person who will not say anything unkind about his wife and desperately does not want to ask for money. He is the most kind, loving, generous soul you would want to meet.
Depression runs in our family and I have been hospitalized after many suicide attempts.
Maybe in the future all people will understand the horrendous shame it causes for a male to admit depression and have to beg for money to survive (or even just go to a doctor). As a female it’s very hard for me, but it’s a million times harder for my brother. I hope and pray one day all people will understand how hard it is for males to live with depression.

I am concerned about my boyfriend, Chris, the company that he worked for closed and prior to that he was an over-the-road truck driver until the government put him out of work. Ever since then, he has become very bitter, mean and he degrades me every chance that he gets.He says that I’m to fat for him to touch, says that I’m a joke when it comes to walking because I have a bad knee, and I’m not a manager because I don’t drive due to siezures. He has not looked for a job but instead insists on starting his own business with having an office which costs $270.00 per month with no clients and our house is in foreclosure. He buys DVD’s and the brakes on the pick up truck are so bad that it will cost $1200.00 to fix them. Please, do you have any suggestions on how I can HELP HIM! Thank you

Very good article you have today. Most of the time I usually skip that part of beliefnet but the male depression headline caught my eye.
I am a 53 year old man that has chronic depression. I went to the doctor and he prescribed an anti depressant. Which actually made it worse. I had a break down in front of him and he wanted to commit me to a facility. I talked him out of that. He doubled the dosage and put me on a kicker to help.
My depression got so severe to the point that I had to do something so I stopped taking the Cymbalta and the Wellbutrin, cold turkey. That is not a good idea at all. I got worse and attempted to take all my pills that I have for my failing heart. I finally got through the withdrawals of that stuff and told my doctor I did it. He couldn’t see me because he was on vacation when I quit.
Now through meditation and prayer I have controlled the depression and the suicidal thoughts. I am not religious.
Now I know I will hear a lot of debate about this but I believe that depression is a mood like happy, sad, anger, fright etc.
I have had depression for about 40 years since my mother died. But I have dealt with it and tried to move on. Since the meds didn’t work, there were previous other anti depressants, I have learned to deal with it all.
Now I am in a whole new ordeal, my heart has an Injection Fraction rate of 9%. Very low. I am up for a heart transplant and can’t have it because of the size of my body. 6’5″ tall and very large proportions, not fat just big. That pretty much puts me in limbo till a poor soul dies suddenly and the grieving family donates the organs. But the chance of that happening is between slim and none so I am faced with an end of life scenario. The only other thing is artificial heart and the mortality rate is high for losing the battle against the disease.
So in just a few short months I have gone from wanting to die to wanting to live and won’t. I get very depressed and cry myself to sleep. Lots of naps because I tire easily, but I have really good days too that make up for the bad and am grateful to God for that.
I still work a full time job but that will probably end soon and then I will do something else. I am trying to make what time I have left to mean something.
I know that it is extremely hard and that men sometimes have it worse than women do because they don’t want to kick the door down. Male ego. I have tried to help others and love to see that thing can change for the better. I look at each day as a present for me to take full advantage of. Kind of a half glass full or half empty.
I have prayed for those that suffer from all that the depression entails. I am truly look forward to life and all that it has to offer. I want so much for the people that read this come to know the joys of life and what they are missing out of it if they take the time to sort about what is priority and what is trivial.
Sorry about the extremely long comment but I know with what I have said here it could help someone in need.

Hi
I just had a male friend that had Sickle a cell commit sudicide. I had just seen him on Saturday and he had mention that he had been in the hosipital and was’nt feeling that good. I’m so sorry that we did’nt pick up on the signs that he was feeling so depressed about his situation. I just hope God will forgiven him for taking his life. I am living in pain and discomfort and seeing an psychologist to talk about my depression and way to deal with my depression.

Wow! Males get depression too???? What is with society? Females have long been accused, of having the monopoly on depression. Surprise, Surprise. Males, have struggled with depression, throughout the last Century. Quietly, but suffering none the less. Alcoholisim, suicides and divorce are on the increase, (amongst males of all ages). Until we are prepared to accept help for our depression, 2010 is going to be a bad year for males in general. It is time to put on my “Support Mental Health Or I’ll Kill You” Bumper Sticker.. Sorry, If I don’t laugh, it’s off to the “Rubber Bungalow” for ME!!! Now where did I place my PROZAC???

My father was depressed the last half of his adult life. He refused treatment for fear of being stigmatized as being weak or crazy. Now I am in the second half of my life. I have spent years going from doc to doc in search of effective treatments for stomach acid reflux and back pain. An osteopath (of all doctors) ask me to be checked by a mental health professional to rule out depression before starting pain therapy. I am taking an antidepressent and haven’t had severe back pain or any acid reflux since!

I am sorry, but americans have a bad habit of classifying any negative behavior as a disease. Some times eve a positive thing is labeled as a disease, Child ADD for example. It is not a disease, just a sign of intelligence above average and quick appetite to learn.
Similarly any negative emotion is labeled as a disease.
We are humans as we have emotions, both negative and positive and both has it’s place and use.
It is the lack of spiritual understanding that makes people that way. and of course with FDA pushing the pharmaceutical agenda for purely greedy and monetary reasons, it misguides an average man.
peace

I would like to thank everyone for their comments on Male Depression. Now, I may be able to understand AND help my dear husband.
Thank you. Elizabeth M.

After my farmer father had a stroke at age 59 he lost his ability to do the work he use too. It caused his eye to go funny and could not see straght. He told me time and again that he felt worthless and just wished he would die. He went on like that for 3 more years before he died of another stroke. I am convenced that he willed himself to die to end his feeling of lack of self worth. He died 23 years ago today. I am getting close to the age he was at the time of his first stroke and begining to understand how he felt. It is not like I want to end my own life or anything like that but because of the constance pain I have lived with for the last 5 years it has made me understand his thoughts. In todays world, if a man does not do the things that is expected of him, the hard work he has always be able to do, he is looked upon as less of a man.

Atypical depression is something that *really* needs to be addressed along with the “typical” depression discussed in this article.
I am married to a wonderful man who suffered his entire life from atypical depression. It was noticed by his first grade teacher, who was talking to the class about personalities. She singled him out and told the class that he was “melancholy.”
The symptoms of “typical” depression are different than those of atypical depression, and this caused my husband to dismiss the idea that he might have depression. For him, there was no “onset” and no recognition of a time when the anhedonia (lack of pleasure) started. It was just how it always was.
It took 51 years for him to get treatment, but his life has changed so much, for the better, in the last year.
After nearly losing our marriage for the second time, and my learning that there was such thing as “atypical” depression he finally agreed to be seen by a psychiatrist. He started to take Pristiq, and the transformation was almost magical. The man that I had only seen glimpses of over the past few years was back–he was no longer angry, frustrated and self-sabotaging–and smiling, laughing, joking and playing again.
Atypical depression, according to the Mayo Clinic, is characterized by:
Feelings of sadness, emptiness or feeling tearful
Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
In addition to standard symptoms of depression, atypical depression symptoms also include:
Increased appetite
Unintentional weight gain
Increased desire to sleep
Heavy, leaden feeling in the arms and legs
Sensitivity to rejection or criticism that interferes with your social life or job
Relationship conflicts
Trouble maintaining long-lasting relationships
Fear of rejection that leads to avoiding relationships
Having depression that temporarily lifts with good news or positive events but returns later
(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/atypical-depression/DS01181/DSECTION=symptoms)
One of the other symptoms (which was actually the tipping point to get my husband to see a psychiatrist–that detail made him realize that maybe this WAS applicable to him) is a craving for sweets. In his case, he would sit and eat an entire package of cookies, or carton of ice-cream or box of brownies.
While I’m SO grateful that we were finally able to find a way to improve my husband’s quality of life, it’s incredibly frustrating that it took 51 years to do so. It makes me sad, to know how much he missed out with his children, that his depression probably cost him his first marriage, and very nearly cost him his second.

i suffer from major depression..it run’s on my mother’s side of the family. but she won’t ever admit it to anyone. my some has depression but he hasn’t seen a doctor for it. i keep telling him that he would feel so much better. an if the med’s don’t work for him. keep after the doctor until they are right. medication is the whole root of the depression. i can’t go a day without it.

I have experienced depression and bipolar illness all my life and its probably why I became a clinician specializing in treating depression in men and the women who love them. Thanks for your excellent article. Your readers may also be interested in my books, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Aggression and Depression and recently released Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome.
In male-type depression, men tend to “act out” our pain while in female-type depression, pain is often “acted in.” I’d be glad to share information at http://www.MenAlive.com or email me at Jed@MenAlive.com

You have done it once more! Great post!

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Depression is a type of mental disorder that affects a person’s mood. It can affect your thoughts, feelings, behavior, and overall health. Normal feelings fall along a continuum from mild to intense, and the same is true of depression. It’s normal to respond to losses in ones life with sadness and gloom. But when these feelings block a person from performing their everyday activities or are out of line with the reality of a person’s life, they are considered symptoms of a ‘depressive disorder’.
Depression can affect anybody, including teenagers. Most people with depression can be helped with treatment, but many depressed people never get the help they need. When depression isn’t treated, it can get worse, last longer, and prevent you from getting the most out of your life. Remember, you’re only a teenager once.
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Thank you for writing an article on Male Depression. It is a common issue, but is rarely addressed. Men are humans too and they deserve a platform to be understood and heard.
Thanks for writing this post.
Corey

As someone who has suffered and continues to suffer with symptoms of mild depression or dysthemia to more severe bouts of depression, I have found that many of the SRI drugs (Seretonin Reuptake Ihnibitors) really do work. Talk therapy to me takes too long and is too indulgent and overly introspective. Who cares what your relationship was with your mother or father when you were a kid or some such baloney. Get on with your life. The drugs can and do help if you get it right. If one variety doesn’t work well, try another. There are some side effects though. These days rather than be mope about and become dispondent, I tend to get angry, irritable and agressive (but not violent) when I’m depressed. The SRI drugs can defuse this behaviorand make you calmer. However, they can also make you very iddifferent and non-engaging about things in general to the point where very little seems to bother you and you may seem withdrawn to others. You have to decide which is worse. However, you don’t normally have to stay on these SRIs forever and sometimes its just a matter of getting the dosage right. They are worth a shot.

Not sure who is reviewing these. I posted information and comments regarding Male Depression yesterday. I do not see my comments, nor has anyone replied to them. You offer a place to add a URL. It there a problem?
John

Please consider this site for help with Male Depression

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Yea, men go through a number of emotions inside. But they always try their best not to show it because they think people will think lesser of them when they do.

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