I just wanted to Thank You from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience with everyone. I share you pain with the guilt burden and appreciate your postings!

I love the guilt backpack!!! I am already sharing the idea with friends because (no pun intended) it ROCKS!!! Thanks!

Therese
Take out the rock “perfect blogger” and keep it out! Kudos to you for being able to make boundaries. That is HEALTHY!!! Remember that when you’re wishing you could be more to the people at BB or wishing you could do more for the blog. Boundaries are of utmost importance and really allow you to stay in a much healthier place! So, please try to banish the “perfect blogger” rock–otherwise all of us “bloggies” are going to feel guilty! haha!
Thanks for being YOU! Love Valerie

Dear Therese,
Don’t ever worry about being the perfect blogger! Actually, don’t worry about being the perfect “anything” because human beings are “splendidly imperfect.” (That’s part of being human)
Your bravery and honesty in writing about being bipolar and OCD keep so many of us going. Whatever you write has wisdom and encouragement, just what most anybody needs. I know I speak for many people in saying that.
Blessed be,
Karen

So much of this rings true…I love the visualization.
(I made a comment about your dog rock on the ‘pets as good therapy’ thread)
You are a trusted resource for me. I appreciate your insights, integrity, and honesty always.
You never fail to inspire (even/especially when you feel you are at your lowest).
Thank you for your encouragement and sharing your life with me.
Mel

I already went through the experiment for 6 years in junior high and high school
But as for the substance, DEAD ON as always, Therese. Wow.
Thanks for your incredible self-honesty.

This is the first time I have logged on to this site–it is an incredible find-

therese i think this ranks right up there with the self esteem file.thanks for all you give of yourself to all of us here at beyond the blue.so unload some of that back pack and give yourself a pat on the back.

Mary: Welcome! Stick around; you ain’t seen NOTHING yet, In spite of Therese’s “Perfect Blogger rock, to many of us she’s just that! Not one day passes without her inspiring and ulifting us here on B.B, oftenwith more than one subject handled on a given day.
Therese: You’re soooo right about guilt feeding into depression. In my case as I suspect is true of many others, guilt was used as a “management tool” when I was grwing up; it was, besides his fists, my father’s favorite cudgel to use when “keeping us in line”: we were ungratefuland selfish, killing our mother’s spiritand making her cry after all she’d done for us. It was OUR fault the family was dysfunctional; certainly the reason he drank and she smoked ! What a WONDERFUL(IF NOT pERFECT) gift you’re giving to Catherine and David by NOT using guilt to “discipline and/or motivate them. that adds up to pretty darn good parenting in my book! Guilt is a learned emotion,INHO,one that is, unfortunately also a component of organized religion. People joke about guilt in Catholicism and as inspired by the stereotypical ewish mother, but I was raised outside of BOTH of those particular faiths, and yet received a healthy dose of “I am not worthy” every week. OF COURSE we’re not worthy; isn’t that the whole point? I’ve used other cognitive therapy techniquesto counter guilt, but I like this one more than any of those I’ve heard of before because of the literal heaviness of a backpack full of rocks.Thank you once again for sharing your hrd-won insight with all of us out here. I doubt if you could be more beloved by your readership than you already ARE!!!

Please pray for me. I have been working a lot of overtime and I have heard that I am going to get fired today. I have been faithful and honest at this new job and I started feeling that this was going to be a better year, a fresh start but apparently other people don’t like me for no reason and I am deeply hurting and crying.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME
Betty Sadler

I think I need a quarry to identify all my guilts. The problem is…when I take them out and look at them…they end up right back in the bag! How do you keep them out????

Betty
I will keep you in my prayers. I too have gone thru the same. It can be a number of reasons why – but remember that “God does not like ugly” Those who don’t like you are so jealous – but they have to answer to God for that. Keep up the faith, dry your tears because God has better plans in life for you.

I am going though a really rough time, also.
Can hardly concentrate on my job because of an abusive relationship I need to totally free myself of. Lots of prayers are needed.
I will prayer for everyone that is going through depression with job/relationship issues

I’m not sure I understand the rock backpack concept.
For example, if you feel you haven’t been the best spouse or friend,etc…do you just visualize taking those rocks out and say the heck with it…or do you try to improve on being a better friend or spouse?

Betty, Are you sure you are getting fired because people don’t like you? Perhaps it is one of a number of other possibilities that you might want to discuss with your boss. Sometimes if we keep thinking other people don’t like us, it is actually us not liking ourselves and imagining others don’t like us. I will pray for you and I am sure in time you will find a job where you may be better suited and be happier. On some jobs, there is alot of competition, and it can affect the relationship dynamics going on.
I have some guilt (I think every human being does), but not enough to put in a backpack at this moment. I have come to terms I am human and let alot of it roll off my back. Sometimes my guilt is that I think I should have more guilt than I do, lol. However, I do have a huge amount of anger I could fill two backpacks with right now. I am not so sure the same therapuetic activity would help me. I am angry that my privacy has been violated for a long time and nobody would help me find a solution or a closure. I am angry my husband has not backed me up consistently or sufficiently on important issues over the years that resulted in disasters because of his lack of support. I am angry that important people in my life have lied to me big time. I am angry that I am blamed for things I have not done. I am angry at the politicians and some of their indifferences. I am angry that someone has tried to ruin my reputation. I am angry that people play mind games. I am angry at people who have no compassion. I am angry this government continues to make bad choices. Make that 3 backpacks for anger issues. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

A SIMPLE ANSWER FOR THE BACK PACK GIVE IT TO JESUS AND LET HIM CARRY IT FOR IF HE CARRYS US WHAT IS A BACK PACK TO HIM? YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE AND THEIR IS NO ONE BETTER! THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN THIS YEAR ALONE ARE QUITE HARD AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, THE DEVIL HE SEEKS TO DESTROY ALL WHO STAND FOR JESUS WITH LOVE AND JOY, DOES NOT MATTER WITH WHAT HE CAN USE FOR SOME OF US IT IS GUILT, FOR OTHERS IT IS YOUR JOB AND STILL FOR OTHERS LIKE ME HE USED A STATE ORGINAZION TO TAKE MY CHILDREN FROM ME! I HAVE BEEN WITH OUT THEM FOR QUITE SOME TIME AND I KNOW THE DEVIL TOOK THEM AS I WAS TO LEARN MORE THAN WHAT I HAVE HAD TO LEARN, YOU DO ALL YOU CAN BUT JESUS COMES FIRST YOU FIGHT THE BATTLES THAT YOU CAN FIGHT BUT FOR THOES ONE YOU CANT LET JESUS HAVE IT. I HAVE DONE ALL THESES PEOPLE WANTED MR TO DO, NOW I THANK JESUS THAT HE WILL CARRY ON THE FIGHT TO RETURN MY CHILDREN TO ME AS THAY HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT LIES AND I HAVE ALWAYS SAID RIGHT HAS MIGHT REGUARDLESS OF WHAT IS SAID JESUS WILL FIGHT OUR BATTLES IT IS TRUE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? JESUS DONT LOOSE!! THE BEST THING I CAN SAY TO YOU ALL IS STAND STRONG WITH JESUS AND GOD AND THE HOLY SPIRIT FOR THIS YEAR IS 2008 AND THE 8 IS FOR JESUS THAT IS WHY THIS YEAR IS SO BAD ON THE CHRISTIANS WHO LOVE AND REJOYCE IN OUR LORD AND SAVIOR SO YOU KEEP THAT SMILE UPON YOUR FACE AND JESUS WILL HOLD US ALL IN HIS GRACE I WILL HAVE MY CHILDREN BACK I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE I AM A SINGLE FATHER AND I HAVE 4 FOSTER CHILDREN AND FROM THE FOUR FOSTER CHILDREN PLUS MY OWN I HAVE MADE A FAMILY EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE DIFFERENT LAST NAMES WE STAND AS A FAMILY AND IN JESUS NAME I HAVE RAISED MY CHILD TO BELIEVE IN THE LORD PRAISE GOD AND BLESS JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT WE MY FAMILY AND I WILL WILL BE RENUITED THIS MONTH IN THE FIRST WEEK SO STAY STRONG NO MATTER WHAT IS SAID JESUS DOES RULE THIS EARTH AND SO IT IS SAID. MAY GOD AND JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT COME TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU STAND STRONG AND AND STAND UP TRUE!!

I think the next step is to take all of the “guilt” rocks and throw them off a cliff. Make sure there is nothing under the cliff that could get damaged or killed, of course. Then you no longer have to carry the guilt or the full backpack around. I think if you keep the backpack full it will always remind you of those guilty thoughts. The backpack should only be the transport for the rocks. Just a suggestion. Hope you like it.

Dear Betty,
I agree with the last posting and can add to that, most people are angry that they have either done things or not done things in their lives they are sorry for, ashamed of, etc. We are mostly all angry at something or someone. Unfortunately letting the past go is not so easy because it affects your present. However, when you have lost the opportunity to change something, then it’s best to let it go. How? I saw a marvelous show on about a book “Change Your Mind, Change Your Life.” What you think about is what our bodies and brains listen to. We should live in the moment, not in the past. That doesn’t mean doing bad things and then forgetting about them, it means, forgive yourself or the other person, ask God for forgiveness and move forward. We all need to program our minds positively by saying, I am healthy, happy and a good person-many times a day. Positive thoughts will bring many positive results. I pray a lot also.

What do you mean,being raised Catholic or Jewish is unfortunate. I have been married to a Catholic and am a practing Catholic and I am very offended by yor comment and no longer wish this e-mail to be sent to my e-mail address again.I was under the impression that this was for christians.Remove me from your list asap

carolee – sorry you feel like this – I feel Teresa is just being honest -I went to catholoc school thru college. My recollection is that all we were taught was fear and guilt – for everything. Nothing ever seemed to be addressed as it is in the real world . On the very last day of my junior year in college – I had on a cullotte skirt that I was told to change – I was looking at an eight hour ride home and just wanted to be comfortable – did I feel guilty – nope – it made no sense to me back then – I am going to be 60 my next birthday – still have this not good memory.
I so believe in Father, Son & Holy Spirit but my Lord has a sense of humor and forgiveness – for everything.

You say being raised Catholic can cause one to feel guilty. I understand why you say that. But, Catholics and all Christians have a way to get over guilt. When you confess your sin and repent (turn away) from it, God forgives your sin. Catholics have a formal method of Confession which Protestants have rejected. I believe one of the purposes of this formal Confession is to assure you that your sins are forgiven because the problem comes in when we refuse to believe that God has forgiven our sin (whether you are Catholic or Protestant). We continue to feel guilty because we either don’t believe that God has forgiven us or we don’t believe that God has the authority to wipe out our sin. Or possibly you feel guilty about something you are not able to stop doing (repent from it permanently) and you feel that God will not forgive it because of that. God said we could have forgiveness through Christ. Maybe the problem is not finding a way to get rid of guilt (because we already have that) but in believing that our guilt is gone after we have confessed and repented from the action that is causing our guilt.
If you feel guilty about steeling rocks, pray for a way to return them or the strength to return them with a confession and an apology to the person you stole them from. Ask the person for forgiveness. Such honesty and compassion can have a great influence and be a great example to others to practice compassion and forgiveness. Repenting in this case would involve returning the rocks because as long as you continue to keep the rocks you have not truly repented because you continue to be a thief. You will probably continue to feel guilt until you are able to return them. It makes sense that your guilt would remain as long as you continue to be guilty.
Of course it is possible that God can forgive your failure to return the rocks, but your best choice is to come clean and ask for forgiveness.
The fact that you feel guilty is proof that God loves you. He wants you to do what is right so that you may have forgiveness and peace. You should be worried only if you were able to do something wrong and not feel guilt. Then you’d never be encouraged to repent and obtain forgiveness and would therefore never be forgiven. That would be bad.
I will pray for you and ask God to provide a solution for you.

I have a daughter who seems to hate me. I have asked for forgiveness many times, even though I am not quit sure why her hate runs so deep?
I have asked her to judge me only on my current actions and let go of the past.I am not perfect but I do believe that I have far more good qualities than bad. I try to forgive and let go. I try to be loving and compassionate.
But my daughter can not seem to forgive. Once you cross her path…that is it!!! NO FOREGIVENESS….
Unfortunately she has gotten custody of my 10 year old grandson (after the death of my younger daughter). I had him since he was three years old.What a heart breaker. She will not allow any contact physically and very little by phone.
My biggest fear is that she will turn him against me….There is evidence that is already starting to happen.So, sad because I wanted him to be raised with kindness & compassiobn but I do not belive that my daughter is going to allow that to happen. her actiosn have already torn most of the family apart and brought some criminal charges against her to be filed…SO SAD!!!!!
We have all lost so much. In addition, my grandson has a half sister that lives with me. She is two years old. My daughter does not allow any contact between the two children.
I do belive that my grandson Hunter could grow up a better Christian if I had custody but all my money has run out and I can no longer afford to fight for him!
Please pray for our family…
Jo Tyler

Women and guilt, spurred on by institutional religion. Yes. Absolutely.
Now, Therese, I also believe we are powerfully affected by one liners delivered to us over time. Words that criticize…damage…We can deflect them, but they are absorbed. I made up this list of one liners. Then, since it was one sided, I added words or deed that I had delivered to make it fairer.
Yike a yaisy Daisy
Looks like Coreopsis to me
Reciting Soap at Richardson D. White
Beautiful Katie!
Man on bus, man on boat to Catalina
Campfire Girls – no bead
Orthopedic shoes for knock knees
I stole a perfume bottle and atomizer; Mother didn’t believe me
First Cousin Sonia died in a hot bath at 39
Aunt Alice goes in to a mental institution
I understand you have brought up
The subject of menstruation
You stupid a____s!
How’s your dawg?
Passione o Niente!
Look, it’s oak!
You are never alone. Love always
F___ b____!
I don’t even want to be here
Urinated on new green suede shoes
I can’t stand the thought of opening
One more Christmas present!
A magnifying mirror to see my sprouting hairs
You’ll never want me
You are a terrible Mother. You are scum.
Now you are able to have a baby
My secrets cry aloud
I will call you if I have time
Iron your own f____ napkin
I bet you didn’t even know I could talk
Don’t leave me
Fear begets gods
Feed me, it’s easier
Are you dense?
You’re not listening!
Every time you say “no” you grow smaller
Don’t call me dear; don’t call me sweet/Smell my feet
You’re breathing really loudly; it’s annoying
Your core is dead—there is no energy there!
Go to the gym now that you’re losing weight
O Mother, Did you hold me so? And whisper in my golden hair?
I wear my truth on the inside
I want to fly, I want to dance!
This is not PG; we are deleting it
Travel to the big passion countries as an observer
The Time Lady won’t speak to me, B___ h!
We don’t accept anything in the first person
Go ahead and edit it for typos
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Are you a parasite?
She can’t hear a word you’re saying…
I lied to protect myself
I betrayed you in word and deed
I sought solace in drink and drugs
I made fun of you
I was jealous of your abilities and wanted to copy you
I gave up trying
I loved you because you were more feminine than I was
I went to sleep for a year in my heart
I chanted loudly to cover up the pain
I pumped you up, while denigrating myself
I read things carelessly, and then shared them to score points
I handed in old poems so I wouldn’t have to write new ones
I let you take care of me
I love my cat; this is true

It sounds good. Nry graphic way of telling your brein and othersthe way you feel and what you doing about it!!
But I dont’ get it, you feel guilty about having a housband…??
Never heard that one before …

I was raised Catholic, by a very Catholic family who has been VERY Catholic since way before coming from the Old Country. I KNOW Catholic guilt!! I was raised on the stuff!! lol I was a slave to it for sooooooo many years. Any one who denies it exists is either new to the faith or refuses to acknowledge the manipulative tactics of the church. To this day, my Catholic family and freinds still TRY to use it on me. Its second nature to them and most of them don’t even realize they do it! Fortunately, I am immune to the tactics and find humor in their attempts at guilt. Its amusing to watch from the outside. Poor things don’t even realize the manipulative web they’re entangled in. Poor Carolee.

WOW! That’s exactly what I needed to hear today!!! I feel better already… Thanks

Thank You for the exercise on easeing the guilt! I like the idea of unloading a back pack. Definately going to give it a try!

Maybe there will be a day when you can take those huge rocks and hurl them into the nearest body of water so they will be gone forever. Or..if you live in the desert like me, hurl them down a ravine..like the Grand Canyon! But I totally understand feeling guilty and anyone who has been a Catholic knows it even more. The thing of it is, Jesus has forgiven us a very long time ago. We don’t have to carry that guilt around with us, like a sack of rocks.

Please I have just started going to Catholic Church, my knowledge is not expert with this religion as yet but I know I find peace in the church. So please explain to me, What is Catholic Guilt! Enlighten me please, I want to know if I am thinking about joining the wrong church.
You can email me at kingstonbirdyellow@yahoo.com
This is for Cami

i´m a 26 year’s old guy that have deal with guilt during his life and of course most of the catholic faith is based on guiltiness, how i know that? because i´m catholic and i come from a really, very, hard, strong catholic family, and how it work that? simple… “christ die for you in the cross to save you from your sins… and you are only killing him again with your horrible sins”, and from that speech everything start, because almost every person grow up thinking and living with that guilty feeling which is totally wrong and make us commit lot´s of mistakes and fool things in life… plus, that just create a state of mind that make us feel guilty about lot of things that not even are sins or not even have to make us feel guilty, so the only thing that i can say is that remember that god loves you and do not want you to make you feel bad or guilt, forgive your mistakes and sins and forgive your self of everything, the sins and mistakes are part of the human nature so try to be better every day and try to don’t commit more sins and mistakes… and try to be happy without all that guilt garbage… be in peace!

I’ve heard that Jews have guilt but Catholics have shame (especially Irish Catholics – known a few over the years). Married to an Irish Catholic, though she doesn’t seem to carry it to extremes of some I’ve seen (after 31 years, I should know).
I’ve never been able to completely understand the origins of religious-based guilt. Christians, who say they believe that the crucifixion of Jesus was the supreme, eternal act of absolution for all human sins for all time, baffle me the most. And many who believe this refer to the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 53, in the Old Testament as justifying the belief that the life and death of Jesus was a fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy.
Jewish beliefs are different. We believe that G-d revealed His existence to humanity by giving Moses the ten commandments on Mt. Horeb (Sinai), and that no human manifestation of the L-rd G-d exists. Judaism is kind of vague on the nature and details of divine judgment (which, we believe, will take place at the end of days, whenever that is) and an after-life.
Although there is more than enough guilt to go around within the minds of many Jews, I find a comfort that, at least according to the Old Testament, G-d created man in His image to continue the “repair of the world,” an imperfect world that always needs redeeming. The Hebrew phrase for this is “Tikkun Olam”; and this idea helps me feel less alone and purposeless in the world when I am feeling bad or disappointed.
I am not a very religious person and a (barely) practicing Jew, but I think that each of has been given the capabilities to find individual purpose. And it is also a comfort to know that no human sin is completely unforgivable in the eyes of G-d. I suppose that might even include Hitler, but I leave that one up to G-d.
Judaism does not include ideas like “mortal” or “venal” sin, and certainly does not taint each new life with the burden of “original” sin.
On the High Holy Days, when Jews pray for forgiveness and restoration in the new year, one of the prayers includes the phrase “Judge us less harshly than we may judge ourselves,” a useful reminder that this is G-d’s world, whatever each of us may conceive Him to be.
When it comes to guilt, each of us should try to remember that we are only human, prone to failure, and in G-d’s hands.
Peace, peace to the far and near.
Sincerely,
Michael

I’m so glad you used the back pack. I’ve used that one before. I can’t help but think of something I’ve found to work so well; Michael J Fox used this one in readers’ Digest, February 2000. “perfection, that’s God’s business. I strive for excellence.” Being Greek Orthodox, I’ve found this quote to sum it all up! I also use the Jesus Prayer now, because I can just hand it over to Him with each breath. Try this: Breathe in and say “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,–then breathe out saying Have Mercy on me a sinner. You can modify this if you breathe faster at times just by breathing in with the word “Lord”, then breathe out with the word “Jesus,” or “Jesus Christ.” It is amazing just how quickly the guilts are just blown away, pun fully intended. Again, remember to strive for excellence, because you can only get better and better! What a relief. Heather

I have felt guilty in my past,guilty of what of just being at times.Because I would feel those feelings when I couldn’t recall of doing anything.We should not feel guilty it is a prison of mind.Christ already paid the ultimate sacrifice and nobody can earn salvation.In Romans chapter 8 it says therefore now no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit!

Dear Jo,
I am so sorry for your heartache with your daughter’s deep anger and unforgiveness towards you and the family. This happens in many families. You are not alone. Children rely so deeply on their parents to keep them protected, feeling loved, and safe from the world. It might be at some point in her life she felt terribly let down, abandoned, or betrayed. It might not even have been by you, but perhaps by another individual and she is angry you did not save her from this harm. I don’t know your whole story nor hers. Keep reaching out to her with love and non-judgement. I sense the whole family is ganging up on her right now and she will only keep fighting back until you all show her true compassion and the Christian behavior you want all your children and yourself to have. Ideally, a Christian counseling session for the whole family would help if that can be arranged. If not, keep praying and sending your daughter confirmation of your love and willingness to stop the battles that seem to be going on. She must also be grieving her sister’s loss in her own way. Unless she is doing real harm to her children and herself, I’d suggest backing off for a while and giving her space and time to think, while waving the white flag of peace and surrender. Surrender your deepest love to her and she may come around one day. Do it in subtle ways for now. Send her loving cards, flowers, pictures, once in a while. I sense right now you are a threat to her and she will never let you in under those circumstances. God bless. I pray her heart softens and that you will all be a whole family again.

I was baptized & raised extremely strict hairbrush, belt, etc., Catholic, however, as an adult, attended Southern Baptist, Lutheran, & American Baptist in addition to non-demoninational & was so relieved to find out that his work was done for me & I am free/saved by salvation/grace & not good works.
I attend Catholic Church with my husband of 2 years, but as a 52 y/o here is my spin/what I tell him & I mean no disrespect to anyone/any church out there:
You are saved, the Catholic Church just does not want you to know it & make the double sign of the cross with your arms like Haley Mills in The Trouble with Angels once in a awhile to keep that perspective.
Dolly Parton’s line in Steel Magnolia’s to Daryl Hannah, “Oh honey, he doesn’t care what church you come to, just as long as you show up.”
Like Michael J. Fox, who I adore personally & profesionally, I tell people all the time, “if I was perfect, I would be sitting to the right of the Father, not down here.”
I do not usually post, blog, etc., but felt compelled personally & as a health care provider.
Do not forget, Jesus was not OCD, a work or clean aholoic, etc., so why are we complled, I am German, Irish, & Scottish, so, there no hope there!

Hi Theresa, that is a really good idea. i am so heavy with guilt my neck and shoulders hurt badly. i was unfortunetly born a jew, and i don’t like the religion or the culture, unfortunetely the ppl have been very creul to me. and i get more comfort from the catholic church or Christian churches. Jewish ppl have caued me great harm indeed, and i am homeless in large part becasue they won’t even give me the time of day , or rent me a place to live, so i have to move to a small town. more suffering occured w/ my homeless situatiion( living in crummy motels) and more ppl have harmed my life w/ their lies and cruelty) it is the style in so ca. esp. l.a. county to be really nasty and cruel and only care about money. it is no longer habitable or life sustaining. and everyone has lost their humanity. i trusted someone and now am left in van nuys ca. the hell hole, and most dangerous city in the country. i call the silent unity for prayer a lot. but most churches are locked because of the fact there is so much theft here. we have a terrible draught and there are hardly any trees. and i am allergic to the sun, and sunscreen! i have to move far away, and i find it hard to let go of my home town which is no more. however as far as cussing out the ppl that caused me great harm. i don’t feel guilty at all. in fact i truly hope and pray what has happened to me happens to them. that’s how over the top cruel and unusual it is. after all this is the United states and these so called ppl, are tyrants. i just wonder why God hates me so, that i would always be in harms way. well, i have, and will always depend on the kindess of strangers. with family and so called friends like i have/had who needs enemas! lol

Yep! Count me in on the guilt trip, being irish, german, catholic upbringing you bet! Let’s add some OCDisms and anxiety, depression, stir briskly…and you’ve got a recipe for disaster!!!

Just a message of hope for “recovering Catholics”…if you are still getting the “oppression and guilt” message at your parish, it’s probably time to find a new parish. Vatican II brought a lot of very positive changes to the big C…Unfortunately, there are still some traditionalists that find it difficult to let go of old ways.
We are saved, we were saved in 33 A.D. and that loving message is much more a part of the Catholic experience than it was 40 years ago. But like any other Christian denomination, you have to seek out a faith community that has a heart for Christ’s love.
I’ve been blessed to share my Catholic Christian journey in interdenominational ministries and it’s a wonderful thing. What I learned most was a) we all have much more in common than not and b) it all comes down to whether or not people “get” the Christian message of love through servanthood that Jesus taught by example. Everything else becomes irrelevant.
I also highly recommend the Catholic Cursillo experience or any of a number of very similar versions of this 3 day experience that is shared by many other Christian denominations under names such as Walk to Emmaus and Tres Dios. I was privileged to participate in the Kairos ministry that brought this experience to prisoners. It brought me a great deal of healing and allowed me to witness the awesome power of love in the healing of others as well. Talk about humbling and powerful!
Blessings to all!

Oh, sorry…
Didn’t realize that this was a Christians-only club.
Michael

The problem with main stream religion is that being religous means you have to follow all these so called traditions. The thing is Jesus isn’t about being Catholic Mormon Protestant….that is the thing these extreme religions make it more about their rituals more so then the peace of having Jesus Christ in their lives and living in PEACE, dedication to the Lord and following what is right or wrong. OCD that is another story that is a hard one to just mention on the TIP! OCD is so board and I do believe it can be fed off of our childhood memories fears etc. However OCD I do believe is in everyone a little or superstition….prefect example is old wives tales etc and as time goes on sometimes people can become obessive with thoughts….or have runaway thoughts which can be freighting even terrifying. I like to call this FEAR RUNAWAY! This is the hardest of O.C.D and the most difficult part of letting go and understanding it is very hard. However, some people have it get out of control and it can become crippling mentally, if you have let O.C.D become a problem there is a great book to read (BRAIN LOCK!) It is amazing! There is so much about retrain the brain and learning how to out smart your o.c.d and understanding what O.C.D is. There is hope and I believe in GOD and JESUS putting your Faith out there can get you through the hard times. Always keep in mind, always beleive in yourself as well, with having Faith and having strength with-in you can survive. Remeber God doesn’t fix you or any Faith doesn’t control you, we are all free agents and God only helps those, who help themselves. That is just a little spin on my thoughts of the day. Guilt is just one of those BIG NAGS that usually is contributed by O.C.D or influence. No disrepect to any relgion or any denomination….I just believe that religion is about God and Jesus not a relgion or ritual or church….just my thoughts

I have the book brainlock I have not read the whole thing, now I think I will. I cope with OCD every day and it is no fun to go through, it is painful at times. I see where guilt comes into play with having OCD.

I have noticed when I stop focusing on myself, what I feel, and focus on God through prayer, reading His Word, singing praises to Him, or even watching a broadcast of GodTV, I feel better. God gives me peace inside, it doesn’t always last a long time (because I take my focus of Him), but it gets me through those days when I don’t know if I will make it. I turn my focus back to Him, and I am better. I believe that God is the answer. He has healed me and always been there for me. And the best part about it is that He accepts me for who I am, as imperfect as I am. I still have bad days occasionally, but now, I have a LOT of good ones. No one ever said that cures happen in a day, sometimes they do, but sometimes it’s a process; and it’s a process that I am in and that I am nearly finished with. To God be the Glory and Praise for healing me.

Forgive my ignorance, but what is OCD referring to?

All my guilt seems to be related to the woman being stoned for adultery. Our Good Lord said, “Go, and sin no more.” But – I would continue the “bad” behavior. Thank God, our Savior has patience with me; when will I learn? I’ve gotten a backpack (thanks for the GREAT idea, Therese!), and put all my “eggs in one basket,” so to speak. I still continue to sin, but I’m more aware of what God wants me to do, instead of my impulses. I will TRY to “sin no more,” but being only human, relying on God’s great mercy, some day I WILL be free of sin.

“OCD” is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” which is doing tasks over and over again, being a perfectionist in the worst way, and feeling guilty when your can’t be “perfect” in your own eyes.

Thank you for all that you share. You are such an inspiration to me and have helped me move through several painful experiences. You are wonderful!

This is a wonderful idea and Thank you for it, those all seem to apply to me as well. I think I may try that. Not to long ago I went to church and after almost 7 years I confessed to my priest the sins that I have commited (I am Catholic), he told me that I was and am to hard on myself that I need to stop with all that guilt that I have and that I have made most of those sins better, but that guilt still lingers. I find myself constantly putting guilt on myself even when it is not my guilt. I as well have brought this up in therapy and my therapist has also told me that I need to forgive myself and let go of that guilt. I pray everyday to God and talk to him about it and that helps more than anything. I quite often over it up to Jesus and ask hinm to take away my pain, help with my mental illness of Bipolar and depression and it works due to my strong faith. Guilt seems to always be with me so maybe I will try that back pack or something simular. Thank You for the wonderful gift you give us on your blogs, for me it helps very much. My husband asked me yesterday if I could step in his shoes and be on the other side of the ones that love us and what they go through with my mental illness. I question myself, I don’t think I could do that, I think I know what they go through and feel guilt for that and sometimes wish I could truely understand what they must go through. My husband said to me that “I am always telling my family they don’t understand”, his response was I think I know more about your illness than you do! Boy I never thought about that what an eye opener about how much he truely loves me. I sent him your last week Video “I have a dream Too! he said he watched but did not comment on it to me. Well again I would like to say thank you and ask that you continue to blog but don’t yourself and open up that back pack and take that rock out because guilt should not mean perfection!
Leeann Danzig
God Bless

Seems to me that you are hung up with the word “perfect.” No one is perfect, right? So why are you trying to be? Change the word perfect to “excellence.”
Check this out: Excellence vs. Perfection
EXCELLENCE PERFECTION
willing to be wrong right
flexible controlling
accepting resisting/critical
relaxed stressed/judgemental
no failure fear of failure
high risk low risk
proactive reactive
win lose
If you keep trying to be “perfect” at any one thing, you are always going to lose. The only purpose of guilt is to control, even if it’s self-control.

This is very similar to an episode of “men in trees”, couple of years ago. Your therapist must watch TV. It was presented as a kind of spiritual quest. The backpack was filled with the rocks, written on them for things that could not be let go. The pack was then carried up a strenuous uphill hike, to what I remember was a goal of reaching a peak to toss the rocks over. The rocks were too heavy to get all the way up to the peak, so some had to be left along the way. Letting go of the issues.
I would suggest that the physical element adds depth to the exercise, as you really get to feel the heaviness of the burden you are carrying.

Therese, im a mother of 5, my oldest is 33 and my youngest is almost 18 years old. I have to believe that it was the Lord who led me to your site. Im going through a severe depression, i have had this condition for almost 11 years. This video has helped me so much because im being attack with thoughts of things i didnt do or say to my kids when i was raising them and even now. I believe in angels and, Therese, you are an angel in my life. Everything you share comes right from your heart and it touches people’s life. God bless and keep you strong..so that you can keep on doing what you are doing so well.

Thank you so much not just for this video but for being open and honest with all of us. I think that it’s awesome that you use your blog to share with others good and bad days as well as ways to help yourself. I myself was diagnosed at 14 with bi-polar, ocd, anxiety, and bpd. About a year and half ago they changed my dx to PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder ( MDD) and Borderline traits. As far as I’m concerned they mite as well say BP for the MDD but /shrugs what do I know? Anyways, what I wanted to say is thank you for sharing all that you do share. Just to share this litle bit of myself with you and the reader is difficult for me.. guilt and shame would be my two back packs!
Again thank you for sharing. I think i just might try that back pack as well as one reader’s suggestion to actually take it on that hike.. when the weather is nicer of course.
Love light and peace be with you, your family and all the readers.

Thank you for your openess (sp?) and sincerity. I watched in fascination, hearing many of my own ‘rocks’ in your backpack. Many people have what they call ideals and aren’t aware of how they can hurt us on so many levels.
I know I can unload my ‘rocks’ with my daily visualization. This technique allows me to create and hold in my mind what I need/want for the (time) month/day/moment. Hearing you and making a mental picture of my rocks/boulders I know I will feel more of me and less of what I imagine I should be. That is a wonderful feeling. Thank you again.

I feel like the guilt I carry around is like a blanket wrapped around me, absorbing me. I have OCD w/rumination, as well, and have the typical jewish mother.
Your backpack & rocks idea is good, but I don’t see what good it will do.
The trick, if you can remember, is to not give those thoughts any time. The words are meaningless distortions of someone elses’ expectations and misconceived perceptions of you in a certain situation or position. It’s a whole lot easier said than done, though..

there is a wierd man abusing me. i have no where to go and i am getting really really sick. i probably am going to check myself into a hosp/ nobody wants me and i suffer severe fear anxiety and panic . like i/m going to die.

I feel guilty about the whiners and complainers that wallow in making jokes out of gossip and repeating it to others to hurt them and humiliate them. I pray for those who must hurt others to satisfy their own needs. I was raised to respect others and regard them in a safe manner without ever wanting to hurt them or embarass them or humiliate them. I want to be their friend, I don’t want to do anything to hurt them. Many times it is hard for me to accept the lack of personal regard some people have for others. Then when we see this, is it any wonder why there is so much depression, animosity and jealousy in this world?

Excellent, excellent, excellent way to put something like that in visual terms – and it almost adds some humor to the guilt problem. I just stumbled upon your blog, and I’m really enjoying it… it’s nice to know that not only is there another Catholic woman out there with OCD tendencies, anxieties, frustrations and a huge backpack full of guilt, but that she’s willing to share some great guidance with people like me.

This is a great blog.. Good job! Coming from a Christian family I can tell you that I feel your pain and guilt feelings constantly. It’s not easy. I did notice that you had quite a few rocks with the word “Perfect” on them. You know obviously that perfectionism goes with the anxiety/depression OCD etc.. We tend to want to portray ourselves (at least externally) as perfect.
I think as I grow older (42 now) I am realizing that “Perfectionism is not a way of life, instead it keeps you away from life” (quote me on that one, I just made it up, not too bad though! lol )
So, seeing all of your perfect rocks come out of the bag made me really stop and think about the quarry that I must have in my back yard. You see, some of the times, I can pull the rocks out of the back back but somehow new rocks get dug up (just when I think I have them all out of the backpack!)
What I have done, to counter this is to realize that it’s not all about ME. Part of my condition evolved from think the world revolved around me. So, I think I have got into the bad habit of taking new rocks or worse, digging up silly rocks and putting them into my backpack.
Some of these rocks have no right to be there. They are just simply there because I am used to carrying rocks in my backpack. When I don’t feel rocks in my backpack, I dig something up and or even magically make new rocks to put in the place of the empty rocks I have taken out.
So, maybe in your next installment you can discuss how to break up the rocks that keep finding there way back into my back pack.
All the best and wonderful job!

Thanks, this is a great visual representation of what we are doing to ourselves by carrying guilt. I think my guilt sneaks up on me sometimes, but I’m getting better at recognizing it. I don’t think it’s resonable to expect the backpack to ever be empty… you’re right about that! It’s empowering to realize that we are really the ones who control what goes into our backpacks, although it sometimes feels like we are powerless. Even if the rocks end up in our backpacks without our conscious knowing, we have the power to take the rocks back out, again and again.

I think “catholic guilt” gets a bad rap. It’s a distortion of our faith! Yes, we clearly call things wrong (and natural law backs up all our moral beliefs 100%), but we have confession, and clear teachings of Gods forgiveness. I wish people wouldn’t throw this term around… we live in a time when we as a society and as catholics are rejecting a lot of moral laws and that’s going to cause problems! That’s the problem! Not “catholic guilt”.

Hi Therese! Thanks for another sweet video. Guilt is an amazing phenomenon, isn’t it? Certainly, it’s an acquired trait; however, I’ve learned it has a great deal to do with temperament, as well. And that means the propensity for feeling over-the-top guilt is on board when we come into this world. No matter, it’s still manageable; and your post/video underscores this fact.

OK, the guilt you feel about the stolen rocks…let’s deal with it and erase one guilt ).
You CAN take them back, place them back from where you took them, dust off your hands, stand up like a queen and walk away. No mere mortal can ever hope to understand your supreme plans, my dear. You are above it!
Two: take them to a creek or river and plop ‘em in. When they haunt you just tell them that over time they will be worn down by erosion into sand on some lovely beach. In a million years, you can go visit them on said beach.
Love ya, girl. You rock (really no pun intended!)

On the one hand, I can look back and see many times when foreboding guilt kept me from doing something reckless. At those times I knew then that guilt felt bad and I wanted to avoid feeling bad, so, the reckless actions were avoided. In some cultures — Japanese culture serves as one example — inflicting shame and guilt on school age children over a breach of conduct, is a commonly accepted practice.
On the other hand, as a ruminating bipolar, I also know how damaging the act of carrying guilt can be on me. It’s a very fine line I think. I ponder that I’ve done something to elicit guilty feelings in me, therefore, I think the guilt is justified. Or, am I just giving tremendous magnitude to something that doesn’t warrant such attention? I don’t know…

Hi Therese,
I so appreciate your honesty about how you deal with depression and anxiety.
I too suffer from acute guilt. But I know that it is from the enemy of my soul who wants to destroy me. But I just remember that even though my guilt is mine, whether true or not, Jesus took all my guilt on the cross and paid for it with his blood. That is the reason He came, not for the righteous, but for sinners who aren’t the perfect mom, wife, friend, dog owner. I am clean in Him and his blood paid for my guilty acts. This has so helped me when I start to go “there” and obsess on all the things I have done wrong. yes, I did them wrong, but he forgives me and God knows that I am not perfect because only He is. I can trust Him.
Thanks for your blog. It has so helped to know that others struggle with this junk too.

To Tracy: Ditto!! To Therese: you DO rock. you are so brave and open about your struggles and i’ve found immense comfort and encouragement from your blogs over the past few months. as a depressive/anxiety/hypothyroid “mess” for the past few years, i’ve really pulled away from friends who just don’t “get it” b/c i simply need to surround myself w/ pple who do get it, or at least care to try and understand. (trying not to feel guilty about that!!) reading your blog and others’ comments reminds me that there are tons of pple out there who do “get it” and that is reassuring and lets me know I’m not going CRAZY!!…this is real, i have to deal with it whether i like it or not, and your short tidbits and ideas really do help. thank you so much and god bless you and everyone else out there suffering from these issues!

All of your rocks are about the things you love and cherish the most… What would you say to your husband if he came to you and said sorry for some small thing…you would say “let it go” or your child broke a plate youd say “forget about it, I’m not upset”. Your dog probably greets you at the door the minute you enter. You seem like a great MOM and I’m sue your family adores you. Thats the most you can get from this life.
I lost my sister after a brief devistating illness. As imperfect as we are we knew we had a deep abiding love. I’m grateful for everyday of the 41 years I had with her….She would tell you “Don’t let anything (or anyone) steal your PEACE.
God Bless U