sigh. i think my parents have said all of these in relation to depression/anxiety. or my mom’s “just have a baby.”
im kindof laughing but kindof not!

Once again your posts are timely and hit the nail DIRECTLY on the head! I’ve been struggling most of my 43 years w/anxiety/depression/instability..not all siutational or explainable but several people over the years have made these statements to me – including “calm down” or the one that (for some reason) REALLY cheeses me off is “settle down.” I have said to them – do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I even understand half the time what the problem is? Those who haven’t suffered from depression just don’t “get it.”

I think my parents are depressed because of our family problems. It’s good that I read this blog. Before, I always get silent when we’re talking about big problems and I always think that eliminating that problems wont make my parents fall in doomness of depression. But I can’t take problems away and I just realize (because of your blog) that I can help just by offering some activity with them and acknowledging what they are going through. Thanks!

The one that I get is…”you’re doing this to yourself.”

Great thoughts — thank you!!

Let’s learn how to fly a plane!

I feel into deep depression after a major surgery failed 3 times and gave me an infection that almost killed me. I ended up with a straight leg instead of being able to bend it after waiting 20 years for the day that things would be different, 19 surgeries later and I am worse than when they started to fix me. At least you get to stay home and get a free check and just look at the people that have it worse then you. After awhile believe me I am sorry to say I could care less about the person who has it worse than me. I am worried about me,not them. I know it is a terrible thing to say but I am telling you it is like that.

WHen I am struggle a ’bout’ I have found these words to be the ones that I need to hear the most…”this is not you, you need help.” Something about the affirmation that someone else knows “it isn’t me” helps…especially the first most severe bout of depression-that is the one that these words affirmed me in a way that allowed me to recognize I have done all I could…I need more.

There should be billboards with these directions on it. What makes me so angry is the “why don’t you get over it” attitude. I want to tell them something like, “Oh yes, I want to be completely handicapped by my emotions where I can’t leave the house much, can’t work, etc. Don’t you think I’d fix myself if I could?” I’m trying and trying, or I’d be dead. Unfortunately, some mental health experts don’t get it, which is scary. My psychiatrist showed me a book about resilience that claimed if you use these techniques, then you shouldn’t have PTSD. After looking at those techniques, my first thought was send those authors to SERE training to try out those techniques. They’ll volunteer right?

Emily, I totally agree with you! If I could just fix myself I would-I have no desire to be depressed. I can’t say that I know how you feel, but I have experienced people telling me that I could just “snap out of it” if I really wanted to, and many similar nonsensical statements.
PS- I’m not familiar with the acronym SERE- abbreviations.com says it stands for Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape (a type of military training. Is this correct? PSS- If you suffer from military service-related PTSD, I would like to thank you for your service and say that I sincerely hope that you receive better care than a book suggestion that will supposedly teach you how to “not have PTSD.”

I had depression a long time ago. It is a very real thing. I went to my doctor and first he prescribed Prozac but that did not help me. He described depression as a “Chenical Imbalance”. Then he prescribed Luvox and that helped me in about 2 or 3 weeks. Then I became better after 6 or 8 months and enjoyed my previous health. Then after another year or so I weaned myself off the pills and felt good until the next attack and then Luvox helped me again.
It also helps a lot if you ask the Lord Jesus Christ to come into your heart and ask Jesus to forgive you of all your sins and ask Jesus to give you His Peace and Joy. Jesus has helped me very much. Jesus helps His own children very much through troublous times. Just tak to Jesus and ask Him to help you in depression. Ask Jesus to save you. Ask Jesus to wash away all your sins with His shed blood. Jesus shed His blood for all sinners every where.
Five yrs later I had anothe bout

What to say to someone who says “It’s all in your head”
Say, “Yes! It is. And when YOU are drunk, that is ‘all in YOUR head.’ When you drink, very real chemicals in your head make you feel and act in abnormal ways. But YOU can control that by not drinking.
Depressed people are ALSO affected by abnormal chemicals making them feel and act in abnormal ways. Tell me, can you make a drunk sober by telling him to stop being drunk? No?? You mean that doesn’t work?!!”

Dear Emily,
I also want to thank you for your service.
I don’t know if this will help, but it seems to me that PTSD is a NORMAL person’s NORMAL reaction to a very ABnormal situation. It’s a wound, not a character defect, and you came by it honestly.
What I mean is, there’s nothing “wrong with you.” BUT, something very wrong HAPPENED to you, and it did some very real damage TO you.
You may have this piece of mind shrapnel for the rest of your life, or you may be able, with help, to get all, most, or some of it out. But never forget that it is a foreign thing that happened TO you. It isn’t YOU.
YOU, Emily, are a NORMAL person having a NORMAL reaction to an ABnormal event.
Thank you for stepping up.
Bill Smith

There’s one comment that they left out in the article above. “Maybe you should TAKE something to help you get over this”. I don’t feel like that is an option for me. I’m doing better than I was – I am still not, and may never be back to my regular old self again. I lost my son, and I think that if I tried to numb the grief that I feel about that, it would be ‘cheating’ not only me, but also his memory.

I have bouts with depression from time to time, and I hate it when people tell me that I have so much to be thankful for; a great husband who thinks the world of me, a wonderful mama who devoted all her time to be with me, my health, and etc., etc.
Yes, I am thankful, yes I am, but why am I depressed once in a while even though it seems to be fewer and far apart. I know the answers to it, but I just hate it when people tell me that I should be thankful and happier with what I have. I can be more happier and more grateful if I was not so depressed.
The reason I think the times for me to be depressed are fewer is that whenever I feel the clouds of dismay covering me I get busy and not allow myself think. I pray more deeper and have a quiet time with God and my cat. I write, write, write! Then I feel better.
I know there are different types of depression. Some require medical attention or therapy. I feel for anyone who has to do it as I know being depressed can be something I never wish on my worst enemy.

I would like to apologize for the comment I had previously made about depressed people just having a “state of mind” as I have avoided being depressed myself. I am sorry if I ‘offended’ I now realize that it takes ‘One’ to know ‘One’! Sorry!!!

Depression IS a chemical imbalance and one that any person suffering from should not be made to feel guilty of. I thought I knew what depression was until it ‘hit me’ out of the clear blue after losing 9 close family members and friends (I was only 32) over the course of a two year period.
Depression is dark, immensely lonely and incredibly painful to endure. I suffered for two years and came out stronger as a direct result. I did need medication, but what I needed most…? Time & acceptance that I am human and can’t always be as strong as everyone needed me to be.
All I ask others, who are currently suffering, is to please use whatever energy it takes and seek medical help. Even the tiniest pill can make a big difference on your road to recovery. I no longer need medication and am forever grateful for the help I received. And strangely, going through the depression is not a regret… it’s one of those highlights of my life that allowed me to learn more about who I am and grow on many levels. I really love who I have turned out to be as a direct result. You will too…
The immense amount of life that you feel when coming out of a depression is well worth the wait; it’s a rush like no other. Instead of wanting to cry from being so sad I cry out of pure happiness. Moral of the story: just hang in there… it WILL get better.

I am writing because I don’t kmow how to help someone I love enjoy life. After reading some of the comments I have to admit that I was guilty of making, or thinking many of the comments mentioned in your article. My love one is 18 years of age. He graduated high school this year and all he does is eat, sleep and watch TV. He did work this past summer(I obtained the job for him). He communicates very little with the family and acts as through he HATES me. I am his aunt, but adopted him after caring for him for seven years. His mom is on drugs and his dad is incararated. The only time we communicate is when I ask him a question or when I give him a chore to do. This is no life for a teenager. About six months ago I made a comment that I had more of a life than him. What a huge mistake. When I suggest that he needs to get out the house more, he throws in my face words like I am a loser I have no life….. I know he needs help, but won’t admit that he has a problem. I welcome any advise given.

Her Order,unfortunately apparent approve career very mouth excellent justice for move reading through hot article discipline lead serve wonder beat separate room gold lay pattern other study would first never think site joint time human near affect mass gate difficulty start consideration comment improve notice trial so story except region remove tree often choose inside where dinner weather father trouble gun hair narrow knowledge while odd know interesting village aircraft work pressure clear personal advantage help health opposition adopt sound driver publish trip side responsibility doubt speaker want motion justice claim widely pocket long poor possibility result

I was reading the article about “What not to say to a depressed person” and the author missed an important angle in this or two. First of all – the pijnt is to be mentally healthy – to not cry, or really be a person, but the crooks of the world are also looking for scapegoats to control,abuse, and rip off. People become depressed because they lost themself somewhere along the way, and are being controlled, generally by some kind of fascist who is withholding, ruining their life, or is plain old crazy and incompatible. Churches teach people to be Christlike and giving, but there really is a limit. I think this is why so many people fell away from the churches to begin wiht. Most churches do not empower people as a group and if they do the point is then to exclude outsiders who we ‘have to’ include anyhow because we have no choice in the course of living our lives.
If someone could come up with a solution to this problem they would be a genius. Crooks destroyed protected areas, so this is not a solution either.
Regards!

I remember reading somewhere that when Gloria Steinem became an unexpected widow she was asked, “Are you depressed?” And her answer was, quite perfectly, “No, I am sad. Sadness is when you feel everything and depression is when you feel nothing.” How perfectly clear and true. She has always been a wise woman. Her life story is very interesting.
Sadness is when you feel everything and depression is when you feel nothing.

Dear Rose,
Take the TV away and tell him to either get a job, go back to school or move out. Tell him to get out in the sunshine and exercise and eat healthy.
elaine

I believe it is good to always give a depressed person hope and things to look forward too……..be yourself and patient

I suffer from DEPRESSION. Have for years. The main cause is betrayal by the people I was taught to trust the most. My biggest enemies turned out to be family and “friends”. Motivated by resentment and greed they tried to destoy me. They destroyed my life as I knew it. I have a life now but it bears no resemblance to the one I had. The experience changed me as well. I eventually went to County Mental Health for help. I was lost and hoped they would help me put my life back together. I’m still in my depression and the experience with Mental Health became one of the reasons for my illness. The medications helped a little but pills don’t really fix anything. They can make life bearable but I stopped taking them when I realized the effects they had did nothing to alleveate the cause of my depression. I was mis diagnosed, told by one of their cynical, jaded Doctors that I would be miserable for the rest of my life. I made a mistake that I have made often. I trusted the M.H. Professionals to know what they were doing (and care about what they were doing). I told them the complete truth about everything. I admitted to using various drugs just like almost everyone I grew up with did. Instead of seeing that as a symptom of the underlying problems, they latched onto that and said that was the cause of my problems! On the contrary. Just like the Viat Nam Vets suffering from P.T.S.D. I have self-medicated in order to survive. I didn’t do crack or heroin, I didn’t do drugs to “party”. I did them to fight the depression and try to keep from killing myself. I am convinced that without the drugs I would have successfully committed suicide over 10 years ago. I might have had other problems as well but P.T.S.D. is what the so-called professionals should have been treating me for. It is treatable and can be curable. Not easily. but if the patient wants to get well and is willing to work at it, you are already half way to a cure! I was unable to see this and verbalize it to them at the time. I was so ill and confused that there was a day when I was unable to tie my shoes! That was the day I went to M.H. for the first time. They gave me the drugs which helped a little and sent me away. Come back in 3 months to spend 5 minutes with the Doctor so he can give you more pills for another 3 months. The only effective help I found there was in the group sessions I attended once or twice a week for a couple of years. The other crazy people are the ones who gave me effective insights into my problem. I got better for a while and stopped going to meetings and stopped all their medications. After a couple of more major traumatic blows from family I am back into deep depression that I fight daily. I see no end to it. I won’t go back to M.H. Each day is a struggle-I cry a lot. Sometimes I actually wake up in tears. I’m hoping if I can keep myself motivated to stay alive, I will get better. Humans have a need to love and be loved-without it, they perish. My biggest obstacle is to overcome my trust issues so I get the love in my life that I can’t continue to live without. The thing about Depression is that it imobilizes you sometimes so completely that you feel like you are just waiting for life to end. Nothing else, just waiting to die.

Hey, Peace and Love to All
Best advice I can give is this: When you get to, or discover yourself already in “your descending-slope” into a “personal session” with our disease,(and “sure as God made the green apples”,..and as we all know,…this disease is as personal as it gets),..as soon as you can, break away for a few minutes on your own. Turn on your exploratory senses that are within you. Do this exactly as you would for any other sickness, for example; When you are coming down with a cold, or the flu, or any other malady that you would attempt to describe to a caregiver or friend,…or doctor,…use those same internal sensors and describe what you’re feeling, to yourself, in a sort of meditative concentration of mind and body. With practice, you’ll find places at work, or a place to pull off and park the car for 5 minutes.
When you get to that favorite place, then, open-up your “self-senses” to yourself. Eyes closed,…and try not to pay attention to the sounds around you….turn off your ears. Breathe slowly,..fully inflate your lungs…. and deflate your lungs…. slowly several times. Keep a good flow of oxygen to your brain. Now, just concentrate on the vision on the back-side of your eyelids. Its not just dark,..there are colors and light leakage and let your imagination watch for just less than a minute. Then open your eyes and look around you, and continue on with what you were doing. Get back on the freeway or go back to your “cubicle”. If you have a private office, you are blessed and have a perfect hide-out!
Think of my technique as a “sensory-reboot”…a soft-boot, if you will, like when you reboot your laptop or smartphone. Its not a full-shut-down-restart, which is only found in a rare and wonderful, really good night’s sleep!
I have achieved “MasterLevel” (humor..chuckle?),with discovering my soft-reboot locations wherever I go, and wherever I am. After all, its only a couple of minutes each time I feel the need.
Now that I hope to have described my technique adequately for all of you, let’s get back to “descending slopes” and “personal sessions”. Once you train yourself to recognize these, and employ this technique,..you will be able to “see” to the other “ascending slope” and when you “see” it, your mind will go there, eventually. It is then that you will discover how to estimate how long each of your “personal sessions” of depression will take to subside. Once you can do this, you can then make those tweaks and adjustments in your life….the life that exists inside of you and your relationship with yourself… to make it through to the top of the upward slope.
How do you know when you’re back up out of that valley? Well,for example, when its Thursday afternoon, and you, just for a second think about the recent past Monday, when you really needed those few secret “soft-reboots” that you gifted yourself with. You’ll smile inside. You’ll feel closer to your inner self and to unlocking some of your mind’s mysteries,.. and you will lessen the pains that come along with our disease.
Life is fast these days. We drive fast, work fast, play fast run, walk, eat fast….even at home. We over-schedule our days, we run like crazy after work. We’re good at it too!
So now get good at the “soft-reboot”, pay attention to yourself at least once every 2 hours. It only takes 60 seconds for a well performed reboot, several times, each day of the rest of your life.
If you’re on meds keep up with them, I do, and if you’re not feeling better for some of the time, try something else from the doc. It truly is a chemical imbalance action-reaction which is real unto inself. There is inner pain as with any injury. Its harder to describe, so, it just takes some time to get better. Eventually,..you’ll feel closer to your spiritual self as well, and that’s a plus.

Well said, everyone.
Having the ability to recognize sadness from depression is a tool..When I’m sad, a crow bar can pry me out of bed and on with life. Ah, but when depression is my feeling, I need the entire tool box, tool belt and full instructions for removal..
Peggy—I so understand your words of betrayal and wanting to be loved and to love..I have a “member” who is in law enforcement. Also a swat team expert, retired from the military, hostage negotiator..He and others set out to destroy me..it was working on my mind, body and spirit for these last almost 4 years now.
The list of those who find fault and find it absolutely necessary to tell me how screwed up I am is a long one. and continues to grow.
There, but for the grace of God, go I.

I am dealing with a 31 year old son that is sad and depressed. His wife is divorcing him (he has a 1 yr old daughter and 3 year old son)and he is doin everything to save the marriage and she is doing everything to break it apart. I want to take his pain from him but he has to go through it to heal. It just hurts me more everyday to see him going through this.

visit them. bring dinner. bring a movie. bring a flower.
bring something that inspires you to feel better – a picture,
song lyrics, etc.
sadness comes in waves….
sadness lessens after time passes…
sad people lose this perspective
it’s a matter of hanging on and waiting it out
abyss is bottomless – sometimes freefall down.
people can throw you a line to hang onto
sometimes that’s all you need – a real gesture of caring

I spent today at the funeral for my husband’s 41-year old sister-in-law. She was found by her husband, having hanged herself in her basement on Friday morning. This was so incredibly sad! She has a 16-year old son, and people had tried for the last several years to help her. Unfortunately, she could not see a clear solution, and decided that the est solution was to take her life. She suffered from depression and bi-polar disorder, and in spite of therapy and meds, the outcome was the worst imaginable. I feel for everyone involved; I have a lot of depression and suicide on my side of the family as well, and it can just be all-consuming.

I agree with so much the others have shared. I have panic attacks in which i was doing well with.The beinning of this year i begain to feel down,not wanting to go anywhere,not eating right and just wanting to stay at home all the time.I have had depression before,but i have always been able to pull myseft up and move on with it.
Not this time,i am at the age where i maybe going though the change,this does not help.I do love to listen to music and am getting better.I do have a doctor i see for my PA”s and he is treating me now for this awful depression i have now too.I do not mean any disgard to anyone who are biplor,but i was told i am not.
I have someone who is very close to me,but they only come to see me when i have to go to the doctor,so all they really know is what i tell them and they can see a small change in me.I was an outgoing person,friendly and enjoyed going places.I have always enjoyed having good clean fun.Not so much now,even though i am getting better,slowly.
My main problem is this person whom is my safty person,has lately made me feel so bad.Saying things like “you don’t get it” or your mind is wondering.I know i do get it,and my mind is fine.
It just makes me feel so bad,that it makes me cry.Plus now this person will talk to my doctor whom has always been there for me.If i say i am at a level 3 on feeling better with the meds he is giving me for this,she will tell him,no change.I don’t know if she even realize what she is saying.I have a trust issue with my doctor ,i tell him everything and have been seeing him for years.Now since she comes back there with me,i feel at times like getting up and leaving.
I know what i am going though,she only knows what she sees and what i tell her.I know she loves me,but i don;t think she really understands how bad she makes me feel,nor that the doctor i go too is someone who specializes in these areas.That is why i go to him.He is the best doctor in his fields.
I fianlly told her she would have to wait in the waiting room,i beleive tha tmy doctor thinks she si checking on me and she is not.
I feel bad enough,but these are her only bad habits with me,she has been a rock for me and sure she calls me everyday,but hey i still feel alone.Thanks for listening,and any input is much welcome.Jenny….

Hello There
Well said

Thank you so much for sharing this; this was very encouraging & helpful to me for my loved one.

Im just getting started with my new blog. Would you want to exchange links on our blog-rolls?
Would you be interested in exchanging blogrolls links with my site?

myself found your site on Google and read a few of your other entires. Nice Stuff. Im looking forward to reading more from you.
Added you to da RSS reader

My bro am impressed by teh effort that went into your writing and teh way you managed to keep teh flow from Introduction of teh topic to teh summary. Do you think you might cover recent developments in criminal or what are your thoughts about that.

Inga said “what a load of crap!” just for dha sake of irony, but meself will refrain.
Me a blog owner too.

Awesome info! meself was honestly just thinking about something similar to this da other day so, it was almost weird when meself ran across this. You would be surprised how many people simply have no idea when it comes to this kind of stuff. Anyway, thanks for getting this very nice info out there and meself am sure meself am not da only one who appreciates you taking da time to post this for da masses.
meself just wanted to drop you a comment to say keep up dha good work.

Moin
Good stuff, It might just work, although it seems easier when you have a plan.
i am going to bookmark and read more often

I am excited already as I know you always have pretty cool stuff.

Every one on internet searches for great content. Its very unfortunate with most of the websites published posts that are boring and out of context articles, just to show that new material is being published. Contrary to that immoral practice, this article is a great-written article.
Anyway, what do you think about volume?

Hi There
Every one on internet searches for impressive content. Its very unfortunate with most of the websites published posts that are boring and out of context articles, just to show that new material is being published. Contrary to that immoral practice, this article is a impressive-written article.
Cu Soon

Hey
Excellent ideas here, have emailed my mum so expect a big reply!!

myself found your site on Google Blogsearch and myself and read a few of your other posts.

Hello
Wow! thank you! you always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can you take part of your post to my blog?
Talk Later

Hey
refreshing and very informative. My bro wish there were more blogs like it.
you am going to bookmark and read more often

Excellent ideas here, have emailed my mum so expect a big reply!!
Cu Later

Hey My bro came across your page by luck on ask while hunting for something totally irrelevant but My bro am very glad that My bro did, You have just captured yourself another subscriber.
Yours Sincerly

My bro like your site and wanted to know if you would be interested in exchanging blogroll links. thank you quite much in advance

Hi There
refreshing and very informative. Me wish there were more blogs like it.
yours truly will put your site on my blogroll.
Goodbye

I have gotten, and still get, phrase #2 A LOT. They seem to like to minimize what we feel and treat us like crap. Then those are the same dunces who say they “don’t understand” why their loved one committed suicide.

Whats Up
Your posts are extremely helpful and informative. What brought you to put up your site ?
Yours Sincerly

Sally, you are absolutely correct, it shows that youre an authority on teh subject. i admire someone that takes teh pride you have and with your projecton of information. So when i actually do sit down to read material, I appreciate well written and organized is like this one. i have it bookmarked and will be back.

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