Good for you Therese! I admire you so much – and you are such an inspiration to me. Reading your posts from time to time is the only thing that helps me deal with the day to day ‘process’ of living with depression – and they make me feel like I am not alone. Thanks for your integrity and being there for us . . .

Ah yes integrity! I have just recently hit the tree while trying to maintain what is not real. Your posts came to me when I needed it most. Thanks for your inspiration and continuing support. I believe we all need a good “dose” every now and then! I have found my authentic self…..finally!

Authenticity and integrity are two things that are surely essential in living. I admire you being honest in yourself and seeing things like that. God is really good because He showers us His grace especially at times that we need it most. I’m sure this post of yours will inspire more people. I know they’ll also realize those little things in life that they have overlooked before and appreciate it because of you. Thank you very much!

Thanks for this inspiring post Therese. Being genuine is a subject I think about a lot. About seven years ago I was in group therapy for a time, which I found very helpful. One of the big lessons I learned in that group was that being genuine in life is at the same time the most important and most difficult thing to do.

I realized that it’s important because if we are not true to ourselves, then everyone, including our self, misses out on the beauty of who we are. And I saw that it’s difficult because we are all interconnected, and being oneself is tied into being of service to others, so it’s not always black and white.

But then again, if it were simple there would be no challenge and no growth, there would be no forward journey of becoming ever more authentic. I find that a lot of the joy I experience in life comes from this very process of continually learning to be more who I am.

Beautifully done, expressed and written, Therese!

Before I give people the rope to hang me with, I’d like to mention that I’ve posted on this site before & shared some excruciating personal things because the topic & conversation urged readers to do so. Several times people have said that sharing those details helped them, so I’m glad I did.

While my career is in mental health I suffer from refractory depression. My husband died 2 yrs ago at the age of 38. His manic episodes were so severe they sometimes ended in his beautiful features distorted by terror & paranoia as he was being strapped down to a gurney with large leather buckles. So I don’t just read about this stuff in clinical journals. I am not trying to boast about my personal experience & hope no one sees these confessions in that light. I just want people to know that I can empathize with your difficulties as well as those of many of your followers from a “real life” perspective.

I like what Kramer says here because I have found in my own life & the lives of clients that dishonesty in any form, but particularly self-deception, is psychologically lethal – all the more so because self-deception is very tricky and hard to root out for obvious reasons (this is a whole area of study that, while highly controversial, is sadly overlooked & perhaps you might like to write about it some day…just saying.)My own psychologist who I trust implicitly, started our first session, many years ago when I was still a student, with stipulations about being serious & committed to the process we would undertake together, followed by his first piece of advice: “Stop lying”. I was offended. I wasn’t a liar! Of course I came to realize I often was. I still see him once a week (though I also take several medications) and cannot believe how much I’ve changed & how many layers have been peeled back over the years. Yet I know there is still work to be done.

Here’s the part everyone will crucify me for:

No offense to the legions of people who consider you a saint, or at the very least “The Flesh Made Word”, but I stopped subscribing to BB because you’re about as subtle as someone smashing one’s face in with a really big brick. Over and over and over. I know people will hate me for saying it but I’ve composed so many posts (much more eloquent & erudite than this one) that I never post because I know the response will be an army of people wanting to literally smash my face in with a really big brick.

Please don’t tell me this post is also not subtle, because I’m well aware of it. It’s hard to be subtle in a short space, anonymously, in a contextually awkward position, when you know you’re going to make people angry. I just couldn’t keep reading your stuff which I often found vague or tinged with a slightly narcissistic streak masked as humility, (This is a dynamic I know VERY well because my sister is an expert at it, verging on sociopathic)& feel enlightened in any way.

To the people who DO derive strength & real sustenance from BB I imagine the vast majority of you to be intelligent, compassionate, and searching for answers both spiritually & emotionally (a distinction I find false – I don’t think you have one without the other, even in the most dedicated rationalist). So keep reading & share your lives with each other. If good comes of it, it is good. “He who is not against us if for us”.

I DO NOT THINK THERESE IS AGAINST ANYONE.
I think she’s smart & compassionate. I think she knows what it is to wrestle with demons & angels. I wish her the best on her journey, as I wish to all of you.

Having said that I really could no longer endure an obvious cult of personality forming around you by the people who uphold you as a martyr/saint/prophet/goddess. One which, whether you realize it or not, you encourage & maintain with frequent claims of inadequacy & verbal gestures of humility. This is a frequently seen defense known as “self-handicapping” that CAN be used to bolster self-deception & manipulate others.

Again, what I see is just one woman’s opinion. Obviously others see something else. If everyone had the same opinions about things this planet would be a very boring place indeed.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone – which I know I have. It REALLY isn’t my intention. REALLY! SERIOUSLY!!
I’m just very tired of NEVER seeing ANYONE post anything even remotely critical or questioning regarding Therese’s writing.

Come on people – she’s human & there HAVE to be some others who aren’t completely enthralled. I would very much prefer to see some real “discussion” about issues that you bring up – which are almost always VERY VALID ISSUES – than just supplicating gratitude & worship at the altar.

I suppose I should now don a suit of armor in preparation for the stoning I will receive.

This is a response to “Glitter_and _doom”:

Dear glitter_and_doom:

Although you are rather roundabout in getting to your point, it seems that you are more or less bent on criticizing Therese. To pick out some of your more direct statements about why you stopped reading her blog, I’ve listed here three of them.

(1)”I just couldn’t keep reading your stuff which I often found vague or tinged with a slightly narcissistic streak masked as humility.”

(2)”Having said that I really could no longer endure an obvious cult of personality forming around you by the people who uphold you as a martyr/saint/prophet/goddess. One which, whether you realize it or not, you encourage & maintain with frequent claims of inadequacy & verbal gestures of humility. This is a frequently seen defense known as “self-handicapping” that CAN be used to bolster self-deception & manipulate others.”

(3)”I’m just very tired of NEVER seeing ANYONE post anything even remotely critical or questioning regarding Therese’s writing.”

So Therese, you say, has a slightly narcissistic streak masked as humility (a condition you are an expert at detecting because your sister “is an expert at it”); has a cult of personality forming around her by people who uphold her as a martyr/saint/etc, a cult which, in her efforts to remain humble, is actually being maintained by her expressions of inadequacy; and has never had anyone write anything critical or questioning about what she has written.

All of this may, in some degree, be true, but at no place in your rant do you indicate that, other than annoying you (or making you “just very tired”), it is doing anyone any real harm. The people who write in are quite happy to praise Therese and want to do it because in some way she helps and comforts them, just as you, for some reason, feel you have to write in and criticize her. Is it your job? Is it your duty to warn people about what you think Therese is actually doing? Do you take pleasure in having people attack what you have written? You certainly seem to expect to be attacked, as you write, “Before I give people the rope to hang me with….” and “Here’s the part everyone will crucify me for:” and “I know people will hate me for saying it….I know the response will be an army of people wanting to literally smash my face in with a really big brick.” So why do you do it?

Are you wanting to be a saint, too? A martyr? Are you jealous of Therese’s sainthood? martyrdom? Are you annoyed at her success at being a goddess?

I’m a physician, and although I am not in the mental health field per se, I like to read Therese’s blogs and the comments of people who read them because what Therese writes seems to help a lot of them. Perhaps I can learn something from her and/or her readers that someday may help me to help someone else. Ironically, I was going to write a note under this topic directed at Therese that was somewhat negative to point out what seemed to me was an incongruous way of her thinking about the authenticity and integrity she was so impressed by. Maybe this would have been the first negative comment you’d have ever seen directed toward her, but it would not have been meant to be negative for negativity’s sake. It was to simply affirm that, as you say, “Come on people — she human…”

Gorobei

You don’t know how important it is to be yourself until it starts to get to you emotionally. That “alarm” is our greatest defense against that big monster machine of society that creeps in and tries to dictate what we should be doing, wearing, being, etc.

Dear Gorobei,

I would very much like to respond to your insightful response. But I’ve been very busy & am right now extremely tired, and one thing I’ve learned in my obsessive quest for “authenticity”, however one contextualizes it, is that speaking (or writing) about something as important as such matters (or most matters) when one is tired and unable to offer one’s full concentration often results in both emotional and intellectual miscommunication, and almost always in saying things in haste that are unproductive and very unfair to both the discussion and the person/people it involves.

I hope to be able to do so soon.

In the meantime, I think it would benefit everyone who cares about the issues – including obviously Therese who brought them up – to hear a fuller explanation regarding the incongruity you perceived between the subject matter of the original piece and the logic behind the approach to it.

I, for one, am very interested to know your thoughts on this. At no point in anyone’s career – or indeed, life – should one ever presume to know enough about any subject that they don’t welcome someone else’s contributory thoughts on or analysis of it. Authenticity & integrity are among the greatest of virtues – and I really do mean virtues, although the term is unfashionable in academic circles – and I have devoted many years of study & research to pursuing a better understanding & implementation of them. I would wish to see more spirited discussion of some of the topics covered in BB such as is more often found around far more trivial opinions & writers online.

On a personal note, it is with great sadness I mourn the loss of a friend & intelligent contributor to the “blogosphere” for the past 10 years, Derek Miller of British Columbia, Canada. Derek lost his 4 year battle with cancer in his 41st year but left an astonishingly moving and inspiring final message (“The Last Post”) that has been published posthumously.

I mention it only because, while the loss of my friend pains me greatly, the beauty, wonder, and joy he was able to articulate about life in this document, which ranges from the most mundane details to the most profound sentiments, are insights many people who endure struggles of all types (at least 3 million) have found inspiring & a meaningful contribution to their own attempts at vanquishing pain & distress. I am humbled to count myself among them.

Dear glitter_and_doom,

Thank you for your response — I was surprised to receive one, and I would have fully expected it to be a philippic. Like you, I am sometimes (often, in my case) plagued by fatigue and cannot write extensively right now, but I just wanted you to know that I will write later. You write, “In the meantime, I think it would benefit everyone who cares about the issues – including obviously Therese who brought them up – to hear a fuller explanation regarding the incongruity you perceived between the subject matter of the original piece and the logic behind the approach to it.” I don’t know how beneficial it will be to anyone, but since you seem interested, I will write later what it was I was intending to write then. I, too, hope to be able to do so soon.

BTW, how does anyone know when anyone has written a response other than to go back to the specific article’s site and check?

Best regards,
Goro

Hi. I’m not sure how you can know that people wrote responses other than checking in again. On some blogs you can checkmark to notify. I will check into that. Thank you for your interesting comments.

Dear Beyond Blue,

Hi to you, too! Just a quick point of clarification for me — thanks for addressing my question. On some other systems, like Facebook, when I write something and someone replies to what I wrote, I get an email message notifying me that someone left a comment to what I had written. In some cases, the email actually contains what the person said in their reply; in others, I am simply notified that someone replied to me and I have to go to the website where I left the comment and see what the person wrote.

But I’m getting off track — my point of clarification here is that I just got a note from “Beyond Blue” addressing my question about the last paragraph I just wrote. What I wanted to ask is, does a note from “Beyond Blue” mean that Therese was the one who actually read my comment and is responding to it? Or is there a team of persons at “Beyond Blue” that fields practical, nonphilosophical, non-Therese-related questions? Or when I get a note from “Beyond Blue” is that note actually coming from Therese? I’ve been reading these blogs for several years now, and I rarely write, and I’ve never received a note from “Beyond Blue”, so I’m not sure what it means.

Thanks! I just would like to know whom I am addressing when I write, and from whom I’m hearing.
Peace and grace,
Gorobei

Hi Gorobei,
I’m not sure why I’m logged in as “Beyond Blue.” Yes, it’s me, Therese, that responded. I am not sure of any way to track comments. Thanks for your participation. Therese

Dear Beyond Blue (Therese) and “glitter_and_doom”,

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get back to writing here, but as I mentioned, I have health problems that create a lot of fatigue, and it is difficult to find the time to sit down and write cogently, especially since I’m trying to accommodate a fulltime job and several other responsibilities. I did feel a commitment to let you know what I was thinking about Therese’s ideas about “Authenticity and Integrity” when I read her story about her encounter with the renowned psychiatrist, since I did say that I would write more later. So, here it is:

First, to review the relevant parts of the story, Therese asks the “prominent and bestselling author Peter Kramer to endorse” her manuscript for her book, Beyond Blue. She found his response quite memorable, apparently, which was that he no longer blurbs books because, “to blurb a book would require him to read the entire thing, from cover to cover. He would not put his name on anything unless he did. And because he did this for so long, and read so many manuscripts that he didn’t like, endorsing became a painful and time-consuming exercise for him.

Therese wrote, “I came away astonished at his integrity.” Now this is essentially the statement that threw me, coming from someone I have grown to like and greatly respect, but from someone who is nonetheless, as I, and Ms. Glitter_and_doom, have suggested before, human. Additionally, I think it’s great that Therese would allow herself to show her human self in her writing. Without it, her writing would not be nearly as worthwhile.

But really, Therese, what were you thinking? That a professional person is going to essentially write a blurb recommendation for a book without reading it first, and in its entirety at that? Were you really astonished that someone wouldn’t recommend your book without reading it? Were you thinking that he creates blurbs for aspiring authors like yourself without regard to the book’s content simply because he likes you and he’s doing you a favor?

Then you go on to say that “I respect the man even more (although I would have loved his blurb) because he is SO authentic. He won’t say or write something unless he adamantly believes it.” If this is any measure of authenticity, it is certainly the lowest rung of the ladder. I would have expected absolutely nothing less from a colleague, but even the same from any averagely decent human.

Now the part that really scares me is when you write, “Yeah, well I have a ways to go before I am up there with Peter Kramer. I won’t even get into my blurbing policy because it would make me look very smutty next to Kramer.” I take this to mean that you, whom I really have grown to respect, would have, at least in the past, actually written a blurb-like recommendation for a book without even reading the book! Please say it isn’t true!

OK, now one of glitter_and_doom’s main points in her original response to Therese’s writing on this day was captured in her statement, “I’m just very tired of NEVER seeing ANYONE post anything even remotely critical or questioning regarding Therese’s writing.” Well, I think my interpretation of what she wrote was not just critical and questioning but quite negative, but I wrote it because I care enough about her and her endeavor to want not only her writing to be better but also for her to be a better person herself, which I am sure is what she wants as well. With this in mind, I’d like to repeat what I wrote to glitter_and_doom previously:

(quote) “I’m a physician, and although I am not in the mental health field per se, I like to read Therese’s blogs and the comments of people who read them because what Therese writes seems to help a lot of them. Perhaps I can learn something from her and/or her readers that someday may help me help someone else. Ironically, I was going to write a note under this topic directed at Therese that was somewhat negative to point out what seemed to me was an incongruous way of her thinking about the authenticity and integrity she was so impressed by. Maybe this would have been the first negative comment you’d have ever seen directed toward her, but it would not have been meant to be negative for negativity’s sake. It was to simply affirm that, as you say, “Come on people -– she’s human….” (end quote)

Thank you for letting me post this.

Take care, and may God bless you both.

Gorobei