It is so important for our own peace of mind and calmness of heart and spirit to learn how to forgive. As with anything in life…it’s a journey. I spent 6 months last year searching, researching, reading, absorbing anything I could on forgiveness. I had to be able to forgive…to reconcile myself with the priest in our church, the Catholic church in general, my family and most importantly myself. I had lots of built up hurts from the past (my upbringing in the Catholic church which most of my family has left) as well as the culmination of 3 years of loss and injustice before I left my position as an employee of my church. Remembering the shared humanity, the fact that everyone is/was doing their best at the time, knowing that hurting people tend to hurt others, helped me to work through the process of forgiveness. It took lots of tears and anguish, therapy and conversation to do it,but God is good and faithful and He is the model of forgiveness.

I agree forgiveness is a path to personal freedom, but I personally know its much easier said than done to forgive someone who has extended their claws into your Soul and failed to retract them when they leave.

“Freedom of Choice”: God’s words, not mine – and forgiveness (and anger) are some of those things we can choose from – but not so quick, and not so voluntarily, since forgiveness can’t be given until it is felt.
Being a childhood abuse survivor, I suppose I should feel more hatred and anger towards … things. And I do, sometimes. But years ago we discovered: “You can’t be happy if you’re mad.” Lots of truth in those words, and anger (as we and our scarred knuckles can attest) – eats one’s soul; yielding a hard and bitter fruit at the end. We don’t want to be like that (used to work at a VA: seen it).
Been working on this thing for 30 years: achieve happiness. That’s the end goal, the main goal, and the only goal of most of mankind. (Yeah, they show it in some mucked up ways). And part of that ‘obtaining happiness’ included reducing anger – and part of our healing has always been grounded in the knowledge that ‘in helping others, we help our own selves’.
Thus we’ve began (and have always worked on) ‘reducing the anger of child abuse victims towards their abusers’. We’ve managed a bit (90% there); but often see other victims consumed by their anger, tears, bitterness and frustration for years at a time (which often leads to depression, suicidal thoughts, and other negative things). Been there, done that, too.
So anger? Good for the short term: makes you realize something bad went on. Long term? Not so good. Being able to ‘see’ the abusers in their real light: often victims like me, victims of their own selves, pasts, and limitations (including mental ones like ‘realizations’) – helps a bit. And, of course, a good ol’ bit of ‘christian’ understanding helps (we aren’t exactly christian, o’tay – but recognize the values there).
Nuff said: agree: anger is a tool, but should NOT become a lifestyle.

The topic of my next book is forgiveness. It has been an incredible journey to write about it because it has demanded of me an examination of my own heart and mind in the process. I have come to the conclusion (for now) that forgiveness is equal parts grit and grace… we must do the work and receive God’s grace in order to forgive.