A little bit ago (like 2 hrs ago), there was a post with a short interview with the FindingOptimism.com guy. Where did it go?

“Loyalty” translates into “trust issues.” I was NOT “loyal” to my current boyfriend, and thus I became “untrustworthy.” We have worked on the trust issues for 2 years now, and he is finally coming to terms with my unfaithfulness. I am bipolar, and have a high libido, while my boyfriend has an almost-nonexistant one. I strayed with an old friend, and he found out. We had about 6 months apart, then realized we were better as friends. NOW, he wants a sexual relationship, which I am OVERJOYED about. Unfortunately, he got a negative report from his doctor yesterday – a treatable, but incurable lung disease – and we have to deal with THAT. I have been in a caregiver relationship to ALL my lovers, husbands included. I told him I would be there for him, should the tests come back positive. Please pray for Allan and me during this rough patch in our road. Thank you.

Why Loyalty Matters authors Timothy Keiningham and Lerzan Aksoy will be my guests on News Talk Online on Paltalk.com Thursday July 16 at 5 PM New York time.
Please visit my blog at http://www.garybaumgarten.com to join in the conversation.
Thanks,
Gary

wow great great topic! bravo! thanks for sharing..
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and legal way.. more info here:
Married Name Change

This video introduced the relationships after marriage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pAiMUxa2Tc

At this point in my life,and at my age,i do really believe that this time should be my first marrying age,lol because i know a lot better about keeping a balance relationship towards your lover or friiends,when we’re young ,we easily lose patience towards our chosen partner ,but anyway,if i hadn’t one through with soo much challenge in life i wouldn’t gain any wisdom and lesson through bad experiences ,so,i strongly believe too that when we have stumbled or fall in our quest for happiness,we never give up standing again and become stronger and firmer and have gained wisdom and understanding of what God is teaching us through our life’s pains and sorrows like i have paid my dues or my share of sorrows.Therese,thanks for your article,i have shared my story,very briefly,lol.Now,i am happy that i learn to never give up.

I am 46 and have always valued loyalty, whether in friendship or romantic relationship. It has been a good guide to who has the substance for a solid foundation. I have seen that those who cannot be loyal do not ten to keep anyone much in their lives. Also I want to point out that loyalty extends to the act of being loyal to the friendship itself. i.e. Taking that person’s (whom you hold dear) viewpoint as valued and important as your own. Not necessarily always agreeing- but holding their viewpoint as valueable as you hold your own.

This is a great article & is very true what Daniel Molden study explains “…words, the feelings of being loved and supported that people use to judge who makes a good girlfriend or boyfriend may not be completely trustworthy in deciding who makes a good husband or wife. Those feelings may only partially capture the emotions that will determine your satisfaction with the person you marry.” I got married at 27 & have been together with my wife for 13 loyal years. We have a 5 & 9 year old boys. Our communication skills are horrible and I’m constantly thinking of leaving. The only thing that stops me is the kids. We are currently in marriage counseling, but even with the counselor we keep coming out of each session with different undestanding & most of the time our problems continue. I’m at the end of the rope. At times I really hate my wife and blame her for ruining my life. The simplest things I try to communicate with her get misconstrued and turned on it’s head. While we dated for year prior to getting married we got along great. I was the talker & she was the listener. We made each other feel special. However, after the kids came she changed completely & not for the best? Currently, our marriage is so broken, but she still pushing me for a third child. I tell her absolutely no because our marriage is so broken. We are both educated and have good jobs. I’m beginning to think that I will have to leave soon. The major obstacle is not seeing/being with the kids on daily basis. I have no idea how to try to make it work because most of our discussions lead to major fight. She tells me she wants to know how I feel & that she wants our marriage to work. I try to open up & express my feelings. At which point she turns around & gets upset, starts crying & acts irrational.
Many women complain that men don’t listen or understand them. I try to listen, understand and at the same time not to be judgemental. I have female friends who I talk to & they tell me how great & understanding I am. However, I must be doing something wrong with my wife because she mostly misunderstands my intentions. For example, my biggest complaint for the past year has been that she is on Facebook way too too much & that she tapes numerous shows on our DVR. I never told her not to use Facebook or watch her taped DVR shows. What I’m upset about that these bad habits leave very little time for our sex life. My wife fells that I’m too contolling & that I shouldn’t tell her what to do or how much time to be on the internet or to watch tv. When I tried to explain to her that I feel neglected she told me that I should more hobbies to keep myself busy. Conclusively, I recently realized that she is not a bad person we are just mismatched. She is willing to change for me, but there are always some caviet that she throws into the fire.
My marriage is in ruins I would love to meet another woman that I can talk to easily without all the head games & problems. It it works or it doesn’t? I realize that no one is perfect, but many women don’t realize that they are part of the problem in a rellationship and mostly blame guys for not talking. Finally, I’m very open minded to date & even move in with a woman. I don’t know if I would ever marry someone again because I feel that I got burned in this marriage. Believe I’ve been working my ass off to try to make it work. How does one ever know who the right person is????????

Al,
Facebook and DVR shows are REALLY the main problems in your marriage? And you told her not to do those things? Sounds like she is looking for entertainment. She may lack purpose and need to find a job or hobby or volunteer work that she loves. You are wanting her only entertainment to be you. This sounds like you are a controller.
Relax.
Find out what she likes about the DVR shows and Facebook. She may like the adventures others are having or the psychological dramas. You’re worried about trivial things as if you want an excuse to leave.
Try to trust her more.
Tell her your concerns and then give her time to think about what you said. I also can’t be rushed into decisions by someone who is upset or panicky.
Quit talking all the time.
Become the listener. “What is so great about Facebook? Listen. Show me.” Listen. “What is the reason you like this (taped) show? Listen. Is it the people who are interesting or the adventure?” Listen.
Allow her time alone.
Take the kids for pizza or to roller skate or to the amusement park. Read to your kids often so that they come to you with their books. Play cards or games or pitch a ball with them. They will love it. Your wife will appreciate the break from routine and may find your new role fun or sexy. Let her join in only if she asks to. Otherwise she can watch or go do Facebook and it can be your thing with the kids.
Don’t give up. Quit talking about your wife to other women unless it is to praise her.
Find the good daily. Say, “I love the way you look in that dress.” “That’s a great idea, honey.” Or let her overhear “My wife cooks the best Italian meatballs.” My amazing wife redecorated this room. It looks so fresh and modern now.”
This is the kind of work that makes a marriage stronger. Try it.

AL,
I read your post and I can totally relate and this coming from a woman’s point of view, my husband and myself was in the same predictament and didnt get any better or should I said dont . We eventally separted and the sad part is that you very well may be a good person and so is you wife but for some unseen reason it just doesnt work out, I to think there has to be someone out there who will love me for me and love me the way I think I should be loved and not how they think I should be? I to worked my ass off and I to is more the home body and my husband was always entertaining himself with any thing some thing as long as I wasnt apart of it , may or may not be true but that is how it felt. I wish you luck and hope all ends well. I am currently dating my own husband and even this has issues so we will eventually go our own ways it looks like but at lease we can say we tried.
Mel

Me,
I never wrote that Facebook & DVR are the main problem in my marriage, but it is a major sticking point. Never did I indicate in my posting that I should be her only entertainment. Most women make their own assumptions. However, it is very lonely when I’m the person chasing for sex. Women think that men should be the only one’s pursuing to make them feel desirable. We guys also have feelings, desires, dreams. It has nothing to do with needing constant attention, however, I shouldn’t be ignored either. This is not trivial to me as you write. This is the exact thing that I’ve been fighting with my wife about & I’m not looking for an excuse to leave. I wan’t & need a reasonable partner. There are too many detached people that do their own thing & don’t give a damn about their spouse. On many occasions I do various things with the kids & give my wife time to be alone. On Father’s Day she gave me absolutely zilch. Not even a card? On Mother’s Day I took her to a spa. Anyway, I appreciate your support but it sure is a lonely road when I have to travel alone. It isn’t easy staying positive without being resentful.
Mel,
You understood my posting much better. Sometimes you just want to be loved, cared for & understood in the way you need it. If your partner has their hands over their ears & are into themselves & act & treat you indifferently that says a lot. I wish you lots of luck & I hope it works out this time around.

I suggest this book. I have read it and it has helped my husband and I. I have been married for 21 years and am a female who wants to still feel “connected” to her partner. How to Improve your marriage without talking about it–Patricia Love and Steven Stosny

Al, I spent too long in a nothing marriage. I realize now that I should have walked away a long ago. It didn’t help our son for us to stay married. He’s 23 now and quite normal despite his parents having been pretty much separated for the past 12 years. I really think you should cut your losses now. BTW, I DON’T think you’re wanting your wife for “entertainment”. You have a normal sex drive and she’s being controlling by not giving you the one thing you really want. If she loved you the way she should, she’d find a way to give you a fulfilling relationship and satisfying sex life. She’s doing what she can to have the upper hand. Holding sex, companionship, and affection ransom is conniving and evil. Walk away. HTH, Elaine.

Why do couples spend so much time discussing and planning their lives before the wedding – because this is what we are taught to do to be able to make an intelligent and clear decision for our futures. Same goals, same lifestyle choices, number of children, etc.
After what I have been cheated out of – even a legal document would not make me believe a man’s promises. Life is a crapshoot, there are never any guarantees – good luck and go with God. I am not a doormat, I just will not live like I cannot see beyond my own nose. A good person does not live only for themselves. A person’s behavior, the choices they make, their priorities reveal their character.
It is true that small resentments and slights do build up, but let’s face it, takes two to repair an unsatisfactory union. One spouse cannot fix the relationship by themselves. If the other spouse has checked out physically, emotionally, and spiritually there is little you can do. Time will not reveal an answer. Sad but there is no such thing as a marriage of one. God bless you if you find yourself on the painful/lesser side of your union.
Men make their decisions with only themselves in mind and women consider everyone involved when they make a decision. A therapist told me that and I have the life experience to prove it. Men live for themselves, maybe that’s why God takes them first so women get to have some peace before he takes them home!
To be a decent human being – one rule – KEEP YOUR PROMISES! Both sexes qualify, husband or wife. No one has the right to ruin another person’s future. And “I’m sorry” does too little to repair another person’s disregarded life/dream. The one that walks away has the much easier path. Men especially can rebound successfully from a breakup. Children, money, and a new spouse all can be gained with little effort. A woman loses the first two forever and the last, why would she want to repeat that pain? It’s not worth all her emotion and effort.

I divorced after 18years of marriage to an alcoholic. He was a wonderfully loyal and loving boyfriend and judging by that standard I thought he would be a great husband. One can think they have all “the big things” in order, religion , finances etc, but basically if one partner checks out, for whatever reason, (my partner chose drinking)the marriage is over. Loyalty is a two way street in any relationship, whether its your best friend, parent, lover, spouse,, or employer. If that person does not want to work at the relationship and you are suffering, it is a clear sign you need to go. I walked away after one of my best friends said to me “Teach your daughters how to leave”.

I don’t understand it when people say that their boyfriend was gentle, kind, supportive,etc.and then he turned into someone else when they got married. How is a person to know then? What are the signs that a boyfriend WILL make a good husband? Im confused.
I was dating someone for 3 years that promised me the moon. He romanced me, was good to me; we had fun everywhere we went, and went everywhere together. We were constantly together. It seemed like our relationship was the best I had seen. He said we were the perfect couple and he could never love anyone the way he loves me. However, after the 2 year mark, he started to get distant with me and finally one day told me that he wasnt ready for marriage. He said we needed some space, and when we separated for a few months, he cheated. When he came back, he claimed that it wasnt cheating technically because we were broken up. HUH? When did that happen? I remember it being he needed some space to think. He ended up leaving and didnt hold up even one of his promises. He just moved on to the next relationship not even realizing how devastated he left me. How am I supposed to move on from that since he seemed so safe and sincere? I didnt see that coming.

Leslie,
I think that you bring up some excellent points about marriage. One person can’t make the relationship work. As you stated if they are unemotionally checked out there is very little that can be done. I’m beginning to realize that both partners usually want to make the relationship work. The problems and disallusionment sets in when one tells their partner that they need something more from the relationship and the other person feels attacked. In my opinion this is why relationships fail. When you point out there is a problem and the other person doesn’t agree and nothing gets resolved.
One point I find puzzling about your post though is the following: “Men make their decisions with only themselves in mind and women consider everyone involved when they make a decision. A therapist told me that and I have the life experience to prove it. Men live for themselves, maybe that’s why God takes them first so women get to have some peace before he takes them home!” You sound very bitter because you are making an assumptuion that all men are selfish pigs and that women think of all parties. I want you to please consider that there are plenty of good loving men and that at times women ruin the relationship/marriage/partnership. I’m very sad to read that you think men deserve to die first so that women can have peace. You are justified to your hurt feelings and I’m sure that you were deeply hurt by your spouse. Why don’t women ever take responsibility for their own actions? Why do they always blame the men in their lives? It’s always poor me routine?

Terry,
To know when significant will be almost impossible to know. I’ve spent years reading relationship books and in therapy with my wife. It takes both parties to keep the relationship going. It is a living organism. My wife while we dated was sweet, beautiful, smart and I thought that she was my one & only for the rest of my life. The discussions and dreams we talked about didn’t materialize because after we got hitched I realized that what we promised each other wasn’t all realistic. I take responsibility for the problems that I have with my wife, but she doesn’t. For a long time now I keep thinking that she will come around, however, when I bring up what I would like to see a change it usually leads to fights and nothing gets resolved. I know that she loves me and I obviously still love her.
The point I’m trying to make is that at times we need to be objective and think of what the other person needs. Like I said a relationship is a living organism. Just as much women like to hear that they are beautiful, wonderful, special, sexy, etc. one secret I can share with you is men like to hear it too. There is nothing sexier to a man then when his woman listens, makes him feel special and loved. We as men just don’t always express that we need this because that is not how we were raised. Men are supposed to be a rock. When I tell my wife I need more love and attention she told me many times that I’m like a woman and that I need more hubbies to keep myself occupied. Some women prefer sensitive, caring and loving men and when they get at some run for the hills.
There are plenty men who are scumbegs and do all the bad things you described in your post. I’m so sorry to hear that your boyfriend left you in such a devastating state. Look at the positive, pickup the pieces and move on. He showed his true colors and you didn’t deserve it……his loss. Better you learned now then to get married to him. Don’t give up hope there will be a loving caring men you will meet soon. Don’t think for a second that all men are bad. Just don’t forget that relationship is a living organism and continue to do your part. Listen, pay attention, make him feel special and he will repay in kind. Be well.

I’m no expert on relationships but I have learned a few things in my 50 years of life! First and foremost, if you put your spouse first and they know they are first no matter what, that creates a sense of loyalty that cannot be bought. I got lucky with my third hubby (or maybe just smarter). The first quality that I liked about him was his honesty. I knew right away I could trust him no matter what. It took me a while to settle down with him (because of my own stupidity) but once I did, I realized how lucky I am. He is not perfect but he is a gem of a hubby to me. I constantly tell him how lucky I am to have him, how sexy he is, etc. (his response is usually “its a good thing love is blind”!!) Like Al said, men DO need to hear that! I thank him profusely when he does something around the house, no matter how small the deed is. I don’t ever point out what he “didn’t” do, it just turns into a battle that no one ever wins. For the most part, we are very kind to each other and don’t take each other for granted. It’s important to men to feel like they are “taking care” of their family, and to feel appreciated. Heck everyone likes that. We both get pleasure from each others happiness. I’m so grateful that he stuck with me when I was fickle. He saw the potential for our relationship to be really great so he waited for me to come around.
I used to tease him about him being the female in the relationship because at times he was so sensitive. Now that we have been together for over 12 years, I appreciate that quality even more. He isn’t needy thank goodness.
How do you keep them from cheating? Constantly tell them and show them how much you appreciate and love them. It does come back to you! And remember, men of character don’t cheat. Even when times are bad.
Yes again I agree with Al, there are lots of good, decent guys out there. Terry, his true colors came out. His loss. Did he have a pattern of break-ups? During your relationship, did you have a sense that maybe he was not always honest with you? I’m just trying to figure out what could have clued you in to his real self.I am truly very sorry for your pain. I know it is tough, but don’t give up!

Honesty, admiration, loyalty. I have been married for 28 yrs (together 29) and these traits are so important to sustainability in any relationship. I grew up in a family with the mindset that you truly do go into a marriage to stay untill death do you part. My grandparents and parents both believed that. Not everything is rosy all the time and today’s stresses can bring quite a challenge to couples but to be tuned into the sensitivities of your mate is very important. It is very important to my spouse to be a good provider but I know along with this comes stress at times as he has had to adapt to the changeing economy.We just pull together harder to find solutions. Solidarity also brings comfort and an emotional safety net.There are men that want this to and maybe their thinking the same thing. Where are these faithful, trusting women?

I have been married for 38 years, to a man that is so honest, I trust him very much, and that is a great feeling, to not trust the man your with is so unhealthy, sure when we first got married we had our up’s and downs, but we were learning and we always cared about what the other one was feeling, I admit that sometimes I take my husband for granted, and he does me too at times, but we trust each other and would never hurt one another in any way of distrust. I know for a fact that if you keep God in your life that he will bless you with the best man possible. I went with some real loser’s in my early years, my husband loved me from day one and loves me more each day we are together, we can’t see life without each other. You should be so grateful that you found out how this man was before you married him and had children, count your blessings, there is a man out there for you, just be patient, I was giving up on men until I found my love of my life! God Bless you to with one!

“Very bitter” is an unfair characterization of my life’s present day condition. I have earned my status of disconcert. I live the painful and paralyzing loss every day. I have stayed in this uneven marriage for nineteen years. My choice, I had many reasons for wanting to marry this man. Like anyone else in a relationship I admired so many of his traits and qualities. I still do and I remain married. I have always treated him well. I am no doormat. I have self-respect and I believe in my vows. It would be foolish and fruitless to act understandably angry. My personality has not changed. I have different responsibilities but I am still me. He is not. I feel deeply cheated.
“Puzzling?” I feel very clear about this area. It is not worth my time or trouble! I never called anyone a selfish pig (your words). In this modern day disposable society people are self centered. Many are ruthless in their choices. Everyone over eighteen has learned one of life’s sad lessons. It’s called getting your heart broken. Risk can mean pain. Some get joy.
No one deserves death. I was being factious about how life’s statistics tally in the end. Don’t be so literal. Blanket statements are bad form. I can only speak from my life experience. I wish no ill will towards anyone. I was being flippant, not evil. Everything and everyone is individual and should be considered singularly.
“Why don’t women ever take responsibility…”, are you kidding? I am in a nineteen year marriage with none of OUR plans or promises fulfilled. Now I find myself in the position of what am I going to do! Why is it up to me to clean up a sad situation that I never wanted? I kept my word. VOWS – keep them – KEEP YOUR PROMISES! I don’t have a Plan B. I never wanted one. Vows are not on a level of a pizza order. They are your sacred promises to your mate. I believed and lived the vows I made. No “poor me”, just “nothing for me”. It’s serious business when you change your spouse’s future.
You espouse loyalty? Please. Enjoy your life. Being “in love” puts you in a different frame of mind. Hopefully, a worthy focus. WHEN IT IS RECIPROCAL! Such a personal betrayal ends any praising or physical offerings. Obviously! And I don’t need “compliments”, I want the life I was promised. But that possibility is long gone.
Your “discussions and dreams” were my talks and agreements before marriage, which provided the actual decision to marry. No lofty topics. Work. A home. Children. Religion. Essential subjects that have to be made clear for both parties. Plans and agreements are finalized so then both can make the commitment to become engaged for marriage. Old school huh? Isn’t it responsible and necessary for a successful union?
I would tell a young girl, do not delay your life on another’s person’s promises. And do not live under the admirable christian ideal of “Since I would never think of hurting this precious loved one of mine” believing perhaps mistakenly he too of course has your best interests in mind. No guarantees. Have faith in yourself and be proactive if things go awry. Be smart and do not waste your best years. There are no do overs. It will cost you your future. Female wise. Men have few time limits for their lives.
Congratulations to all that have a husband/wife who are truly “plugged in”. Effort is so important. It doesn’t always “come back” to some of us. Please do not rub my nose in your happiness. But honestly, good for you! All the best and go with God. Being cheated is not fatal. But it is true you never love again like the first time. Must be something to do with your emotional survival. Once burned twice shy I guess. Good night.

True happiness comes from within yourself, not another person. Be it a fiance,spouse,friend,parent,child,sibling,etc. Funny thing is, it’s your CHOICE to be happy or not. Most people want to blame others. “I’d be happier if he/she would just…” Be true to yourself and you will automatically be true to others, love yourself and you will love others, take care of yourself and you will take care of others, trust yourself and you will trust others (and be trustworthy). A very wise woman(Mother Theresa) said “You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them.” CHOOSE to be happy and be willing to share that happiness with everyone around you, instead of expecting someone else to give it to you. Here’s a SMILE pass it on.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
-Oscar Wilde
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Lucille Ball
“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”
Robert Morely
“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
Barbara De Angelis

I think that since we want to take God out of everything and throw sex drugs and rock and roll into eveything, we have come to be who we are. Unfortunately, since we want to train even 5 year old children sex education now, that is all the devil has convinced people that relationships are all about. Sex. And a lot of people are buying into that because it is quick and easy. No responsibility, no accountability, no hard work. Just fun.
Unfortunately, it is more than that. The question is, will we ever go back to the way it was after we cross over into this mind set? I think not, and it is very unfortunate for the decent kids who are looking for mates now, and getting depressed because they know it isn’t the way it was for their parents or grandparents and that the odds of finding a suitable mate is dismal. Sad world we have created for them. Sad situation for the ones who hooked up with people who have bought into this mindset, too. (Think Mel Gibson, Jesse James, Tiger Woods)

I just recently got married to a man I dated for several years. During our courtship he was kind, patient, understanding and sometimes a little
moody.After the wedding he became indifferent, insulting, grouchy and disrespectful. He act like I’m his mother instead of a wife.He finds fault with everyone in my family and after my mother had a stroke 3 years ago he calls her crazy and he hates my daughter but he was crazy about her before. He calls me a dig bat, crazy, fat ass but he doesn’t think it is disrespectful. Everyone has noticed how he has changed but he denies any changes I’m feed up and just plain tired of he behavior and persistant attitude.

Ive been married for 3 yrs following a 5 yrs dating period. Ive seen our relationship go from being in love with each other to being a maid/butler for my wife and her kids.No respect,no understanding and no give and take. Our life has turned into a one way street going her direction. I get no thanks for all the cooking,cleaning working 7 dayrs a week while they’re swimming or shopping…busting my butt to give all i can give with nothing in return.Relationships have to go both directions in order for them to work. once the other person feels taken advantage of on a daily basis..its over. too much sneaking around..too much fighting about the smallest things..life is hard enough as it is..but when someone is making it even harder every day..its noooo fun!

In re: Leslie – Non specifics are not actionable. What did He promise and not provide? What did you DO to correct the situation? What will your whining accomplish now? Does your hostile sulking pervade your marriage as it does your comment?
The three potentially viable alternatives available are: tolerate, modify, terminate.Murmuring, complaining and adoption of the “I’m a poor baby” attitude is never a productive plan.
Perhaps you and your spouse have never sat down with a #2 pencil and a yellow pad and written out, precisely, what he and she are to do, with all the when, where, how and especially the why stuff.
perhaps y’all have very different understandings on these specifics.
And, it is wrong to believe that it is “too late” to make things better. Until the final gun is fired, we can still put points on the board. In fact, if we fail to make things better, they will become worse. By their very nature, relationships are volatile; not metastable. Here is what to do:
Get him alone, nergized but relaxed. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him specifically what you want and how you plan to get it. Ask him to provide for and protect you and love you, while you get it.
Sit back, shut up, and listen, very carefully, to his response. If it is acceptable to you, reward him and begin to implement your plan.
If his proposed counter needs modification, lovingly express your need for such modification. If he complies, you are both winners.
If he resists, unreasonably, retire, and revisit the scenario again and again, at short intervals, focusing only on the unresolved factor
until he wholeheartedly agrees, with the #2 pencil, on the yellow pad,
in his own handwriting; thus obviating the “I never agreed to that” syndrome.
If he will not reach a reasonable agreement you must then tolerate or terminate the relationship. Be sure you are on scriptural grounds.

Dear Verdi,
If your spouse treats you like you are his mother, it is because you probably act like his mother. Let me explain. Many moms tolerate bad behavior from their bratty kids, they are enablers. Are you an enabler too? Your husband is angry you act like his mother and not his wife so he is pushing you to change (in a negative fashion) the only way he knows how.He doesn’t seem sophisticated enough to express this so he calls you names and humiliates you hoping you will fight back in order to earn his respect.
I know you feel powerless now but you haven’t realized that the power is still yours. If you change, he’ll have to change if he wants a relationship with you. Don’t accept his poor behavior and insults. Walk out of the room, show him you wont tolerate name calling or abuse of any kind. Don’t be afraid you’ll make things worse by doing this.
This is not about you. It is about how he is miserable with himself and projects it on you. Maybe he hates his job, he dislikes himself but he is blaming it on you. Don’t accept it, bounce it right back at him. That stuff belongs to him for fixing, not you. By accepting his poor behavior you are telling him you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries with him and that he can use you as a punching bag for his unhappiness. This is the dynamic you have set up by enabling this behavior toward you.
Hope you can find the courage and confidence in yourself to change this dynamic for one that is healthier for both of you.
Best wishes,
I.

Max,
In all relationships there is a giver and there is a taker. The giver likes to give because it gives them control. They control whom to give, when and how. Being the person that controls the relationship with all the giving ends up feeling lonely, unappreciated and resentful. You need to open opportunities for the takers in your life to learn how to give back to you. They will feel better too if you let them give to you because they do feel guilty for taking so much.
Partners in a marriage sometimes end up playing a role they did not sign up for like the cook, the laundress, the shopper, the vacation planner. If you dont mind playing those roles in the relationship then everything is all right. If you really dont enjoy some of this jobs, you need to re negotiate the silent contract / agreement you have made with your partner.
Have a family meeting and let your spouse and child know that you are not up to being the family butler anymore because you want to have some fun too and you expect cooperation from them. Be specific on what jobs you want them take on. This also requires you to be willing to let go and accept other people doing your jobs the way they know how. If you give them the space and opportunity to give back, then you have changed this unhealthy dynamic. Good luck

We really don’t know why, it’s just the way it is. bringing something up but ends to fall down. Relationships were every susceptible to problems. It matter most of the time to the couples to come up with a resolution to every ups and downs of their relation.

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