Beyond Blue: January 2009 Archives

It's amazing how the right topics come to me ... as if delivered by the Holy Spirit (or a really networked friend, i.e. Priscilla Warner) because I have been wanting to discuss the subject of fertility and depression for some time. I know from reading the comments of many Beyond Blue readers that depression is so often a result of infertility ... because of our culture's expectations, because of people's ignorance.

Writer Christina Gombar is willing to share her story with us, and in so doing will no doubt speak to the silent sufferers among us. She is also an accomplished writer whose commentary on women's issues appeared in The London Review of Books, The New York Times, Working Woman, Scholastic, and the Providence Journal. She is the author of "Great Women Writers," and has been the recipient of a New York Foundation for the Arts Fellow.

Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed, Christina!

1. In your piece for "Exhale," a literary magazine for "intelligent people who have lost a baby, or can't figure out how to make one in the first place," you lay out some creation myths:

* People can go from desperately wanting a child, to "choosing" to be 
child free. * Anyone can adopt. * Women wind up childless because they put off marriage to establish 
careers; or were looking for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Good Enough. * Anyone who wants a baby can get one, because this is America, 
where there is a solution to every problem. * Pets, gardening, or spending time with other people's children fills 
in for not having biological children of one's own. * People without children are not real adults, and don't know what 
real love is. * Infertility is a women's issue.

I'm so glad you listed all of those, because I admit to having believed some of them. It certainly made me think. Of the seven, which do you think is most harmful to women who can't have children?

Beyond Blue Group Co-Chair Mel started an important discussion thread called "Oh Baby!" at Group Beyond Blue on Beliefnet Community. Click here to get to the thread.

I just received the kindest note from Beyond Blue reader Caroline who said that when she can't sleep at night, sometimes she watches my videos ... that I have a fierceness in my expression that gives her courage to fight. Wow. That made my day. I recognize the same fierceness in Susan Schechter who just penned an incredible piece on her blog, "If You're Going Through Hell Keep Going." You can get to the piece by clicking here. I've excerpted the beginning ....

She sits in front of me in a big overstuffed black leather chair, black patent pumps swaying softly while she crosses and uncrosses her legs as a nervous tick. 

She is made up and looks like she just stepped out of Vogue for working women. I, on the other hand, look like an unmade bed. It's been a week since my hair was washed, and that long since I showered. I did brush my teeth and floss before I got there, and brushed my long blonde hair, tying it up in a scrunchie. My jeans are clean, but the shirt I threw on, a black turtle from LL Bean, has a white mark from deodorant, and should have gone straight in the laundry pile. No make up , not even a trace of lip gloss. My shoes are brand new and hurt, brownish tan clogs from my parents for Christmas to replace the blue ones the cat destroyed a few months earlier.

We are discussing my current med cocktail. The fact that it appears that my thyroid has shut down or is shutting down because I am constantly tired and sleeping close to 16 hours a day. I cannot eat but am drinking copious amounts of water. I crave sugar. The Dunkin Donuts across the street is singing a Siren Song to me.

Continue reading the piece by clicking here.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

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Okay all you "loyal" readers and friends, which one of you ratted me out to the pope? Apparently he doesn't approve of my "friend-collecting" habits on Facebook. I wonder if the Vatican set up a webcam on my desk. Of course, it's cluttered with so many books and magazines, I'd never find it anyway. Would he judge me if he knew I got "friended" by "Jesus Nazareth" the other day? Seriously, Jesus wrote on my wall that he reads Beyond Blue and likes it! Here's what the dear old man in charge of the Church says about Facebook, published in a letter called "New Technologies, New Relationships. Promoting a Culture of Respect, Dialogue and Friendship":

The concept of friendship has enjoyed a renewed prominence in the vocabulary of the new digital social networks that have emerged in the last few years. The concept is one of the noblest achievements of human culture. ... We should be careful, therefore, never to trivialise the concept or the experience of friendship. It would be sad if our desire to sustain and develop on-line friendships were to be at the cost of our availability to engage with our families, our neighbours and those we meet in the daily reality of our places of work, education and recreation. If the desire for virtual connectedness becomes obsessive, it may in fact function to isolate individuals from real social interaction while also disrupting the patterns of rest, silence and reflection that are necessary for healthy human development.

Oh, speaking of new technologies, check out the Vatican YouTube Channel!

To read more Beyond Blue, go to http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

To subscribe to "Beyond Blue" click here.

Okay, let's say there really IS something out there called Internet addiction. What does one do about it? Recently an old pal, upon seeing that I went from 50 Facebook friends to 500 in only two months (yah!) sent me a book, "Breaking Free of the Web: Catholics and Internet Addiction" by Kimberly Young, Phy.D. and Patrice Klausing, O.S.F. I thought their advice was pretty good, for the most part, except for the confession stuff. Because, I've admitted this before, I'm just not real comfortable with that sacrament. I say we label it like Pluto, and bump it out of the solar system, I mean universe of Catholic sacraments. Here are their five steps for Catholics caught in  destructive habits that involve lots of time in front of a computer monitor: 

One of the things that I truly love about my job is that it puts me in touch with head doctors all over the world, and I get to speak to them without having to pay a lot of...

Let me utter my full disclosure upfront: I spend way too much time on the social networking site, Facebook, and there is a very real possibility that I'm addicted to it. In fact, I'm developing my own twelve-step program...

Yah! I'm off the hook! There is no such thing as Internet addiction says fellow mental-health blogger John Grohol, CEO of Psych Central. To get to the meat of his argument, click here. Here are some excerpts: What's happening today...

What happens when you search the word "bipolar" on Facebook? My profile shows up! Along with a detailed illustration of my family tree! Not really. Fellow blogger John McManamy did this the other night, and his results were surprising: more...

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is new research from Stony Brook University supporting marriages that stay passionate decades after a couple has uttered their vows. According to a McClatchy-Tribune article by Ridgely...

Beyond Blue reader Deborah recently submitted her story to me, and considering the popularity of the Emotional Affairs Support Group, I thought it might help a few readers, so here it is ... Let me introduce myself by saying that...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through the...

I loved this passage by Pope Benedict XVI on what it means to live sincerely, and what it means to constantly choose goodness over evil: Sincerity is fundamental ... People must feel that we are not saying words we ourselves...

You all know that I'm a Saint-a-holic. I'm addicted to the saints because they make me feel as safe as vodka used to. Especially my patron saint, Therese of Lisieux. From a very early age, I have had a strong...

Given that we started this week with the celebration of Martin Luther King's dream (and I added my own to that day), and witnessed an incredible piece of history--one that I'm having trouble articulating, because seeing the million-plus people at...

This is a day I've dreamed about, hoped for and prayed about: Barack Obama's inauguration as President of the United States of America!!!! And judging from this morning's news coverages, I'm not the only one who's done this! As a...

Yesterday, I spent a good amount of time writing down the words to a spiritual familiar to most Christians and many non-Christians--just by listening again and again to it, though my eyes serve better than my ears in such matters....

My friend John Grohol has written an excellent article on what attributes, psychologically speaking, best predict Presidential greatness. In his recent "World of Psychology" post, he writes: A researcher named Simonton did a study in 1981 that found the...

I was very moved by the invocation by Rev. Rick Warren for Obama's inauguration. I was glad to find it transcribed by CQ Transcriptions, and published by the Associated Press. Here it is ... Let us pray.  Almighty God,...

For those who missed the first episode of "American Idol" for bipolar bloggers, let me just say that I was prompted to do a singing sequel to "The 12 (Bipolar) Days of Christmas." Unfortunately (for you) my voice has deteriorated...

Prescriptions of Zoloft, Nortriptyline, and Lithium, Tablets of Clonipan, Valium, and Ativan, Omega-3 pills that are shipped right to me, These are a few of my favorite things. St. Therese medals and Serenity Prayer bracelets, A personal shield made with...

I need no introduction than to just let you visit, critique, and offer your judgement of our competition. Be kind, please. Those smileys take a lot of time to cut out. :)...

For all of you readers who are curious to know what Barack Obama's stance is on mental health parity, I did some digging and found this letter he wrote (okay someone from his office) to mental health blogger, Alicia...

I have long wanted to write about depression and the stigma felt in the African-American community. In both my inpatient and outpatient treatments, black women and men talked about the need to keep their mood disorder private. Newsweek magazine recently...

Golly, I never thought my singing video, "The 12 (Bipolar) Days of Christmas" would have competition. But apparently, it's the "American Idol" of bipolar bloggers! I thought this video was a pretty funny response to mine. But just you wait,...

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best to...

Quite a few readers commented on the stories I posted Wednesday on Borderline Personality Disorder. John McManamy has a very informative, accessible article that you may want to check out if you or a loved one is diagnosed with BPD....

With the exception of Monday's piece, I have been avoiding the topic of the economy for months because I didn't want to add to the panic so many of us feel, which, in turn, contributes to the crisis: because...

Jennifer Kushell, the President and Co-founder of Your Success Network and author of "Secrets of the Young & Successful: How to Get Everything You Want Without Waiting a Lifetime" has compiled 10 tips for the tens of thousands of people...

I wanted to excerpt from Time magazine's article, "Minds on The Edge," about borderline personality disorder (BPD) because the diagnosis is on the rise and because so few people (myself included) understand it. Back when I was suicidal one...

One of the best books out about borderline personality disorder is "The Siren's Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline," by Anthony Walker, a psychiatrist. The detailed descriptions of events will give you a strong appreciation for those persons who live...

Blogger friend Ovidia who writes "The Busy Time" just posted the following piece on her blog about the obsession to be loved by a certain someone. I wanted to post it, at least in part, because I've received such...

Some folks who read my "9 Way to Stop Obsessing" that was posted both on Psych Central and The Huffington Post, asked me: "Only 9?" Well, no. Actually, the original had 15 ways. Here is the cool gallery that Holly...

I just started an "Emotional Affairs Support Group" on Beliefnet's Community. I wanted it to become a safe place where those persons who have been involved or are currently involved in an emotional affair can support each other in...

Since we are having a discussion in Group Beyond Blue about which movies we hate the most, or which do a horrific job of portraying mental illness on the big screen, I thought I'd post Movie Mom's fun gallery...

On Mindful Monday, my readers and I practice the art of pausing, TRYING to be still, or considering, ever so briefly, the big picture. We're hoping this soul time will provide enough peace of mind to get us through...

I absolutely love the lyrics to this song! When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and...

Martha Williamson has an inspiring story for anyone who, like me, is starting to panic in these hard economic times. Click here to watch the video "The Miracle of the Green Plate" about surviving the worst economic times though God...

On Psych Central's World of Psychology today! The French call Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder folie de doute, the doubting disease. That's what obsessions are--a doubt caught in an endless loop of thoughts. But even those not diagnosed with OCD can struggle with...

Beliefnet's Esther Kustanowitz has written an interesting blog on actor Willie Aames, citing the interview with Star magazine about his depression and suicide attempt. If you'd like to read more, check out Esther's blog by clicking here....

Fellow blogger John McManamy has started another blog called "Knowledge Is Necessary." I took a peak this morning and loved his recent post "Making Peace With Our Loved Ones." John writes: At least half of the correspondence I get...

On Fridays I will address a question related to depression and find the answer from an expert. If you have a question you want answered, please ask it on the combox of this post, and I'll try my best to...

Following is a list of national nonprofit organizations that can help persons struggling with mood disorders and their families: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
(DBSA) . An online alliance for those living with mood disorders.  Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association (DRADA)...

Beyond Blue reader Susan Schechter wrote about psychiatric service dogs on her blog, "If you're going through hell keep going," which you can find by clicking here. She writes: I want to thank my dear friend Edge for bringing this...

Growing up with schizophrenic cat (as diagnosed by the vet ... with hair loss symptoms), I've always been sensitive to the mood disorders of pets. I confess that I don't really take them seriously. I guess I should. But, come...

Group Beyond Blue member Melzoom has started a group for people with service dogs, therapy dogs, psychiatric service dogs, emotional assistance dogs, etc. Click here for the link....

Pets Are Like Family By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway & Rev. Victor Fuhrman Pets are as much a part of the family as human members. Whether a wedding or a memorial, a welcome for a new kitten, or a...

With Jennifer Aniston's new movie, "Marley & Me" in cinemas, I wanted to remind my readers that dogs and pets of all kind can absolutely help you heal and recover from depression. During the worst 18 months of my...

Want to know the real story behind "Marley & Me"? This USA Today article from the bestselling author John Grogan is an interesting read. Sometimes amazing gifts come in small packages, and sometimes they come wrapped in soft white fur....

Another great article by John Grohol of Psych Central is his research on how a pet can relieve stress. In his article that you can find by clicking here: Feeling stressed out? New research suggests the benefit of getting a...

Fellow Beliefnet blogger David Gibson has written a beautiful post today about the celebration of the Epiphany and about Mary's difficult role as the Mother of God. David writes: I can certainly testify to the enormous struggle to keep a...

One of my very favorite reflections from Henri Nouwen is "Love Deeply," found in his book "The Inner Voice of Love." This beautiful meditation reminds me to continue to love and to be vulnerable enough to receive love, even if...

I think most people would agree with me that today is one of the LEAST favorite days of the year: the first Monday of the year when we are encouraged, okay required, to put on the tie again and head...

For the last two years, I have published on the Monday after Epiphany Sunday a summary of my own epiphany that I learned in the last 12 months. During the year of 2008, I learned one lesson over and over...

I started a discussion thread on Group Beyond Blue in Beliefnet Community about what your essay would be about. Feel free to weigh in here, or on that discussion board, which you can get to by clicking here....

I am publishing this from my archives today because I'm taking the day off! Thanks to Beyond Blue reader Nancy for this laugh!!! New Year's Resolutions for Pets 15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not...

I am publishing this from my archives today because I'm taking the day off! I was really moved by Larry's blog entry on the holiday classic, which I try to watch each year, to remind me that, despite my illness,...

(This is my last one!) Relax! You have 43 days until the next holiday, and it's a lame one: Valentine's Day....