Beyond Blue

Depression affects women almost twice as often as men, with about one in four women suffering from it in her lifetime. While depression may strike at any time, studies show that women are particularly vulnerable during their childbearing years. Two important books just published offer a better understanding of and glimpse into the terrifying despair of postpartum depression and depression in general among women.

In “A Deeper Shade of Blue: A Woman’s Guide to Recognizing and Treating Depression in Her Childbearing Years,” Dr. Ruta Nonacs, M.D., Ph.D., a senior member of the Center for Women’s Mental Health at Massachusetts General Hospital and mother of two children herself, confronts the seldom talked-about issues of pregnancy-related depression and the many complicated issues in a woman’s life during the span of her childbearing years–education, career, marriage, childbearing, and child rearing–and discusses the ways in which depression often takes hold during potentially stressful times.

In “Why I Jumped: My True Story of Postpartum Depression, Dramatic Rescue, and Return to Hope,” Tina Zahn tells the harrowing tale of her attempted suicide–jumping off a bridge 200 feet over the Fox River in Green Bay, Wisconsin–that was intercepted by Wisconsin State Police Officer Les Boldt, who in a miracle of timing and determination, snagged her wrist as she started the plunge.

In her book, Zahn offers readers a glimpse into the despair and devastation of depression but also speaks out with a message of hope. She writes about the causes of her depression, the debilitation, the maze of treatments, and shares what she has learned about medical, mental and spiritual healing. I especially liked this passage:

“For many years I tried to fix myself. When I had a problem, I took care of it. With anything and everything, I tried to do life on my own. Then came a day when all my efforts left me exhausted, broken, despondent, and empty. I looked out the window that day and asked God, ‘What next?’

When we reach the end of ourselves, God is there. Healing doesn’t come in a day or an hour or a session. It doesn’t come with one pill or one bottle of pills, with one doctor or one treatment. And it doesn’t always come easily for those of us with decades of pain buried deep beneath the surface. But healing can come. You can’t give up….

Depression is a liar. It will tell you whatever it can to keep you embroiled in the darkness.

But there is joy in the light.

There is hope in the future.”

I think I overshot on last year’s New Year’s resolutions. Did I really think I could achieve a dozen goals? Here’s how I did:

1. Commit to a charity (happened–if driving my mom-in-law around one day a week qualifies.)

2. Meditate every day (didn’t happen–at least not every day.)

3. Yoga once a week (happened—until I got the childcare chick fired for storming into the yoga class yelling “You’re late! And you didn’t pack a snack!”)

4. Attend a regular 12-step support group (happened–until I realized I was leaving the church hall more depressed than when I arrived.)

5. Have sex more often–with Eric (happened–despite my hefty dose of Zoloft!)

6. Have date night with Eric twice a month (didn’t happen–are you kidding? That takes organization.)

7. Go to church every week as a family (happened one-third of the time, and I got there myself every week.)

8. Get back to writing (happened–as you’re reading in “Beyond Blue!”)

9. Stabilize my meds and work with a good doctor (happened–Halleluia!–after trying 23 combinations and six shrinks.)

10. De-clutter the house (didn’t happen–hello? My kids are three and five.)

11. Try new things (happened–took a tennis class)

12. Become a lector at St. Mary’s (didn’t happen–weekly attendance is enough for now.)

What were your 2006 resolutions, and how did you do? What are your resolutions for this year?

Check it out: In her Beliefnet article “Resolutions That Stick,” M.J. Ryan gives us some pointers on how to follow through with this year’s goals.

For 2007, my only resolution is to become more close-minded. I suffer far less when I detach myself from everyone’s opinion of my health, my parenting, and my faith.

Had I not been so open-minded–trying every and all suggestions thrown my way in regard to my depression–I don’t think I would have stayed in my dark night so long. In my desperation, I clung to every piece of advice offered (sometimes shoved down my throat) by relatives and friends.

“You’re beating a dead horse with these meds,” one friend told me. “What you need is lots of yoga and mineral supplements. A naturopath can do with herbal remedies what a psychiatrist does with synthetic pharmaceuticals. You’ll see how fish oil can stabilize your moods just as effectively as Lithium.”

That sounded good, so I began to wean off all my meds (and was hospitalized two months later).

“It’s clearly hormonal,” said another friend. “Try going on the birth control pill.”

I did that and really messed up my menstrual cycles.

After reading an article by Andrew Weil–on how relaxation techniques can treat depression–I practiced deep breathing for hours and wondered when I would start to feel better.

Every few weeks it was another experiment and a new philosophy (determined by the friend or relative I had last spoken to, or the article I had most recently read). With no time to recover, my body was as confused as my mind.

“You can’t keep on switching directions every time someone gives you a recommendation,” said my therapist. “You need to assess all of the information you have to date, and commit to one path of recovery for at least a few months.”

It was the same talk Eric gave me two years ago after a going-away dinner I had planned for our neighbors turned into an intervention about my parenting style.

I stood up to rock and soothe my screaming one-year-old in a small smoky restaurant while her brother threw his French fries (with ketchup) across the table.

“Do you see why I’m stressed out?” I asked my older neighbor. It was a rhetorical question for which I didn’t want an answer.

“It doesn’t have to be so hard,” she replied. “With a little bit of organization, things could be easier.” The sermon on the right way to parent followed, with pointers on how to design a winning scrapbook, and a list of approved activities–Legos, blocks, puzzles–that contribute to cognitive development.

“You have got to learn how to tune out judgmental, opinionated ‘experts,’ Therese,” Eric said, after my sobbing self told him why, exactly, I sucked as mom. “You have your style, and she has hers. Leave it at that. It’s just too exhausting to transform yourself every day. Listen to advice, and take a piece here or there, but stay your same self.”

And so for 2007, I have purchased a set of blinders, which I’ll wear until I’m more confident in my own judgments.