Just a tip off the Old Block (Pumpkin Head)
Check out PumpkinGutter.com … you will be amazed !
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Therese:
Since it’s only an hour’s drive from you across the Bay Bridge, have you or your family ever attended the Punkin’ Chunkin’ in Delaware, where pumpkins get catapulted to go splat hundreds of feet away?
It’s coming up in a few weeks … could be fun!
http://www.punkinchunkin.com/

Therese:It takes a SPECIAL person to be willing to put her hack-o-lantern out on the front porch for everyone to see and (worse) evaluate. I remain grateful today that you have enough strength, love and fortitude to share yours with us.Until my father passed away in the middle of trick-or-treating hours twelve years ago, halloween was one of my favorite holidays. I had plenty of candy for all comers, but also stocked “special (translate full-size or caramel apples) for the friends of my son and stepson and those children I actually saw on other days of the year. I decirated (nearly) as much for Halloween as Idid and still do do for Christmas and costumed myself to hand out our treats. There were always several pumpkns on our front steps, nd their faces were never the same (Always a scary one, a sad one (complete with tear drops) as well as the traditional big-grinned one. Unfortunately, it is now diffcult to get into the spirit any more; watching the funeral home come and collect my father’s body from my sister’s house where we we “hospicing’ him while little costumed kids still walked down the street effectively killed the fun or me. These days I ” celebrate” by lighting a candle in my father’s memory which I alow to burn for twenty-four hours next to a framed photograph. A Jewish friend shared this custom with one of my sisters years ago, and since the candles they used can be purchased (here, at least) in the Kosher foods section of our major supermarket, three of us four sisters now traditionally do this on the anniversary of each of our parents’ deaths. It’s become a special way to try and remember the good times from my childhood since so often I recall only the negatives and for YEARS had no memories of it at all. (Guided visilizations during therapy and a round of hypno therapy eventually took care of THAT) and i’ve now actually completed a book which i’m trying to peddle to loterary agents on the internet which is comprised of many vignettes on growing up in the fifties in the small Indiana town where I as raised. Writing it proved to be cathartic because once I got started I was amazed at what I remembered and while I certainly don’t live in a BIG city now, life was certainly different back there and then!My hometown truly exemplified the “It takes a village” concept before it was ver a popular catch phrase, and while we had many more frredoms from some of the fears children must face today–like predators–we also knew that any adult in our little village would feel to chastise us if s/he he observed us “acting Out” and that once our parents heard about it (and they WOULD) we’d receive a second scolding when we got home! Being able to explore the creek bottom at our leisure unaccompanied by a grownup was the trade off for knowing that the entire populatio of adults had a stake in our upbringing as was staying out after dark in the summer to catch fire flies in our back yards. I digress–forgive me, please. Mo one who hasn’t experienced a small midwestern town mentality can’t relate anyway.(another “They just don’t GET it!) Having the neighbors know your business was the downside; knowing you were cherishedand cheered for by them as well was the flip side of the coin.
Anyway…back to relevance…I enhoyed your comparisons and am delighted to know there are stillmothers & children who enjoy halloween traditions. (Something to smile about on my jack-o-lantern face!)

What Does Depression Feel Like?
For Therese
Like I’m a spectator at my own life.
Watching and wondering why I am so sad.
I look at the blue sky, the trees, feel the breeze,
Hmmm, I should be enjoying this.
Instead I’m sighing heavily, taking small steps,
(Takes less energy that way),
My shoulders drooping. head down.
Hey, you idiot, it’s a beautiful day!
I look up.
It hurts to look at the sky,
Not my eyes, my heart.
Why does that hurt?
Its beautiful, that’s why.
And I am so… not.
It feels like I am outcast, apart, alone.
I am with my grandchildren.
Nine and eleven.
I watch the scene, it seems idyllic.
Actually my ex, step grandchildren, but
They love me.
They are beautiful, wonderful, little people.
I can hardly stand to be with them.
I push them on the swings
And as they laugh
A wave of palpable gloom
Flows out from my gut.
And I want to run away
And hide or even die.
I’m in my body now.
Its not fear, though I am afraid of it.
There is no word for it.
“It” is a flow of almost physically heavy,
very heavy, emotion..
Perhaps a combination of the downside every emotion I have ever felt since I was the one being pushed in the swing and I’m overwhelmed by “I can’t” and “Why?” and “I’ve got to get out of here!” and “I don’t understand”, and “I’m going to cry or yell….”
But I somehow stay, I even smile.
For them. For a while.
This is so hard.
Let’s go guys. (I need a cigarette)
The air and the sunlight are thick and heavy,
I feel like I’m moving against
Some slow but steady current,
Like a river of mud.
And yes, I feel unclean.
And they’re disappointed we’re leaving so soon
And just when I thought I couldn’t feel worse
I feel guilty and weak and….
Worse.
I have disappointed loved ones again.
Somehow that’s the worst thing I can think of right now.
And I’ve done it.
Again.
It’s always been like this.
It will always be like this.
I want to die.
But the boys…. I manage a smile
Want something to drink?
They always like that.
The mini-mart/gas station/A&W
Is always so bright and busy with cool stuff all around.
I feel better.
“Papa?” One of the boys holds something small and cool but mini-mart priced at twice its value and I wouldn’t buy it even if I could afford it. And I shake my head and say I can’t afford it, sorry, and he’s… that word again and I physically droop and almost cry and I pay for our drinks with a heavy sigh and I still manage a smile as I ruffle their hair and give them a bump of my hip on the way back to the car with the primer black hood and fender I can’t afford to get painted but it’s dependable and they like it.
And I love this but I can’t stand it for much longer.
I let them play their radio station.
Unless the lyrics are too trashy
Then its oldies or light rock and my gut burns with that emotion
As I drop them off at home.
Bye Papa. Bye guys. (I’m sorry)
Damn… I couldn’t… I didn’t… Why?
Guilt. Shame. Love. Pain.
Chain smoking and a few diet cokes
I get free ‘cause I’m a regular at the bar and its more bearable.
Home is upstairs. Empty.
I want to run away somewhere but I don’t have the will.
Thank God there’s an elevator.
On the way up I sigh and cry and
I open the door and I sink a little lower looking at the clutter,
But now I can sit in my dusty prayer chair and be still and
Know that He is God.
I close my eyes. And cry.
Eventually, I’m aware of Him.
I’ll live, somehow.
But why?
Thanks so much Therese. I’ll think about making it beautiful, giving it a light, and I’m working on tearing it’s guts out, but, as you know, its very messy.
Mark

PS: My eleven year old would definitely smash it.

Thank you, Therese, for sharing. Today is foggy in Seattle, but I feel so good. Being nearly 55 and having suffered from depression starting in 1960 with my time in foster care, I’ve had many wins and losses in life.
Getting out and exercising strenuously last night has made the difference. I’m sure we all know about hormones and how exercise increases our ability to feel “upbeat”. I worry (see, good stuff already fading) about what I will do when I’m no longer able to physically work out strenuously. How will I manage the depression then? Thankfully, my faith has returned to me, and I hope prayer will always see me through.
Regards,
Cyndi

Therese: I agree with Margaret that you are very brave to put that pumpkin out for all to see and the light that replaces the pumpkin guts is a beacon for those who haven’t gotten as far as you have. I also liked Margaret’s idea about lighting the pumpkin candle in memory of her father. I lost my very favorite aunt right before Halloween a couple of years ago and all the neighborhoods decorated with tombstones and skeletons kind of added insult to injury while we were driving around to the funeral home and cemetery

I am online to do things to make myself feel better.
schedule therapy appt.
enroll in school to become a yoga instructor.
i even went to power yoga class today.
my youngest son is sleeping.
the other is happy to have received a toy from grandma in the mail and is playing with it.
i force a smile when he comes around to show me.
I read on beliefnet.com (my fav site!)
I even write down the number to schedule breast augmentation today. something i’ve been wanting forever. I know,…. shallow.
i will do all of these things today.
to be productive and to feel like I am trying.
but it’s still there.
the despair, the sadness, the grief, the loss of the old me.
i am lonely so I will go out tonight with some other moms from the moms group.
they don’t know me and I like that.
my husband will be home with the kids and it’s better.
the marriage is a charade.
married at 23 with the belief that i would be enough.
and i’m not.
he doesn’t cheat- he just looks- like the other men do… and why do i accept it?
it’s his nature he tells me. it’s his weakness i say.
so, at 31 (my bday is halloween!) i will seperate with the kids in toe.
get back to full time work for the first time in 5 years.
lock my own door at night and take out my own trash
not b/c I don’t love him
i just don’t believe anymore that this is all there is.
i don’t want someone else.
i just want for me to be enough.
always searching for happiness
but will settle to be content.
my pumpkin is plain now. not carved or painted, just like me.
i hope one day soon, it will stick out as beautiful and different.
but for now, it’s just like me.

i am not the author of the following. I believe I read it in a Patty Duke book, and recently found it on a paper I had typed up years ago, in a folder, in a box of stuff I was going through. But the contents of this write ring so true, just thought I’d share it with all of you.
~Monica
I’m afraid the black dog has really got me. Churchill’s image of despair suits me better than “the black hole”. A black hole just swallows you up. Would that it were that easy, to sink down into darkness, as if sleeping. But this dog, this dog! It crouches in the corner of the room, waits for me to make a move. Or lies at the foot of the bed, like a shadow, until I try to get up.
Growls, and will not let me up.
I go now where alone; he is at my side. He stands between me and any other, while I’m looking good, staying calm, smiling to disarm his ferocity.
Little things overwhelm me: I can’t find the mate to my sock. I break the yolk of the egg. The doorbell rings while I’m on the phone. I can’t cope with the little things while he’s there.
I have a lunch date.
I cannot see how to get dressed for it.
The dog stands in the way.
I can’t figure out where to put the baby down so he’s safe, so I’m holding him in one arm while I prepare to bathe him in the kitchen sink. It isn’t clean. I can’t find any cleanser. I want to cry. I am a terrible mother because I can’t bathe the baby. I am a terrible housewife because I can’t find the cleanser. I am a terrible household manager, because maybe there isn’t any cleanser…
I walk out side, it’s the first day of spring, sun shining, breeze wafting, birds singing-so what?
My baby gives me one of those dazzling you’re-the-only-one-in-the-world smiles-so what?
My best friend calls with good news, my boss gives me a raise, my husband cooks my favorite meal-so what? None of it touches me, nothing makes me smile. I’m one beat off, one step removed from all around me. I don’t shower, brush my hair, or make the bed. I wear the same clothes night and day. I cancel appointments, or just don’t show up. I call in sick to work. I don’t answer the phone-it’s too much work to put on the game face and sound normal-though I’m very good at it, up to a point. Sometimes I actually feel ill, or just off, or chilled. Curling up under all the covers with my softest, snuggliest jammies on-doesn’t help. There are things that should be important, things I need to do-pay bills, attend a family function or a child’s school play-but I can’t. The simplest decisions are overwhelming and reduce me to tears-how much to tip, what to buy for dinner…
And when I drive, the dog rides along, and I think, “If I just turn the wheel-now-it would all be over.”
I pass the crystal shelf and see myself shattering the precious glass and running a shard across my wrist.
The dog and I stand a moment too long in front of the cabinet staring at the Drano and thinking, “I wonder what would happen if I drank it?

I like the light in the pumpkin…somedays it shines brighter than others, but there is hope! It’s alot of work, this depression, and the real biter is the loneliness. But, lonely or not, I light that candle to the best of my aboility and let whatever light I have shine…and this makes all the difference: knowing I broke the darkness..if only ever so slightly. Thanks!

I am dumbfounded!!!!I knew I wasn’t the only bi-polar, manic-depressive, suicidal person in this world. But I have never had anyone relate to me so thoroghly as ALL you people have done today.
My 1st suicide attempt was at 17 years of age and I am now 63 so I have endured a lot of years of personal anguish, medications, sanitariums, sanitoriums, prison, hospitals, therapists, well-meaning friends’ advice, scorn for not being able to just ‘get over it’….etc.
I have been a daughter (not a good one), a sister (not a good one), a mother (not a good one), a wife 3 times (definetely not a good one), and now a grandmother. I want sooo much to be good at this but although I have all the love in the world for my 4 granddaughters, I have no patience.
I have settled into a housing developement for the elderly and disabled. Here I can close my door when it gets to be too much for me and sleep, blessed sleep, whenever I get overwhelmed by anything, which is about 17 or 18 hours a day.
I met my Jesus at 54 years of age and the suicide attempts have stopped but there is more than one way to kill yourself….overeating, chain smoking, uncleanliness…etc.
Enough about me. I just want to thank each and every one of you who opened up today. You give me hope if only in the knowledge that there are others out there that feel like I feel. GOD HELP US!!!!
Jessie

Terese,
That was lovely, humorous and I think I will pass your url to my depressive friends. Halloween is my favorite season, so this was very apropos.
Thanks…
Karen
PS I think you are actually suffering from SAD (seasonal affective disorder.) I think if we could manage to live on the surface of the sun (yeah, sarcasm,) we would all be fine.

I have an idea for …BEYOND BLUE ….. I dont know if this would work for you or not, but instead of leaving, and doing all of those things like working full time, just do all of those things for yourself and dont leave (just my advise) because I bet it will be so much harder as I know you know. Just the simple change by working outside your home, and the boob job will help a bunch…..then see how you feel about your hubby. I would not stay if he were abusive, or actually going elsewhere for lovin, but if you have any love for him still it is worth it if not just so you dont have to raise your lil ones by yourself.

I’m going to be looking at pumpkins in a different way now. I have some shiny orange paper somewhere. Not sure what I’ll do about the black and green parts. I don’t want to forget “The Pumpkin Poem”
Thanks Therese for posting it.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. . . JESSE! I will be 48 next month (november), and I have never known what it is like to NOT be depressed. It just gets worse with age. I’m on meds galore. I’ve tried everything! I have thought about suicide since I was a kid. (Had a horrible childhood!) I was told I will never be all better. I cry everyday. I’m lonely. I don’t make friends easy. Never have. I was hated in grade school because I was the pretty one and didn’t know the reason until someone told me about 20 years later. I don’t work because I was hurt on the job and had to have back surgery and it failed. So, now I can’t even do the things I used to enjoy. On top of depression, I’m in pain 24/7. I have developed many other illnesses.
Unfortunately, I am having a very hard time trying to remind myself that I still have a purpose in life. It gets harder everyday!
The pumpkin movie was very cute and if you multiply that by 10 you will see me. I’m having a panic attack just writing this. I have great therepists, but they can’t perform miracles.
Although I know I’m not the only one in the world like this, but it sure feels like it most of the time.
Valerie

No Valerie, You are not the only one in the world like this. I am not saying this to diminish your pain or to pretend that I fully understand. I am saying it because it reminds me so much of my own plight. I wasn’t the pretty one but I was the athelete but I also had difficulty making friends, real friends. I have been a physical person my whole life now due to severe spinal arthritis ans damaged discs I can no longer persue the physical activities that I loved and the work that I so enjoyed and then you are right, there is the 24/7 pain.
Suicide, certainly has crossed my mind but then there just might be one more good thing that needs doing and I might be the person who needs to do it.
My heart goes out to you Valerie and I hope and pray you stay around because you never know when miracles will happen. You just might be someone’s miracle.
Jim

Let me echoe the “someone else’s miracle”. What a beautiful saying and words to LIVE by!!!In a world that’s gone increasingly dark and dismal a few bright angels come shining through. May you find the peace you seek and ease the pain you feel. As always remember… you are loved.

Hi! Everyone!
I have much of the same stuff going on in my body (more), mimd and life. I am tired of being labelled and stopped by my illness. I will speak only positive things (I’m trying real hard here).
God has given us the power to chose our own path. Therefore, it is up to us to speak and create the life we want. If we only speak of the bad in our lives, what are we going to create–more bad? Well, I am done with that and I’m working on creating a great and awesome life for myself and maybe a few others!!
It is very important what we speak because God made us in a way that we are able to put into action what we speak (Ask and you shall receive..) We have to search for the answers to our lives–What is our purpose?–Why are we in this situation?–How can I serve God out of my abundance if I don’t feel like I have any abundance or love over flowing?
The Bible says that we are to ‘be transformed by the renewing of our minds.’ Stop doing what you’re doing now and find a new way to achieve your dreams. So, reading the Bible can transform us!! (Seek and ye shall find…). We attract what we put out there. If we want friends, we need to be friendly, positive, approachable, happy, and open. Look in your mirror and speak it into existence if you don’t feel it!
I always felt as if doors were constantly closing and I accepted that because I thought that maybe God didn’t want me to go through that door. I guess, sometimes, that was true, but I had to take a hard look at my life and realize that God is love and he would not do anything to hurt me. Sometime in my life, I created my situation or accepted it too easily when it was offered. I walked through those doors. If I could create and walk through those doors that brought me here, I can create new doors or windows of escape (God does not shut a door without opening a window of excape).
I don’t know about you, but learning this info and taking action has given me the ‘strength of God.’ I thank God for where I am and for answering prayer. I thank Him for being patient with me while I walked down this road of dispare, but now I am ready to open the doors and windows wide so that I can receive all the good things in life that God has waiting for me. I am grateful for all the things I have learned and for all the gifts I have and will receive.
I do not mean to preach–I am not a preacher–but just wanted to share how I am trying to work on my life. Don’t give up–no matter how hard it seems! Just take baby steps. Start by saying, “I am a child of God and He loves me and wants to give me all good things;” “I AM WELL and I can do all things through the Lord’s strength;” I AM WEATHY, HEALTHY AND WISE IN EVERY AREA IN MY LIFE;” “I THANK YOU, GOD, FOR ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND ALL THOSE WHO PATHS I MIGHT CROSS ON MY JOURNEY.” “ALL PRAISES AND GLORY IS YOURS LORD FOR THROUGH YOU, I AM ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.”
I am just learning myself to break bindings that prevent me from being all that I can be. What I think and how I say it will determine what I create–We are made in God’s image!! Can you see what that means?? We can create a beautiful world for all to live in just by concentrating on those words that will make it so. If you think that this doesn’t work or isn’t true, why not try it for a million years and see what happens? If our hearts are in the right place and we share with others and we forgive those who have hurt us, what we
create will be good, wonderful and true.
As for purpose, the Bible says that we should ‘knock and the door will be opened….’ When I think about many of the things I spoke negatively about, I realize that I had built more turmoil by talking about it! God has given us each gifts–some we know about and some we will learn about as we step out in faith to try new things. Right now, I am serving God and His purpose just by talking with you! We are to sit ourselves separate from the ‘world and it’s ways’ so that we can help others understand by our joy what God wants also for them. Just be yourself and work on the renewing part and one day you will look back and see that you’ve become a different person and then, you will attract the right type of people in your life. Well, I must stop and continue on working to get that big log out of my eye!! BE WELL AND GOD BLESS YOU WITH YOUR HEART’S DESIRE.
Judy

Thanks Mandy
I appreciate your advise as I am so confused by my own feelings. I was thinking that by raising my kids alone, and doing everything else alone, I could regain the confidence I desperately need. I feel like my husband (and men in general) hinder me in some way. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t feel I can be special to a man when their nature is to look at every woman who looks good. I know it’s not the case all the time, just my experience in life. Thanks again for reading my post and making it matter.

Yeah, Therese!! What a bizarre way to look at PUMPKINS!! Halloween has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday; I used to dress up (as an adult!) and hand out candies and check fingers for plumpness for the “oven,” as a witch (a beautiful one, at that!). But now, I live in a gated condo; children are NOT allowed to come in and go trick-or-treating. But – I haven’t let that stop me! I dress up as Elvira (yes, I spent BIG money on the costume and wig!), and carve a pumpkin with my boyfriend (who never carved one before – and he’s 63!), and we take pictures and pretend we’re having fun. But – I miss the kids. I’m 59, with bipolar disorder, and I’ve NEVER been able to have kids. There is an emptiness in my womb that will never disappear, and it seems Halloween only makes it emptier. When I’m “ill,” it’s always the “manic” side; but reading your blog, and the others, I feel a sort of melancholy that won’t break.
Please, SOMEONE, write a BRIGHT lesson on this blog; I need some sunshine today before I turn into a blinking, snarly jack-o-lantern, and cover my head with my blanket!!
CHEER UP, gloomy gusses…there’s a whole WORLD out there to explore. God put us ALL here to become someone’s MIRACLE. I’ve finally told my boyfriend that I LOVE HIM, and I’m passionately aware that he might feel the same way! Be HAPPY for me!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN – don’t let the bedbugs bite…

I love metaphores.
I believe that you created a simple, yet eloquent and brilliant
piece of work,.. worthy of sharing with others,.. in which i have.
Thank you for sharing. God bless,.. ellen.

Excellant analogy of Depression! I say look inside the pumpkin, between the gory mess is the seeds-seeds of hope, love, and laughter. Iits only going through the mess that you find that. God Bless!

To SuzanneWA Thanks for having the guts (pumpkin or otherwise) to mention that you’re BiPolar. I am also, fortunately I didn’t listen too much when the doctors told me not to have a child. I take Lithium and my daughter is perfectly normal, no medical affects, thanks be to God. So this year I have a reason to celebrate Halloween. Hope you find some children to celebrate with. Lisa

I have another one for you. Depression is like a haunted house that you can’t get out of because it scares you so much but then you see the exit somewhere and run out screaming for your life not wanting to go back in. It’s not really about pumpkins but it can relate to Halloween!

I am stuck inside the pumpkin like the placemat I had as a little child – I just remembered it now. After a breakdown last summer when one of my dogs died, I have been getting steadily worse. I have tried everything, but I have no feeling left or will to live. What can I do to avoid a strong suicidal urge? I want to run away – get away from my job, my life in a place I don’t want to be. Everything I think of reminds me of what I once had and will never have again – a house, love, a job I enjoyed, living in a place I wanted to be. What can you do when you are so close to the edge, nothing matters…there must be something I can do besides kill myself..???

lol…cool

To cmp3
Go visit your doctor or at least a friend to remind you that you do matter and God has a plan for you. It is not up to you to intervene with that plan and take a long term solution to a short term problem. Talk to someone you trust, and do it NOW.

Hi! Everyone!
Suzanne, I am 58 and also was unable to have children but not because of being bi-polar. I never have been dianose as being bi-polar, but I might be. I have gone to doctors on a regular basis since I was 21 years old. I went through being treated for a lot of things I did and didn’t have (wrong dianoses). I have been operated on 10 times, twice for cancer; twice for ulcerative colitis; cyst and fibroids, etc., etc., etc. I have asthma, chronic sinutitus, allergies to many things (air-borne, food, man-made product, etc.), I take pills for these things plus for pain for arthritis, degenerative dysc disease, osteoporosis, scoleosis and fybromyalgia, cyst on my sciactic nerve,and etc. I also have had over 25 nerve blocks in my head and neck and one in my back. Plus my immune system cannot do its job because of all the above. Add heart ache, a couple of rapes and a disfuntional family and you pretty much have my depressing story.
I write all this stuff because as you can see, if not bi-polar, I have had my share of depression from all the things that have hindered me from being all the things I wanted to be. I have an emptiness inside that if I allowed myself to dwell on, would tear me apart.
But!!!! Do I let this define who I am? Do I allow the evil darkness darken my whole life?….I have at times, when I just couldn’t cope with one more problem or health issue.
But…I kept searching for answers and listening to better ways of dealing with all this stuff. I am not going to let this stuff define me!!! I have had success in overcoming or getting through the dark tunnel and stepping out into the light. If you look back at your life, you will see where you have fought and won, but even if you fought and lost or failed, you have still come out on the other side of each darkness in your past.
I ask God for a child and he ask me to be a Sunday teacher. I ask God for a child and he brought me children to babysit. Again, I asked God for a child and he brought me my neice and nephew to care for a while. When I accepted that I would never have a child, I tried to adopt. I cried everyday for 5 years then, when all hope was lost, God sent me Lauri from Korea. When Lauri left, God sent me the neigborhood of all ages of kids and great nieces and nepthews…He sent me friends’ kids, my daughter’s friends and their kids. My daughter may one day send me grand-children. When I look back God has blessed me with many children!!
If I only looked at the cup as half full, I would only see the down side of my life and believe myself to be a failure. But, even if I didn’t have all of this to be grateful for, God has given me purpose!! All of you sharing your experiences in defeat and successes on this site and others has helped others to not feel so alone. God might have prepared you just for this moment to help someone else to make it through one more night!!
Make a list of all you are grateful for and another list of all the good you have done in your life (This will help you to see your worth instead of the lack). Make a list that seems impossible to change, but you want to change and then try to figure out a way that you can get around your problem, get over it, get through it or replace it with something else. Now think on these things! Speak (out loud)about what you want, NOT about what you have and don’t want. Thank God for what you have and what you will have (act as if you already have it and your subconcious will hear, God will hear, people will gather to pray for you and help you to create what you want, the world and universe will hear and somehow, someway it will come to past. I believe this…I sometimes forget..but this is what I am working on. Does any of this make sense to any of you? I wish you health, joy, love, friendship, wealth, happiness, laughter, and the light of God to shine on you to warm your soul.
Your Friend,
Judy
P.S.
Donna–I like your analogy–wish I could express myself as well!!
Amp3–I can relate to the Dog. In the past, I had replaced a pet with another similiar in type. Even though they were different characters, they eventually filled in the void and ache I had in my heart. My dog died 4 wks. ago. Buzzy was very special–He was my mom’s dog and helped me to get over my dog who died the day after my mom. He helped me to remember my mom (how happy she was around him). My husband doesn’t want to get another dog because it isn’t easy to get someone to watch him when we are away on business (that doesn’t happen often). I’m about ready to just go and get another dog without his help…I will ask God to send me the right dog for our family (has to like cats too!) Please! Amp! How can we help you? All of us have been close to giving up. Please, DON’T give up!! I care! Tomorrow, look for something or someone to make you laugh or makes you happy. If you cannot get someone to be with you before this depression passes, go to a clinic or hospital! Find someone to talk to. When my first cat (my first child replacement) died, I cuddled with a stuffed animal that had similiar fur, then I went for a walk expecting to find some peace somehow. I met a lady who was sitting in a park and she shared her life with me as I did with her. We exchanged numbers, but when I tried to call her later, her number was disconnected. I now believe that she was sent to me from God to help me through that day. I don’t know how you feel about God or if you have some other type of spiritual guide, etc.–Just ask for what you want…okay?
BE WELL! BE HAPPY! HAVE HOPE! REACH FOR WHAT YOU DESIRE! GOD BLESS! Judy

Hi all,
I’m writing today because I just saw this post and wanted to share a bit. Early this morning, a friend whose been caring for his mom in her final months, sent a note that Mom has died. He then forwarded a note that one of our other friends lost his wife after a long battle with cancer. But, yesterday, when I went to the doctor’s office for a flu shot and some counsel, on my diabetes, I saw a friend from our time together in a divorce recovery workshop. M had gone through a struggle with her divorce and then with breast cancer. But when I looked up from my magazine and saw her, she was ‘transformed’. The radiant look she wore said, “I’m doing fine.” And our conversation confirmed that. And she had just purchased 2 1/2 acres and she and her son were going to ‘break ground’ next week to build a home. A wonderful sense of gratitude came over me and really sustained me through learning of my other friends’ losses.
God will bless us and guide us. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he’ll straighten your paths.” That’s a paraphrase of Proverbs 3:5-6 but it’s close enough. Keep smiling. Look for the bright spots and the sunshine.
Frank,

Bravo!
You have taken a difficult and often painful subject and added just the right touch of humor. I’m a 20+ year “survivor” (bi-polar) and have finally, I hope and pray, mastered the challenge of living with the condition and sometimes, yes, even being grateful of being “this way.” Humor (and faith) have helped me along the way.
I’m grateful to you and your insights…I wish there were more folks as enlightened as you.
J. Linderman

I was just wanting if you were ok?
Christine

I HAVE READING THIS BEYOND BLUE THING FOR A WHILE.YOU MAY GIVE HOPE TO PEOPLE WITH MINIMUM TO MILD DEPRESSION.BUT APPARENTLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SUFFER FROM SEVERE DEPRESSION.
IF YOU REALLY THINK THAT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION PUT THEIR FEELINGS OUT FOR ALL TO SEE, YOU ARE GROSSLY MISTAKEN.THEY TRY TO HIDE.
AND I CAN’T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYTHING ABOUT DEPRESSION CAN BE PUT TO GOOD USE.

Your “It arrives in October, and stays through the holidays” is SO right on.
I’ve been treated for major depression since 1992. Last summer, my doctor got to wondering if I really have bipolar. He added Lamictal as a “let’s see”. It has helped, and bipolar explains a lot of my life that I had been unable to wrap my head around.
I only recently found your material here. I have you on my favorite list. My BLOG is about 60% about my disorder with the rest being an attempt at humor. You have to laugh…you just have to.

Therese,
Your list made me laugh out loud–thank you! Keep up the great work.

T,
I LOVE THIS! I am going to print it and share it with alot of my friends. Thanks for being so witty!
love u, Mary Anne

Thanks Therese, Humor is SO Healthy! No matter how severe one’s depression is, Try to laugh now and then.

Yesterday, I read your 15 ways to stop obsessing. I cried, I laughed. It really hit home. Thanks for putting it all into words so wonderfully. Depression is an awful thing but look how someone with depression is able to touch so many others that are hurting and help them heal as they heal themselves. It truly makes you realize that OUR CREATOR truly knows what HE/SHE/IT is doing. Please keep up your inspiring words. God Bless You!

Therese,
This fits me to a tee, you are dead on.
Thanks!

I liked “Barb’s”, I was sent to the KO KO house, and I did help 2 people out, they had not laugh or talked in over 5 years, and they laugh and talked to me. So it can be useful, for others, now I have to use that on me, I can do it to others, so I will do it to me. Thank GOD. Thank you Barb. God bless you too

May I add to the list? Similar to #16 — You can carve holes in it, which not only lets the light in and out, but makes it a little less weighty and cumbersome. That’s what your observations do for me, Therese — they take something heavy and scary and break it down into smaller bits and poke holes in the really big bits of gloom so they are more manageable! God bless you all — love and *hugs* VickiB.

You left you it can be deadly. At it’s worst and just bother some at best. depression for me has been with me the better part of my life. As a sexualy abused child then in to a relationship were I was enableler for a alocolic for 23yrs. I am not saying that there weren’t good times , but there were bad times too. But things were better than what I was living in before. He died two yrs. ago and now I am in a new relationship with a man that I met in church and thing were fine for a while then ,I noticed he was being mean to my dog, and I seen him kick the cat. I didn’t say any thing. I thought it would pass. Well the other night we were playing and it got rough than he got made and slapped me in the face. several times harder each time.

I have been dealing with depression for a long time, my whole life. The pumpkin thought is wonderful, It takes the depression and explains every angle of it, and there are so many. I had an abusive childhood then married an alocolic, which was like being marryed to a nightmare for 25 years, now for 8 years I have been in remission and I have a good life with a loving partner. But still the depression haunts me and every morning I wake up and check my head to see if is still gone, then I thank god…and take one day at a time.

AMEN!! I had panic attacks, acute anxiety, manic depression and PTSD for over 16 years before being diagnosed. I thought I were literally living in hell, and to a degree, I was!! After being treated by a therapist, I believe I can understand EVERYBODY – and I feel for each and every one.
Bren

i absolutely love the beliefnet emails..
i am a 19 year old mother and have been suffering with depression on and of since i was 14, i was finally recently diagnosed with depression and bi polar disorder and a possibility of schitzofrenia.. these emails really help me along with all of these symptoms and really make me feel like i always have some one to talk to!! thanks to all of the supporters and beliefnet..
EILEEN

A way to blow off stream using a pumpkin & catopole. Just put the pumpkin, the bigger the better, in the catopole & aim it so it’ll smash in a million pieces without really hitting anybody & hurting someone. It’ll diffently cool the depression down for a few days because you’re thinking of how you smash the blues into sunshine.

Well this is the longest I’ve spent in the black hole. It’s an effort to even sit at the computer. I’m just killing time. (better than myself I guess) I keep trying to put my house in order but it’s chaos! I’m not feeling sorry for myself..it’s a little beyond that, but for everyone else I’m weighing down. The dream is over and that leaves nothing but the nightmare…and I can’t wake up! Not to worry, I have too many four legged dependants to off myself just yet. I’m hoping for an eleventh hour miracle. I think that’s God’s department. I disagree with Dr. Phil in that you’re less likely to commit suicide when everyone else in the world at large is so miserable right now. I’m just counting the seconds and staying too busy to think if I can. It’s paralyzing me.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TO POST. IT DOES HELP TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO OTHERS WHO UNDERSTAND. I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR 19 YEARS WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED AT 38. I TO TRIED TO KILL MYSELF WHEN I GOT SO LOW BUT I THINK ALL I WANTED WAS TO CUT MY BRAIN OFF FOR A WHILE. I KNOW I WAS WRONG AM I LOVE GOD AND WE HAVE SOME LONG TALKS. ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN DEPRESS TO SOME ONE WHO IS JUST DOWN FOR A FEW DAYS. AND IT DOES RUN IN A FAMILY. I HATE TO SEE MY KIDS GO THUR IT. THANK GOD FOR GOOD PILLS AND GOOD FRIENDS. TO LYNN HANG IN THERE PRAY VERY HARD DAY AND NIGHT YOU WILL THINK THAT GOD DOESNT LISTEN BUT THERE IS A BREAK ON SOME DAYS. I COULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT DEATH AND DEPRESSION. MY HUSBAND DIED IN 1989. MY BROTHER IN VIET NAM , MY SISTER W/CANCER IN 2000/ MY DAD IN 2001 3 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS /MY MOM IN 2007/ AND HER SISTER WHO I TOOK CARE OF 2008. WE HAVE TO HELP EACH OTHER DON’T BE SCARE TO ASK FOR HELP.

I think alot of my depression is a chemical inbalance, but it also came from loss, the loss of my father and his family, the loss of my mom and my first marrage, and the loss of all my friends .when i got diagnosed with the depression and ptsd, all my friends left me one at a time .then my family and some of my kids left. Now I just focus on myself because no one else is, I love myself, and buy for my self, and every day i put myself first. i know that sounds selfish , but people just come and go , but my heart just stayes the same and never leaves. so i have learned to care for my heart first. My friend dorothy who is 96 years old ,once told me most people are dopey and full of baloney. so just do not take everything so literally. I try to remember this, some times I think if i started crying i would never stop because all the loss.

Hello
I have severe depression, anxiety,and of course menopause.This is awful to have, i have always heard that back in the older days women went crazy from menopause. i can believe this. i have had this for 5 years and i’m tired and i’m going to beat it. it has taken over my life long enough. i just went to a counsler my first time, that was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, it was one on one, group would be to hard right now. but hopefully one day.i did learn that i’m not the only one out there like this. i decided to write my daily goals down, today is my first day , pray for me please and i will be more than happy to pray for all of you everyday
GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE
thank you for listening

Peace
I call upon gods angels of healing and peace
to glow around my family and friends
and never will it cease, this peace
the calming quiet of wings not seen
will go straight to the soul of EVERY being
when your heart breaks open from so many fears
from so many years
realize god does that to make room
for more love to fall in
in there to bloom
love is the only way
nothing else is real
now conquer all and be on your way

I am paralzyed with fear and depression. I lost my job last week and have very little money. I wake up terrified. I am praying that God will save me from losing my home and I will find a job.

I don’t know who wrote this (maybe someone out there does)but I like it and it seems to fit your blog today…about this time every year I
put it out on desk top where it seems to remind me of who I am, where I am going in life:
A woman asked by a co-worker “What is it like to be a
Christian?”
The co-worker replied, “It’s like being a pumpkin. God picks
you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt
off you. He then cuts off the top (ouch!)and scoops out all
the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt,hate,greed,
etc. and then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His
light inside of you for all the world to see.”

I have fought severe depression for as long as I can recall,starting at about 8 years old. I have taken various medications,prayed to God to help me,gone to therapy. What I found that really worked is I investegated the depression and what the cause could be,what makes the neurons not work. I went back to school to discover the reasons yes like a psychologist,or a psychiastrist and found out we are all made up of the sames genes we just need to know how to dig and deal with this problem meet it head on and tackle it.The profesessionals are their because they have learned how to deal with various situations that come up Life Long Learning Experiences that happen to all people in different degrees of severity all normal problems that do have a solution of some kind,not always to our liking.
Dan

Finding a solution is very important, most only find a prescribable diagnosis… Which only helps to “ride it out” till it returns repeating itself. It is better to find a solution and grow from there even if it hurts.

May all find the inner peace and balance to find solutions and to be able to enjoy life. In a world of constant change and not much time, we can easily feel more tired, down or lonely.
Iam doing my best to spend more time in family, even keeping a very busy and demanding life. Iam accepting myself and doing, step by step, only what is possible. No one should try to be super or perfect.It’s an impossible mission with a lot of pain.
God bless you all and may you find what you need.Much peace.

I thoroughly enjoy reading your articles and comments. I agree with most all and I think I’ll put my pumpkin on the porch also. I will light it so that, through the spirit of the light it will be beautiful and make my holidays light and happy.

PUMPKIN LIKE YOUR BRAIN,NOT UNTIL YOU CLEAN IT OUT,CAN YOU FREE YOURSELF FROM DEPRESSION. LIKE THE PUMPKIN AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR MOST OF US CLEAN IT OUT THAT IS THE RENEWING OF OUR MINDS: ROMANS CHAPTER 12.
pbdtvz

Very good article, if anything makes me blue, it is the flu (pandemic)!

Well, that was sad. I am in a short depression. (because I mean to make it short)I find misery does NOT like company. That’s the way it works for me.

Those comparisons are awesome! What a creative idea!
*HUGS*

‘After you dig out its guts and give it a light, it can be made into something beautiful (at least temporarily).’
That was an excellent metaphor!

I think all off them make sense!! Thank you for the article..It is so true each and everyone. I do to like the craving one that it temporary looks beautiful and then wilts away that is true long life depression or mental illness, you have the good moments but for the most part they don’t last especially this time of year. This time is when I use to find a reason when celebrating the holidays to go up to my room with a house full of people before I started to get help before I even knew what I truly had..these days I do everything possible to be thankful and their for my family and if I can’t or if I can fake it to get through dinner then I go into my room and have my time I need..thats the key, they may know the adults and the older children that you may be trying to get through but you do and putting on that face and getting through it has been a big accomplishment for me..Let see what this year holds b/c my outlook has changed I am trying to get excited making plans to bake cookies with my son and other things maybe this will help by going the extra mile and getting though maybe I won’t go to my room or put on that fake smile to make it through the holidays and Go to Church and the events that lead up to those services and continue to pray and be thankful for the place that I am right now this day..One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes even one minute at a time.
God Bless you Therese and all of you other faithful bloggers
Leeann

i never thought of the pumpkin being that way to depression with depression you have to keep a postive thought going in your mind.even if no one else hears you but god.sometimes its not good to tell others you have changed and you are thinking postive.i have been throught that i went to couseling and i have not been feeling good for several weeks now and i told her that and she tells me i am a neg,thinker which is true to a certain degree.but i am working on that and i did what my mind and heart told me i went and got a second look at my health and guess what it was more to it than my thinking.i got on meds for these things that were bothering me with my health and i do feel better.so sometimes its best to think postive keep it to ourselves.because others can bring you do they see you the way they want to so see yourself as someone great.

To Therese and all you fine readers of Beyond Blue. You are also great writers. After reading ALL the comments, I know that I am a little better now. After years of depression and hiding it from family and friends…………you feel as low as you can get.
I can emphase with each of you and where you are in your dark times.
Yes, I am not looking forward to winter months, same as you. WE have to find bright places to go: botanical garden, butterfly house, play date with grandchildren.
One bad way I get thru is overeating. I am thinking of ordering a small wedding cake, putting it in the freezer and indulging myself when the need is here. HA HA HA Also, my sense of humor helps me big time. BUT MY ADULT CHILDREN DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT. Just thinking about “my wedding cake” is enough to get me thru a rough place.
Those of you who are having trouble seeing anything positive: do not watch the news, don’t read newspapers, don’t watch news on the computer. Find happy places to focus your attention. Going to a good movie or renting one is a favorite of mine. Of course, if all fails I stick in my copy of “What About Bob?” For you it may be “The Jerk” or “Bad Bandits” or “Thelma and Louise.” The list can go on and on.
It’s up to us to find small ways to get thru each day or part of a day. It’s hard……………but does get better the longer you work on feeling better. You may have down days, BUT you have more good days. Built on that AND BE HAPPY FOR YOURSELF. We deserve to feel good about ourselves. I keep meaning to make my Self-Esteem File.
I will start it in Nov…..but if I don’t, I’m not going to get down on myself. Maybe it will be Dec, Jan or Feb. I just know this is something that will help me.
God Bless each of you who wrote a comment on this subject.

It’s hard to treat depression, but it is possible wih good emotions!

we use acupressure mats to treat any level of depression, anybody could use it. find our advaita lifestyle in google.

Great metaphor. I like it!
Rebecca, http://www.interpersonaltherapy.net

As usual – another excellent post – and a different way to look at things. Comparing pumpkins to depression… ahhhhh
Yeah – as much as I love fall I don’t love what’s around the corner. I guess it’s time to get my light box out!

This is a great post! Very clever.
I have recently started behavior therapy (along with beginning meds for the first time) and my therapist gave me a name for my terrible guilt complex that is actually just another way in which my OCD manifests. He told me it is called scrupulosity! I believe you said that you suffer from that as well or at least you did as a child. It is terrible, isn’t it?!
I relate to your story in so many ways! It is amazing. I have OCD, anxiety and depression (the depression is mostly caused by my scrupulosity) and I have disordered eating (binge eating) which my therapist and doctor say is a SYMPTOM of my OCD and once I learn how to cope with my scrupulosity, my eating should get better!
I finally feel so hopeful about all this stuff that I have been carrying around with me for all my 32 years and I have you to thank for sharing your story and giving me courage to begin my own journey of recovery. I have been reading your blog for a few years but I believe your Beyond Blue book fell into my lap at exactly the right moment. I have learned so much from you and you have helped me so very much.
Hugs,
Elizabeth

Wow yor’re a real brain child to have thought of such an analogy- reading your stupid anaolgy got me depressed.

I am 60 years old.I did not know what was depression.I cry alot.sometimes i feel like killing myself.and this has being going on from i was in mt 50;smy chest sometime feel empty,i even do an ECG to see if i have a heart problem.now i have high blood presure and high cholesterol.can someone please help me.how do i deal with this,

Well, Dick is appropriately named.

Dick is, indeed, appropriately named!

1. Get help immediately! Call a suicide helpline.
2. After that get busy! Find ways to get out and help other people.
Eat healthy. Take walks. Listen to music that makes you feel good.
Read books about good people such as Chicken Soup For the Soul.
Make sure you get a good night sleep.

Therese, I LOVE your pumpkin “analogies!” As soon as October comes around, I buy my pumpkin to carve. Since moving from IL to VA in 1970, I started a tradition of inviting a special friend to help me carve my pumpkin! Last year was a disaster…the guy I’d been going with chose Halloween Eve to break up with me…spoiling Halloween for me, for what I thought would be forever. I do dress up for the holiday, and this year, I’m having a Halloween Pumpkin Carving Party for the people who live in my apartment house (and a few other friends). I couldn’t let the ex dictate to me what or how I celebrate my “special” day. So…for me,..Halloween means “friendship” and I will continue as long as the holiday is the last day in October!!

I have been battering depression as well. I lost my husband of 41 years on December 29, 2009. He was 67 years old.
I went to the ER as I couldn’t quit crying. He gave me a prescription for depression meds. I have been taking the medicine now for about 3 months. It has helped with the crying but the loneliness is still there. I felt like noone wanted me or cared about me.
It helps to keep busy, walking and visiting with others. I find myself getting out more and being around others. I recently started going back to Church and this really helps.
Hoping and praying that you will soon get better. Keep looking to God.

The depression I have struggled against was ceated by my own doing and desiscions made for the most part, the rest were allowed for a reason. It creates a uniquness in which each of us are the only one experiencing the trials we face and have the ability to give praise to the Lord from a prospective none other will ever be given. Our gift is to decide to give God the Glory, raise our heads and decide that helping others is better than self pity. First steps are the hardest and most rewarding.Try making a pumpkin pie and giving it freely to someone less fortunate and watch depression begin to flee!

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11. Like an 11-year-old boy DOES, you really want to smash it.
– not really into the child abuse.

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You are always such a bright spot in my mailbox.
Thanks.
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Nice post and as said in it You can’t just hide it or forget about it, because after a few months, it will rot, decay, and stink up your entire house is very true

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