Beyond Blue

Any buzz I had going from my HappyLite was definitely killed by Fr. Dave’s holiday e-mail. A missionary who travels all around the world, his annual update read a little like a “State of the World” address. And if you’ve been reading the newspaper lately, that state isn’t so handsome. This male version of Mother Teresa didn’t mean to depress me or his other readers. On the contrary, he was reminding all of us blessed with so much to be grateful. He described his joyous Christmas celebrations–in different languages and traditions—with amazing choirs, drumming, and dancing.

But I got stuck on his portrayal of human suffering—”infectious diseases, inadequate infrastructures, housing and schools barely standing, lack of water for drinking or crops, rampant unemployment, and endless struggles for food.”

I walked away from the computer feeling like a pathetic creature who, while these hungry people search for food, can’t even handle a chemical imbalance of the brain. And I asked myself, How can I begin to relieve an itsy-bitsy piece of this human suffering?

Last summer I brainstormed with a deacon friend of mine on just that.

I suggested to him that we start a charity called “Little Ways,” based on St. Therese of Lisieux’s philosophy of doing little deeds with great love. I researched all kinds of foundations to find out how they began and how they ran.

“We should start with our parish,” I said. “Then we’ll expand to the diocese. If all goes well, we should be national in no time, making regular appearances on the ‘Today’ show.”

“Slow down, Therese,” he said. “We don’t have to save the world at once.”

He switched the subject. “How’s Eric’s mom?” he asked.

Why was he going there? I wanted to talk about national and international relief work that would earn us as much admiration for our efforts as Angelina Jolie gets for her work.

“Not great,” I replied. “She is living with my sister-in-law and can’t drive.”

“Why don’t you start there?”

Because I don’t want to, I thought. It’s so much easier helping people you don’t know. No buttons get pushed.

But Jesus didn’t say “Help those you want to help.” He said, “Help all those in need.” And my mother-in-law really was in need of company during the day.

I remembered Mother Teresa’s saying:

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us…. Bring love into your home, for this is where our love for each other must start.”

Thus began my weekly day-out with Nana.

One day, when I have more time, I still want to start a foundation. And I give what I can to my picks of reputable charities (The Salvation Army, Catholic Relief Services, and Society of St. Vincent de Paul). But starting at home isn’t a bad idea either.

While we’re on the topic, here’s a great piece on the “Top Ten Unusual Ways to Give.”

Speaking of charity, here is a story from my old blog, in case you missed it:

Ghandi once wrote that “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” The “happy doctors,” scholars who study the science of optimism rather than mental illness, say that charitable works win you greater self-esteem, and altruism can even increase your immune system.

They make it sound like if you worked for a homeless shelter you wouldn’t need meds. Which is what I thought for two months last fall.

After medication combination #17 didn’t work, I sought a holistic psychiatrist. Our plan was to wean me off my meds (even though I was still suicidal), and pump up my meditation, yoga, vitamins, and service work. Speaking from experience (he had endured a two-year depression that almost cost him his job and his marriage), this doctor claimed that his time at the soup kitchen on Saturday mornings is what ultimately pulled him out of the hole.

I signed up to tutor college students in writing. I contributed to food and clothing drives at church. And I lugged David and Katherine around to visit some elderly people in our neighborhood. But it wasn’t enough. I still wanted to die.

One evening Eric walked through the door from work to find me sobbing (no big surprise there), and holding the faucet for balance as my shaking hands tried to load the dishwasher.

“I need to volunteer for the homeless,” I said. “That will help. My problem is that I’m too self-absorbed. If I see people without shoes, I’ll stop shaking.”

“Bull,” he said. “Absorbing the world’s problems isn’t going to cure you. This isn’t about doing more good in the world. This is about an illness for which you need medication.”

“Service work pulled Dr. F out of his depression.”

“He doesn’t have the same chemistry as you.”

I finally gave in, not because I thought serving soup wasn’t beneficial, but because if I was still trembling, I couldn’t hold a ladle. Which is a good lesson for all depressives. Losing yourself in service is a way to find yourself. But make sure you have the balance to hold that ladle, or you won’t be of much help to anyone.

New moms are at risk for developing serious mental illness–not only the postpartum depression commonly understood, thanks to the advocacy of Brooke Shields and her memoir “Down Came the Rain,” but also schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Last month, Danish researchers published their study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, which was the largest ever to look at postpartum depression, and the first to consider schizophrenia and other kinds of mental illness as different faces of serious postpartum depression.

The Danish study collected civic and health records from over a million first-time parents over a span of three decades, and found that the first three months after women have their first baby is riskiest, especially the first few weeks. During the first 10 to 19 days, new mothers were seven times more likely to be hospitalized with some form of mental illness than women with older infants. Compared to women with no children, new mothers were four times more likely to be hospitalized with mental problems.

New dads aren’t as susceptible (go figure). Researchers suggest that could be because of a woman’s hormones and all the changes taking place after birth, or that a woman carries more of the parenting burden (you think?).

Reporter Lindsey Tanner summarizes the study in her Associated Press article, “Study: Moms at Risk for Mental Problems.”