Beyond Blue: October 2009 Archives

In the spirit of halloween, I thought you'd all appreciate some vampire talk. In her new book, "Emotional Freedom," UCLA psychiatrist Judith Orloff identifies five kinds of vampires that are lurking around and can zap our energy if we're not careful. Here is an excerpt adapted from her book.

Emotional vampires are lurking everywhere and wear many different disguises--from needy relatives to workplace bullies. Whether they do so intentionally or not, these people can make us feel overwhelmed, depressed, defensive, angry, and wiped out.

Without the self-defense strategies to fend them off, victims of emotional vampires sometimes develop unhealthy behaviors and symptoms, such as overeating, isolating, mood swings, or feeling fatigued.

Here are five types of emotional vampires you're likely to encounter, and some "silver bullet" tips for fending them off.

Vampire 1: The Narcissist. 

This vampire is grandiose, self-important, attention hogging, and hungry for admiration. She is often charming and intelligent--until her guru status is threatened.

Self-defense tips: Enjoy her good qualities, but keep your expectations realistic. Because her motto is "me-first," getting angry or stating your needs won't phase her. To get her cooperation, show how your request satisfies her self-interest.

Vampire 2: The Victim. 

This vampire thinks the world is against him, and demands that others rescue him.

Self-defense tips: Don't be his therapist, and don't tell him to buck up. Limit your interactions, and don't get involved in his self-pity.

Vampire 3: The Controller. 

This vampire has an opinion about everything, thinks he knows what's best for you, has a rigid sense of right and wrong, and needs to dominate.

Self-defense tips: Speak up and be confident. Don't get caught up in bickering over the small stuff. Assert your needs, and then agree to disagree.

Vampire 4: The Criticizer. 

This vampire feels qualified to judge you, belittle you, and bolster her own ego by making you feel small and ashamed.

Self-defense tips: Don't take what she says personally. Address a misplaced criticism directly. Don't get defensive. Express appreciation for what's useful. Bounce back with a massive dose of loving-kindness.

Vampire 5: The Splitter. 

This vampire may treat you like his BFF one day, and then mercilessly attack you the next day when he feels wronged. He is often a threatening rageaholic who revels in keeping others on an emotional rollercoaster.

Self-defense tips: Establish boundaries and be solution-oriented. Avoid skirmishes, refuse to take sides, and avoid eye contact when he's raging at you. Visualize a protective shield around you when you're being emotionally attacked.

Judith Orloff, MD (www.judithorloff.com), is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA. Her new book, upon which these tips are based, is "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life."

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Since it's that time of year ... the spooky season, I thought I'd republish my post on how best to face your fears.

Fears are like annoying relatives. You can't avoid them forever, and ignoring them won't make them go away. Come Thanksgiving, they'll plop down right next to you and ask to borrow your fork. So you'd better figure out how to confront the little devils before they eat your dessert too. Here are a few fun ideas for how to tell your fears to hit the bricks.

Click here to view the gallery.

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Halloween is an appropriate time to face one's fears. I have so many of them that I decided to do a fun video and entertain you with a freak show rather than candidly discuss all the things I'm afraid of. You already know about them. So, in the spirit of "The 12 (Bipolar) Days of Christmas," here's one that will hopefully make you crack a smile before the goblins get you.

To view my YouTube video click here.

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Okay, folks, we got three days until Armageddon for depressives: Daylight Savings Time. Time to pull out the HappyLites!

In case you think I'm making up all this stuff about less light leading to depression, especially in the winter months, I will quote a woman with much more medical knowledge and expertise than me: Karen Swartz, M.D., Director of Clinical Programs at the Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center, and one of the physicians who evaluated me when I was severely depressed in March of 2006.

Here's what she says in a special report as part of the Fall 2007 Johns Hopkins Depression and Anxiety Bulletin called "Getting Relief From Light Therapy":

Some people experience episodes of depression only during the winter months, particularly January and February, when there is less sunlight--thus the name "winter depression," or seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Typically, symptoms of depression peak in the winter and recede in the spring. 

As seasons change, so does the amount of daily sunlight, which in turn causes changes in the body's internal biological clock, known as circadian rhythm. This rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that affects our eating and sleeping patterns, brain wave activity, hormone production, and other biological activities. In some people, less daily sunlight and changes in circadian rhythm can bring about depression.

One theory is that the relative lack of sunlight during these times may alter brain levels of certain mood-related chemicals, for example, increasing levels of the hormone melatonin.

People with SAD often eat and sleep excessively, crave sugary or starchy foods, and have a full remission in the spring and summer when more daily sunlight is available.

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As a manic-depressive, my postcard from the Caribbean would say, "Having a ball, wish I were dead." (My guardian angel, Ann, came up with that one.) That's how moody I am. And my moods definitely fluctuate according to the seasons.

Thus, my love-hate relationship with October. Typically, in a non-global-warming world, this is the month when nature is most dramatic about transitioning from summer to winter. With every leaf turning and falling, I cringe a little, because I LOVE summer and all its light (I used to be life guard ... bring on the skin cancer), and, for the most part, I HATE winter with its short days that seem longer than ever when you've got two energetic kids stuck inside the house. The pumpkin patches, Fall festivals, and Halloween parties (not to mention the bags of Kit Kats I buy "to pass out to the kids") help me through October, but I still spend this month like a polar bear--making the necessary preparations for my impending hibernation.

I taped this video in the beginning of October when the leaves were green and attached to the trees. So, in case you think I've relocated to southern California, nope ... I've just been sitting on this awhile.

And by the way, Happy Halloween to all my Beyond Blue readers! Try your best to differentiate the ghosts that come knocking at your door begging for candy from the ones hanging out in your head begging for power and influence :)

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